Secret Squirrel To Ban People from War, Will Send Sheeple.

Secret Squirrel was suddenly startled in to wakefullness on reading and finding,an article in the Daily Mail to be found here...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2884920/Could-SHEEP-solve-problem-poor-Wi-Fi-signal-countryside-Animals-digital-collars-act-hotspots.html

  Quite literally it states that Britain's internet wifi (is) to be run by sheep....well,why not, the nation
 is! Indeed it basicly states that a Computer scientist Professor Gordon Blair,from Lancaster University. was recently awarded funding for a project to investigate how the Internet of Things could work in the countryside. Proposed ideas include sheep with digital collars.He was recently awarded £171,495 ($267,090) from the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council to set up a ‘smart’ project in Conwy, Wales.At Glastonbury, EE installed Wi-Fi cows to act as similar hotspots.Although these ‘cows’ were, in fact, just masts in the shape of the farmyard animals, the principle could work for livestock in the countryside.Earlier this year, sheep in Yorkshire were fitted with cameras to give a unique view of the Tour De France as it travelled through the county.

 However Squirrel then realized that Squirrel's research project, that involving sheep, the use of sheep, the application of sheep, to and in useful endeavours, may have been discovered and compromised. The arictle states, quite plainly and puts forwards and idea to, expand the nation's internet services, in the north in particular, through and by the utilization of sheep, sheep fitted with wifi internet boosters..... But Secret Squirrel, MRL, has been researching other uses for sheep in this great age of austerity. Note the government isn't researching this,nor is the government funding Squirrel, Squirrel being an direct opposition politician,MRL,(Monster Raving Loony Party) but Squirrel is pushing forwards with his own private researches, using his own private funds.....Squirrel has surmised that the government has gotten wind of Secret Squirrel's project and is trying to cover it's lack of abilities by introducing the wifi useage for sheep.......but Squirrel is not cowed, bowed, nor sheepish in his response and endeavours...nay not Squirrel.

Squirrel is continuing his Secret projects for the good of The Empire.Squirrel took his researches in to other areas of sheepdom as it were. Squirrel noted sheep have previously been used indiscriminately by the government in such uses as victims in poison gas tests, in testing mines, and mine fields,atom bomb testing, so sheep are.........to put it mildly, expendable,fully. Now Squirrel has never been happy with people going to war, but it did occur to Squirrel, nobody would mind if sheeple went to war. That's right, sheeple, in short sheep, sheep with guns, armed sheep.Indeed, this concept is extremely inexpensive...recall sheep just graze about on grass quite happily, and fields, such are battle fields, so in short, the sheeple army is in fact then self feeding...self sufficient, it forages happily as required...they don't have to be washed nor bathed.......indeed the sheeple army, controlled and directed by non combatant people officers, could even yet provide them with a grand lamb chop meal when required and so would,in fact ,feed and support their support. As to being directed to a war, war zone, etc, that could be accomplished easily by the army incorporating within it's canine corps, sheep dogs, no problem there. As to a supply of sheep, well, recently they proved that sheep could be cloned.......a never ending supply. In short, in place of soldiers send the trained sheeple....................here you see part of Secret Squirrel's project, using and training sheep, an army of sheep, an army of sheeple...........click on the links......

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/p235x350/10868279_744925695595095_8784064490316431977_n.jpg?oh=f520482a5fe284cd3c132d274682ac4c&oe=553E181F&__gda__=1426397505_d6b72116f9e225cbc84d6ad2b1e46caf

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090122064111/uncyclopedia/images/3/34/New_Zealand_Army_Soldier.jpg

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10868134_744925755595089_4456328971509298710_n.jpg?oh=b05414bc2cd7340818e8b687d461e7c3&oe=54FF7912&__gda__=1425778808_9ebe3aaa20daed737199abf6c64d7d98

http://cdn.desktopwallpapers4.me/wallpapers/digital-art/1920x1200/2/14876-soldier-sheep-1920x1200-digital-art-wallpaper.jpg

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090122064111/uncyclopedia/images/3/34/New_Zealand_Army_Soldier.jpg


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Presents New Uniforms For The British Army.

Secret Squirrel, has a much better idea for the modernization of the British army, in the age of austerity.........new uniforms. Indeed there has always been much discussion over new uniforms, and much displeasure, over such things as materials necessary, the high cost of materials, the quantity of materials necessary. Indeed an answer to this is quite simply should materials cost more, then it is best to reduce the amount of materials necessary for use as uniforms. Indeed this is THE most obvious solution, which for some reason Squirrel cannot fathom eludes our modern day military leaders and our politicians. Squirrel has also taken in to account many many events in the past when changes were made to the uniforms there has always been much and most vicious debate in Parliament, amongst the politicians, and thence amongst the rank and file, as to the style of said uniform changes. Indeed, so as to avoid any conflicts or displeasures as to style, Squirrel consulted with the Great Designer (of fashionable clothes, a connaisseur in fashion design, The Great, SASQUATCHI. For uniforms note Squirrel was very frugal in keeping with planned government austerity programs however, in order to meet the requirement, and, I assure you, Squirrel's uniforms are by far the most inexpensive to date, and whilst offering the very greatest in style,functionality and, indeed a most wide range and selection of available styles and colors to choose from,Squirrel is sure, that whilst being the utterly lowest bidder, the government of the day will not select Squirrel's uniforms. Squirrel knows, the selection of those bidding highest,and higher are often yet selected over the wiser,more functional choices due to.............shall we say.......favoritism. Indeed, however yet, Squirrel, has here included links such that you can see Squirrel's favored uniform design, a clearly stylish and functional design,light in weight, well designed for the hot tropics Britain's soldiery are so oft subjected to,note the uniform does in no way shape nor form, hinder movement. Squirrel rejects,outrightly, any suggestion, that due to Squirrel being an MRL politician, of that of a conflict of interest......nay with these uniforms Squirrel and everyone else, shall most certainly be  and shall most certainly remain, interested. Indeed Squirrel has noted that in the past many politicians in Parliament have been conflictingly interested and disinterestingly unconflicted with respect to any interest what so ever in absolutely anything and everything, so ,Without further ado, here are the links to Squirrel's new military uniforms..........here is Britain's army of the future.....note full front, full back and full side views are presented............don't remain in the dark,do indeed click on the revealing links.......

  https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10431713_744936795593985_6039261873121110371_n.jpg?oh=b86e08381c84f617b3ab3e727bd9cd06&oe=55042478

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10444535_744936918927306_2064967230249276347_n.jpg?oh=5aa2368ac59ae7918efde903d4744b14&oe=55405F18&__gda__=1429717905_c271985a26a4dd8325296f41631ee14b


https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10885389_744936828927315_99976337606549599_n.jpg?oh=83a6657136d3a19ba2f2000642b73975&oe=550407E5&__gda__=1430528536_8cd4025ca1347e00c075568e95ce444f

 https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1512488_745613532192978_8298280709860517438_n.jpg?oh=000cb70a43bbca51c05b5b2ac00cef47&oe=55355063&__gda__=1429172472_562c1d998eec8b4f02f811860a3461ab

 Secret Squirrel,
 MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
 Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Sees Prisoners Sent To Colonize Venus

Secret Squirrel has seen, in the Daily Mail, a vision of things to come as seen by the Americans. Well it can be said that the Americans have their heads in the clouds, but so too then does Squirrel. Squirrel, however, has a far different vision of the shape of things to come, a more practical,firmly grounded in reality view of said future yet to come, as seen in the Daily Mail, found here......

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2882720/Is-Venus-humanity-s-home-NASA-envisions-city-solar-powered-helium-airships-Earth-s-searing-hot-twin.html

The article asks the question of us, Is Venus humanity's next home? Americans see Americans living there. NASA envisions a city of solar-powered helium airships above Earth's searing hot twin. Why weather the bone-chilling rocky surface of Mars when you could call the clouds of Venus' earth-like upper atmosphere home? This is their outlook on things. One does recall one Adolf's promise of a great,all inclusive, all expenses paid, travel included working..........vacation, to a certain privileged group of people  willing to accept. However, to continue, yes, indeed, they envisage cities in the clouds, people living in helium filled blimps floating above the clouds,on Venus. Of course Americans see things differently than do so many of everybody else in the world you know. Well, picture this, think of Venus as a safe house, millions of miles away, all that airless void that is space, in between. Between what...Earth and Venus...........Earth and whatever is sent to live there. Recall in the past Britain sent prisoners to America(the greatest number and hardest core), and Australia, the lessers of the criminals, the petty thieves,pick pockets etc (less in numbers to there,but in both cases, in efforts to colonize). One can't guess how and what they sent to Canada with it's notorious Siberian mirrored winters. But picture this.......send Britain's prisoners to live above the clouds of Venus! Indeed they would live there in perfect safety,serving out their terms,the hardest core sent there to enjoy the magnificently beautiful views above the clouds of Venus, living in a city in the clouds, a condo in the clouds, of Venus, and all that distance between here and Venus, in between! I should think that's a jolly much better idea isn't it all. And in keeping with the American NASA's views, the prisoners could colonize and whatever else they do! Should the Americans object to living with and amongst Britain's finest sent, the creme de la creme, objecting perhaps to finer ettiquetty and manners, well, we could quite simply have separate American and British blimps and so avoid any conflicts of customary behavioral differences.

