Keywords:
monster,raving,loony,party,floods,flooding,prevention,chunnel,canals,dykes,dikes,ice,sales,farming,farms
The M.R.L.Solving Britain's Flood Water Problems
Well now, what with the recent floodings, and re-floodings occurring now virtually and in reality every year, something should be done about it. But of course the incumbent government has been laggardly in dealing with the recurring situations. There is a solution to the problem, a sound engineering solution, based on sound hydrological engineering principles, the very sound principles set down by the Romans. It all works and will work, on the basis of the Roman knowledge of hydrology, namely that water follows the rule of law written in hydrology that water must flow downhill, unless it is arrested by a rise in the land. Now Britain is up at the top of the world, and extends downwards, quite rightly, and properly with France and the French beneath us.
What needs be done, is quite simply, starting at the top, we construct,in the earth of course, a long line drainage canal extending downwards, towards and collecting at Dover. Why collecting, well there will be several branch lines joining the main artery canal,all part of a drainage canal system
Now the Collector, as it is called, where the water will be disposed of, is quite properly the Chunnel, to which the storm water will the be directed in to, continuing on, ever following the legalities of the Laws Of Hydrology, flowing downwards, and emerging in France, where it will be a French problem for them to deal with.
You recall a previous engineering plan of allowing the sewage of Great Britain to be collected and directed in to the Chunnel? Well, there will be no problem there as the Chunnel can accommodate both the sewage flows and the storm water flows,as some area cities already do have and share a common sewage/sanitation/storm drain system, so too can that principle be applied here, rather than separate, saving the costs of building another Chunnel...........a Pence saved is a Pound earned, until the government takes your pence.
Ever onwards, the M.R.L. solves problems through sound engineering principles.No problem there.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
......................................
Emergency MRL Flood Floatation Equipment
As floods occur, the local populace is always imperiled. No matter what, incumbent governments ignore the
problems, stating the waters will subside if one simply waits, and also that flooding won't occur again,such as occurred in the middle of England ......it does, point in fact ,but in the meanwhile the local populace,which is the people of England, suffer,worry, drown etc etc etc.
Indeed they suffered yet again,as well,in the city of New Orleans in the former colony of the Americas...........indeed 7inches of a rain storm, and the populace was once again waist deep in water. While the occurrence was suppressed in the Americas press, I made note of the fact and set my engineering skills to work. What needs be done? To assist the populace to float through such events,to enable them to empower them, to be able to weather a flood whenever it suddenly occurs,whether government acknowledges the flood occurring or not! Indeed how to deal with such a sudden event,how to be ever ready for such an event? Well, the best course of action is to wear devices such that the populace could ever be ready. Now wearing bulky life vests is on the ridiculous side, so we must turn our engineering expertness to the actual design of clothes themselves. Now, we usually have two forms of weather, mostly hot or extremely regularly warm, and a touch on the cooler side.
Well now I have discovered, there existent, a ready made solution for the female population, the bikini, the bikini with suitable inflatable water wing breasts! Indeed, this would benefit in terms of style as the female could have a larger set of bristols,zoomers or whatever they are referred to, and at the same time,in the event of a flood could maximally inflate such that they become life saving ,buoyant water wings...as is show in the accompanying picture.
For the cooler days, a dress could be worn, an inflatable dress,but not only inflatable, one that inflates into a full size kayak boat dress and so save the wearing much discomfort and worry during flood situations...again see the accompanying picture of the kayak dress as it could be used.Indeed we in the MRL would see to it, that every female in Britain would be provided,gratis, as in free, as in at no cost to them, one of each of these items. Of course, they might like to purchase more for their wardrobe but that extra cost would have to be born by them. As for males, a suitable pair of blowup kayak pants could be developed for their supply and use.
Indeed as ever, hands reaching out across the water to our misfortunate colonials in The Americas, particularly New Orleans,we could also sent up not lend lease as they provided during our war ,but rather borrow rental during this period of their meteorological war.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................................
Floods
M.R.L. Flooding Solution
The government is in crisis, England is in crisis, England is flooding, and the government is England's crisis. Recent vents of flooding in Britain have touched me deeply, saddened me, disheartened me, having seen the vicious flooding in America's formerly Great City of New Orleans, and pondered the effects on the people of Britain. Indeed utter destruction was wrought in New Orleans, and was wrought in England as well.............no assistance was rendered, the people left to fend for themselves.
New Orleans was entirely the fault of a laggard American government, ignoring the pleas of the Mayor
and Citizenry alike, to expand,improve,shore up,renew and/or build new and more solid levees,quite simply, dyke structures. Britain's flooding is also the fault of a government laggard in it's behaviour, doing nothing to remedy the situation,the problems have continued to flood through governments past and present, as water through an American dyke. However there is engineering genius to be considered,British ingenuity, the adaptability of the British people in the face of adversity, all in the face of laggardly,inept, and ignorant governments which have allowed the problem to exist.
However, the problem can be solved quite easily with proper application of modern engineering techniques already existent.Indeed, I have THE solution.
It struck me quite plainly as I gazed on an amazing waterway,canal system, in Germany. I suddenly realized that one waterway crossed over the other, as a flyover, an overpass, one canal crossing above the other...............a canalway, in the sky, and in the ground. Well,here in Britain the idea will fly but the M.R.L. is more down to earth as are the engineering projects I endeavour to present. You see what needs be done is to live with both flood and non flood conditions. How? Well the German canal system is illustrative of this, it works, it's hardly leaking and collapsing as so many American unnecessary water canal projects do.Ours,however,is necessary. What we have to do, in each village and town, and interconnecting roadway, and within the towns, is to construct the roads themselves within walled dykes(I won't call the levees calling to mind the American travesty's of failed concrete walls). Now when it floods the water is contained within these canal roadways and channeled away when it's done, and back to dry road uses when it's gone. But how to live with this,how to maintain a dignified lifestyle? Well, quite simply it requires and adaptive change of lifestyle. All can be accommodated within any and all existent conditions, flood or no flood. Cars,vehicles, lorries, must now be of the amphibious type.
Recall the early amphicar,we all saw Branson's mucking about in one(no doubt a failed attempt to walk on water, the amphicar was as close as he could come).There are many varieties of such vehicles available. Look at the ingenious lorries the Cubans adapted to cross the sea to get to America. There are even yet amphi Recreational vehicles, allowing for caravan trips whilst in or out of flood conditions, indeed these can even be built as buses, for intercity, and in city transport of the population. Well now, we have accommodated transportation, business lorries, the common man's car, what of housing?
Well there are different approaches to actual housing for some may not prefer the amphi recreational bus vehicle. We can mount existing larger or smaller caravans, on barges(for those inclined to caravaning), and tether them to place,these will then rise and fall with the tide, or remain earthbound in event of non flood conditions,and so can still function as caravans in any and all conditions,allowing a waterworld,waterpark vacation in conditions of wet flood, and regular caravan camping in event of dry! Camp all around I should say! And,do! For those inclined to regular housing we can adapt as the Dutch have, with actual house type house boats, again tethering in place. What of larger edifices, well
the dying industry of cruise ships can be utilized and the ships transported to the flood areas and there they shall sit, or float depending on conditions,acting as buildings,apartments and whatever else form of other building is required.
Ah you say, what of air transit? Well, we do have, you know, existent, amphibious helicopters and yet aircraft of all types so each village can have it's own aerodrome-waterport, no problem there at all.
There, we have covered it all, solved it all, and easily with modern existent technology.Indeed the M.R.L. excels and revels in solving the problem which past and present governments have utterly failed at.The M.R.L. solution! Good for you! Good for us!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
............................................
MRL Proposal To Sell Ice To The Canadians.
What once used to be a joking phrase defining a certain kind of salesman may turn out to be prophetic, in my estimation when I achieved a monumentally profitable plot to sell ice to the Canadians, and so provide we in Britain with our fish and chips.
With the dwindling ice pack in the Arctic Ocean, the lives of Canadian Eskimos and polar bears are threatened by global warming.The Canadian government knows what they need.
What the Canadian Arctic needs is ice.But can they afford the real thing? Quite plainly it's
much too costly to set up ice making apparatus in the vicious environment of the Canadian
Northlands..........so if we are to turn a profit off of the Canadians and finally make the
colony pay, we must sell them an alternative which is much cheaper for us to manufacture.
I propose we form a company and start making artificial ice floes to place in the Arctic Ocean to give the polar bears platforms to hunt seals from.
We can make 4 foot thick Styrofoam sheets that look and function like real ice floes,which is much yet cheaper to a pondered proposal, that of using cheaper, but much more expensive than styrofoam, Brazilian wood(which would also save the rain forest and contribute to our reduction of Britain's environmental carbon footprint.)
So the Canadian Eskimoes are threatened because there are fewer polar bears, so we provide at a handsome profit the artificial ice flows such that the polar bears can sit on them, be threatened and hunted by the eskimoes who want to do that and require the polar bears for their sustainence, and the polar bears can threaten and hunt the seals, which the polar bears require for their sustainence, and so the reduced numbers of seals such that they do not consume the cod fish we require for our sustinance in Britain.
So we go in to mass production and sales to the Canadians of the artificial ice floes so we can save the polar bears,save the poor Canadian eskimoes, reduce the seal population and so save the cod fish we require for our fish and chips , all to the great applause of the world.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................................................
M.R.L. Farming Policy
Once again, out here on the hustings, it is time to expound my highly superior farming policy,
one which will without a doubt please our farmers, presently in a farming crisis of having to work so very hard
for so very little recompense, in the efforts of the British government to feed the French cheaply. Rather
I propose a method by which our farmers will work very little, if at all, and receive grand
recompense and live the good and proper farming life as was meant to be. Now ever onwards with my policy....................
One of the problems facing Britain today, is the crisis in farming, farmers feeling they're just not
getting enough profit for the hard work they put in to growing produce,
whilst others make massive profits and live the high life of not working etc. off of them.
Food,vegetables etc., cost to grow, costs time and effort in planting, costs for machinery to prepare the
field, to plant, to maintain, to cultivate,costs for the necessary farm machinery and maintaining such
machinery. Top it all off, the vast majority of the produce is sold to the Europeans, by the government,
and there sold to their people there, cheaply. Well traveling here in the colony of Canada,aptly named
so as the Germans refer to this location as being a hinter land. Here, in the area known as Quebec,
(translated from the French as "What A Beak"), I have discovered the secret to farming techniques which
require very little effort from the farmers,the Canadian method.
Indeed I was intrigued when I heard that a Registered Head Nurse,
had given up her career as a nurse, for the evidently much more lucrative occupation of farming, in short
she became what they call a fermier.But why? Why ever would she do that? So I journeyed out to the farmlands,
to visit her,la belle fermier...............err........study farming techniques.Well I rung her belle and had a look at the farm. Well longer story short, It seems that there, there's profit in it,if you're a fermier all round.
Yes! There's actually great profit in it. Indeed farming in the Quebec area of that colony, and quite probably
thence all over the colony as there must be federal equality in policy all round there even yet though it is a third world area.
All that it really requires to farm profitably there is a farm,an area of the usual size, but there the farming
techniques diverge from those of Britain.
Indeed, the farm requires only a a few heaps of what seem to be abandoned equipments of various
questionable nature, rusted and so forth, dilapidated, which are called farm machinery, but which in Britain pass
for a machine on the scrap heap due to be hauled off. Said fermier merely sits on the land,squats as it were , in the farm house,much as do squatters, but lives very much better, high on the hog(of which we never see any). On the farm itself,
there is much scrub to say the least,and unquestionably a lot of scrubbing in the off season, and grass of various heights, and there they grow............errr...............sit.....
the crops, the REAL crops..............................rocks.
Yes! Rocks! They farm rocks! For being possessed of said farm, the fermiers are paid by the
government,much as living off of the dole, there, or here, but certainly getting for more as such doled out to them
than there, and here for that matter, and all requiring no effort at all in the actual necessity of farming,
rocks, or otherwise, as they'll take care of themselves. Indeed there's yet more, fermiers have the ability
to increase their comfortable dole levels, by participating in certain government projects, that of NOT growing
certain things. For example, they can be paid NOT to grow wheat, or for that matter other crops. So their
land is divided in to certain fields, those not growing wheat,those not growing asparagus etc, and all the
while they can still cultivate the rocks, getting the currency for NOT growing certain crops as an added
extra. Of course, such a farm requires NO maintenance, no machinery costs of any kind(merely requires the
scrap heap with wheels on it). Now there's the solution to our farmers problems, merely adopting the farming
practice so very common to that very foreign colony!And so too, now, as shown by the belle fermier, our new applied
foreign farming techniques that will turn farming in to a Jolly All Round Good Show for our farmers!!!!!
Carry On Farming!
Secret Squirrel
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
Showing posts with label ice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ice. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Secret Squirrel,Ever Onwards To Improve The World
Keywords:
intelligent,weapons,war,habakkuk,aircraft,carrier,ice,olympics,rings,ships,cement,transportation,floods,canals,bridge,wall,garbage,disposal,farming
Secret Squirrel, of the MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party, his hopes,his dreams,his plans,his engineering designs,his plans for the national defense,plans in the food and farming sector,his financial plans for the good and the betterment of the people of England, Britain, and the World.....what's good for secret Squirrel is good for you, and everything he plans is good for you.......he has good intentions, remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
M.R.L. Manned Intelligent Weapons Delivery System
In view of recent austerity measures taken with respect to the armed forces, I have turned my attention to attempting to alleviate the problem somewhat. Here we see a development of my manned intelligent weapons delivery system. What we do is utilize the intelligence, of man, in this case,the airman, Basically he's suspended by a detachable harness to the wing ordinance pylon, in short, he's the actual delivery system...........much cheaper than missile development.
The Japanese were the first developing an intelligent guidance system for aircraft bombs,however, theirs were of the expendable variety, the so called Kamakazi,who were expended along with the bomb delivery vehicle.It was known as a Baka bomb system,as well, which is Japanese for Idiot Bomb,which they had to be to take such a job. Their system failed basically in the delivery,many times, basically due to the lack of intelligence for those who signed up for that particular job,and also in the fact that their intelligent airman expired when so employed.This was and is considered to be highly detrimental in future recruitment.
Ours is an offshoot of the first system,however, no harm actually comes to the airman,which no doubt will please British airmen, and also increase recruitment. In our system, the British airman is re-loadable and reusable.Note the extreme flexibility this system offers, along with the abilities to intelligently direct and deliver fire towards the enemy with a multitude of weapons available to be used. Here the airman is shown holding a simple automatic pistol,such as one sees used to such great effect in U.S. schools. Of course said stated automatic pistol could be replaced by an automatic rifle, or say fully automatic machine gun. The system could also use and carry and drop grenades intelligently on target,properly aimed. Further flexibility is available through the airman equipped use of an R.P.G. type of weapon.
Of course what with recent remarks made by Air Vice Marshall "Kamakazi" Walker,obviously deeply influenced by the Japanese Kamakazi Corps, has mentioned the possibility of suicide missions being flown against Taliban or other terror groups,by our present British air forces. He's obviously also seen the ridiculous unintelligent side of intelligent bombs and delivery systems etc, but has gone a touch Baka suggesting that the airman should intelligently guide the bombs to the target, and then see to it,personally,that the bomb etc crashes in to it's target,dashing themselves to pieces. One assumes that should government not be in our hands, and our system developed,that the Air Vice Marshall might order the weapons carrier airman also dropped on an enemy target,misfortunately. Of course, as the system development experiments continue and the system takes form to a fully operational working intelligent weapons system, one hopes that by then the M.R.L. would have achieved government, and so too, no doubt does our weapons system itself.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.....................................
MRL Revives The Secretly Abandoned Project Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk or Habbakuk (spelling varies; see below) was a plan by the British in World War II to construct an aircraft carrier out of pykrete (a mixture of wood pulp and ice), for use against German U-boats in the mid-Atlantic, which was out of range of land-based planes.
And .......................
http://www.royalnavalmuseum.org/info_sheets_Habbakkuk.htm
The Habbakuk Project
HABBAKUK: GEOFFREY PYKE'S ICEBERG AIRCRAFT CARRIER
In 1942, the Allied forces were losing a considerable amount of merchant shipping in the Atlantic Ocean, due to German submarine forces and the lack of adequate air cover in the mid-Atlantic. The range of operating aircraft was not sufficient to cover this area and aircraft carriers were in short supply to allow for shorter range flying. Plans for an Allied invasion of Europe were also underway and it was felt that large floating platforms were needed to assist the assault forces. The Second World War was also a time when many scientists were encouraged to develop weapon technology and other military equipment to assist the war effort. Many projects that were developed were successful, such as the bouncing bomb by Barnes Wallis, midget submarines, mulberry harbours and the Pipe Line Under The Ocean (PLUTO) project. