Secret Squirrel Comments On Ever Rising Gasoline Prices.

Secret Squirrel has noticed the ever increasing price of gasoline and commences to consider what is the actual reason for such an increase......it's the oil companies,they're calling the shots,they're pulling the strings, in Congress, in The Senate, those of the President.Whenever they increase the price of gasoline, they increase their profits taken from a finite captive audience, in the hippee terms of the Sixties, "It's a corporate rip off!"Price gouging and it's relative price fixing have
unquestionably been applied successfully in concert with each other and in concert with The Oil Companies, and The "President(read also an influenced and lobbied Congress/Senate).The biggest oil companies have stifled competition to raise
prices and make record profits,and unquestionably they have knowingly, and with the collusion of members of Government,through various forms of influence and influential ,shall we say, lobbying,affected a price gouging,price fixing regimen of function,the status quo.

Whenever gas prices spike, calls mount to increase oil production in the United States. Then experts point out that this won't make a dent in gasoline prices. And politicians ignore them and keep calling for more oil drilling. Today President Obama went along with these calls by announcing plans to expand drilling in Alaska, and speed new exploration offshore,which doesn't have much relevance as,face it, gas consumption,yours, is basically fixed isn't it.....you only need and use so much,not more than you need,or use. Obama agrees to speed drilling, but don't expect it to help gas prices,it means nothing. ... Increasing drilling won't decrease gas prices for reasons mentioned,gas prices rise,profits rise, gas prices drop,profits drop. Yes there has been a steady rise of gasoline prices.When it's noticed, and mentioned, it drops a few cents and sits a bit..........then it increases again repeating the pattern, so in 1997 it was $1.23 per gallon, and now is about $3.05,in 2011.

Well there is supposed to be the law,the economic laws,the law of supply and demand, increased demand lowers prices for a commodity, but noticeably, America doesn't follow this LAW, indeed what with the oil companies the reverse is really true. You see, as gas consumption is really fixed in America, i.e. there is as much use as there is.there is a set market of consumption for a commodity such as gas, it's basically, face it, determined by the amount of cars on the road consuming you
know.If there is an increase it is a fixed calculable increase in consumption and only by that fashion. Increasing price then increase further sales, hence profits. A decrease would lower profits, but if determinable and increase in price would offset. Increase increase increase. One can't fail to notice, as well, that prices rise in virtual concert with all companies,within days of each other, upwards, narry does one keep the price lower to increase profits by increasing sales in quantity...no indeed,it just wouldn't be sporting nor fair to the other companies who raised their prices would it now?

One also sees that when there is a drop in oil prices, the price at the pump remains, and further yet,increases.Obama increasing oil production within the United States has absolutely no bearing on price of gas at the pump in America, it
is set, by the oil companies,and one suspects with governmental collusion. You see the oil companies didn't increase said increases in drilling,the oil companies did, really, and if oil companies had to ask, could he, would he say no........ hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,speed drilling,drill more, doesn't the oil belong to these oil companies........................or thence it IS the US government controlling things, hence profits,hence price of gas in America.You see if increased production occurs, this has no bearing on increased consumption, as the increased production implies shortage, and there is and are no shortages of gas, there never are.Increasing production of gas does not have bearing on consumption either as you cannot and never ever do consume more than you need.

Let me explain it like this, the seasonal summer drought means I cut my grass less times, I consumed only 2 1/2 gallons of gas this summer, because that's as much as was needed, given a bad summer when I have to cut more, it could be 5 gallons, hence that is my consumption, only what I need..........this is true for all who cut their grass, but as always with actual figures on grass cutting it will vary and level out including ALL of America, hence constant fixed consumption of necessity regardless of available quantity of said gas.The same is true of cars, increase gas prices and some may drive less, yes, consume less, not more, due to cost, then make available more gas, and so what, the price is there,they're not running to consume more since there's more available, they're consuming only what they need,what they actually need.Increasing gas prices will not increase gas consumption, nor will making more gas available cause increased gas consumption since gas consumption is fixed.

In 1978, U.S. gasoline consumption was about 7.4 million barrels per day


http://www.indexmundi.com/energy.aspx?product=gasoline&graph=consumption

Source: United States Energy Information Administration

Consumption Thousands of Barrels per Day...(42 US gallons per barrel)


year consumption change

1997 18,666.60 1.82 %
1998 19,097.87 2.31 %
1999 19,403.20 1.60 %
2000 19,883.51 2.48 %
2001 20,077.91 0.98 %
2002 20,186.03 0.54 %
2003 20,404.55 1.08 %
2004 20,867.42 2.27 %
2005 21,166.90 1.44 %
2006 21,472.00 1.44 %
2007 21,642.91 0.80 %

Present day, 2011, consumption is about 22,000.00 so there's been a 4,000 per rise 1997 to present.

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/ene_oil_con-energy-oil-consumption

Motor Gasoline Consumption by Country

Rank Country consumption (Thousand Barrels per Day)
1 United States 9,285.67
2 China 1,285.53
3 Japan 1,023.96
4 Mexico 744.94
5 Canada 724.81
6 Russian Federation 672.05
7 Germany 492.92
8 United Kingdom 410.05
9 Iran, Islamic Republic Of 403.29
10 Saudi Arabia 347.16
11 Australia 331.26
12 Brazil 331.18
13 Indonesia 321.52
14 Italy 288.25
15 Venezuela 269.29

From........


http://www.indexmundi.com/energy.aspx?country=us&product=gasoline&graph=consumption

and at

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_pop-people-population&date=1997

US Gasoline Consuption Per Year, in Thousand Barrels per Day

Year Gas TB/D Change Population

1997 8,016.84 1.60 % 272,657,000 $1.23/us gallon
1998 8,253.42 2.95 % 275,854,000
1999 8,430.80 2.15 % 279,040,000
2000 8,472.06 0.49 % 282,224,000 $1.60/us gallon
2001 8,610.03 1.63 % 285,318,000
2002 8,847.83 2.76 % 288,369,000
2003 8,934.90 0.98 % 290,810,000
2004 9,105.41 1.91 % 293,655,400 $2.01/us gallon
2005 9,159.26 0.59 % 296,410,400
2006 9,252.53 1.02 % 298,988,100
2007 9,285.67 0.36 % 301,139,947 $2.80/us gallon
2010 312,090,000 $3.05/us gallon
2011 $3.63/us gallon


So from 1997 to present the price per gallon at the pump has tripled,though population rose only 12.6% Public Citizen estimates that Big Oil has taken in a quarter of a trillion in profits under the Bushes. Two-thirds of adults in a recent poll said gas prices had caused them "financial hardship."It just gets worse.

And in 2011...........

http://www.voanews.com/english/news/middle-east/economy-and-business/Oil-Company-Profits-Surge-120870129.html

Major oil companies like ExxonMobil and Shell are reporting a surge in profits as crude oil prices rise and energy demand grows.ExxonMobil said Thursday that the firm made nearly $11 billion in the first three months of this year, a 69 percent improvement over the same period a year ago.Shell reported more than $6 billion net income for the quarter, a 22 percent gain over the same three month period last year.In the United States, higher energy costs are blamed for slowing economic growth as drivers cope with sharply higher gasoline prices. That is why higher energy prices are becoming a key issue for voters and politicians.

Of course, we realize,don't we, that increases in sales of a quantity of a commodity,such as gasoline, increases profits, but in cases where sales of a given commodity are limited but purchase quantity/necessity,increases in price of sold
commodity,such as gasoline, increases the profits as well.If they now decrease the cost of gasoline, their profits will drop accordingly,something they're loath to do having discovered that by increasing the price of gasoline,say from 1997 levels of
$1.23 per gallon, they're making much more in 2011 selling the same gallon at $3.63. It's been done slowly, but the effect of what they have presented as nickle and dimeing, has had a major effect on your pocket book and also on THEIR profit levels.

Some have woken up to fact that 74% of Americans regard the gasoline price rises as being gouging/price fixing......

http://rt.com/usa/news/gas-price-fixing-investigation/

Here commences the informative informational news content epistle,,,,,,,

US Senate Democratic leaders set a letter to the Federal Trade Commission requesting a formal investigation into whether oil companies have intentionally restricted the supply of gasoline to manipulate consumer prices.Democratic Senator Claire McCaskill made the push for the letter following a meeting on Capitol Hill where executives from America’s major oil companies testified and were questioned on why major oil companies received large tax benefits and subsidies. Many Democrats feel the hand-outs to big oil need to stop, but the industry is defiant.
“At a time when major refiners and oil companies are making record profits and American families continue to struggle with gasoline at record prices the idea that refiners may be manipulating the market to keep prices artificially high goes beyond reproach," said a statement released by Democratic leaders. "It is incumbent upon the Commission to ensure that the American
people are protected from this type of manipulation. Accordingly, we request that the Commission open a full investigation into these allegations of wrongdoing and to determine the impact this behavior, if confirmed, has on regional and national gasoline prices." McCaskill, in her push for FTC intervention, cites a report that shows oil companies are only using 81.7 percent of their overall capacity – a 7 percent decline for last year.“The rise in the price of oil is certainly a driving factor behind the recent rise in gasoline prices, but concerns have been raised that while gasoline use is declining, US gasoline inventories remain below average and refining margins continue to rise. According to information posted by the Energy Information Administration US refiners are using only 81.7 percent of
their capacity, a decline of 7 percent from the same time last year. Moreover, since the beginning of 2011 U.S. refiners have
seen over a ninety percent increase in their refining margins. While some have argued that this increase is due to potential impacts from recent flooding along the Mississippi River, this cannot justify the steady increases in their margins since January of this year,” said the letter to the FTC.

here ends the epistle....

Politicians have realized the price of gasoline is becoming a contentious issue, and offer manipulating prices downwards for electoral gains,recall that 2012 is an election year,but it is the epitome of low-hanging fruit,and once elected, it won't occur, for in doing so, it merely confirms the price gouging,price fixing collusion of members of The House Of
Representatives,The Presidency,and, of course, Big Oil.Sarah Palin wrote a post March 15 headlined the “$4-Per-Gallon President.”,Obama, of course. In her blog, she blamed the president,but actually it is The President, AND The Oil Companies, as it has ever been in the past,so is it now, and ever shall be,and is and would be and also even if she were the President ,everybody's been getting the business......... it's BIG BUSINESS.

