Secret Squirrel Uses Global Cooling To Combat Global Warming.

Secret Squirrel notices they keep mentioning,global warming, global cooling, on and on they go, claiming we have each of the other, and should have neither/or/nor/either at the same time, and shouldn't have any of it at anytime,but have one or the other all the time when the
other should be had neither at any time,and what not else.Well if we had global cooling, then they go on about how it ill effects all things and us, and we should be not having it.And the other lot, the lot with global warming, go off in and after the self same fashion at the same time. So the other half claims we have global warming and shouldn't have any of it,but wouldn't want the other half neither/either/or/nor. On and on they go,scientists and politicians,Backward, forward, outward, inward, Bottom to the top, Never a beginning, There can never be a stop,to their ridiculous scientifically political jolly caucus race.
the only time any of that lot are sane is when they've gone off conkers,which occurs every year,in Britain,only, October to November, and only then mind, which explains why Britain is better off compared with anybody else since nobody else goes off conkers. So they have global warming, they say, or at least half of the lot say. Well firstly, we'll cure the problem of half the lot, the global warming lot. Later Squirrel will cure the problem of the other half, but not at this time.
  
So here's the headline which attracted Squirrel's attention.....

Icelandic volcano could trigger Britain's coldest winter EVER this year
BRITAIN could freeze in YEARS of super-cold winters and miserable summers if the Bardarbunga volcano erupts, experts have warned.

and was found at.....

http://www.express.co.uk/news/nature/502349/Iceland-ash-cloud-could-trigger-freezing-cold-winter-this-year-if-it-erupts

    So what did the scientists mention about this coming event, well basically that in 1783 eastern regions of the United States recorded the lowest ever temperature after Iceland’s Laki volcano erupted that year. In Indonesia, the eruption of Mount Tambora in 1815 led to an unusually cold spring and summer the following year.

After Krakatau erupted in Indonesia in 1883 the world was hit by colder than average conditions for months. The 1980 eruption of Mount St Helens in Skamania County, Washington, United States, led to global temperatures dropping by 0.1C. Two years later the El Chichon
volcano in Mexico spat much less debris into the sky but a greater amount of sulphurous gasses is thought to have triggered a global temperature drop of up to five times the  St Helens. Well why does this happen, the temperature drop, indeed as well as huge volumes of
ash, the furious mountains also spit out large volumes of sulphur dioxide gas which adds to the cooling effect. So Volcanic eruptions inject sulfur dioxide gas into the atmosphere.
So if the eruptions are large enough to add sulfur dioxide to the stratosphere (the atmospheric
layer above the troposphere), the gas forms tiny droplets of sulfuric acid, also known as "volcanic aerosols." These droplets reflect some portion of the incoming sunlight back into space, cooling Earth's surface and the lower atmosphere.

Volcanic eruptions that have been spewing over the last 14 years may be partially responsible for the cooling of Earth and slowing down the effects of global warming, a new study published in Nature Geoscience suggests.

So, Squirrel suggests, you lot with all those bombs, and missiles, instead of hurling them at the civilians of the world, the children,the schools, the houses,the apartments, the shopping malls, the hospitals, as is occurring round and about the world,especially in the Middle East
area presently, why not chuck'em all at volcanoes. Yes, volcanoes, especially the laggardly volcanoes, the merely smoking ones, the resting and/or dormant ones, and wake'em all up, and hence contribute to global cooling! Indeed yes! Squirrel has a solution!

    Indeed Squirrel goes on, and finds yet another interesting event which contributes to global cooling of the world. Curiously enough, and humourously enough, Squirrel has found a second viable solution to bring global cooling to combat global warming, that of the,snicker,
Squirrel must snicker here, in the...............get ready for this...... the cold war.

In 1983, a conference on the issue of a nuclear war was organized by American scientists.
This found at http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/nuclear_winter.htm.
The conference was titled ‘The Long-Term Worldwide Consequences of Nuclear War’. It concluded that a nuclear war would involve the use of 5,000 megatons of nuclear bombs. These bombs would produce 225
million tons of smoke alone. The darkness created by these explosions would last for weeks and even months. Without the rays of the Sun penetrating through to the Earth’s surface, daily temperatures away from the coast would fall to –15 to –25 degrees Celsius. Of course
this involved ALL nuclear weapons, world wide, ALL of them. Clearly, Squirrel proposes not to use ALL of them,just some of them, and,scientifically, in an isolated area so the MASSIVE predicted temperature drop would not occur, but rather a comfortable one. Indeed Squirrel proposes tests be done, with just one location, bombing.......... then noting the effects.
Bombing again, noting the effects, bombing again, noting the effects, then bombing with more bombs based on the figures obtained from the first test bombs in direct proportion to achieve the desired comfortable temperature. Now Squirrel has in democratic fashion, taken a pole of
locations, suitable for this test/alteration of the world's temperature, at suitable locations of learning, Eaton,Oxford,Cambridge,those hallowed halls of learning and the learned,(Canadian and American politicians walk the halls to be able to include them on resumes of institutions of learning attended) and, well, the number one selected site,unanimously, was fortunate that Squirrel did not hold a binding referendum, as the
preferred location came out as being........drum roll.......FRANCE!
Somehow I expected this,and I know the French will be angry with Squirrel such that Squirrel does not prefer them to win anything, nor come out first in anything, but so it goes,Squirrel prefers and
recommends, for whatever reasons, to use the test site of...... GREENLAND!

 Now I know Eaton,Oxford,Cambridge, et all, may be displeased with Squirrel for rejecting France, but they must know the French are basically useless for anything, and that includes this, they are just not known for doing anything right really and as such, must not be involved in such a critically scientific and important undertaking. Indeed the contributions of the French in the fields of sciences have been severely limited to discoveries made entirely by errors and accidents, actually made and discovered by those other than the French who discovered the French errors and what they had done.
   All things taken in to account, Squirrel here states that to end global warming and replace it with suitable global cooling,adding air conditioning to the world as it were, was and is to increase the amounts of available and actively erupting volcanoes, and also to atombomb,most severely, Greenland, to bring the effects of nuclear winter to add to the effects of global cooling,all being done properly and scientifically of course. Squirrel here does mention, though, that should there be displeasure with his selection of Greenland to be atom bombed, severely effecting and resulting in the cutting off of any and or all of his
scientific funding, then he will immediately scientifically reconsider and go with their recommendation of atom bombing France. In all things,always, Squirrel remains inflexible, unbending, uninfluenceable,in those matters involving scientific solutions to problems. So says Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party,
MP,Dunny On The Wold,
Minister For Re-Deranged re-Engineering.