Keywords:
monster,raving,loony,party,agriculture,farms,farming,subsidies,ships,housing,houses,air,travel,floods, flooding,venice,subway,air,reconnaissance,recce,submarine,austerity
Ever does Secret Squirrel ponder socio-economic problems, ever does he wax pensive on matters of technology,the food supply,finances, defense and come up with the solutions required in the world of today!!
The MRL Dinner Gong Has Sounded.
It's time Britain move forward in the field of socio-economic agriculture. Certain other
"nations" have made great strides forwards and discoveries in this area. Regrettably,
Britain has lagged behind. However, visiting the colony of Canada, and the area of Europe
we call France I have made certain discoveries which must be applied to England.
With regards to France,a nation with a low power,low gear economy which possesses
little or next to none economic and agrarian knowledge,the present British government has
discovered that France has certain protected subsidies, which they simply refuse to give
up, in short, we're being shorted since France pays subsidies to farmers to grow certain
crops on tiny plots of land, making such tiny plots most admirably and attractively
profitable for very little work or actual produce.
With regards to the colony of Canada,a nation with no discernable economy what so ever,
it has been discovered that there the farmers there are actually being paid not to grow
produce, such as wheat, and then further paid to grow other produce in it's place.
What needs be done in Britain, is not to complain about this, but actually to apply
these systems to Britain and British farmers. Think of it, we could pay an old
granny in Picadilly Circus not to grow wheat, and to then pay her to grow an
asparagus or two in a planter making her a highly successful British farmer.
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Here's yet another idea for the use of ships to solve Britain's problems, here the housing problems
(for the M.R.L. election campaign(the Japanese refer to it as an erection campaign,so do British politicians, but we in the MRL don't require Viagra to get erected, Horney Goat Weed will do nicely thank-you.............)
MRL Solving the Housing Crisis
Britain is in the midst of a great housing crisis. Indeed many young people
are emerging from schools in huge numbers to find they've no jobs, are on
the dole (a really prickly pineapple that), and have no suitable housing
available.There is a solution to all problems, indeed a new form of welfare
council condominium housing must be applied, one which even yet can easily
supply watersport exercise and entertainments to keep them amused coupled with
a cruise ship atmos to keep them all happy and contented. All that must
be done is that shipping containers be converted in to bachelor flats! Of course these
containers would be housed on suitable large shipping container ships. Imagine,
huge sea going apartment condominiums! Further there's the advantage of having
the unemployed safely out of sight, rather than wandering the streets in
immense numbers as they do in Sweden! Further reducing the costs to Her
Majesty,each ship would require but one council to run things, thus further
reducing costs!Why even for when the dole vacation time rolls around, the vessels
could depart to tour the Dardanelles! Ha you say...what of sanitation facilities? Well
they would have the most modern of conveniences, and most easily maintained as well,
they could simply go off over the side...all problems solved!!
A Jolly Good Show All Round!
Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Ever does the juggernaut of the M.R.L. campaign continue..................ever does the battle for the hearts and minds of the British people continue....................unbowed I continue with my major engineering and social policies which will change the face of Britain,improve the lives and lifestyle of the British people.......................all with an air of austerity and the environment in mind.
Now we must turn our attention to the ever rising costs of air travel, and the expense it entails, and major and ever increasing loss of time and convenience for the air traveling public....here a proposal which the Great H.G. Wells would've been proud of and written of had he the engineering acumen to have achieved this grand concept.
MRL On Air Travel Improvements
Air travel nowadays entails great expense in time, boarding the aircraft etc, and of course, in time on landing, debarking,collecting luggage, finally getting to ones actual destination etc. Immediately this plan will remove the problem of the landing and post landing rituals, and the inconvenience of not actually landing at the intended destination.
Expressly the great cargo door of the airliners will be utilized, or,failing that, the embarking debarking doors will just have to do.
The passengers will board the plane, with their luggage in hand(already we have dispensed with the great inconvenience of the airlines losing ones luggage of it arriving at another destination, unintended of course). The airliner will fly over and in vicinity of the intended destination. The passenger, with luggage in hand will then jump out of the airliner and deploy a paraglide chute. This will permit the passenger to land exactly at his intended destination,complete with luggage! The airliner will then return to its starting point having avoided landing fees, extended fuel costs etc etc etc. A general saving all round!
