Secret Squirrel On Proper Clothing For The Times.

Secret Squirrel On Proper Clothing For The Times.

Secret Squirrel has turned his attention to the problems with volcanoes,ozone layer depletion,fog,adverse rain

conditions,flood conditions,pub(bar)brawling,beatings,stabbings etc and has come up with his own line of clothing

which will effectively properly haberdash the British gentlemen and ladies for the ridiculous conditions of the day

faced by all.

Firstly we will start with the head, and there shall be placed a lamp,a miner's lamp specifically, equipped with a

fog light element as well, so here we have a fully steerable lighting,which move with the head so is
constantly outputing a useful beam of illumination, thus thrusting back the darkness, and also, penetrating any fog

which might be present.

Now, Englishmen are known for stiff upper lips, but we'll give'em some more backbone, as to combat,deflect,divert

safely away, all rain and the cancerous damaging sun which now reigns down on us all as the ozone layer

depletes(due to volcanoes and various other effects), up the back, shall be a brolley,bumbershoot as it were(this

is an umbrella in American).

Now for the visage and protection of the lungs from the effects of volcanic ash(recall we're now told to stay

indoors due to this effect),we shall have a gas mask,this filters out all poisonous

gases,particles,malodours,gaseous effects of fogs, and also the gas mask will have polarized anti-uv, anti glare

coating.Now this does not have to be in use all the time, so the gas mask can be carried as it was during the War,

in a suitable pouch by the side ready for use.Cheap rate suits will simply come with a limited supply of surgical

masks and a pair of sunglasses. The gas mask is preferred as it deals much better with everyday problems such as

sudden malodorous farts as may be encountered on the omnibus,underground,aircraft etc.

For the problem what with stabbings,beating,pub brawls etc, we shall return to the standard gentlemens suit of iron

pantsed armour as it were, in short, it's back to the tin suit, properly tailor made.We feel it's best go with the

best, but a cheap rate will incorporate a somewhat similar kevlar suit.As an added plus, this will help protect

against a sudden pub visit by a burka clad person, some of which are known to have sudden explosive personalities.

Now how will we deal with flooding,sudden flash or otherwise floods,which are predictably occurring in Britain

these years and so move the properly haberdashed English gentlemen or lady about safely in flood conditions. Well,

we will incorporate,what we have seen in Japan,a suitable over pulled a kayak pants.This will fit nicely over the

tin suit, and/or kevlar protection.Indeed this is a self inflating pants which turns in to a kayak,as demonstrated

in Japan, and so is most suitable to flood conditions.The cheap rate version will simply incorporate a suitable

rubber ring,similar to an inflatable attached inner tube, it is one actually, and for the ladies we will use the

suitable highly decorated pool rings in keeping with fashion trends.

And,indeed, yes, a children's line will also be available! There the gas amsks will sport the faces of the likes of

Mickey Mouse,Daffy Duck,Goofy(that'd be for a future politician,),etc,(as they were in Britain during WWII), and

their floatation ring would be a suitable pool swimming ring,in keeping with the rules of children's fashions.

There is an added plus for the American line, the tin suit would sport a ball and chain, to help keep Americans

down in events of tornadoes.

Problems solved!All problems solved!! And so too, the day of the Squirrel Suit will see the light of day on the

fashion runways of the world,Squirrel, a name to be as famous as that of Yves St.Laurent in the fashion world!

Squirrel suits all!!


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.