Secret Squirrel Examines Special Fuel Costs:Nuclear Versus Thermal

Secret Squirrel examines,now, the costs of fuels comparing nuclear fuels used in nuclear reactors and those used by thermal plants,all resulting in the same end, heating,boiling water, to generate steam to turn steam turbines, to generate electricity.
First we'll look at nuclear fuels and the processing it actually requires.

Steps to create the fuel,(all involve transportation)

1-Mining,and milling
2-Conversion
3-Enrichment
4-Fuel Bundle fabrication
5-Used in Nuclear reactor to boil water,generate steam to turn a turbine.
6-Must be stored beneath water else catches fire and releases radiations(gases ,particles),goes to 7 (or sometimes then straight to 9,burial)
7-Reprocessing (seperating the to be waste products)
8-Vitrification (waste preprocessing)
9-Final disposal for burial

So nuclear fuel and it's manufacture and use is cheaper thermal plant fuels?Hardly likely.In no way shape nor form is it so,not at all, not in the long term,nor in the short term.And, compared with the thermal fuels, the whole business,and process all along the way,all along the line, is extremely,highly,dangerous,hazardous,life threatening,an accident of nuclear proportions waiting to happen anywhere along its line,from manufacture on up to, and including burial disposal, and even there, in burial remains dangerous for decades.

Now that's certainly a lot of processes.France and the UK do all,but NOT mined.Japan does not mine nor vitrify,The USA and Russia does all including mine, but does not vitrify.Other nations do some work with the uranium.But it requires, all along the way, highly expensive to build, plants, plants to handle increasingly radioactive materials to assemble a fule bundle necessary for a reactor to use, and just note how very few such plants exist to do exactly that. Uranium mining nations are Australia,USA,Canada,Namibia,Niger,Argentina,Russia,Germany, Ukraine,Roumania,Spain,Khazakstan, mainly because they have it elementally. All nations have coal,and natural gas,and there are many yet more oil producing nations as compared with the highly restricted short list of nations which have uranium mines.

Russia and Lithuania use over 70% nuclear,Japan,Germany,Sweden,Switzerland,Hungary, Slovenia,Slovakia,Ukraine,Bulgaria over 30%.Russia,Finland,Spain,England,Czechs are over 15%, rest region 15%,and some very fortunate nations, not at all, like Australia,Italy,Turkey, Norway,Ireland,Greece, and some others, the smarter than average ones.Indeed they have other sources to generate electricity,efficiently,economcially, safely, and far less expensively.

Now let's consider the thermal plants, in particular,coal fired ones.

To get coal to the same useable state to be used to generate the steam required to turn electrical turbines, its mined, and transported to the thermal plant, there it's pulverized,mixed with hot air and injected in to the furnace,to boil water,generate steam to turn the turbine,which gives the electricity.That's all there really is to it.Oil and natural gas similarly.Some coal
fired plants are built right near to the mines themselves, so near the coal is delivered by simple conveyer.Simple and cheap,isn't it.Coal can also be effectively delivered by train right to the plant.Natural gas plants are simply built adjacent to the natural gas pipelines.Smart move that is.Fuel for bunker oil fired plants can be delivered by pipeline,tanker,rail tank cars,safely ,cheaply.They too can be built right near to the supply pipeline.

Now for coal, or rather from coal, there is a residue left,a waste product,that of coal ash. Now coal ash is nowhere's near as dangerous as nuclear waste.As a matter of fact,it has a great many applicable uses, and can be thence sold in to the economy.What uses you ask? Well there are a great many.


It’s used for making cement and concrete products
It’s used in structural fills and embankments
It’s used as mineral filler in asphalt pavement
It’s used to stabilize waste materials
It’s used to level out uneven terrain on sites including housing developments, malls and runways.

To be used in this way, coal ash must meet certain requirements.
For example, in Portland Cement Concrete, fly ash must meet the standards of ASTM C618. The ASTM is the American Society for Testing and Materials.The ash used to produce Portland cement actually allows some cutbacks in using oil. It would have taken 55 gallons to produce one ton of cement.

Coal ash has also been found useful in the making of:

Paints and plastics
Kitchen countertops
Soil for growing plants. It increases crop yields.
Bowling balls
Vinyl flow covering
Shower stalls

Gee just try and do that with still heavily radioactive waste, as in fuels etc etc etc.

(http://www.coalashfacts.org/)
In epistle,

"In 2007, the United States produced 131 million tons of coal combustion products. While 43 percent were used beneficially, nearly 75 million tons were disposed of. By using coal ash instead of disposing of it in landfills we are avoiding the environmental degradation and energy costs associated with mining virgin materials. We are building stronger, longer-lasting
structures that save taxpayer dollars and minimize environmental impacts. For every ton of fly ash used in place of portland cement about a ton of carbon dioxide is prevented from entering the Earth’s atmosphere. Also, it takes the equivalent of 55 gallons of oil to produce a single ton of cement.

Another significant benefit of using fly ash is that it requires less water than portland cement, conserving a limited resource, while also reducing a project’s water and equipment costs. Boiler slag, which replaces sand in blasting grit, has the benefit of being free of silica, which eliminates the potential health risk of silicosis. Flue gas desulfurization materials are used in 30
percent of U.S. wallboard products, avoiding the need to mine gypsum. Environmentally and economically it makes more sense to use existing materials than to mine new ones.And it also makes much more sense,environmentally and financially,economically to use thermal in place of nuclear".Her ends the epistle.

Talk is cheap, nuclear isn't.Thermal talks the talk, walks the walk,safely,efficiently, inexpensively,cheaply.Nuclear is a much more costly,unjustifiable loss leader in the field of electrical energy generation.Nuclear energy is a looser,a financial looser,which takes you with it.

Secret Squirrel On Developing Green Fuel Free Vehicles.

Secret Squirrel, on looking at the ever dwindling problems of gasoline supply, acquiring same in foreign lands,and the increasing costs,necessitating wars to procure the same, for whatever little time there is left of said finite supply,has looked towards cars (automobiles,vehicles),improving them and entirely eliminating gasoline as a source of fuel in the world. Indeed Squirrel HAS discovered a solution to vastly reduce the need and necessity of gasoline,and fuels generally, through the simple application of mechanical energies. Yes, simple mechanics can solve the problems.You see nobody but Squirrel has considered ,nor can consider, and conceive of a solution to the problem of major proportions, where most gasoline is consumed and used, that of the field of transportation, transportation in the field of capital, as in commercial and free industry and enterprise, and that of
the personal as well.Transportation, in short vehicular transport,is required.How will we proceed with personal vehicles, in say, a world of sharply reduced availabilities of gasoline?Now what offers the solution?What solution did Secret Squirrel suddenly see and realize,a solution so simple and easy a child could have come up with it,but politicians of the day,obviously did not?

Well,Secret Squirrel, The Great Engineer, as I refer to myself as being,not that anybody else in particular happens to, such is the problem with being intellectually above everyone else, jealousies set in, and ignorance,has seen, in hindsight,that we have THE CLASSIC PEDAL CARS from a bygone era. It didn’t take long after the rise of the automobile for children to take to the pavements in cars of their own. In 1886 the first car appeared,a Benz,(later Emil Jelinek merged his company with that of Benz, and it was designer Jelinek who named the car resultant after his daughter,Mercedes,because he found out anybody could ride Mercedes),and THEN quickly in the 1890s the first pedal cars were scratch-built from parts found lying around.These were intended to compete with the gasoline vehicles,but, of course, laziness won out, won out because they had not realized that existing social functions were in place to have somebody else pedal power the car for them.It was,quite simply a lack of ability to see what was before them, the very system which drove the empire,could not be used due to the problems that developed in America which brought about the end of the driving force behind things, which, I believe, was called the civil war, a war which brought about the social change of the removal of a cheap labour force.

And so the car became a plaything of the rich by the turn of the century,but then so too did the pedal car a plaything of children,and also became exquisite in design,progressing,mimicking and mirroring the vehicles of the day.And so the pedal car languished, never fully realized for what it was.Then came Hollywood, and pedal cars needed to be bigger in sizes,to accommodate the much larger adult actors.So, came also sportier one and two passenger models to fit the LARGER actors,such as the ones developed for the film, Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, and also then what with Bugsy Malone the was yet further enlargement,and improvements.Development continued,and they became larger still ye then, to the size of the 20'3 and 30's flivers that went before,as seen in the film,Bugsy Malone,and nice to see and are they too, in similar style and fashions as
well, accommodating as many passengers, and luggage,as those did,as the gasoline powered vehicles did, and they were.............PEDAL POWERED.

Now what could possibly be greener,and require absolutely NO gasoline? Yes, in the world of today, what with rising energy costs, and the scream for green technology, why it is here,the solution to the gas crisis, here is a solution for the transportation industry,in general,totally, both the commerce, and commercial transportation, and the personal and private.Why even yet lorry(that's truck to you Americans), and Omnibus (that's bus to you Americans), designs could be usefully had! Imagine the natty English gent(or the typical Sarah Palinized American Joe Plumber type) commuting to work merrily in his own pedal car!All manners and varieties of designs could be had,not forgetting open top (convertibles to you Americans). No problems starting in the mornings, no problems with respect to the ever rising cost of gasolines,fuels, oils,hydraulic fluids necessary for a cars
operation.No indeed.No shame there. Not happy with your classic car design, such as a cord for example, or yet a classic fliver?

Well why not further upgrade the chassis from the Bugsy Malone style of 30's fliver, to the more nattier vehicles of the day?Imagine owning a nice replica Cord automobile, but in place of the engine, being able to use that area also as an additional boot(trunk for you Americans)! Why style and comfort would be first class, the rage of the day. No more of these idiot Swedish design influence cars
that look for all the world like eggs on wheels of similar sorts(Swede Berries the lay people call'em,and so fed up with the egg designs are the people that it's tough for a Swede to get layed)! Nay we could go back to actual esthetic and beautiful car designs........a Classic Rolls Royce,for example, for those of means, for those of the peerage and others of financial ways and means, and other magnificent cars designs.Mind you for the really lazy, we could go in for electric hybrid designs,should they want to go easy on their driver,and we'd still be in the green category,no green would turn red there at the sight of one. Improved pedal gearing could easily be introduced to make things easier for modern man. And also yet, what with the introduction of proper pedal driven multiple gearing, we could even yet keep our great past time..............racing cars!I realize the temptation, I have seen it,especially as it is developing in America.