Indeed, the only other thing we could do to make things perfect all round, is perhaps, to send our politicians there.....just to make sure it all works out well for everyone!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold)
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering

Secret Squirrel Ends Global Warming Problem By Creating More Fat People.

Secret Squirrel has seen the headlines screaming,such as "Global Warming! You're Responsible! What You Can do". Well,Secret Squirrel has pondered many scientific findings, and in doing so has usually
come up with rather interesting scientific and scientifically provable, and scientifically backed, facts, and, as always, has come up with a solution to the problem, in this case, the problem of global warming. Government is right, and government is wrong, but Squirrel is always right, scientifically provably right, and so cannot be wrong. Squirrel has discovered that the whole cause of global warming, and also yet the very cure to the problem of global warming, is ........ actually ....... FAT PEOPLE.
NOW, let Squirrel make this perfectly clear, Squirrel does NOT,in any way shape nor form, BLAME fat people .... nay not at all, Squirrel, does, in fact state that fat people can get us out of this global warming bind, the more, the merrier. Squirrel shall here go on to explain.

 Of course, the entire global warming issue, and problems associated directly and indirectly with the issue of global warming, is also most directly encompassed by and most directly affected by three (3) most important things in life, for a person, fat or slim, affected  by 1) Dieting, 2) Exercising, 3) Eating.

The body stores the excess protein or carbs in a person's diet in form of FAT, specifically, as triglyceride molecules, which consist of just three kinds of atoms: carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. For people to lose weight, their triglycerides must break up into building blocks, which happens in a process known as oxidation.

When a triglyceride is oxidized (or "burned up"), the process consumes many molecules of oxygen while producing carbon dioxide (CO2) and water (H2O) as waste products. Of course here entering in to the
equation also, involves the digestive generation of flatulence, fartings as it were and is,which, of course involves the direct food converted release of gas, warm gas in to the atmos thus directly increasing global warming and its effects. Of course, it is noted that those most guilty in the field
of fartings are, of course, Mexicans, due to their high bean diet. Here I cannot comment as to what would be better for the world, but fartings is certainly not one of them.

So, going on there, through the clouds of digestive scientific fartings, plainly put, to burn 10 kilograms (22 lbs.) of fat, a person needs to inhale 29 kg (64 lbs.) of oxygen. And the chemical process of burning that fat will produce 28 kg (62 lbs.) of carbon dioxide and 11 kg (24 lbs.) of water, the researchers calculated.The researchers showed that during weight loss, 84 percent of the fat that is lost turns into carbon dioxide and leaves the body through the lungs, whereas the remaining 16 percent becomes water. The calculations also show the frightening power of, for example, a small muffin over an hour of exercise: At rest, a person who weighs 154 pounds (70 kg) exhales just 8.9 mg of carbon with each breath. Even after an entire day, if this person only sits, sleeps, and does light activities,your typical couch potato, he or she exhales about 200 grams of carbon, the researchers calculated.
So,sadly, we all contribute to global warming, by merely eating and
digesting,however we must mention and make note of fat people, store far more efficiently and exhale, or whatever, far less of what they eat, so they are,in fact much more efficient.

However,consider, eating a 100 g muffin can cover 20 percent of what was lost, of course eating a full 10 recovers, easily ALL of what was lost. On the other hand, replacing one hour of rest with exercise such as jogging, removes an additional 40 g of carbon from the body, the researchers said. Even if one traces the fates of all the atoms in the body, the secret to weight loss remains the same: In order to lose weight, one needs to either eat less carbon or exercise more to remove extra
carbon from the body. What this all means, mostly, surely and directly, dieting,exercising INCREASE global warming most significantly AND FAT PEOPLE should never ever be allowed to diet nor exercise in any way shape nor form, and that forcing them to actually eat MORE will significantly DECREASE the amount of available carbon and thence carbon dioxide from the environment,PROVIDED that, they DO NOT DIET NOR EXERCISE, else they will significantly increase most greatly, available atmos carbon dioxide and hence result in an increase in global warming. So to maintain the present status quo in the world with respect to global warming, fat people must not exercise, must continue to eat, and must not exercise.Their further eating and lack of exercise will increase their bulk and so store much carbon dioxide which is now scrubbed from the environment and so safely stored.
They must avoid directly highly destructive dieting which can and will and shall cause the massive release of further grand quantities of carbon dioxide in to the atmos and so raise global warming to frightening levels.
To further decrease global warming, and its effects, we must therefor INCREASE the available amount of fat people. Doing so we shall most surely, and provably, all things not withstanding, rein in global warming, and ultimately, most easily control and finally end, global warming.

Yet what do we find, of course? Governments, most notably the American and The British government, actually are doing and encouraging the exact direct opposite. Yes, I shudder to think, but yet it is so, they encourage people to exercise, most severely. They encourage people to diet,they encourage people to reduce their body's fat content, and they encourage people to eat far less such that we do not and cannot generate more of the very much needed and scientifically cherished, worldly important, worldly influencing, fat storage people,in plain layman's terms really, simply put, fat people. A sad sorry state of affairs it is. But such is government, hardly the factual world, hardly the actual world, hardly the scientific world, hardly the world of sense and sensibility, hardly the world of Secret Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Solves Everybody's Prison Problems.

Secret Squirrel's attention has been drawn to an interesting headline in America........
"America Is Finally Closing Prisons. Now What Do We Do With Them?The trickiest reuse challenge yet."
as was expounded at
 http://www.citylab.com/design/2012/12/america-finally-closing-
prisons-now-what-do-them/4083/

There they state, and I quote,directly,

"Two years ago, the federal Bureau of Justice Statistics announced a
small data point marking an inglorious milestone: In 2009, America’s
prison population declined, and for the first time in decades. This
meant, to frame the news another way, that until that year, dating
all the way back to 1972, America had been in the business of
constantly imprisoning more and more people. During that time,
incarceration – and constructing sprawling complexes and boxy
cellblocks to accommodate it – had become something of a great
American growth industry.
Since then, the trend appears to be holding. In 2011, 13 states were
closing prisons or in the process of it. Michigan has now closed 22
facilities since 2002. New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo
announced plans last year to close seven. And legislators in Texas –
a state that had tripled its prison capacity since the late '80s –
recently opted to close the 102-year-old Sugar Land prison. Last
week, the BJS confirmed that prison populations are on the decline
for the third year in a row, and an arc is beginning to take shape.
Prisons will be particularly difficult to re-purpose."

And here ends the informative epistle.

But Squirrel has also noticed yet another headline, stating basically,
"The chief inspector of prisons has attacked the state of prisons in
England and Wales after dozens of full jails were told to take more
inmates."

Nick Hardwick said "political and policy failure" was behind dangerous overcrowding in the publicly-run jails." and this was noticed at
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-27847007

There is serious overcrowding mentioned, in all prisons, both public and private,the average is 65% over capacity over the total 20 public prisons,and similar averages over the private prisons in Britain. In short there is no room,they've just not capacity for more prisoners. It figures if they increase capacity by over crowding, and that's done, then there is yet again no room for new ones, the queue is full as it were.

Now what can Britain do with it's new prisoners who require
incarcerational correction in Her Majesty's Prisons For The Extremely Naughty?
Well in the old days, there was penal transportation as it is known.Transportation or penal transportation is the sending of convicted criminals or other persons regarded as undesirable to a penal colony. For example, France transported convicts to Devil's Island, and French Guiana.The French Navy, which had been tasked with managing the prison hulks, complained strongly about the cost of guarding the hulks and the disruption they caused to the shipyards. Following his coup in 1851, Emperor Napoleon III ordered that the hulks be permanently closed and that common law convicts be transferred overseas to colonies. Debate over where the convicts would be sent was prolonged. Algeria was ruled out by the Navy as it was controlled by the French Army; Haiti, Cuba, the Dominican Republic and Texas were considered, but the government eventually chose French Guiana.