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! And will the Scottish bagpipers,French accordion players, and American harmonica players please cease with their....................................errr....................serenade of good wishes.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister Of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Aha! I have yet another project to benefit the people of Liverpool, and hence, also, therefor England of whom they are a part, if not the heart of. Whilst Liverpool had The Beatles, it seems this occurrence has increased interest in that city and hence the greater interest of my M.R.L. campaign, which is good for Liverpool, better for England. Yet again I have another engineering proposal which shall go forward on my successful election write-in campaign..........................
Liverpool.....The New Venice Of Britain.
Liverpool has a remnant of an interesting transportation system, one which has worked successfully on a grand scale in America, the elevated tram system. Now what is proposed is proposed in the light of modern times, one which will unquestionably please the greens and Britain and the City of Liverpool who is the recipient of this proposal. Of course, I shall run a foul of the electric works and oil companies whom will loose out but hope they will not throw a spanner in to the works of my campaign. What I [propose combines old and new technologies. It is proposed to extend the existing structures, safely above the levels of the streets where it will be out of the way of pedestrians and those who commute by other means. Now, the tub structure surrounding the tramway, the "roadway" as it were, will be filled with water, creating elevated canals throughout Liverpool, making it truly the Venice of England! Traveling those waterways, in similar fashion to the condolers of Venice, we will use rowboats as a form of water taxis. But wait! It gets only better. There will be no tax, no taxi meter,nay the public transit will be free and will truly not cost the British taxpayer anything at all. To row these fine British built rowboats, we will import numbers of French welfare cases. These will be employed to row said mentioned boats. Now employed, in the context of the French the term employed is a misnomer, since most are on welfare, the dole, and enjoy that condition. That condition shall be maintained,quite easily by seeing to it that France continues their dole whilst they row us round and about Liverpool, thus the British taxpayer will be spared any sundry expenses, the Frenchman won't actually be working, and Liverpool will be provided with a free form of public transit, which also will please the Green People. Further, as a form of further inducement for the Greens of Britain, the canals will be lined with lampposts for night service
(which will please the electric works), and we shall hang flower planters from each lamp post!
Generally a jolly good show all round!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Subway Plans For Liverpool
In keeping with election policies, intent on the M.R.L. winning the election, one must sweeten the pot, cuddle up to the electorate, woo the electorate and so we have an interesting project for the City of Liverpool,the addition of a subway. Interestingly it is proposed that we make use of the ancient system of tunnels, built by Joeseph Williamson beneath the streets of Liverpool in the 1800's,his legacy to the people of Liverpool will be fully realized.There, in the tunnels, we will make use of small tracks and electric trains such as are found at pier and fair grounds. They can, after all, do the job and are of convenient size and can easily have cars and engines manufactured in Britain itself, born out of entirely British technology! All will be combined to provide the City Of Liverpool with a modern up to date underground system!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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An MRL Reconnaissance In To The Future
The age of austerity has hit the British military, sadly, unable to afford even the unmanned recce craft the Americans use, allowed to slide in to such a delapidated condition that Britain is unable even yet to design and build such a craft. A cheap solution is,however at hand, combining older technology and the much newer technology as well. The military could buy up all the existent Circus Canons,used, and these could be transported as needed to trouble spots where recce is required. There the canon could be trucked up to a site suitably near the suspected front, a brave lad shot out of the canon in to the air in the same fashion the circus performers were, but with a modern addition that will transform him in to the most modern recce vehicle known to the British military, a para glide chute will deploy, making him agile and mobile, and he will carry aloft, a modern digital camera, 1 gigabyte memory of course(nothing but the best). Problem solved. Of course this all revolves on the M.R.L. being elected in the next election, but we wisely leave this up to those of the superior intellect who will vote M.R.L. this coming election.We can also revive the ancient idea of armed reconnaissance, balloons and blunderbuses.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Technological Engineering Applications Applied For The Day........