Recall, the development of America,and within America,as it was developed by the British owner of America,in colonial times,when it was realized that America needed people to work, so a certain class was imported for the same reasons,basically it was a take off on ancient times,a sort of return to ancient times, a looking back on such that things could move things forwards to the future,and such times were referred to by terms such as serfdom, servitude, thralldom, vassalage,whilst in Britain ,Britain remaining yet more subjective in whom was such employed,and in keeping with terms of nobs and nobility, used the terms,rightly and properly,that of butlers and maids, etc. to describe those who toiled in much more flowery and politically correct terms,but terms of the same ends and means as was prevalent in America,terms as referring to those working in service.Working in the service of whom?Why the master, of course,all things being right and proper and properly British, continuing yet even in to our modern times, and such employment shows no signs of abating yet either.Why just look at Her Majesty and all the butlers,maids and footmen She employs. Britain's and the common Briton's future in The Service is assured.We, won't mention those here in British Secret Service, that being referred to those employed in the bedroom.

Now to employ a certain social category of persons, as drivers, nowadays,those who would be required to pedal our vehicles,vehicles of commerce,trade, and those in the private personal sector as well,what would be necessary?What with
modernized trains of thought,it would, perhaps, be frowned on in certain circles,in the employment of certain and particular person of certain varieties,perhaps regarded as being off color,or of color,or colorful, but certainly those who have become now used to not doing that particular line of work,driving the economy forwards, driving the land forwards,working for the land, and the stewards(masters), of the lands.But there are perhaps the same variety generally as they were in those days, when it was acceptable. Realizing there are different areas and plateaus of social development, and acknowledging that that a certain
grouping has advanced beyond that stage.most noticeable it has been historically noted that their protestations of certain things has developed towards not only public mass group demonstrations, but also yet to events know in America as having a riotous time, riots as it were.However I am sure there could be little or no protestation as it were if we were to take them out of the drivers seat as it were, and have them too carried along by the events of the day,right along with us in proper politically correct fashion,and let them also enjoy the fruits of others labours,in all fairness and equality and equity to them,and we could all have a leisurely and jolly good time!Well then, we must then look elsewhere,for those to be employed in the line of work of driver etc,drivers of the modern economy, and economically so as well.

Nowadays we must look at Mexico for example,and Mexicans,as there are lots of them, which appears to have finally reached the levels of the development of Africa in THOSE days,when it was the Africans were heavily employed in The Service,in America. We find that many Mexicans have now migrated to America in search of something to do, in search of work, in search of employment,in short, they wish to enter The Service, of Americans and yet others as well.Now what with so many Mexicans lying about in America, and not doing very much, and illegally having imported themselves in to America and other lands, and so having supplied themselves willing, it cannot be claimed by any self-righteous group that they were press ganged, or enslaved as it were to work in The Service.Most rightly not.Perhaps these excess do nothing Mexicans could be employed in the field of driving the economy, driving the cars, powering the economy, powering the cars.The added incentive could be that of offering right and proper citizenship at the end of their in The Service time, joining as it were,then,the land and people,Bachanal Time as it were where they could then enjoy the fruits of their labor in Bachanalian reveles as best they could find. Interesting idea,you must admit,interesting reapplication of a sound working concept from ancient times, brought back to the future. Yes, in looking back to the past we can solve our problems of the day, of the future, and so, once again Squirrel turns and looks back as we all do, to solve our problems of the day, and so proceed happily,merrily, with our backsides to the future.And so,too, a good time can be
had by all.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

MRL,Secret Squirrel,Demands Lower Gas And Oil Prices For The People

MRL,Secret Squirrel Demands Lower Oil and Gas Prices For Britain.

I,MRL,Secret Squirrel challenge oil and gas prices in Britain.The public is being used,abused,soaked, ripped off for it's own oil and gas,forced to do so by simple government(presently Labour) policies,continuing government policies, and we in Britain should be paying far less for our OWN oil and gas.

I noticed this in the headlines......

"Drillers find two major gas fields in North Sea

Two major gas finds have been made in the southern North Sea off the coasts of Norfolk, Lincolnshire and

Yorkshire."
Of course, this means yet even more gas has been found.

and yet more

"News - Scotland - Secret oil finds dossier released .

He said the significance of North Sea oil finds remained in large measure disguised from the public."

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4303750.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8622195.stm

Now, noting that Venezuela has much oil,and gas for that matter, and exports oil etc to foreign lands where prices are extremely high for that imported commodity, even yet that which they call their own. It has been noted that Chavez, be whatever he may, has extremely low prices for gas and oil in his nation,interestingly 12 cents, being an oil
producing nation,Arab lands average 50cents, and even the lowly,dare we say it, Seychelles,Seychelles,Seychelles, by the sea shore, 98cents,to the gallon.

Well now, and this goes for gas(as in the vaporous heating,cooking,variety) as well.Gas ,vaporous, prices keep rising, yet that gas is not dependent on oil whatsoever.Clearly the public is being horrificly manipulated,lied to, massively price gouged, to reap huge profits for oil companies, which they have no right to. Gas and oil are yet not cheaper in the land of America,which has it's own supplies of gas and oil and claims to be not dependent on foreign gas and oil,as so still CHEAPLY imports gas and oil...yes, the land of America where the people regard their prices as being extremely high,which they really are, but as stated far lower than that in Britain.NOW,as Britain owns 90% of the North Sea oil and gas........why is Britain paying such extremely high prices for oil and gas?? Why should the people of Britain be massively abused, massively price gouged?I,Secret Squirrel demand a major price roll-back, I demand lower gas and oil prices for the people of Britain. It should be so.....we must demand that government make it so.

Secret Squirrel,

MRL,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),

Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel's Engineering Pot Pourri

Keywords:

river,cruise,auto,washer,vehicle,transportation,bus,gas,war,car,tunnel,Big Dig

MRL Secret Squirrel's Thames River Cruise Management

Those who exercise and diet can live side by side in complete
harmony with those who party and indulge. Indeed,yes, each can
benefit the other. What needs be done, to benefit all, is to
configure paddle wheelers, both side and rear, such that the paddle
wheels are driven by treadmills. Thence an offer is made to join a
health club, for which there are no dues. Indeed the members would
exercise to their hearts content on the treadmills, turning the
paddle wheels driving the paddle wheeler up and down the Thames.
Of course, they can and will have to work in shifts, after all the
entire membership could not exercise at the same time. this would
make the vessel entirely environmentally friendly, thus pleasing
the Greens of society, the vessel being entirely non-polluting ,
and also not drain existing coal, nor oil natural resources.
The upper decks of the Thames riverboat, the vessel would be
configured so's to have a huge dining and dancing lounge, a
theater(panto), a movie house, and, of course, a gambling casino,
which members of the general public could enjoy, paying, of
course, a handsome membership and voyage fee in a social club atmosphere.
The entire arrangement could be run by, and benefit, the Thames
River Authority, and so's make Thames River management entirely
self-financing,whilst benefiting the public in assisting them in
keeping properly fit, and at the same time benefiting the carousing
and partying general public.


Secret Squirrel,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
M.R.L

*****************************************************************************
MRL Chunnel Auto Washer

Must Britain always be last in modern engineering? Nay, it now can be in second place, but face it still not first rate. It has been noted by me, the existence of a secret American project, the so called Boston Big Dig, a project which cost a touch more than the Chunnel, but was only 10 times as short. Why did it cost so much
to build? Well, engineering wise I have fathomed their secret intent. Recently it was noted huge chunks of concrete fell from it's roof revealing the secret plan when a too large chunk fell off. Indeed it had been noted for some months that water was leaking from the ceiling, and so, it dawned on me, and struck many Americans on the head as well, that the enormous cost of the project was because they had incorporated in it's design,an automatically installing and developing engineering first, the AUTO WASH.

Indeed hidden in it's construction plans was a secret gift to the people of that area of our former colony, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, the AUTO WASH. American cars would pass through the tunnel, and be automatically and conveniently washed as well. Of course, this was hidden from the people in order not to bring about a huge outcry from the car wash lobby. What I propose to do, is add this feature to the Chunnel, by simply knocking or drilling holes thither and yon, and so cars could be washed automatically as they pass through the Chunnel.

Of course, it is expected that tourists from France might revel in this free bath as well,then again,probably not.However, Britons might after their shower,grab a quick shave and so be crisp and decent,properly so, on their arrival home. There is also an added bonus by adding this AUTO WASH, it would act as a sprinkler system since so many trains have arrived from France with fires on them, the Auto Wash would also automatically put out the fires as well(it has been mentioned that a great many Frenchman are named...................Arsene). As stated before the Auto Wash would disappoint many Arsene-ists, but what of it.

Now well it might be said, that it would eventually fill the Chunnel with water, but only if left unchecked. The American project,in their foresight of said most definite effect, was fitted with water pumps. Of course we too shall fit water pumps, but much better ones than the Americans had in New Orleans,the American manufactured pumps,which obviously to the view of all, didn't function when required.We shall have ours made by the Chinese,who make so many things nowadays and obviously know what they're doing. And so, taking a page from the Americans, may I state,

"Auto Wash on Dudes!"



Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering,


********************************************************************

MRL Boilerplate Revival

I have pondered the problems of war, and concluded they're rather messy things.Some it seems wish to go and invade other places, to rule those places, simply because they're better than..............others invade because they're ignorant and lacking abilities or things such as minerals............others have nothing better to do...........and so most are forced to defend themselves. For those forced to defend themselves, it is costly, in terms of human lives,messy as well. I have pondered this and in my researches have found something rather interesting. I discovered, or rather, re-discovered, BOILERPLATE.

Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
In the mid-1890s, Boilerplate embarked on a series of expeditions to demonstrate its abilities, the most ambitious being a voyage to Antarctica. Boilerplate is one of history's great ironies, a technological milestone that remains largely unknown. Even in an age that gave birth to the automobile and aeroplane, a functioning mechanical man should have been accorded more significance.

Indeed what I propose to do, is revive the BOILERPLATE project, and create ROBOT WARS..........quite simply, we will never again send humans out to fight barbaric wars, but rather we will send ROBOTS........................we will send.............BOILERPLATES. It's really the only civilized thing to do for uncivilized conditions.
I'm sure there isn't a British mother who won't thank me,I,Secret Squirrel, who wish only the best for you!For all of you!
Secret Squirrel! Remember me! And also remember Archibald Campion.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

***************************************************************
Secret Squirrel Reveals The Natural Gas Powered Bus Secrets

Ah transportation problems, cheap inexpensive transportation, public transportation. But what are the secrets of this inexpensive form of transportation, the newly developed Gas Powered Bus? The newly developed Natural Gas Powered Bus? Well it is possible to now to ponder. Indeed, I have fathomed out the secret of the bus company.

Recently it has been discovered how economically people can be kept by such researches as have taken place in Guantanamo Bay Cuba, by the Americans of course, indeed kept in tiny battery cages, and fed a mostly economical bean diet.

Of course, this produces vast amounts of gas, natural gas. Ponder now the natural gas bus, and it's secret places beneath the bus hidden from view, ponder now the always necessary batteries being required for all vehicles.

Now, combine it all, the battery cages, the bean fed diet..........yes, indeed, these new hybrid Natural Gas Battery Buses are actually being run by Mexicans kept in battery cages beneath, the bus, force fed like so many Chinese Ducks, a diet of beans, and so produce the gas necessary for the bus motor to function!
I assure you, I am looking to a bright future and investing in bean futures!

Well, why should we be the last in these things. We must also climb on the bus, acquire vast quantities of Mexicans,from the Americas, who will be more than willing to supply them, remember the Fox-y Mexican President(who may or may not be receiving payment for each and every illegal immigrant supplied) doesn't even ask for them back.Britain must not be left behind by the Bus. We must immediately embark on an engineering program of research in to these new Natural Gas Powered Buses.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


*****************************************************************************

Squirrel on The Falklands,Vehicles,Fat Tax,Prisons &Air Travelle

Keywords:

air, cars, Falklands, fat, finances, fuels, gas, mrl, prisons, tax, taxation, transportation, travel, vehicles


Secret Squirrel On The Falklands Of The Day

The British claim to de jure sovereignty dates from 1690, and the United Kingdom has exercised de facto sovereignty over the archipelago almost constantly since 1833. Argentina has long disputed this claim, having been in control of the islands for a brief period prior to 1833.

Here we have an excerpt basis from the BBC

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/199850.stm
As stated by the BBC.........
The battle over the Falklands

"The long running dispute between Britain and Argentina over the ownership of the Falkland Islands has its origins in the founding of an Argentine settlement on the islands in 1826.Most of the Argentine settlers were expelled by a US warship in 1831 and a British expedition took control of the territory in 1832. British sovereignty was declared in 1833, although Argentina has always disputed this."

And there ends the BBC epistle on the Falklands
as they were....

with a firm and sound foundation,based on the historical facts of the day and past days,in equality and fairness for all, here is where my analysis of the situation begins........

So, there are historical parallels then....America has problems with present day Texas,(historically much as the Canadaian colony has with French Quebec separatists,Spain with French Basque separatists) there being a separatist group who claim annexation of Texas by America was illegal and improper, and that Texas should nowadays enjoy self-sufficient sovereignty .Originally,Álvarez de Pineda claimed the area that now comprises
Texas for Spain in 1519, the first European settlement was not established until 1682, when René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle mistakenly established his French colony, Fort Saint Louis, near Matagorda Bay instead of at the mouth of the Mississippi River(the historical French equivalent of the American/Canadian Fort Blunder,Vermont err Canada problem). The colony was short-lived, but its presence motivated Spanish authorities to begin settlement activity. Several missions were established in East Texas but were abandoned in 1691. Twenty years later, concerned
with the French presence in neighboring Louisiana, Spanish authorities again attempted to colonize Texas. Over the next 110 years, Spain established numerous villages, presidios, and missions in the province. So Texas initially belonged to the Spanish until they were kicked out.

So......in light of any claims of the Argentinians over the Falklands, with America
negotiating, I would be more than delighted to preside over negotiations between Spain and America for the return of Texas to Spain,the obviously rightful owners. Indeed these can begin immediately or after the Falkland negotiations,should there be any, occur,with the outcome of those obviously being used in influence of the Spanish American negotiations for Texas ownership which I would be happy to
preside over.

Now there's more, as Britain can legitimately also claim Texas.The Falklands is rather much like the British American dispute over Texas,in which America
annexed Texas first.............here Britain in effect, annexed the Falklands first. So should the Americans believe and negotiate sovereignty such that Britain has to give the Falklands over to the Argentinians, perhaps America should return Texas to Spain as well? This might then result in a Spanish British conflict over Texas,of course,going back to the times of the American annexation of Texas before Britain
could, but being skilled in negotiations I would be happy to preside over such negotiations as would then be necessary, and I assure you, there would be judicial fairness and impartiality on my part,you in Britain could count on it. Indeed we
could then proceed with proper annexation of Texas to Britain, and thence perhaps might have to negotiate with Spain over the issue of the ownership of Texas, but at least such negotiations would be between two legitimate party nations.

Also to here continue, there is another developing side to the Falklands, perhaps only regarding oil and mineral rights.........consider.Now Hillary Clinton wishes Britain to share the oil with the Argentinians,to negotiate over the oil rights round and about the Falklands, if not yet within the Falklands itself. America seems to regard Britain as having kicked the Argentinians out hundreds of years
ago .......well.....Hillary Hillarity not......America kicked Britain out hundreds of years ago, perhaps Hillary will be so kind as to negotiate for Britain a fair and
equal share in American off shore oil, thank you very much.However I assure you a much better negotiator with America for such an event, would, of course, be myself but I'd be willing to negotiate with her after negotiations with the Argentinians over oil rights and mineral rights in the Falklands between Britain and the Argentinians are concluded, should they come about.And all such negotiations will be with a firm and sound founded established and agreed on foundation,based on those historical negotiations and events as well.

And so all things will be settled in fair and equitable fashion for those all
round,America,Britain,Argentinia, and Spain. Britain will a best loose the Falkalnds then entirely, acquire Texas at worst,all America once again as best, and in the least as well, acquire shared offshore oil and mineral right with respect to America.And a good time will be had by all,


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

................................................



M.R.L. Approved British Made Car Prototype

Most Cost Effective Vehicle Ever

Secretly in a local Shanghai suburb, one man has created what has to be one of the most cost effective automobiles ever. China was chosen for the British car prototype due to the immense secrecy which can only be achieved in China,
imagine American Automobile manufacturers attacking this latest threat to their former domination of the vehicular market.

The car has a very simple design, basically a bunch of wood scraps tied together with wire, four wheels, and a seat that can barely fit one person.

An open frame allows for a nice breeze, so an air conditioner is not required, and it even has a headlight.

No word on the gas mileage this things gets, but all in all the vehicle is pretty impressive, and fuel mileage will be dependent on the engine finally selected for the production vehicle, and will be available in economical single and much more powerful dual cylinder, four stroke and two stroke engine versions,lawnmower engines have a firm inside track, and what with the development of the battery powered lawnmower,and obvious green electric version is being planned.

Production models will be modified to include a convertable roof,a roll back sheet of plastic will do nicely, and expanded by use of a tow ball to tow a trailer to increase versatility, and also allow for use of said trailer as a Rumble/Jump seat.

All that remains, what with the collapse of the American car manufacturers, is to jump in to an ever expanding market with a suitable British made production version.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

.................................................



M.R.L.'s Cow Methane Driven Cars

How now Brown's cow...............what have we here? I have discovered an excellant system of highly efficient automobile fuel, and it's free......indeed have you got a cow man? Well? No? Haven't got a cow? Well....get one..........for your own backyard, and have free automobile fuel for the rest of your life!!

Imagine, yes indeed the system is engineering genius,mine of course, and already proveable in operation, indeed provable and efficient as in the example of already on the road propane powered taxis,cars,buses,lorries(trucks).

Cows can produce 500 litres of methane every day...as opposed to your average cowboys who produces 1/2 to 3 litres per day..........(the latter figure being studies of Mexican and Argentinian cowboys on a strictly national bean diet).Researchers in Argentina (this study comes by means of secret agents squirreled away in Argentina)were surprised to find that a single 550-kg cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions each day............more than enough for the day, and any excess production could be utilized for home cooking and heating uses,the barbie so plastic tanked as well. Indeed, these methane filled
tanks can be used anywhere propane is presently utilized! Even yet trains could become methane cow powered. Imagine, The Iron Horse, becoming know as The Iron Cow!!

The method of collection? Well the Argentinians have been conducting
experiments with cows to collect the methane they produce.Little do they realize that that tank full of methane, could easily be substituted in vehicles
for their already installed propane tanks(these tanks are housed in the boot(trunk), of the vehicles should they be of the passenger type, and other places for non passenger types,such as roofs for buses).! Well I can see you're thinking, how ridiculous it would be to drive about with a cow in the backseat producing methane for the car.......however,we don't need the entire cow, just the tank of methane it fills up, and indeed whilst driving on that tank, the cow could be in the backyard busily filling up yet another tank ready as needed! A truly efficient self-sustaining vehicular fuel energy system!Indeed, we are free! Free from fuel costs! Free to drive about as well please! free! Free! Free! And..the fuel supply is free as well!!Well for a surety the oil companies have gotten on to this, indeed at this very moment both pills,injections, and feed additives are being developed to stop cows from producing these massive free amounts of methane.

So, gasoline cost $0.94cents per litre..........propane $0.42cents per litre....cow methane per litre cost.......zero. The cow can be kept in the backyard and allowed
to graze, saving cost and effort of cutting the grass as well.......increasing the
savings...........the cow also provides milk.........an added plus.......