France had repeatedly failed since 1604 to colonize French Guiana.
The last attempt at colonization was in 1763, and 75% of the 12,000
colonists died in their first year. By the 1850s, the declining number of survivors were on the brink of extinction. In 1852, Napoleon called for volunteer prisoners from the hulks to transfer to the new Bagne de Cayenne (Cayennes penal colony) at French Guiana; 3,000 convicts applied. Two categories of prisoners were eligible for transportation: transportés, those common-law prisoners sentenced under doublage, and déportés, prisoners convicted of political crimes, such as espionage or conspiracy. The hulks continued to be used, housing an average of 5,400 prisoners at a time, until they were finally closed around the turn of the century.

The agricultural penal colonies continued to be used for juveniles until the last was closed in 1939. New Caledonia  became a penal colony, and from the 1860s until the end of the transportations in 1897, about 22,000 criminals and political prisoners were sent to New Caledonia, among them many Communards arrested after the failed Paris Commune, including Henri de Rochefort and Louise Michel. Between 1873 and 1876, 4,200 political prisoners were "relegated" in New Caledonia. Only 40 of them settled in the colony; the rest returned to France after being granted amnesty in 1879 and 1880

England also transported convicts, political prisoners and prisoners
of war from Scotland and Ireland to its colonies in the Americas (from the 1610s until the American Revolution in the 1770s) and Australia (1788–1868), the practice becoming available in Scotland consequent to the Union of 1707 but used less than in England.
The number of convicts transported to North America is not verified
although it has been estimated to be  120,000 by Thomas Keneally.

These went originally to New England, the majority of prisoners taken in battle from Ireland and Scotland. Some were sold as slaves to the Southern states. In 1787, the "First Fleet" departed from England, to establish the first British settlement in Australia, as a penal colony. They arrived at Port Jackson (Sydney) on 26 January 1788, a date now celebrated as Australia Day. Norfolk Island served as a convict penal settlement from 1788 until 1794, and again from 1824 to 1847. They also brought boats providing food and animals from London. The ships and boats would help discover the coast of Australia better by sailing all around Australia looking for suitable farming land and resources. In 1803, Van Diemen's Land (Tasmania) was also settled as a penal colony, followed by the Moreton Bay Settlement (Queensland) in 1824. The other Australian colonies were "free settlements", as non-convict colonies were known. However, the Swan River Colony (Western Australia) accepted transportation from England and Ireland in 1851, to resolve a long-standing labour shortage. Until the massive influx of immigrants during the Australian gold rushes of the 1850s, the settler
population had been dominated by English and Irish convicts and
their descendants. However, compared to America, Australia received
a significantly higher number of English prisoners.

Transportation from Britain and Ireland officially ended in 1868 although it had become uncommon several years earlier.Over the 80 years more than 165,000 convicts were transported to Australia,a little more than America received, but not all that much more. So, well, nowadays that can't be done it seems.
There are plans afoot, expensive plans,however,such that nearly half of people in prison in England and Wales could be warehoused in 1,000-plus supersized jails under government plans to transform the
prison estate, the latest edition of the Prison Reform Trust's
Bromley Briefings Prison Factfile reveals.

Here, found at

http://dailyreportage.com/bbc_news_belgium_rent_dutch_jail_cells_a_1
141752.html
The quoted epistle begins....

Belgium has found a cheaper alternative to deal with it's burgeoning
prison population of criminals......Belgium (is) to rent Dutch jail cells
Both nations have a 1 in 1000 incarceration rate,but being tight on
space in its jails, Belgium will start renting 500 cells at Tilburg
prison in neighbouring Netherlands.
The agreement will make up for the shortage of cells across Belgium
and send roughly 500 prisoners away for three years.
Belgium will pay 30m euros (£26.8m) a year for sending its detainees
across the border.No prisoners who are "an escape risk or a risk to society" will be sent to Tilburg, Dutch officials said."The Netherlands is putting the prison and its personnel at Belgium's disposal for placing at least 500 detainees over a period of three years," the Dutch justice ministry said.The prisoners will be guarded by Dutch wardens, but the prison director will be Belgian. There are still a number of issues that need to be resolved, including how often detainees may be seen by family and friends.In Belgium, prisoners may receive visitors three times a week, while those in the Netherlands may only receive guests once a week.
Belgium's prisons currently hold 10,400 people - nearly 2,000 more
than capacity.The Netherlands on the other hand has nearly 2,000 empty prison cells, thanks to a significant drop in crime since the beginning of this century.

The quoted epistle here endeth.


But Britain is in trouble,the country is on the verge of its worst
prison overcrowding crisis since 2008, leaving the Justice
Secretary, Chris Grayling, fighting for his political future.

Well Squirrel always has a solution. Harken to the commencement of
this commencement, the fact that America has empty idle prisons.
Harken also to Belgium renting space in Dutch prisons,and as such,
is also using penal transportation as in the days of old).

Now, Squirrel proposes that Britain approaches the American
government, with a two fold proposition.....firstly buying said
empty prisons out right with the intent on staffing them as they
may,recall this brings employment to Americans,and attractive
feature,and then transporting as in penal transport there to America
for the prisoners to serve their stated terms. The longer term
prisoners would be far less troublesome in terms of shifting
transportations outwards.
Secondly, Britain could rent out said empty prisons, staffing as
fit, supplying Americans with much needed jobs, and again transporting, penal transporting, British prisoners out there to serve their terms.In BOTH cases the prisoners could be used as cheap chain gang labour,courvee labour as it were.
.

Now America could hardly complain you know. Let's look at the prison
population presently in America as to quality.According to the US
Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) non-Hispanic blacks accounted for
39.4% of the total prison and jail population in 2009,Hispanics (of
all races) were 20.6% of the total jail and prison population in
2009,total 60%,leaving 40 all others.Figures, world figures, prove
that the United States, is the world's leading jailer., with a rate
of approx. 750 prisoners per 100,000 population.(Russia is a close
second, South Africa, is in third with a half of rate.

In sum toto of all census populations of the groups, at 100%, an
estimated 4.8% of black non-Hispanic men were in prison or jail,
compared to 1.9% of Hispanic men of any race and 0.7% of white non-
Hispanic men.

Well now, America would be getting, for incarceration rather than
colonization, a rather elite,group of prisoners,of non ethnic
minority stature, and in some toto 100% would be of such, really
worthy of the status of The Prison Old Boys eh! Whot!

Quality,quality of the highest! America could hardly complain, nor
refuse, consider, monetary renumeration,cheap chain gang labor, increased employment, and such fine British quality as America has not seen since the early days of Britain's penal transportations! A jolly good show all round! Everybody benefits, everybody's problem is solved! Once again Squirrel excels at problem solving in a fair and equitable, and profitable fashion all round.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Ponders The Public Ebola Problem.

Secret Squirrel,realizing that there is much consternation and a great public health danger,what with the present, on going EBOLA crisis, has a solution for the problems of America and the world what with the EBOLA crisis,clothing.Indeed at all times proper and suitable clothing must be worn, and, these times are one of those times.

Secret Squirrel has consulted the Great Designer, SASQUATCHI, and he has come up with a solution, the Sasquatchi designed, Condom Suit, a hooded faux plastique, suit worn with matching rubber glove and boots, and accompanying, matching, of course, gas/pesticide mask.Of course such designer clothes whilst being ebola proof and resistant can be very expensive,but for those fashion inclined,what does that matter! Spare no expense when it comes to fashion and protection from ebola!

Now realizing that not all may be able to afford the designs of such a great fashion designer as Sasquatchi,and of course realizing that the common man,and woman, also requires protection from ebola,Secret Squirrel finds,himself, that there is a cheaper alternative available to one,this involves the purchase of a simple bondage suit, also commonly called a GIMP SUIT. It is a garment designed to cover the body completely (including the hands and feet), fitting it closely, and often including anchor points for bondage.This means that you ebola suit can also be used for.....shall we say.......play, after all, all work and no play makes........whatever. The GIMP  often has an attached hood; if it does not, it often is worn with a bondage hood or "gimp mask". The suit may be made from any material; leather, PVC, rubber, spandex, and darlexx are the most usual. Leather, not being stretchy, cannot fit as tightly as the others.Now having two eyeholes, we cover these with suitable plastic goggles,the suit having nostril holes, we cover those with a suitable gas/pesticide mask.All told the total cost of the now ebola proof clothing should run in to about total $50 or 50 pounds. The gimp suit can be purchased at any reputable sex bondage store, the goggles and respirator mask at an equally reputable local
hardware.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Uses Global Cooling To Combat Global Warming.

