Secret Squirrel Ends Global Warming Problem By Creating More Fat People.

Secret Squirrel has seen the headlines screaming,such as "Global Warming! You're Responsible! What You Can do". Well,Secret Squirrel has pondered many scientific findings, and in doing so has usually
come up with rather interesting scientific and scientifically provable, and scientifically backed, facts, and, as always, has come up with a solution to the problem, in this case, the problem of global warming. Government is right, and government is wrong, but Squirrel is always right, scientifically provably right, and so cannot be wrong. Squirrel has discovered that the whole cause of global warming, and also yet the very cure to the problem of global warming, is ........ actually ....... FAT PEOPLE.
NOW, let Squirrel make this perfectly clear, Squirrel does NOT,in any way shape nor form, BLAME fat people .... nay not at all, Squirrel, does, in fact state that fat people can get us out of this global warming bind, the more, the merrier. Squirrel shall here go on to explain.

 Of course, the entire global warming issue, and problems associated directly and indirectly with the issue of global warming, is also most directly encompassed by and most directly affected by three (3) most important things in life, for a person, fat or slim, affected  by 1) Dieting, 2) Exercising, 3) Eating.

The body stores the excess protein or carbs in a person's diet in form of FAT, specifically, as triglyceride molecules, which consist of just three kinds of atoms: carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. For people to lose weight, their triglycerides must break up into building blocks, which happens in a process known as oxidation.

When a triglyceride is oxidized (or "burned up"), the process consumes many molecules of oxygen while producing carbon dioxide (CO2) and water (H2O) as waste products. Of course here entering in to the
equation also, involves the digestive generation of flatulence, fartings as it were and is,which, of course involves the direct food converted release of gas, warm gas in to the atmos thus directly increasing global warming and its effects. Of course, it is noted that those most guilty in the field
of fartings are, of course, Mexicans, due to their high bean diet. Here I cannot comment as to what would be better for the world, but fartings is certainly not one of them.

So, going on there, through the clouds of digestive scientific fartings, plainly put, to burn 10 kilograms (22 lbs.) of fat, a person needs to inhale 29 kg (64 lbs.) of oxygen. And the chemical process of burning that fat will produce 28 kg (62 lbs.) of carbon dioxide and 11 kg (24 lbs.) of water, the researchers calculated.The researchers showed that during weight loss, 84 percent of the fat that is lost turns into carbon dioxide and leaves the body through the lungs, whereas the remaining 16 percent becomes water. The calculations also show the frightening power of, for example, a small muffin over an hour of exercise: At rest, a person who weighs 154 pounds (70 kg) exhales just 8.9 mg of carbon with each breath. Even after an entire day, if this person only sits, sleeps, and does light activities,your typical couch potato, he or she exhales about 200 grams of carbon, the researchers calculated.
So,sadly, we all contribute to global warming, by merely eating and
digesting,however we must mention and make note of fat people, store far more efficiently and exhale, or whatever, far less of what they eat, so they are,in fact much more efficient.

However,consider, eating a 100 g muffin can cover 20 percent of what was lost, of course eating a full 10 recovers, easily ALL of what was lost. On the other hand, replacing one hour of rest with exercise such as jogging, removes an additional 40 g of carbon from the body, the researchers said. Even if one traces the fates of all the atoms in the body, the secret to weight loss remains the same: In order to lose weight, one needs to either eat less carbon or exercise more to remove extra
carbon from the body. What this all means, mostly, surely and directly, dieting,exercising INCREASE global warming most significantly AND FAT PEOPLE should never ever be allowed to diet nor exercise in any way shape nor form, and that forcing them to actually eat MORE will significantly DECREASE the amount of available carbon and thence carbon dioxide from the environment,PROVIDED that, they DO NOT DIET NOR EXERCISE, else they will significantly increase most greatly, available atmos carbon dioxide and hence result in an increase in global warming. So to maintain the present status quo in the world with respect to global warming, fat people must not exercise, must continue to eat, and must not exercise.Their further eating and lack of exercise will increase their bulk and so store much carbon dioxide which is now scrubbed from the environment and so safely stored.
They must avoid directly highly destructive dieting which can and will and shall cause the massive release of further grand quantities of carbon dioxide in to the atmos and so raise global warming to frightening levels.
To further decrease global warming, and its effects, we must therefor INCREASE the available amount of fat people. Doing so we shall most surely, and provably, all things not withstanding, rein in global warming, and ultimately, most easily control and finally end, global warming.

Yet what do we find, of course? Governments, most notably the American and The British government, actually are doing and encouraging the exact direct opposite. Yes, I shudder to think, but yet it is so, they encourage people to exercise, most severely. They encourage people to diet,they encourage people to reduce their body's fat content, and they encourage people to eat far less such that we do not and cannot generate more of the very much needed and scientifically cherished, worldly important, worldly influencing, fat storage people,in plain layman's terms really, simply put, fat people. A sad sorry state of affairs it is. But such is government, hardly the factual world, hardly the actual world, hardly the scientific world, hardly the world of sense and sensibility, hardly the world of Secret Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.