Now a per trip values estimate, on gasoline a 600km trip,at 60 litres of gas per trip, on propane the same trip consumes 80 litres, but of much cheaper cost,nearly half, but with propane this drops to zero. As to distance, well the 600 km figure for the day is highly acceptable as a base rate.............even for say taxis. Now
taxis,many, are already equipped with propane tanks. All that remains is to substitute the cow collection methane plastic tank.............easily swapped in with a fresh tank as the cow produces it...imagine.

The plot's afoot, I can sense Government and Big Business
seeking to send my free fuel engineering system
to ruination of the people.But fear not, get a cow man! And get a methane
collection tank! Convert your vehicle to propane driven, but wisely substitute a plastic methane tank swap system!!!!Free yourself!Get a cow,man!


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


........................................


M.R.L. Solves Britain's Prison Problems.

There are severe problems in England what with prison overcrowding, and a general lack of prisons, arising from the extreme high cost of construction of such facilities, and maintenance of same in terms of prison staff etc. In the 60's arose a system of construction, prefab, which was used to construct several buildings, including the then considered ultra modern Habitat 67 at the Man and His World exhibition in the colony of Canada during the World's Fair of that year.

Interesting, Habitat 67,really prefab concrete boxes piled one atop the other, sticking out here and there etc.and interesting piece of engineering.
This engineering principle was carried forwards to ships in the form of cargo containers, and can be stacked say 14,000 to a vessel, each container cell being say 20x8x8 in terms of feet, interestingly, the size of a prison cell, particularly those of the Americans in Guantanamo Bay. The idea presents itself. Now a prison at
sea is a grand idea, utilizing containers,stacked, , expandable to the max limit, say 7 such ships could accommodate the entire prison population of Britain! However,
these ships consume say 1660 gallons (imperial),of fuel an hour...........not worth the cost to send'em on a sea cruise is it?

But the idea has presented itself, a prison island, indeed yes, imagine an island in the Indian Ocean, not requiring heating costs,and not worth it, the air conditioning costs, merely a form of bed and breakfast,lunch,dinner...........a gigantic
container ship type island, stacked with prison cells, as converted cargo containers, ever expandable..........look at Diego Garcia, an island almost abandoned, it could easily become the prison for Britain, indeed the name, Diego
Garcia,Her Majesty's Prison For The Extremely Naughty, comes to mind. Look at what is there now a large airbase with several long range runways constructed, as well
as a harbor suitable for large naval vessels so delivery of prisoners and containers to house new arrivals is a thing of utter ease.As a territory of the United Kingdom, the head of state is Queen Elizabeth II. There is no Governor appointed to represent the Queen on the territory, as there are no native inhabitants.

Thus the island itself is ideal, as an island, indeed, the lesser prisoners could act as guards and prison staff, making them useful to the full, reducing the costs of maintenance grandly, just requiring prison ship patrols about the island to prevent shall we say, prisoners attempting to break in to the island to enjoy it's lush location and tropical accommodation. Problem solved.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

.......................

MRL Proposal,Participatory Government, We Offer

A Referendum On Taxing The Fat Of The Land,YOU Decide."


In America......
According to a recent Washington Post article, legislatures in at least 25 states are currently debating more than 140 bills aimed at curbing obesity.......According to the Post, six bills proposed by New York State Assemblyman Felix Ortiz (D) would slap hefty taxes on not only fatty foods,

BBC headlines read........

Government unit 'urges fat tax'
Burgers are among the foods likely to be hit by a 'fat tax'
Plans for a tax on fatty foods.

In short........Welcome to fat Britain, where one in three adults is overweight or obese, and where childhood obesity has increased threefold in 20 years. England has the fastest increasing weight problem in the world.Are there plans afoot by the Labour government to capitalize on this? Yes!

And comment from
http://www.ifs.org.uk/publications/1797
says.................

"This Briefing Note looks at the potential for the introduction of a 'fat tax' into the UK in an effort to reduce the growing prevalence of obesity in Britain. There are different forms such a tax could take. One possibility is to tax the nutrient contents of foods such that those containing more fat or salt, for example, are
taxed more heavily. Alternatively, particular types of foods, such as snacks or soft drinks, could be subject to a tax, or VAT could be extended to foods that are currently zero-rated but have a high fat content.Revenue from a 'fat
tax' could be used in various ways, such as financing subsidies for healthy foods or exercise equipment, funding advertising campaigns for healthy eating or in schools. Alternatively, it could form part of general government receipts."

There are other reasons for a fat tax.....by everybody all round, for example charging overweight insurance policyholders since they are more likely to claim or cost claims due to their condition of being fat. The rationale is twofold.

First, fat people are more likely to develop expensive health problems. Second, fat can be avoided or reduced through exercise and healthy eating. If we charge fat people more for health insurance—or charge thin people less, which amounts to the same thing—people will improve their habits.

Recall, in the Americas,not long after the attack on Pearl Harbor, in the winter of 1942, physiologist A.J. Carlson made a radical suggestion: If the nation's largest citizens were charged a fee—say, $20 for each pound of overweight—we might feed the war effort overseas while working to subdue an "injurious luxury" at
home.

Airlines have taken to charging,Air France is initiating a Fat Tax, and on other airlines, overweight passengers requiring two seats, not really a tax,but a form of fat compensation,are charged for the extra seat required.............Ryanair is going a touch further,also considering

* Charge per kg over 130kg/20 stone (male) and 100kg/15 stone (females);

* Charge per inch for every waist inch over 45 inch (male) and 40 inch (female);

* Charge for every point in excess of 40 points on the Body Mass Index (+30 points is obese);

* Charge for a second seat if passengers’ waist touches both armrests simultaneously.

Well, in ye olde days, things were done by weight, such as awarding local Aristos,Kings or whatever a form of truage based on weight,(taxation by Spanish Alcaldes in America,a direct example) of course, meaning fatties were really expensive(later on there evolved taxation without representation, whereby they were inappropriately available for the weigh-in and simply gave out a stated weight,this led to revolting situations due to over taxation)...........yet here the lean and slim were taxed at the behest of the really really fat, and heavily too.

Well, there also was the revival of the poll tax of the horrid 1800's to be imposed on the people by the government,in short equal taxation for everybody,regardless of income, in short not taxing those monetarily fat more, for being so. Merely increasing the taxation on the lean, the poor as it were.

The UK Poll Tax Riots were a series of mass disturbances, or riots, in
British cities during protests against the Community Charge (commonly known as the poll tax), introduced by the Conservative government led by Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.The Labour party was no good, recall the response of the Labour Party and the Labour movement and some sections of the far left, including Militant, was
to condemn the riot as senseless and to blame anarchists,in short agreeing with and supporting the poll tax.However,wisdom prevailed and the Poll tax,brought by Britain's Iron Maiden,and supported by New Labour, ceased to stab at the
body politic of the people. Well why not reverse this discrimination and tax those who are fat, charge'm by the pound, and all round fat poll tax based on weight, taxing the people at large on the basis of their weight. This encourages slimming down, doesn't it,this encourages a healthier populace by the introduction of a
healthy tax............in short,the government of the people, would then live off, truly, the fat of the land!!!! This could be done on the national basis. As for restaurants, they could introduce a walk in scale system, weigh the clientelle as they walk in, and so meter tax their
meal on the basis of weight, those fatter paying a sliding upwards scale of more meal tax. Monies such accrued by government could be diverted to the typical governmental pork barrel politics pork spending projects.

Indeed Gordon Brown's Labour government is running on,and has presented to the people it's manifesto, the motto,"Let Them Drink Water!"

What will result? Well other nations could then initiate and encourage a huge
economic immigration and brain drain on Britain by using the motto "Give Me Your Tired, Your Rich, Your Big Fat Asses".So we are left with the dilema,but we in the MRL have a solution to all this, the typical pass the buck system, but not the one you imagine from other parties! Nay! We in the MRL would set up and encourage a true
democracy, the plebiscite, a vote by the people, by the plebs, the
plebians,YOU, which will pose the question"Do we tax and live off of the fat of the land.?" YAAAH! Or Nay? Do the Eyes have it, Or the Nose? You will decide!!! That's the MRL,that's democracy,that's democracy in action!! Good for the MRL! Good For You!!


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

...............................

M.R.L. Short Distance Travel Solution


Everyone has experienced some sort of discomfort on short trips,county to county. If using airplane there is a problem now what with security delays etc. making such flights a nuisance. Bus schedules are seemingly never quite right with
respect to departure times, arrival times,return times etc.

However there is a solution to the problem, taken from available technology from medieval times and from modern times.The solution to these county to county
travel trips is quite simply a catapult, launching the traveler complete with his or her luggage, and, at a suitable time in their flight, the proper
altitude of launch achieved, a para glider parachute opens
allowing the passenger to guide themselves to land, on their feet,at quite the proper wished landing point.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

MRL Replaces Expensive & Ageing British Tanks

Keywords:

tanks,military,army,eunuchs,income,tax,collection,agency,fees,liquified,natural,gas,lng,lpg,floods,secret squirrel,new orleans,flooding

MRL Replacements For Expensive and Ageing British Tank Vehicles

Secret Squirrel has turned his attention to the fact that problems have arisen what with the logistics and attrition within the army with respect to tanks. The present ones areageing, falling apart, bottoms rusting through(they being made from only the highest of quality scrap and present day scrapped cars arescrap to being with), and the high cost of replacement. The enemy has tanks, should we have tanks? Well, not necessarily, the thing is to deal with the enemy tanks. What we do, is quite simply to go with the eco friendly hybrid golf carts. These are most definitely all
terrain vehicles what with their forced service about Britain's golf courses. Most definitely we mount the tiny and light anti-tankRPG's on the carts.The present day Arabs have proven that most definitely on of them can in fact take out an American Abrams(also a tank made from high quality scrap). These carts are manufactured only from the best of materials, due to the nature of those whom they transport round and about the golf courses of Britain and they are quite open,being cool for the desert,forest and jungle environments encountered on golf courses, can easily ford small streams, and being small and so open,are so quite difficult to sight on and hit,but not like the ease with which a large enemy tank could be sighted on and hit. Lighter version can also be made available, as Their
Majesty's military trend towards the versatile, with a bazooka instead of the RPG, or mortars, after the rocket launching fashion of
some military vehicles. Of course, the actual drivers and crews would be wearing the very latest in military body armor, and helmets, provided by an MRL government, should an MRL government be in power, instead of purchasing their own as the Labour government of the past has had the military do, in the backwards fashion of Britain's old military traditions. So out with the old, in with the new and so, now we of the MRL are all set to deal efficiently and cheaply with the enemy in an eco-friendly manner as well.
Early test models were developed, even yet shown in action, in tele series such as The Avengers,The Thirteenth Hole episode,there actually moving in the extremely harsh and varied environment of an English golf course,the only vehicle that can survive that harsh environment(in secret tests,confidentially,the French Leclerc Main Battle tank fell apart on the course, the Abrhams M1 tanks did manage to complete the course,albeit with the loss of loads of parts,but none of the crews could,hitting well in to the 300's and packing it in at nightfall).



Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

..........................................................


...........


MRL System Of Fee Collection

Secret Squirrel says EUNUCH is EUNUCH.In Britain soon we shall see EUNUCHS feeing,that is collecting fees,income tax violations etc.
As I have been traveling the Indian Continent, admiring the ways of the Indians, not the American Indians, but ours, the Indians of the Indes,or India as it is known,or was if they haven't changed the name yet. In either case I have been studying Indian methods, in various fashions as I am want, engineering,medicine(they call their's sham'ns in preference to quacks, and people go about saying,"Sham'n,sham'n,sham'n," in place of "Quack,quack,quack"...............quacking making them unpopular due to bird flu,we may soon have to follow suit), interesting methods of medical filing, following still to this day much of our own, piles of jumbled papers on a desk). But I was most struck by their system of collecting things unpaid, such as taxes,dues,bills,and other fees.
What they do is send EUNUCHS, that's right EUNUCHS, you know, those without the where with all to have it all or any of it for that matter. In either case, these EUNUCHS, go about to the Offendi house, he or she that which owes, and there they camp out on the lawn, or wherever,surround the house, and then sing and dance round and about the house,and expose themselves until the Offendi pays its fees or pays them to go away(this is bribery,I know, but they learned that from the British Governmental rulers you know,that and how to beat us at cricket).In the obviously totally uncivilized colony of Canada they send someone with a sound truck to park outside the Offenders home, and there play at enormous volume levels, Celine Dion and Michel Buble cd's, until they beg for mercy and swear to pay up. In either case I propose for Britain, since the system works so grandly well, a similar well working system of EUNUCH fee collectors and repo men.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................................
This is an MRL hands across the water welfare and engineering project right up America's alley......it helps them, and they'll help us, for in return for the idea patent and system patents, they can ship us a percentage cut of the resultant cheap and ever generated supply of LFG gases........

MRL Solves Liquified Gas Crisis


What with the crisis in the LPG(Liquified Petrolium Gas, or LNG,Liquified Natural Gas as it's related) area of the energy eco-system,Secret Squirrel has seen the need for a solution.
1) Look at the U.S. prison system what they call GitMo. Well that's fair then isn't it, we all can do it. We build similar versions in America, in areas as needed, and we house'em in these battey cages......................who......................Mexicans..................illegal Mexicans.......that's even better than the present inhabitants. The added plus is that it makes efficient use of Gitmo, actually generating return revenues,not just expenditures, and that they're housed then you know, in one place, not roaming the streets and alleys, and occupying abandonned buildings of America............

2) We create FART Banks,(Flatulant Air Retention Tanks), huge FART tanks, fields of fart tanks, just like we used to use for oil....matter of fact we simply clean'em out and use those since they're not being used for anything else presently.


3), We feed the now useful illegal Mexicans a very nutritious and generous bean diet.



4) Hoses from the battery cages to the tanks, via suitable sucking airfan collector fans(we can use the wind driven

generator fans even to power those,and be self-reliant at the collection end).


5) Use existing technology, LPG, (Liquified Petrolium Gas) tech to Liquify the gas so collected and tanked, an efficient LFG system(Liquified Fart
Gas), and all runs at the cost of beans!!!


Hey! Energy crisis solved!!! Problem is they may not want to feed Mexicans.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................

Extending A Helping Hand.Yet Further. The MRL helps America solve it's problem with New Orleans..........



Secret Squirrel has seen New Orleans, and has reached out a helping hand to solve the flooding problem.In times of need,never let it be said that the M.R.L. wasn't there to help, wasn't there to give sound advice.Lake Pontchartrain may have left the Americans Pontchy,but we at the MRL are sound of mind and engineering principles and solutions, sound engineering solutions for all problems, all of the time. And we would be able to supply these solutions should we ever achieve power,governmental power, but as it is we must ever struggle to keep our heads above water. So what of it,let's look at America and it's problems, putting our own aside for the time being.


Flooding threatens New Orleans from three sources: the Mississippi River, Lake Pontchartrain, and natural rainfall.
All could be easily solved, by simply draining Lake Pontchartrain and filling in the canals that run through the city to serve as transport canal for rich boaters.But, Artificial levees have been,and were, built to supposedly keep out rising river and lake waters but have had the negative effect of keeping rainfall in.Naturally pumping,24 hours a day,work in New Orleans, pumping water from beneath the city,out,capable of pumping out the city entirely,of course is somebody is there to switch''em on and hasn't run for it. Of course, it has been determined that the city itself is sinking at a rate of 3 feet(one meter), per century. Well, what with all that water, the inability to keep it out, the levees helping to keep it in, it is our sworn duty to help our ungrateful American cousins. Indeed, we must here make recommendations to them. There lifestyle must change, but we have a solution for this change of life.

Firstly, all vehicles, must henceforth be of the amphibious variety. Of course, in keeping with the swinging lifestyle of those who were water inundated, we will also see to it that they have boats in every drive, for recreational use........far be it from me to suggest these are mere powered lifeboats(powered assuming they have gas available).

Housing..........well, you know..........their houses are flood destroyed wrecks, eaten by damp mold. Trailers are no substitute of course, since they wold simply float for a bit, then sink in the flooding. However, that has given me an idea for them................houseboats! Yes! Houseboats!! These must be made available to them. Indeed imagine, a houseboat would have solved their housing problem!!

Magnificent, no problem at all.

And what of the public transit? Well, we shall go with a recommended rail system within the city, indeed rail, submersibles on rails, submarines for those who haven't figured it out yet. Indeed these submarines will be outfitted with boogie,trucks, wheels for those who haven't figured it out. And they shall travel as they are want to, using their propellers, but running on rails just as the trolleys used to. You can see the well thought out solution here. Indeed a true submarine way....a subway.

And, what of air travel? Well, you know, amphibious aircraft, flying boats! Yes that's it!
An........for those rainy days, we could see to it that they are supplied with recreational gear, such as scuba diving outfits, chic and all the rage these will be! And for those who are perhaps less financially endowed, simple snorkel outfits will just have to do. Yes! It flies! The city of New Orleans is Fly! When wearing water wings.


Yes there it is Urban Planning,the MRL method, the scientific engineering approach to problem solving.Notice that here we attach no blame, no blame for the oversights in lifestyle selection by the Americans, only here we provide lifestyle suggestion, alternatives, sound alternatives, a solution for the problems at hand, and how to deal with them,how to swim through the problems life, the government hosers , inundate you with.

Improved levees? Note that we avoid these in our solution, why raise taxes, life in America is taxing enough.In our MRL solution we have no need of levees. Of course, if by levees being inadequate they mean Dutch style Dykes,well, then you should import French ones, avoid Norwegians they're surprisingly hairey.

Of course we have other suggestions for our American cousins, solutions to problems they have seen in Britain, that of governmental ownership of certain companies. They have suggested solutions to problems of said stated companies, and Britain has bowed to their suggestions and has followed them. Well, we in the MRL propose that they also follow their suggestions, that as they have suggested the privatization of British rail, we suggest the privatization of The Amtrak. As they have suggested the privatization of the British Post Office,we suggest the privatization of the American Post Office. As they have suggested the inclusion of the Sein Fein IRA in British government, so too must we suggest the inclusion of Al Kieda in the American government. Yes and as it was seen good for Americans to have Britain privatize it all, then so too must we see to it that the Americans privatize in great and proper fashion.And, as Britain has followed their suggestions, we are open to suggestion to have them follow their suggestions.

Any complaints can be dealt with privately,publicly,since the Pub is where all proper solutions come from..solutions! Oh well, if you haven't got a solution yet, wait for the next rain storm.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
............................................



Secret Squirrel And The Problem Of Non-British Foreign Rail

Well now, let's consider the problem what was, and is yet getting worse,that of rail travel,passenger rail travel. The U.S. government, had Britain privatize the rail system as it seems Britain couldn't manage a rail system in government hands. Indeed the Americans running their own government Amtrak, could see this problem and saw to it Britain cured it's efficient rail problems. Now Britain faces an interesting situation, a rail system it can't afford and manage and maintain for foreigners.

Indeed the rail system is in a shambles track-wise, foreigners owning it claiming they can't maintain the rails in suitable condition such as not to have trains run off the rails, they can't maintain the points(switches), in suitable safe conditions. Indeed more and more the British government of the people must provide them with money to do that and keep them in business.

Also those managing the signaling system have discovered the same dilemma, the government of the people of Britain must provide them with money to run the system such that the people owning the signaling can make a profit.

Now we turn to other matters, those owning the rolling stock.Here we encounter conditions such that cars are a problem for the foreigners owning them, and they don't wish to buy new ones, and the government of the people must yet again supply them with money so that they can maintain their cars, and run at a profit, and indeed provide them with money for new cars for the same reasons.

Now, on to the motive power of the system, those who own the engines which pull the trains. So, they also have a dilemma of shoddy equipment, require money to maintain the equipment, recondition the engines, and also ,of course, purchase new engines, being constantly supplied with money by the government of the people of Britain so that said foreign engine owning firm can make a profit.

At the same time train fares are constantly increased, with claims on some lines that it costs too much for extra cars for the riders, whilst on yet other areas of the lines there are insufficient riders,such that rail fares must be increased so that the foreign companies owning things can make a profit.