Secret Squirrel notices they keep mentioning,global warming, global cooling, on and on they go, claiming we have each of the other, and should have neither/or/nor/either at the same time, and shouldn't have any of it at anytime,but have one or the other all the time when the
other should be had neither at any time,and what not else.Well if we had global cooling, then they go on about how it ill effects all things and us, and we should be not having it.And the other lot, the lot with global warming, go off in and after the self same fashion at the same time. So the other half claims we have global warming and shouldn't have any of it,but wouldn't want the other half neither/either/or/nor. On and on they go,scientists and politicians,Backward, forward, outward, inward, Bottom to the top, Never a beginning, There can never be a stop,to their ridiculous scientifically political jolly caucus race.
the only time any of that lot are sane is when they've gone off conkers,which occurs every year,in Britain,only, October to November, and only then mind, which explains why Britain is better off compared with anybody else since nobody else goes off conkers. So they have global warming, they say, or at least half of the lot say. Well firstly, we'll cure the problem of half the lot, the global warming lot. Later Squirrel will cure the problem of the other half, but not at this time.
  
So here's the headline which attracted Squirrel's attention.....

Icelandic volcano could trigger Britain's coldest winter EVER this year
BRITAIN could freeze in YEARS of super-cold winters and miserable summers if the Bardarbunga volcano erupts, experts have warned.

and was found at.....

http://www.express.co.uk/news/nature/502349/Iceland-ash-cloud-could-trigger-freezing-cold-winter-this-year-if-it-erupts

    So what did the scientists mention about this coming event, well basically that in 1783 eastern regions of the United States recorded the lowest ever temperature after Iceland’s Laki volcano erupted that year. In Indonesia, the eruption of Mount Tambora in 1815 led to an unusually cold spring and summer the following year.

After Krakatau erupted in Indonesia in 1883 the world was hit by colder than average conditions for months. The 1980 eruption of Mount St Helens in Skamania County, Washington, United States, led to global temperatures dropping by 0.1C. Two years later the El Chichon
volcano in Mexico spat much less debris into the sky but a greater amount of sulphurous gasses is thought to have triggered a global temperature drop of up to five times the  St Helens. Well why does this happen, the temperature drop, indeed as well as huge volumes of
ash, the furious mountains also spit out large volumes of sulphur dioxide gas which adds to the cooling effect. So Volcanic eruptions inject sulfur dioxide gas into the atmosphere.
So if the eruptions are large enough to add sulfur dioxide to the stratosphere (the atmospheric
layer above the troposphere), the gas forms tiny droplets of sulfuric acid, also known as "volcanic aerosols." These droplets reflect some portion of the incoming sunlight back into space, cooling Earth's surface and the lower atmosphere.

Volcanic eruptions that have been spewing over the last 14 years may be partially responsible for the cooling of Earth and slowing down the effects of global warming, a new study published in Nature Geoscience suggests.

So, Squirrel suggests, you lot with all those bombs, and missiles, instead of hurling them at the civilians of the world, the children,the schools, the houses,the apartments, the shopping malls, the hospitals, as is occurring round and about the world,especially in the Middle East
area presently, why not chuck'em all at volcanoes. Yes, volcanoes, especially the laggardly volcanoes, the merely smoking ones, the resting and/or dormant ones, and wake'em all up, and hence contribute to global cooling! Indeed yes! Squirrel has a solution!

    Indeed Squirrel goes on, and finds yet another interesting event which contributes to global cooling of the world. Curiously enough, and humourously enough, Squirrel has found a second viable solution to bring global cooling to combat global warming, that of the,snicker,
Squirrel must snicker here, in the...............get ready for this...... the cold war.

In 1983, a conference on the issue of a nuclear war was organized by American scientists.
This found at http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/nuclear_winter.htm.
The conference was titled ‘The Long-Term Worldwide Consequences of Nuclear War’. It concluded that a nuclear war would involve the use of 5,000 megatons of nuclear bombs. These bombs would produce 225
million tons of smoke alone. The darkness created by these explosions would last for weeks and even months. Without the rays of the Sun penetrating through to the Earth’s surface, daily temperatures away from the coast would fall to –15 to –25 degrees Celsius. Of course
this involved ALL nuclear weapons, world wide, ALL of them. Clearly, Squirrel proposes not to use ALL of them,just some of them, and,scientifically, in an isolated area so the MASSIVE predicted temperature drop would not occur, but rather a comfortable one. Indeed Squirrel proposes tests be done, with just one location, bombing.......... then noting the effects.
Bombing again, noting the effects, bombing again, noting the effects, then bombing with more bombs based on the figures obtained from the first test bombs in direct proportion to achieve the desired comfortable temperature. Now Squirrel has in democratic fashion, taken a pole of
locations, suitable for this test/alteration of the world's temperature, at suitable locations of learning, Eaton,Oxford,Cambridge,those hallowed halls of learning and the learned,(Canadian and American politicians walk the halls to be able to include them on resumes of institutions of learning attended) and, well, the number one selected site,unanimously, was fortunate that Squirrel did not hold a binding referendum, as the
preferred location came out as being........drum roll.......FRANCE!
Somehow I expected this,and I know the French will be angry with Squirrel such that Squirrel does not prefer them to win anything, nor come out first in anything, but so it goes,Squirrel prefers and
recommends, for whatever reasons, to use the test site of...... GREENLAND!

 Now I know Eaton,Oxford,Cambridge, et all, may be displeased with Squirrel for rejecting France, but they must know the French are basically useless for anything, and that includes this, they are just not known for doing anything right really and as such, must not be involved in such a critically scientific and important undertaking. Indeed the contributions of the French in the fields of sciences have been severely limited to discoveries made entirely by errors and accidents, actually made and discovered by those other than the French who discovered the French errors and what they had done.
   All things taken in to account, Squirrel here states that to end global warming and replace it with suitable global cooling,adding air conditioning to the world as it were, was and is to increase the amounts of available and actively erupting volcanoes, and also to atombomb,most severely, Greenland, to bring the effects of nuclear winter to add to the effects of global cooling,all being done properly and scientifically of course. Squirrel here does mention, though, that should there be displeasure with his selection of Greenland to be atom bombed, severely effecting and resulting in the cutting off of any and or all of his
scientific funding, then he will immediately scientifically reconsider and go with their recommendation of atom bombing France. In all things,always, Squirrel remains inflexible, unbending, uninfluenceable,in those matters involving scientific solutions to problems. So says Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party,
MP,Dunny On The Wold,
Minister For Re-Deranged re-Engineering.
  

Secret Squirrel's The Shape Of Things To Come.

Secret Squirrel came across what is, and what has to be, to everyone, an absolutely and utterly horrific headline.......

Metro grinds to a halt as huge power cut hits hundreds of homes and businesses in Newcastle
which was so noted to be found here...

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/metro-grinds-halt-huge-power-7600783

  Well, Squirrel showed no fear, Squirrel knows no fear, for Squirrel sees the world of the future,the shape of things to come, no gas, no oil, no natural gas, no electricity, but Squirrel shows no fear. Nay, Squirrel knows what needs to be done about it all and what shall be done, what MUST be done.Squirrel knows that we must all present our backsides to the future. And so looking in hindsight, here, today Squirrel presents his solutions to the problem. Do read on, and, yes, do visit the links presented to see how Squirrel envisions the solution to all problems to do with transportation, with our daily lives, problems which we now face, but problems which they saw in days of old, problems that they solved for us then knowing we would need that very thing, now, and in the future. Here see Squirrel's wisdoms, the wisdoms of our forefather's, the wisdoms of the ancients.

Yes Squirrel does not only see problems, but foresees problems, and rather than causing problems, Squirrel solves problems, problems of the day, with utterly sound, proven and proveable highly advanced high tech as it were. Well, how will Squirrel solve the problems, of no electricity, no gas, no oil and etc for example? Here we continue and commence with the solution.

So, firstly, it'll be back to the rickshaws..........

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e1/Pousse-pousse_Madagascar.jpg

and also

http://travelmattersblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/china-rickshaw.jpg

Fine examples these are, and present yet today by those saving vastly on gas prices, beating the oil companies, and in yet a very, very green fashion as well. That'll work in Britain and elsewhere, but that'll involve the importation of vast amounts of Chinese,still they eat mostly only rice, or Ramen at best, and far better, of course, they than we.
 However should this not be possible, or the Chinese won't do it, we could introduce a work for welfare program and so employ those on the dole, have them work for their keep and kippers. One does also recall the semi rickshaw type pedicabs at Man and His World, Montreal 1967, Expo '67, (Squirrel himself, did, indeed, ride about in one) really trikes (tricycles,for those not in tune with shortened words) with a back sofa seat, not dissimilar to this luxury chinese version.....

