MRL Secret Squirrel On Transit Issues

Keywords:

mrl, secret squirrel,transit,transportation, monorail,london,tube,subway, fares,cats





Secret Squirrel's MRL Response (At The Time,And In Future Times)To The Raising Of London Tube Transit Fees.............................

The L.T.A.

To the tune of :The M.T.A.
From The Kingston Trio at Large

Spoken:
These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our nation's history, the people of London have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis has arisen. The London Tube Authority, better known as the L.T.A., is attempting to levy a burdensome tax on the population in the form of a subway fare increase.We of the MRL support the people in their cause of objecting to unfair fare increases. Citizens, hear me out! This could happen to you!

(Eight bar guitar, banjo introduction)

Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Charley
on a tragic and fateful day.
He put 6 pence in his pocket, kissed his wife and family,
went to ride on the L.T.A.

Chorus:
Well, did he ever return? No, he never returned and
his fate is still unknown.
(What a pity! Poor ole Charlie. Shame and scandal.
He may ride forever. Just like de 'edless 'orseman.)
He may ride forever 'neath the streets of London.
He's the man who never returned.

Charlie handed in his 6 pence at the Blackfriars Station
and he changed for Nottinghill Gate.
When he got there the conductor told him, "One more pence."
Charlie couldn't get off of that train.
(Chorus)
Now, all night long Charlie rides through the station,
crying, "What will become of me?!!
How can I afford to see my sister in Chelsea
or my cousin in Roxbury?"
(Chorus)
Charlie's wife goes down to the St. James Park Station
every day at quarter past two,
And through the open window she hands Charlie a sandwich
as the train comes rumblin' through.
(Chorus)
Now, you citizens of London, don't you think it's a scandal
how the people have to pay and pay?
Fight the fare increase! Vote for the M.R.L.!
Get poor Charlie off the L. T. A.
(Chorus)
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man who never returned.
Ain't you Charlie?


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.



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The MRL Secret Squirrel Perpetual Motion Monorail Project.

It goes like this...


When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down.If the combined constructed of cat + butter were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox (or purradox). Therefore it cannot fall.In essence, you have discovered the secret of anti-gravity. A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs, allowing descent.

It has been theorized by some researchers that most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The most obvious danger of feline anti-gravity propulsion is that lithe cats may manage to lick the butter off their backs.

So I propose to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats.

The two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground.

Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail would have enough power to run between Liverpool and London.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


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