Well now, Britain never had those problems before. But consider now the final and ultimate solution. Britain buys it all back at what it was sold for. Why? Well, because the firms can't make a profit, so they're bankrupt so the system being bought back would effectively save said foreign companies losses. In it's entirety,Britain could now return to running an efficient rail system for the people of Britain.

So they won't allow it eh? Well, the business world is a cruel world, we simply buy up the rail tracks and all, just the rail route. And that's it, tell the other foreigners with Britain's rail signaling equipment, and rolling stock, and engines.................to go chuck it all. From British Rail, we got to British Roads.Face it, they're gone, bankrupt when the British government refuses also to fund them. Done, the tracks are ours.

We have an option,buy their bankrupt equipment and systems cheaply, and start business up again! Huzzah!

Now was it all too expensive in the first place? Well, if it was, it still is, so what's cheaper then. Quite simply we rip up all the rails. We keep the roadbed routes, we convert those to roads, BUS ONLY ROADS. Indeed, we run the system as a bus line. Buses. Buses going back and forth in their own reserved and proper lane, changing at switch points without needs of signaling or points nor points equipment. Imagine. Problem of transportation solved. And...................we don't pay foreigners to thieve from the people of Britain.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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Solved By Secret Squirrel,Solved by the MRL.................!!!!!!!!!!!

Branson's Challenge Met

Well,well,well.British tycoon Sir Richard Branson, announced a 25million$U.S. prize for the first scientist to come up with a way to extract greenhouse gases from the atmosphere. Now, in similar fashion there was a quest launched in 1675 to devise a method of estimating longitude accurately(they weren't interested in latitude, no,no, that's much too loose behaviour there). Well, English clock maker John Harrison came up with a method after 60 years, and received his prize from King George III. Branson stated "...............the earth cannot wait 60 years......".

Well no it can't wait 60 years, and doesn't have to and I want my prize in small bills thank-you, in a suitcase, packed so I can leave the colony of Canada wherein I am presently trapped. Now, the method is easy, and sound, and works in practice, and in theory and is readily provable so I won't have to wait 60 years to claim it. In theory and in practice over here in the colony we filter our water in charcoal filters, the charcoal filter removes impurities within the water, particulates, and also the soluble gases such as chlorine. Now I fully realize here we are dealing with a liquid filter, but the principle is very much the same for a gas.Some have stated that the major problem is fart gas produced by cows, well cow farting can be solved in the same fashion as will be here outlined, but, on average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, and given the ever increasing human population of earth, this is the other end of the fart gas problem, so......

Curiously we have noticed, that certain of the rich classes such as are represented by such as Paris Hilton,Lindsay Lohan, Jay-Lo(or is it Loo),Britney Spears have all been seen and caught by cameras, as wearing no underpants. It has also been noted that this fad is not new, but actually began when Global Warming was first noticed as being a problem, a problem caused by the emission of hot gases.Similarly by corollary it is to be assumed that male richie riches are also not wearing underwear. Well I must be cheeky, but quite simply, they all simply MUST wear underpants,man,woman and cow,(let's not forget the sheep), thence the farts, foul ozone depleting and destructive gases, will thence also be trapped in the usual filter underwear. These underpants can then be dealt with in a suitable rubbish bin, or for those poorer, simply washed for reuse. The washing for reuse method is highly recommended in that any trapped gases would thence be dissolved in water and so flushed and filtered in through the water sanitation sewage system. And, in shorts, to put it briefly, the atmosphere and we would be saved, earth would be saved!!! Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! Three cheers for me, now kindly send the money.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged-Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel's Miraculous Doings....Continue.

Keywords:
global,warming,cows,gas,rich,ice,floods,chunnel,electricity,eels,electricity,marlon,brando,ozone,cars,secret squirrel,propulsion

The MRL Global Warming Cow Gas Emission Collection Plan.

Secret Squirrel global warming is a global problem which we must now turn our attention to.Meet the world's top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane,or even George Bush,: it is the cow.

A United Nations report has identified the world's rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs, and also..............global warming.Cows and bulls can produce 500 litres of methane a day.

Here I stand, out in a field in Devonshire,as she stares at me she is constantly chewing... and burping .........and.............farting.One dairy cow gives off enough methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 empty litre bottles of pop, which is really bad for the environment. It turns out that livestock – predominantly cattle – are responsible for an astonishing proportion of global warming gases - 18 percent of the total, to be precise.Indeed these fart gases rise in the atmos and hence are proveably responsible for the ever increasing great hole in the ozone layer.

A single cow could be producing as much as 500 litres of methane per day.

There are more than two million more like her across the UK.

They are the UK's biggest single source of methane - a gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide when it comes to global warming.

In fact cattle are responsible for about 3 per cent of all Britain's greenhouse gases. Reduce that and experts say you not only make farming greener and more efficient, it could help Britain achieve its commitments under the Kyoto agreement.But who are the major moral culprits in the events of cows and global warming.......

What countries have the most cattle?Here they are in order of the top ten.

1 India
2 Brazil
3 China
4 US
5 Argentina
6 Sudan
7 Ethiopia
8 Mexico
9 Russian Federation
10 Colombia

Indeed none of these nations can say,."Haven't got a cow man!",as it is time to lay the blame. No indeed, they have cows, and lots of'em, and are the major cause of the problems affecting the world,the problems of global warming. But enough of the cause of global warming, are there then solutions to the problem....................well................

Argentine scientists are studying the effects of global warming by strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their gas.

Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas that gets far less attention than carbon dioxide as a potential cause of global warming.

So to collect it a plastic tank is fitted to the cow's back and connected through a tube to the animal's stomach.

Aha! Wisdom prevails, but not in the Argentinians.indeed they are studying the problem, collecting gases to study the problem. Little do they realize that that is the actual solution to the problem...the have absolutely no hindsight in the foresight of their studies...indeed fitting each and every cow with such a gas collector, collecting both belches, and farts..............would save humanity!!!

Oh the humanity of it! Fields of cows,cows running about India,etc etc etc, fitted with these gas bag collecting tanks.Not to study but to actually collect,to gather, to bottle. Said tanks could thence be emptied, trucks coming about on a daily basis to collect the methane gas, and then that gas being bottled and condensed, and hence use in place of such gases as propane, an offspring of.......oil. Indeed this collected gas could be storage tanked and thence used as cooking gas for homes, heating gas for homes,homes could be lit by it!!

Indeed the mind boggles, said gas could also have applications in being burned to provide gas fuels for motor cars,lorries and buses. Indeed once more we in the MRL have excelled, identified the problem, and applied a technologically engineered cure for the betterment of humanity whilst at the same time ending the most massive contributer to the global warming crisis.The world is saved!! By the MRL!!


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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How The M.R.L. Will Make EACH U.K. Citizen Rich For Life

Secret Squirrel knows how to make you rich!
(Now, I was pondering the huge payout figures for General Motors, which the British government HAS available to it..........I then pondered the population figures for the UK....got out the calculator..............and................well...................do read on..................what's more important, General Motors, or the UK Citizens and YOU? I fully realize that Labour ponders things differently, but here are MY MRL views on what should be done with the available 500million pounds................)

GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' - Telegraph
7 Mar 2009 ... GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' ... GM is believed to want Britain to contribute around £500m to the European rescue .......................
.so the headlines read............but think now, let's analyze this.......

Well now................dire straits for General Motors? Dire straits for Britain with the loss of the foreign US General Motors jobs.....but face it, here this means that Britain with it's population of 61 million, could afford 500m pounds....................now Britain also spends billion elsewhere...but why waste it on General Motors........

It is the sudden realization of the magnitude of this payout.....it is the magnitude of the figure here mentioned to give to a foreign firm for employing a FEW people,in and by comparison with the sum total of the population of the U.K.........but how many people, Britain has a population (United Kingdom), of 61 million...................

It suddenly occurred to me that the UK Government CAN easily afford 500m pounds...........BUT why then does the Labour government, then simply allow General Motors with it's ridiculously low job figures, compared with 61 million UK citizens,to BE GIVEN that princely and handsome sum.................why not then divide the 500m pounds by the 61m population of the United Kingdom, and then......since it is obviously affordable.....pay EACH UNITED KINGDOM CITIZEN 8.1Million Pounds? Think about it, nobody need work, everybody'd be rich, IT IS AFFORDABLE, the Government has it, the government wishes to spend it, why spend it on a foreign firm such as General Motors, Yes! Simply give each U.k. citizen 8.1million pounds instead, and so the 500m pounds could be said to have been wisely spent.


Secret Squirrel,(Frank John Hermann)
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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MRL Proposal To Sell Ice To The Canadians.

Secret Squirrel can turn a profit from selling cheap ice to the Canadians!
What once used to be a joking phrase defining a certain kind of salesman may turn out to be prophetic, in my estimation when I achieved a monumentally profitable plot to sell ice to the Canadians, and so provide we in Britain with our fish and chips.

With the dwindling ice pack in the Arctic Ocean, the lives of Canadian Eskimos and polar bears are threatened by global warming.The Canadian government knows what they need.

What the Canadian Arctic needs is ice.But can they afford the real thing? Quite plainly it's
much too costly to set up ice making apparatus in the vicious environment of the Canadian
Northlands..........so if we are to turn a profit off of the Canadians and finally make the
colony pay, we must sell them an alternative which is much cheaper for us to manufacture.

I propose we form a company and start making artificial ice floes to place in the Arctic Ocean to give the polar bears platforms to hunt seals from.

We can make 4 foot thick Styrofoam sheets that look and function like real ice floes,which is much yet cheaper to a pondered proposal, that of using cheaper, but much more expensive than styrofoam, Brazilian wood(which would also save the rain forest and contribute to our reduction of Britain's environmental carbon footprint.)

So the Canadian Eskimoes are threatened because there are fewer polar bears, so we provide at a handsome profit the artificial ice flows such that the polar bears can sit on them, be threatened and hunted by the eskimoes who want to do that and require the polar bears for their sustainance, and the polar bears can threaten and hunt the seals, which the polar bears require for their sustainance, and so the reduced numbers of seals such that they do not consume the cod fish we require for our sustinance in Britain.