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/06/02/article-2334632-1A0A2F06000005DC-352_634x422.jpg

and hey, dolled up somewhat, it could easily become the newest most modern highly technological version of the family........car. Car I did mention car didn't I, well a full version is being worked on and is present in our modern day technology.Here we see the basic bicycle car, imagine now we simply top over it a suitable automobile shell.....

http://www.shoppedornot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/car-shopped-or-not.png

http://www.chatnbike.com/WebObjects/FamilyCycleGroupOrder.woa/Contents/WebServerResources/images/cycles/quattro7.jpg

and indeed here we have a pedal powered caravan, that's trailer home to you yanks across the puddle......

http://inhabitat.com/camper-bike-pedal-powered-rv-for-one/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/camperbike-ed01-537x356.jpg

and, for those too lazy to pedal well, here is yet another version of the caravan, the deluxe version so to speak,

but it'll be a little more costly as the horse must be maintained...

http://floridamemory.com/fpc/reference/rc04603.jpg

and , of course, we shall never loose the car if WE further adapt as so many have, mostly in Asia, Africa, Mexico, Central and South America,and actually parts of France and Spain (I've seen it)...

https://landing.athabascau.ca/mod/file/thumbnail.php?file_guid=168524&size=large&icontime=1348849070

or

http://howmany.org/images/bull_and_cab.jpg


Now cities with trolleys can still keep their trolleys, no need for everybody to go off their trolleys. Recall in the days of wiser older wisdom, horses pulled them as we see here.......

http://freepages.history.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~dickbolt/HorseDrawnChicopee.jpg

The same goes for what was then called the omnibus..or bus as it is today,

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/59/Star_Omnibus_Company_horse_bus,_2010_Cobham_bus_rally.jpg

But hey, intercity bus, stagecoach, again pulled by the horse...

http://www.dyslexia-aware.com/dawn/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/stagecoach.jpg


and here we can see what will one day be a modern freight train......

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:StateLibQld_1_298491_Work_horses_pulling_trucks_loaded_from_the_quarry_at_Point_Danger,_ca._1903.jpg

Clearly also, passenger train can be kept, and let me tell you the breakdown prone Amtrak of the day is not all that far from this...

http://mikes.railhistory.railfan.net/imfile/10251.jpg

And well, we see that all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, what of recreational creations? Well here today,and certainly will be there tomorrow and in the future see these...pedal powered roller coasters here seen in Japan..

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/123859-Pedal-Powered-Roller-Coaster-Features-at-Bicycle-Theme-Park

and yet another type at...

http://www.treehugger.com/bikes/treehugger-style-roller-coaster-in-japan-its-pedal-powered.html

And did you know that a British filmmaker and festival director from County Durham is strengthening ties with the People’s Democratic Republic of Lao by taking a pedal-powered cinema to the capital, Vientiane, along with a selection of Wallace and Gromit films for Christmas screenings at the British Embassy. Yes, they pedal it about to
different areas, and also, of course, pedal to provide power to drive the cinema show, not to go in to detail,but your basic flat screen (light) TV and suitable dvd player powered from a pedal powered generator. Imagine in the present day solving a problem of the future.

 Of course this could be applied to the home, where one would, as in days of old, have a child or more, for pedalling these types of things for us and other such devices for various home needs. Imagine now our pedal powered car, telling the kid, "Come on lad! Time for a car ride!" T'is what our children are good for now,to pedal, if not imbecillic ideas, then at least........that.

So Squirrel is in no ways worried,nor are others of the day worried, nay not the followers of, and supporters of, Squirrel, of course.

Indeed in the world of today, now no less, there are some who live Squirrel's vision of the future, in Asia, Africa, South and Central America, Mexico, even yet certain pockets of the United States and the colony of Canada, today, and now,and for that matter, continuing on in to the future, as we all shall! In short, we shall be..........Living In An Amish Paradise...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg

Indeed, solutions Squirrel has! Yes, Squirrel will replace our single biggest problem, the source of ALL our problems of today and of the future, BIG OIL, with two,yes two replacements...........BIG BICYCLE and BIG HORSE'S ASS! Ever onwards, yes, forwards we must go, whilst looking in hindsight, we progress with our backsides to the future!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party,
MP,Dunny On The Wold,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Calculates How To Bring Everybody's National Debt to Equal Zero Balance.

Secret Squirrel has pondered the horrific state of the economies of the world, with respect to the greatest problem of all, the national debts of each and every nation of the world. Squirrel has not pondered idley,recall he was a student of the brilliantly minded John Kenneth Galbraith,teaching in Montreal at the Sir George Williams Night High School,where Squirrel was priviledged to be allowed to learn in the class he taught,Galbraith the great American economist and writer of many books concerning economics and economies on the national and global scale,and who was the
economic adviser to the American President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and also of Dr. Sani,under whom Squirrel studied, again in Montreal, at the famous and most reverend and reverred and respected school of the Jesuit Fathers, Loyola Of Montreal(before the time the government of the day actually seized, tho they stated...absorbed, said grand and great
learning institution and incorporated it in to their government school,Sir George Williams University,sadly,Sani  the great Canadian economist who was the advisor to the Government of Canada. They would indeed be proud for Squirrel has come up with a viable mathematical solution which would bring everybody to a state of zero debt, and then some, for some, many, nay, all the other nations of the world.

Interestingly it involves bringing America's utterly horrific and ever building, and never paid national debt to zero balance with respect to the other nations of the world which have a national debt as well, but, of course, far lower than that of America's. Now let us consider.

The marketable debt of the U.S. government has more than doubled--climbing by 106 percent--while the present President Barack Obama,of America, was,and still is yet at time of writing, in office,guiding the US economy,increasing from $5,749,916,000,000 at the end of January 2009,basicly round and about when he took(some say literally), office.Well, he
spent it, on what nobody knows for sure, but he spent it, and having neededmoney he didn't have, he came up with it,by simply printing up treasury certificates, and then having the US Treasury Department, print up money for him! Sadly other nations don't have the US Treasury Department to do that to,and with. and then he simply spent it all, and he calls it the national debt, refers to it as the national debt, a national debt he keeps mysteriously adding to spending money he doesn't have.In between all this he made certain veiled and mysterious threats
about other nations debts,and national debt, and claiming they were insolvent,in a state of insolvency, bankruptcy, since they had spent money they hadn't and so were in debt from various governmental errors and mismangements and whatever else he could think of and was threatening them all with whatever he does and did and continues to.What the heck he's the American President and that's what he does round and about the world.
So Squirrel has pondered this horrific state of affairs, the general state of affairs, involving, the nations of the world, and the global national debt situation which the American President keeps complaining about to to and against all the other nations of the world.Well Squirrel has a solution which is and should be fair and equitable to and for all.......as Squirrel a champion of the cricket pitch, where equality,justice,fair play, and fairness rule,obviously is right for the task and solution at hand for all.
So the US external debt stands at $17,344,649,899,999,the next highest is Britain at $10,090,000,000,000,so we subtract, this makes the USA total national debt, all by itself at what would be and is $7,254,649,899,999, a global zero figure as it were.So to be equal ,Britain, must be allowed to spend that sum to come equal,to the zero state,the equal state, and thence everybody else,each other nation of the world,would apply the same mathematical formula, in all
equality and fairness,would hit in equity zero and equal zero debt,for them, against the American,thence taken as zero debt. But it is to be remembered that nations such as Australia,which have far less national debt, balanced against the US national debt, would be entitled therefore to very much more,of course to be equal and come to zero debt in proper
fashion, and so too other nations, all other nations, would be so entitled to apply the mathematical formula here expounded by Squirrel.But also,of course,remember that Singapore,Macau,British Virgin Islands,Brunei,Leichenstein,Taiwan, and Palau, having zero national debt to start with, and so applying Squirrel's formula,in all fairness and equality,would thence be entitled to the full original   sum of America's national debt, $17,344,649,899,999, and good for'em as well............!!!!! Lucky they.

It's not that easy,though, you're saying.Well you're right. It isn't. We must factor in the nations Public debt as well(internal as it were). Well,let's continue to be fair now,the US internal national debt is a figure  of 72.50 % against the GDP, well that makes a profit of 27.5 % which must be applied downwards of the aforesaid total NATIONAL external debt,since it reflects also the GDP of the debtor nation(s).Britain's is 90% so they only would get a 10% applied in the green column towards their final debt free calculation,so to go to zero for America they could thence
apply only 17.5% in actuality for the final figure each nation would thence use, and so too every other nation of the world, in and after like and kind,or the negatively and/or to zero as the income tax forms state. So you see, all's well and good for everybody in the rest of the world,and since the other nations have all been then compensated with an equality with America, the extra cash to spend as they say fit.That leaves America essentially at zero debt since it all balances well and good,against each and every nation of the world, and good for them, and good and great for the
rest of the nations of the world which now get to spend as they will the cash they are really in all equality and equity entitled to to bring them on par with America, the big zero debtwise.

