The time is ripe,the time is right,here,I,Secret Squirrel, do here expound the general theory of evolution of Mankind, my Theory Of The Evolution of Mankind,as God directed and intended,that Mankind is ascended from............Cats!!Most recently my theory of Cat Evolution has been supremely bolstered by the scientific
discovery of a 47-millon year old fossil(this would be the Cenozoic Tertiary Paleogenic Eocenic Lutetian period of earth),announced in 2009,which unquestionably has been stated to be the very Missing Link of Human Evolution,according to many sources such as the National Geographic, and the American Museum of Natural History where it was finally unveiled.This is indeed good news for scientists and researchers,especially those involved in proving evolution,evolution of human kind from cat kind.
Discovered in Germany's Messel Pit(Grube Messel, near Darmstadt, Germany),the newly found fossil looks like a cat. However, the 47 million-year-cat-looking fossil may represent, according to the scientists who found it, the long-lost missing link.Why is this cat-looking fossil is so important? Well, according to scientists who work in this field of science, it is because it has "opposable thumbs" (just like we, humans,unlike they, Primates(Anglican Church of England excepted or not,as the case may be, or otherwise) and fingernails instead of claws.
Basically, this fossil seems a cat,most definately not a Primate,or monkey as it were, but it has human-like characteristics. Its official scientific name is Darwinius masillae. The discovery was announced with much fanfare and was carefully publicized with a well-defined publicity campaign. Even yet, Google had made an interesting logo celebrating this discovery,recognizing the discovery for what it was, and is, proof that mankind has ascended from the cats.The discovery has been also reported by prestigious online scientific journal PLoS One.
Now we're getting in to things, personally I firmly believe that ,and always have believed that,firmly,we,the people, evolved,not from Primates, as in monkeys,as in apes,but definitely rather from Cats.We are most the preferred species,a species ascended most positively from Cats.Indeed it was during a visit to Washington,D.C,in the Autumn of 1992,that during a visit to the White House, in the Presidency of George H.W.Bush and Vice President Dan Quayle,that I expounded my theory of cat evolution, that we are ascended from cats,most definately NOT from monkeys,primates as it were and isn't.I recall I also met The Chrysanthemum Throne.We were on excellent speaking terms,I should say,and I was able to
resolve a confusing issue for Him as to the direction of things in Washington,and there I briefly mentioned my theory, as to it being most ridiculous that anyone should believe that we, humankind,were descended from such a ridiculous creature as a monkey.Of course I mentioned that we were most certainly ascended from the much more noble felines,cats,as it were.It evoked agreeing laughter from both Himself and His aides,most agreeable laughter.Quite obviously He too,and His aides, most firmly agreed that we,humankind, could not possibly have descended from such a
thing as laughably ridiculous as monkeys.
You see "Mankind" is the very mirror image of Cats, in behaviour. Indeed yes, Man is a very Catty person, in the truest definition of the term(especially the female of the species as you have no doubt noticed). In mating the competition is very much as Cats in the mating rituals, or attempts to mate. Indeed the deep steeped firmly in our past history, of serenading the female,is generally evolved from, derived from, the Cat serenade of his intended. We also have, in Mankind, the evidenced faithfulness of the Cat, indeed just look at Tiger Woods,caught out at 14 females and still counting (we may never know the true numbers)so very representative of the mating rituals and selection process of Cats, in short any female that moves.
Indeed Mankind is a very varied species, as are Cats,notice the Many different Cats,zounds and zooks the very earth abounds in Many different Cats, just as Mankind
is in differences,what we can call in both cases, the mixed,varied, and so called pure breeds.Indeed we are Catlike in our natures, our bathing,showering etc, Cats wash groom themselves constantly, and attention to grooming in Mankind in both male and female has a grand daily morning ritual in the very least, why I had a cousin who had a single hair and would carefully groom that in the bathroom for a half hour! Indeed, we see how thoroughly Cats groom,neatly too, this unquestionably picked up through hereditary passage and evolution of genes from stone age Cat
on up to Mankind.
The motherly instincts of our females are quite similar to Cats,a very few abandon their young,most take great care of their young until the time comes to pass them off to life, and they depart for the adventure that is life, much as we do on exiting high school or sooner for some, the same way......indeed the the adventerous adult life begins as they and we,exit the Cat basket to explore the world., it's in us all,Cats and Man, the capacity to be misfortunately
extremely territorial, the capacity for violence, the capacity for war,yes just throw Cats in a bag an look out, much as we here are,bagged in our nations, defending our territory against interlopers and intruders, invading their
territory as well, please, just as Cats do,we're all free range.Man is an obligate carnivore, just as Cats are, though we both have some herbivorous tendencies as well,reflected in both our food, and cat food. Also with respect to food, Man and
Cat, both have the ability to hunt,do take note. Monkeys, on the other hand are somewhat omnivores,mainly herbivorous
with very small tendencies towards meat or fowl,and fish,the reverse of Cats and Man.One can readily see our food link,between Cats and Man.As to breeding,Cats are selectively bred,Man is selectively bred, monkeys just aren't selectable,and really don't care.Indeed we also have many references to felines in our lives, such as exceptional partying males being referred to as being "cool cats".And as to our females, haven't we frequently stated, "What's new,PussyCat?',and on occaission we have heard them referenced to as being Puss in boots, or pussy.Affectionately we have all at one time or another referred to them in affectionate terms such as "kitty",or "kitten",and even yet sometimes as being sex kittens. NEVER!NEVER have we heard or used,"What's new, monkey?"
But how then,did Man evolve from Cats?Well,in a nutshell, as random genetic mutations occur within an organism's genetic code, the beneficial mutations are passed on to the next generation. Over time, beneficial mutations accumulate and the result is an entirely different organism (not just a variation of the
original, but an entirely different creature),whom has Many of the behavioural characteristics of the origin of the species, in this case, our species..........Cats.
Some Politicians of the day will claim, we the people, Man, is descended from the apes,they certainly seem to claim they did,at the very least,and just look at the apes, a gorilla ape farts a full 30 seconds,something no Man has yet
to achieve,and obviously won't,try as they might, and remember, so too does the female gorilla, not a very attractive prospect.Also apes don't groom themselves nor keep themselves as clean and neat as Mankind does, and as Cats do, nay, no indeed.
The ape thrashes itself about,making a monkey of itself,acting out,acting insanely,behaving in idiotic,chaotic,ridiculous fashion,much as do a lot of politicians,but nay not all.It is yet indeed possible that some Politicians branched off and did in fact develop from the apes,but certainly not the rest Mankind,merely a select few.These may have been what Darwin hit on,in direct association with Monarchs of the day, and politicians of the day, who funded his global journeys.Nay,Those Politicians are of a far different breed.As for myself,well I have it on very good authority that other Politicians, are indeed descended from pigs,swine,sows,enacting pork barrel politics,porkers those all are,a far different breed,yet another offshoot of evolution.Darwin had a theory of
evolution based on Politicians and on the Galapagos Islands, the turtles etc,and concluded that Mankind evolved, the so-called theory of evolution,much challenged throughout history.Many regarding Darwin as being mentally
challenged,particularly he was singled out by one so high as the Pope,and not one but Many and all Popes as well for his views. But we all
know what the outcome would've been had Darwin discovered Australia, don't we.Yes, indeed, there we have discovered Politicians who are in some cases rude,or roo'ed as it were,and so there we have a political lineage of some politicians descended from Kanga-roos,but most definately not the rest of mankind.In either case, they can't make a monkey,swine, nor roo out of me......................or.....................you?As you like it,if you prefer it,but I prefer.........cats.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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