So we go in to mass production and sales to the Canadians of the artificial ice floes so we can save the polar bears,save the poor Canadian eskimoes, reduce the seal population and so save the cod fish we require for our fish and chips , all to the great applause of the world.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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Emergency MRL Flood Floatation Equipment

Secret Squirrel knows floods occur,recur, the local populace is always imperiled. No matter what, incumbent governments ignore the
problems, stating the waters will subside if one simply waits, and also that flooding won't occur again,such as occurred in the middle of England ......it does, point in fact ,but in the meanwhile the local populace,which is the people of England, suffer,worry, drown etc etc etc.

Indeed they suffered yet again,as well,in the city of New Orleans in the former colony of the Americas...........indeed 7inches of a rain storm, and the populace was once again waist deep in water. While the occurrence was suppressed in the Americas press, I made note of the fact and set my engineering skills to work. What needs be done? To assist the populace to float through such events,to enable them to empower them, to be able to weather a flood whenever it suddenly occurs,whether government acknowledges the flood occurring or not! Indeed how to deal with such a sudden event,how to be ever ready for such an event? Well, the best course of action is to wear devices such that the populace could ever be ready. Now wearing bulky life vests is on the ridiculous side, so we must turn our engineering expertness to the actual design of clothes themselves. Now, we usually have two forms of weather, mostly hot or extremely regularly warm, and a touch on the cooler side.

Well now I have discovered, existent a ready made solution for the female population, the bikini, the bikini with suitable inflatable water wing breasts! Indeed, this would benefit in terms of style as the female could have a larger set of bristols,zoomers or whatever they are referred to, and at the same time,in the event of a flood could maximally inflate such that they become life saving ,buoyant water wings...as is show in the accompanying picture.

For the cooler days, a dress could be worn, an inflatable dress,but not only inflatable, one that inflates into a full size kayak boat dress and so save the wearing much discomfort and worry during flood situations...again see the accompanying picture of the kayak dress as it could be used.Indeed we in the MRL would see to it, that every female in Britain would be provided,gratis, as in free, as in at no cost to them, one of each of these items. Of course, they might like to purchase more for their wardrobe but that extra cost would have to be born by them. As for males, a suitable pair of blowup kayak pants could be developed for their supply and use.

Indeed as ever, hands reaching out across the water to our misfortunate colonials in The Americas, particularly New Orleans,we could also sent up not lend lease as they provided during our war ,but rather borrow rental during this period of their meteorological war.

See accompanying images of these fascinating,useful and necessary flood clothing items.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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The M.R.L.Solving Britain's Flood Water Problems

Well now, what with the recent floodings, and re-floodings occurring now virtually and in reality every year, something should be done about it. But of course the incumbent government has been laggardly in dealing with the recurring situations. There is a solution to the problem, a sound engineering solution, based on sound hydrological engineering principles, the very sound principles set down by the Romans. It all works and will work, on the basis of the Roman knowledge of hydrology, namely that water follows the rule of law written in hydrology that water must flow downhill, unless it is arrested by a rise in the land. Now Britain is up at the top of the world, and extends downwards, quite rightly, and properly with France and the French beneath us.

What needs be done, is quite simply, starting at the top, we construct,in the earth of course, a long line drainage canal extending downwards, towards and collecting at Dover. Why collecting, well there will be several branch lines joining the main artery canal,all part of a drainage canal system

Now the Collector, as it is called, where the water will be disposed of, is quite properly the Chunnel, to which the storm water will the be directed in to, continuing on, ever following the legalities of the Laws Of Hydrology, flowing downwards, and emerging in France, where it will be a French problem for them to deal with.

You recall a previous engineering plan of allowing the sewage of Great Britain to be collected and directed in to the Chunnel? Well, there will be no problem there as the Chunnel can accommodate both the sewage flows and the storm water flows,as some area cities already do have and share a common sewage/sanitation/storm drain system, so too can that principle be applied here, rather than separate, saving the costs of building another Chunnel...........a Pence saved is a Pound earned, until the government takes your pence.

Ever onwards, the M.R.L. solves problems through sound engineering principles.No problem there.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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From the private files of......................
Secret Squirrel

The Rebel Had A Cause.


Secret Squirrel has found,hidden amongst the private papers of Marlon Brando the most brilliant plan to make each and every house in Britain independent of the electrics works companies. Brando envisaged a plan to string electric eels
round and about the swimming pool and then run cables to the house to electrically power the edifice.
Indeed a bold and innovative plan. All that remains is for the M.R.L. to take up his engineering genius
and free the British people from slavery to the electric works.Marlon Brando with his scheme to provide free and readily available eel-ectricity to the people,the people who make up humanity! Oh the humanity of Brando! Genius extraordinare.


Secret Squirrel
(M.R.L.)
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering



And just look at this, years after Brando's misfortunate departure from this world......

Japan eel wishes you an electric Christmas


TOKYO (Reuters) - Not even a blackout could put a damper on festivities at one Japanese aquarium where an electric eel is being used to light up its Christmas tree.

Two aluminum panels inside the eel's tank work as electrodes to catch its power. Cables attached to the panels supply the lights on the nearby tree with electricity.

Inventor Kazuhiko Minawa said it took him more than a month to devise a system that would effectively harness eel power.

"If we could gather all electric eels from all around the world, we would be able to light up an unimaginably giant Christmas tree," Minawa told Reuters Television.

Eels are widely eaten in Japan, especially in the summer, when their vitamin-rich flesh is seen as a way to regain stamina sapped by the heat.

The tree, which will stay illuminated until December 25, is proving a popular attraction, drawing tourists from all over the country. "I would love to have an eel like this at home. This is very nature-friendly," said visitor Harumi Yayoi.

(Reporting by Reuters Television; editing by Miral Fahmy)
(One other article mentions a copper electrode............)

http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSSP27985020071213

Brando,yes, innovator of eel-ectricity...indeed yes. I recognized his genius years back when he suggested it, and I immediately put it forward to the MRL, as his project for the betterment of the people, indeed yes! And see too how today his project move forwards in to true realization......Brando.................and engineering genius, a pioneer in the field of energy generation, a pioneer in the field of electricity, of the generation,the safe generation, of green electricity,pretty much free eel-ectricity, but then life always throws you a PETA, they'll be marching now claiming cruelty to eels, cruelty for imprisoning eels..................................always the down side.
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M.R.L.'s Cow Methane Driven Cars

Secret Squirrel says how now Brown's cow...............what have we here? I have discovered an excellent system of highly efficient automobile fuel, and it's free......indeed have you got a cow man? Well? No? Haven't got a cow? Well....get one..........for your own backyard, and have free automobile fuel for the rest of your life!! Imagine, yes indeed the system is engineering genius,mine of course, and already proveable in operation, indeed provable and efficient as in the example of already on the road propane powered taxis,cars,buses,lorries(trucks).

Cows can produce 500 litres of methane every day...as opposed to your average cowboys who produces 1/2 to 3 litres per day..........(the latter being studies of Mexican cowboys on a bean diet).

So, gasoline cost $0.94cents per litre..........propane $0.42cents per litre....cow methane per litre cost.......zero. The cow can be kept in the backyard and allowed to graze, saving cost and effort of cutting the grass as well.......increasing the savings...........the cow also provides milk.........an added plus.......

Now a per trip values estimate, on gasoline a 600km trip,at 60 litres of gas per trip, on propane the same trip consumes 80 litres, but of much cheaper cost,nearly half, but with propane this drops to zero. As to distance, well the 600 km figure for the day is highly acceptable as a base rate.............even for say taxis. Now taxis,many, are already equipped with propane tanks.

All that remains is to substitute the cow collection methane plastic tank.............easily swapped in with a fresh tank as the cow produces it...imagine, researchers from Argentina were surprised to find that a single 550-kg cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions each day............more than enough for the day, and any excess production could be utilized for home cooking and heating uses,the barbie so plastic tanked as well. Indeed, these methane filled tanks can be used anywhere propane is presently utilized! Even yet trains could become methane cow powered. Imagine, The Iron Horse, becoming know as The Iron Cow!!The method of collection? Well the Argentines have been conducting experiments with cows to collect the methane they produce.


Little do they realize that that tank full of methane, could easily be substituted in vehicles for their already installed propane tanks(these tanks are housed in the boot(trunk), of the vehicles should they be of the passenger type, and other places for non passenger types,such as roofs for buses).! Well I can see you're thinking, how ridiculous it would be to drive about with a cow in the backseat producing methane for the car.......however,we don't need the entire cow, just the tank of methane it fills up, and indeed whilst driving on that tank, the cow could be in the backyard busily filling up yet another tank ready as needed! A truly efficient self-sustaining vehicular fuel energy system!Indeed, we are free! Free from fuel costs! Free to drive about as well please! free! Free! Free! And..the fuel supply is free as well!!

Well for a sureity the oil companies have gotten on to this, indeed at this very moment both pills,injections, and feed additives are being developed to stop cows from producing these massive free amounts of methane. The plot's afoot, I can sense Government and Big Business seeking to send my free fuel engineering system to ruination of the people.
But fear not, get a cow man! And get a methane collection tank! Convert your vehicle to propane driven, but wisely substitute a plastic methane tank swap system!!!!Free yourself!Get a cow,man!


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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The Rules For Dealing With The Ozone Problem

I,Secret Squirrel solve this,and any other political problem that confuses and either won't go away or is difficult to explain away as a non problem..................

Launch a public relations campaign disputing the evidence.

Predict dire economic consequences, and ignore the cost benefits.

Find and pay a respected scientist to argue persuasively against the threat.

Use non-peer reviewed scientific publications or industry-funded scientists who don't publish original peer-reviewed scientific work to support your point of view.

Trumpet discredited scientific studies and myths supporting your point of view as scientific fact.

Point to the substantial scientific uncertainty, and the certainty of economic loss if immediate action is taken.

Use data from a local area to support your views, and ignore the global evidence.

Disparage scientists, saying they are playing up uncertain predictions of doom in order to get research funding.

Complain that it is unfair to require regulatory action in Britain, as it would put the nation at an economic disadvantage.

Claim that more research is needed before action should be taken.

Argue that it is less expensive to live with the effects.

Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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