So you see, all that remains is for the nations of the world, and their economists,to sit down with the Americans, explain it all to them and say we all now each have an extra $7,254,649,899,999(MORE,yes, indeed, I have surmised, for nations who have less debt than Britain just mentioning that here Britain was used as a base calculation, all other nations having less debt, their debt figures applied, would have therefor substantially MORE than the UK would
have,however to keep things simple for the politicians of the world, we have to keep things simple and use the calculations for the UK,Britain as it were,was,and still is,as yet.), to spend as we see fit,for whatever we see fit,or actually they,being the other nations of the world, and America doesn't as it has spent it already.But hey, the national debts have now been cancelled and put to paid by it all, and everybody can start to accumulate a national debt as well, however it would only accrue once each had spent their $7,254,649,899,999 and not before. America would start
at zero, with a clean slate, just adding and building to the,their national debt once more, in and after the fashion they did before, and so would rightly and justly and in all equality, have no just cause for complaints,since after all, all nations would be equal in their own eyes, and..............the eyes of America now wouldn't they?


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,(Monster Raving Loony Party),
MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Explains His Unified Universal Hump Theory And How It Affects Our Universality.

Secret Squirrel's attention has been drawn to the plight of a Soviet, or Russian, if you will, satellite/spacecraft having extreme difficulties with it's orbit such that it is specifically falling out of its orbit, going off course as it were.Without a doubt, spacial, claimed to be, know it all, Stephen Hawking will state, quite plainly, that the said and aforestated satellite has failed,but Squirrel knows differently, Squirrel knows the actual cause of it's dilemma, a dilemma having its source origins,actually on earth, a  cause which affects the solar system(hence the universe), which affects earth, which affects and will affect all satellites and spacecraft of, and in, the future, a cause Squirrel has bundled in to Secret Squirrel's Unified Universal Hump Theory, which consists of three parts,The Spatial Hump Theory,The Planetary Hump Theory, and the Solar Systemal Hump Theory,all of which are in irrefutably in effect in the Universe itself.
   Now Squirrel shall begin.Having sex in outer space, is the stuff of urban legends and romantic fantasy,but it is something all the world's space agencies have pondered.Now the Soviets have taken steps to investigate this very thing,from what ever viewpoint they have,imaginable or otherwise.Witness now the proof of this at

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2705419/Russian-space-sex-geckos-struggle-survival-satellite-spirals-control-Earth-orbit.html

It states quite plainly that "A biological experiment launched from Kazakhstan last week is feared lost.Ground controllers are unable to communicate with the Foton-M4 satellite.On board it has five geckos intended to reproduce and test the effects of microgravity on reproduction
But while the animals are alive, the satellite cannot be controlled.This means that the planned landing in two months might not be possible.

Yes it has gone out of control as Stephen Hawking would say, but further on Secret Squirrel will further explain,why and how.To continue,They were intended to be among the first animals to join the 350-mile-high club, but now a group of geckos sent into space to reproduce may be at risk.The five lizards - four male and one female - launched on a research satellite on 19 July to study the effects of weightlessness on their sex lives.But Russian space officials have now revealed that the Foton-M4 satellite is not responding to commands, and there are fears the mission may be lost.A similar fate befell gerbils, and mice aboard a Russian Bion-M satellite last year, which crashed shortly after launch.
A Foton-M craft was also launched in 2007 and provided a temporary home to geckos, newts, snails and Mongolian gerbils, with a study of the creatures noting that the gerbils had “moved chaotically” in space.Many have died in the Soviet experiments, but at least they died doing (hopefully, for the sake of science) what they loved.

So what is the significance of this?Well the Spacecraft has been affected by The Spatial Hump Theory,as,indeed, was the previous one. Not all spacecraft or satellites are affected by The Spacial Hump Theory, but this one, and the previous so mentioned, was,and has been and is being affected by it. You see firmly grounded in Theory as Squirrel always is, Newton's Third Law is and has been called in to play and is a by product of The Spatial Hump Theory, due to the activities of said stated spacecraft. Now what does Newton's Third Law basically state?Well, simply put,in terms even yet Stephen Hawking could understand and be unable to refute, For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs - equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.And what and how is the relevance of this. Well, let's get down to it, the geckos were put in to space to, put it quite plainly, to have sex, to copulate, to fornicate, and so too they did.,and in doing so, they activated the effects of Newton's Third Law,that of equals and opposite reactions occurring,occurring in a weightless or non weightless environment.....in short,the geckos had been humping their brains out.Said satellite, affected by the humping movements within,was most severely affected and caused it's orbit to become totally chaotic.You see the Soviets had forgotten and ignored, and by their failures have actually provided proof of..my theory of The Spatial Hump,The Spatial Hump Theory,(part of The Unified Universal Hump Theory  you see all that humping in space is still much like the humping in a trailer, so it disturbs the satellites/space station orbit.......The Spatial Hump causes orbital shift.......it's part of my thesis theory on space.....you'll notice Stephen Hawking knows nothing about The Combined Spatial Hump Theory, or other component, The Earth Hump Theory, humping, not just in trailers, causes the earth's orbit to wobble,and earth to wobble on it's axis, to wobble,and of course, earth affects the orbits of all the other planets and so encompasses the Solar Systemal Hump Theory as it does.........also mine.Recall Secret Squirrel's, Boob Quake Theory being recently proved,(do read here concerning that...http://jacksparrow004.blogspot.com/2010/04/mrlsecret-squirrel-studies-boobquakes_28.html
MRL,Secret Squirrel Studies Boobquakes).It proves and shows the sexual influences affecting all things to do with Earth and Space.There have been secret NASA studies concerning the effects of sex in space, but the Americans, of course have only been interested, sadly, in the sex itself and getting the job done as it were.There is a confidential NASA report on a space shuttle mission in 1996. A project codenamed STS-XX was to explore sexual positions possible in a weightless atmosphere.

Twenty positions were tested by computer simulation to obtain the best 10, he says. "Two guinea pigs then tested them in real zero-gravity conditions. The results were videotaped but are considered so sensitive that even NASA was only given a censored version."Pierre Kohler, a respected French scientific writer, says in The Final Mission: Mir, The Human Adventure that the subject is taboo both at NASA and at mission control in Moscow, but that cosmic couplings have taken place.

"The issue of sex in space is a serious one," he says. "The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity."They have concluded that the act of human intimacy, sexual activity and procreation distinguished by the state of weightlessness (precluding artificial gravity) presents difficulties surrounding the performance of most sexual activities due to Newton's Third Law.How ever this can be overcome, rather well, using bungie towards to entwine the two........entwiners. Now we see their interest in sex,sexual positions, but not the effects of same which Secret Squirrel has seen, and has proved and is herein documented.

 Now to continue, let us become grounded as it were,earthed. Just as boob quakes have been created, and soundly proven to been created, by breasts wiggling and jiggling about all over earth(again you are reminded to here view the proven documentation at http://jacksparrow004.blogspot.com/2010/04/mrlsecret-squirrel-studies-boobquakes_28.html).We turn our attention to the equally great affects of sex itself,copulation, fornication and whatever have you and we, down here on earth.Indeed just visit trailer parks late at night and in microcosm we can see the effects of sex on trailers as they bounce,wiggle, and jiggle about, both the humpers and the trailers. Well so too, does earth. This constant unrelenting humping by earth's unbalanced distribution of population, such humpings do in actuality, cause he wobbling of the earth, not only round and about it's axis(the wobble   being a proven scientific fact), but also the wobble of Earth in it's orbit..and so here is Squirrel's Second Part of the Unified Universal Hump Theory, that of The Earth Hump Theory.

Now, earth being the large mass it is, in orbit, within the solar system, earth's wobble, affected by the sex,the copulation,the fornications, of it's populations,therein affects the Solar System itself and it's erratic wobbly journey round and about in space,and,of course, therein as with each solar system,the entire universe itself, hence herein comes in Secret Squirrel's Third Part of The Unified Universal Spatial Hump Theory.

Now to be sure things and events of physics have been here thoroughly explained and proven to you in a way,and after a fashion, Stephen Hawking never would have..without a doubt The Unified Universal Hump Theory will no doubt make him drool.

Secret Squirrel,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering,
MP,Dunny On The Wold,
Monster Raving Loony Party.

Secret Squirrel Looks At Lost Airliner Search Efforts.

Secret Squirrel's attention has been drawn,of course, to the event of the disappeared Malaysian airliner,flight MH370,a Boeing 777-200ER,as indeed has everyone's.

Squirrel marvels at the general lack of solid data, knowledge not of what happened to it, but that, "THEY" lost it so very quickly, it just
disappeared, with confused eye witness accounts of where it MIGHT have been seen where it did go. Squirrel notices that it disappeared off
radar screen, indeed it crossed whole countries.....unnoticed.Indeed there was not a peep from anybodies cell phones either, rather
strangely. One must also note that even lost cellphones can be quickly located,but rather strangely, an entire aircraft cannot.Rather
interestingly this reveals itself to be more of a stealth aircraft than any the USA has to date designed.Of course, all this points to the
obviously useless and woefully lacking aircraft locator beacons,communications apparatus etc etc et all. It is only even yet just fortunate
that the major reliance, besides eye witness accounts,those few and far between, being on aircraft engines reporting. Well clearly events have pointed to necessary improvements.Now all this points to the necessity of systems the pilots cannot get to,patterned after the engine
reporting system which worked, as the engines did, right up to...the end. This mean voice cockpit recording,communications recording, even
yet a reporting location system,all reporting to satellites.It CAN be done it obviously works,it hasn't been done.

Also revealed now is search/rescue of the present day. Now we can and do see that everybody has and is using spy type satellites and they do work, and are very very fine in their abilities to pick up even yet small objects round and about the world.Improvements needed there? Well, one can always use greater abilities to see and photog the objects etc, and also software to help clarify these searched for objects.These are excellent as HAS been proved in the aircraft search, to be useful in finding objects etc that do not wish to be found, recalling usually searched for entities of any sort usually do very much wish to be found.Now what of the search planes so very diligently out there searching? Well we find the distance to the search site is great, one must also figure in time back, and so most search times by aircraft are limited to two hours in search zone....in this instance. Well what affects search planes are and is their range and fuel consumption. Now immediately when we hear search aircraft we conjure up images of the planes diligently flying about,which they do, BUT in this instance, notice again the 2 hour loiter time in the search area. Let us ponder the search planes used. There is the P3C Orion. It's specs....

 Maximum speed: 411 kn (750 km/h)
    Cruise speed: 328 kn (610 km/h)
    Range: 2,380 nmi radius (4,400 km)
    Combat radius: 1,346 nmi (2,490 km) three hours on-station at 1,500 feet
    Ferry range: 4,830 nmi (8,944 km)
    Endurance: 16 hours

Ferry range is interesting,must assume empty and fuel to the max........but then..why not fuel to the max in either rate, carry extra tanks
of fuel internally, and suspended from the wings....this WILL increase range, and time abilities in a search area as a given.it's just not
rocket science is it? ALSO, hey and why note, add to these aircraft in-flight refuel capabilities! Now THAT is rocket science, and without
doubt such a simple,proven, easily workable system, is just too far beyond the ken of the aircraft designers,builders, and of
course.inevitably whenever there is idiocy about, politicians.

Now let's look at the latest off the American assembly design lines in the area of search/rescue etc..the P-8 Poseidon
Range: 2,222 km(Range: 1,200 nmi with 4 hr on station,this is there,search,and back).
Top speed: 908 km/h

Now a look at what the Chinese are using, a Illyushin Il-78, having range of 5,000 km (2,700 nmi; 3,100 mi).We're getting better here, with
the larger aircraft.


Obviously the present search/rescue aircraft MUST be modified to include in-flight refuel capabilities to make them truly useful and
right,just and proper for their task. As they presently are, they are woefully inadequate in the range abilities,loiter abilities and in-flight refuel abilities will correct this.

Now why are we doing this, looking at the search aircraft used? Well let's look at a Boeing 777C, it's range(max) is  7,800 nautical miles
(14,400 km).That's a very big difference, and no doubt rebuilt as a search aircraft,a proper one, with in-flight refuel capabilities, and
also abilities to carry even yet more fuel, and possibly wing fuel tanks suspended from wings as well, the range increases yet enormously as
well. In short it makes a very much better search/rescue aircraft doesn't it? Of course we have to add the search equipment and whatever, the usual where with all and what not,which goes without saying doesn't it.

Indeed looking at the present dilemma,and analysing it,  we see areas where efforts must be made to improve things all round, and we also see that Squirrel has made proven scientifically based ideas towards improving, vastly improving, search and rescue efforts.

Secret Squirrel Discovers Evidence Of A Secret Society:The Illuminati

Secret Squirrel has stumbled on the existence of a form of Illumnati in our modern times, a secret society, a society so
secret many of its secret symbols, secret signs, secret mathematical proofs have been found,unearthed,indeed,too it's very
secret existence,exposed,in secret.It is a journey through secret deep dark tunnels, dank and rank miasma of secrets.A
secret hidden world of secrets,secrets no one must know,secrets no one can learn, secrets that boggle the mind,and cripple
the soul.

Of course as with all secrets of this we must speak easy, we must keep this to ourselves,keep it secret, it must travel no
farther than you and I.Secrets. They're all around us. Secret conspiracies are everywhere. Conspiracy is an ancient
pastime, and so is the study of conspiracy. Secrecy in itself is harmless, but it always seems to attract attention. Where
can one learn the secrets revealed,secrets of the Illuminati? Yes secret society is a name that brings in mind a coven of
hooded and caped Enlightenment-era gentlemen,the Illuminati practising all kinds of fascinating,delectable,delightful,debauchery, much as imagining the Monks of Medmenham, or the Monks Of The Inquisition
once their days work had been done,teaching Nuns or whatever they preferred to call their friends.

But what event triggered Secret Squirrel to have discovered the secret society, the Illumnati, secretly surfaced,much as a submarine trapped on the surface of the sea at night? The Oscars, yes, the Oscars,not by ouija board, nor use of the Tarot cards,but predictably, and positively,by the act of the handing out of The Pizza,has revealed the secret society of the Illuminati, at work,surfaced, in Hollywood.

Firstly I shall delve in to this act, the act and the symbolism of The Pizza at The Oscars.For those of you who missed The Oscars,of March,2014..........I here present to you the solid evidence, that this act did indeed occur.
Pizza at the Oscars, proof positive, they CAN have food!!
see that here

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1723367/oscars-2014-ellen-degeneres-pizza-party.jhtml

and also here...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2571861/Ellen-DeGeneres-gets-REAL-pizza-guy-hand-slices-Oscars-crowd-collects-tips-stars.html

Squirrel noticed this secret ceremony take place so did you, first, the cover, the pizza was introduced, Ellen mentioned
to the effect here the top one,the pizza here referred to, is vegetarian, and some partook of said vegan pizza, but in the images thereafter shown, and on the screen live, Squirrel noticed pepperoni pizza, indeed yes,and what of it...well absolutely nothing so far, BUT the other box, it showed to be,and proved to be..........all dressed, a pizza made, a pizza
made by the pizza man, the pizza man had made them one with everything, those few who received of that pizza, received, yes, and became also................yes,one with everything. it is said Diogenes wandered the earth looking for an honest man..........sad, so too does the Dalai LLama wander the earth, trying,failing, to be made one with everything.Even yet.."Make me one with everything" is the response given by a Buddhist to a hot dog vendor who asks him, "What can I make you?".

A Buddhist goes to a hot dog vendor and the vendor asks him "Hey buddy what can I make ya?""Make me one with everything" replies the Buddhist.
But, being purists, you see, they're vegetarians, and so this can never ever be.........so Tantalising, so near, yet so very very far, the unattainable.for them..............and so they mock their very existence, they mock their future, they mock themselves, in their inadequacy, their constant failure, their ever trying to achieve what can never ever be,for them.It is a play on words,a cruel joke, the joke of their lives, as the oft-quoted Buddhist desire  is to made to be,to achieve to be, to achieve the nirvana state "be at one" or "be at peace" with everything natural in the world.

Recall the Dalai Llama on his journey to Australia, recall how the Aussies revealed that he had not been made one with
everything, that the pizzaman had not made him one with everything, yea, could not. That was the pizza heard round the
world and it continues yet to reverberate. Still he is not made one with everything, even yet visiting Barrack Obama, did the President see to it that the pizza man made the Dalai LLama one with everything......nay he did not...............the LLama clearly excluded from all those who have been made one with everything by the pizza man. But there is much more yet,why all this attraction, attention, publicity with respect to being made one with everything.............Squirrel knows...........peruse this if you will, more actual evidence at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GogjFO8GNEo

Here you yourself can see the confused Dalai LLama, it just won't ever work for him you see, note the confusion,confusion
sent by elements higher than him,confusing him such that he cannot be made one with everything.......directly,there, the evidence.Undeniable,incontrovertable...Such it is, there you see, the Dalai LLama is excluded from this exclusive club of those who HAVE been made one with everything.Take note that MONKS (of course, not Buddhist monks) CAN be and are made one with everything,Bishops,Cardinals, and hey, no one would ever deny The Pope! Yes, indeed.


BUT it's not at all as simple as that,this very act, this very sign, is utilized by a society so secret it is merely talked about as existing, there are none who claim actual membership, but the signs are there, there for all to see, signs of..........the modern day, present, existing, Illuminati...yes, at the Oscar ceremony, there before all, were inducted,secretly,through the right of passage,new members of the Illuminati, by the act of being made one with everything.And what does this all have to do with,The Illuminati,it's existence,it's proof of it's existence?Well a secret society obviously, and exclusive,IS,an exclusionary secret society.Let's first examine secret societies.

A secret society is a club or organisation whose activities, events, and inner functioning are concealed from non-members. The society may or may not attempt to conceal its existence.  The exact qualifications for labelling a group as a secret society are disputed, but definitions generally rely on the degree to which the organisation insists on secrecy, and might involve the retention and transmission of secret knowledge, denial of membership or knowledge of the group, the creation of personal bonds between members of the organisation, and the use of secret rites or rituals which solidify members of the group.define a secret society as an organisation that: Is exclusive.
    Claims to own special secrets.
    During secret meetings wear ritual clothing
    Shows a strong inclination to favour its own.
    It has "carefully graded and progressed teachings"
    Teachings are "available only to selected individuals"
    Teachings lead to "hidden (and 'unique') truths"
    Truths bring "personal benefits beyond the reach and even the understanding of the uninitiated."
    The purpose of this club was to enliven the "dull traditional Sunday" with drinks and rude songs.
    Dress in togas and discussed Roman literature and antiquities
    Practise all kinds of debauchery,sodomy and buggery,with the usual mock rituals,wenching and banqueting  
A further characteristic common to most of them is the practice of rituals which non-members are not permitted to observe, or even to know the existence of.

The Illuminati (plural of Latin illuminatus, "enlightened") is a name given to several groups, both real and fictitious,down through the ages since the founding of the first group,seemingly disbanded,but yet reformed,but not reallybeing mostly consisting of those debauch loving embuggerers .

Historically the name refers to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1, 1776 to
oppose superstition, prejudice, religious influence over public life, abuses of state power, and to support women's education and gender equality.In subsequent use, "Illuminati" refers to various organisations claiming or purported to have unsubstantiated links to the original Bavarian Illuminati or similar secret societies, and often alleged to conspire to control world affairs by masterminding events and planting agents in government and corporations to establish a New World Order and gain further political power and influence. Central to some of the most widely known and elaborate conspiracy theories, the Illuminati have been depicted as lurking in the shadows and pulling the strings and levers of power in dozens of novels, movies, television shows, comics, video games and music videos.

Several recent and present-day fraternal organisations claim to be descended from the original Bavarian Illuminati and openly use the name "Illuminati". Some such groups use a variation on "The Illuminati Order" in the name of their organisation, while others such as the Ordo Templi Orientis use "Illuminati" as a level within their organisation's hierarchy. However, there is no evidence that these present-day groups have amassed significant political power or influence, and they promote unsubstantiated links to the Bavarian Illuminati as a means of attracting membership instead of trying to remain secret.In 1777, Karl Theodor became ruler of Bavaria. He was a proponent of Enlightened Despotism and his government banned all secret societies including the Illuminati. Internal rupture and panic over succession preceded its downfall.

Today, most Illuminati enthusiasts (read: internet "experts") agree it is a modern-day secret society with ancient roots that is made of up powerful and elite individuals who conspire to control the world — politics, government, religion, entertainment, the whole shebang. Their goal? A "New World Order."Signs of possible members appear here.........

http://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1027823/16-celebs-supposedly-in-the-illuminati

Further proof of existence is revealed here,

tap://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRjCCrwB3n8

and just look at what and whom uses secret signs.......

Tap://www.bofads.com/stories/evenmoresecrets.htm
Ponder these self evident signs...

And these..........
Tap://illuminaticonspiracyorreal.weebly.com/quiz-do-you-believe.html
Yet more symbols,proofs,secret signs, and........the mathematics behind it all as well.

Here see and ponder yet this.....

http://celebrity.yahoo.com/photos/hollywood-s-mysterious-illuminati-slideshow/

Here we see Lyndsay Lohann seemingly connected to the Illuminati in the making of what is termed to be the secret triangle sign as she entered and SUV, tho I must say to be that really seemed so very much more like a beckoning open vaggie. Of course we see others in the film as well,yet others using other secret signs of The Illuminati.
Zounds and zooks! The very air abounds with Illuminati secret signs and symbols,and people openly making these secret signs!!!

Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad.Celebrities have influence, that's not an arguable fact.
However, there is a part of the world that believes certain famous faces yield more power than others. This power, they
believe, stems from the backing of an ancient  secret society that quietly rules the world: the Illuminati.Are some of the entertainment industry's biggest stars in cahoots to take over the world? According to the internet, yes! Check out the rumours swirling around these supposed celeb Illuminatis and decide for yourself. And yet many times we see written....."No depravity is too great for Hollywood Illuminati Elite" and other direct references to the secret Illuminati.
.
The Illuminati conspiracy is fact, no longer a myth,a theory,but a concrete fact, and it is a super-secret society that has penetrated governments, finance, science, business, and the entertainment industry with one goal in mind,and it is the same thing they do every night,attempt to go for world domination....try and rule the world.
All this was learned from the handing out of the pizza at The Oscars......now you know too.Worried?Are you a vegan?

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Says Sell Salt Water To The Iranians.

Secret Squirrel’s attention has been peaked by seeing that Iran has a salt water lake which is in the process, of what is called, dying, a specificly a varient of dying, drying up,evaporating, disappearing actually. It’s Iran’s biggest crisis, its shrinking lake,Lake Oroumieh,the country’s largest body of water which has shrunk by 80% to only 400 square miles in the last ten years.Face it the shrinking contiues, it isn’t getting any better.Experts fear the lake – famous as a tourist spot and a stopping point for migrating flamingos, pelicans and gulls – could disappear within two years.
Climate change, nearby farms using it for irrigation and the damming of rivers is being blamed for the shrinking,but they,and the rest of the world, don’t know what to do about it, to halt, or to improve it, but you know Squirrel has a idea here.I am surrounded by political and scientific
idiots….indeed, yes,idiots who have not an idea what so ever to do. BUT Squirrel does, yes indeed, Squirrel can,could and will save the lake, and it will grow,it will wax fatter that a U.S. governor, and Squirrel will turn a hefty profit doing it as well. Squirrel proposes to build a pipeline from a
selected seaport to the lake ,yes, then British tankers, sadly idle for some reason in the midst of the oil crisis, COULD be used to haul seawater to Iran, there at the port offload in to the pipeline, and so save the lake, and makes loads and loads of profitable useful currency(meaning of course we won’t be accepting Iranian currency, we shall demand, either U.S. dollars, or the useful Chinese Yuan currency,no bitbucks,Canadian dollars, nor Euros, just those, U.S. dollars and/or Chinese Yuans). We could even yet work a negotiated deal, and trade the seawater to Iran for oil.Yes,seawater for
oil.
Recall the US food for oil exchange well, we could do a seawater for oil exchange…………but our politicians are sadly mentally lacking in the
area of brilliant ideas.Yes they’re all laggards, lackeys of the American oil companies, yes, we have to import US oil,at US prices…………..all
that could change.We could now have our own supply of oil, guarenteed oil, traded for seawater. Indeed we have Iran over the barrel, over the seawater barrel, we could trade say, 1 barrel of seawater,for 10 barrels of oil.
But wait, ever The Great Engineer, Squirrel has yet another proposal.You see here we were contemplating selling the Iranians saltwater to solve the problem.However, we could also supply something much better,fresh water.Yes! fresh water, so very much better than salt water you know. Now wherever would we get the required fresh water.Well, Squirrel has the answer here, which again has not occured to our politicans incumbent. You see, every year, Britain floods very,very horribly. Well now, in the very center of the flood stricken areas, we create a drain, this drain will connect to
pipelines,pipelines which will be directed to seaports.There, at the seaports, again, we use idle British oil tankers, and then fill the tankers with the flood fresh water, and sell this to the Iranian, using the same method to fill their lake with fresh water, and fill our coffers with useful currencies, and also guarentee a magnificent private oil supply!!Huzzah for Squirrel!Huzzah for Squirrel!Huzzah for Squirrel!
In the meantime we could also create salt mines there and mine the salt and sell it to the Americans who have yearly shortages you know, due to their immense snow storms,ever running totally short of salt,and thus  driving up the prices of salt as well. In the regular time we could also drive up the prices of supply as well..what the heck!!Do British politicians see this brilliant opportunity? No!…….laggards and lackeys all.Only Squirrel is capable reversing the trend and saving Iran from a major environmental and economic disaster,and, at the very self same time, turning in a grand and hefty profit off of his enterprising solution.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.