Introducing the pedal power submarine
Unquestionably influenced heavily by Secret Squirrel's plans to modernize and upgrade Britain's Navy as the British government is set on reducing the Navy to almost nothing due to austerity, a group of enterprising British lads have come up with a cheap solution to the rapidly developing government generated crisis in the submarine secret service of Her Majesty's Royal Navy(the government probably not wishing Her to have one)..............so...........
A team of university boffins have designed Britain's first human-powered submarine. The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike, reaching speeds of more than three knots (3.5mph).
The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike
The SeaBomb, was designed and built by a team of final-year engineering undergraduates from Bath University as their degree project. Without a doubt this reaches back, with our backsides to the future, to the days of the Confederate Navy of the DisUnited States of America, and their crank powered submarine program.
We note the term sea bomb, and we note recent statements made by a certain British Air Force officer...........one Air Vice Marshall David (henceforth known also as KAMAKAZI) Walker.
Elite fliers were shocked into silence when a senior RAF chief said they should consider suicide missions as a last resort against terrorist targets.No doubt a government austerity measure to save shells,bombs, and helmets.
Air Vice Marshal David Walker put forward the attacks — like those flown by desperate Japanese pilots in World War Two — as a “worst case scenario” should they run out of ammo or their weapons failed. We do note a similarity in design of the submersible to the Japanese suicide one man torpedoes.But let me assure you whilst the MRL will apply this technology to upgrade Her Majesty's Royal Navy, we will most definitely not have a kamakazi corps.
Now we must apply this technological advancement properly, adding, perhaps, sling shot type aqua spear guns with a grenade attached for underwater attacks, and, when on the surface, the crewman can throw things at the enemy. Ever onwards with applied technology of the day,ever forwards, we Labour onwards, with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Of course that certain time is upon us all, election time, and those of us out on the hustings have our policies to present.
Here is yet another of my policies presented for the people of Britain to consier, a policy, as are all of mine, aimed at improvement of the general situation of the British people, improving their quality of life and transport, and providing construction jobs as well for the British worker! Of course my campaign itself is frugal in nature, as will be my tenure in government, relying on the electorate to include myself on the ballot, as M.R.L.(where no other M.R.L. candidate is presented) as a selected write-in candidate! Consider please............................
MRL Transatlantic Cruise Submarine Railroads
One of the great problems of transatlantic crossing has been comfort, airplanes are decidedly uncomfortable, and cold in the crossing, and nowadays take so much time to board what with security issues etc raised by recent middle eastern events. Ships are much better, but, misfortunately they are excruciatingly slow,rather like being exciled for a bit.
However,things can be speeded up grandly and in comfortable fashion. All that we have to do, is construct on the ocean floor, a double tracked rail line,between Portsmouth and New York. We now convert some of Her Majesty's surplus and stored nuclear submarines to a comfortable cruise ship status. We then attach rail trucks to the submarine cruise vessels, and run them at nuclear submarine speed back and forth across the Atlantic!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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here is one of my M.R.L. ideas to improve shipping, and improve the midlands economy by bringing in greater tourist dollars......................
MRL,Shaping Things Up, And Shipping Out
A great difficulty has been the fact there there just is no canal crossing England
in similar fashion to that running across Scotland.However all can be easily solved.
All that remains is for a project to be undertaken to construct a suitable twin tracked
railroad across England,from Liverpool, to the vicinity of Hull, on the other side.
Ha you say, railroads will never replace the ship. Of course, and you're quite right
as are Britain's great Naval Architects. Indeed what is here proposed, is that the ships,
will actually be pulled on to huge suitable flat cars at Liverpool and so transit across
England to again enter the water at Hull (vice versa for the return journey.).Such a
rail ship combination would be many times more efficient than the present Scottish canal
transit as the ships are limited there to 5 miles an hour, thus making the journey in
24 hours.Using the Liverpool Hull route, the ships could transit at rail speed,
as much as 60 miles per hour, making the trip in less than two hours. Of course
a standard ship transit between Liverpool and Hull would and does take 7 full days!
Indeed, what is even yet possible is that cruise ships could make use of the line,
with suitable rail siding docking facilities in some towns along the way, thus bringing
valuable cruise ship tourism to the heartland of Britain!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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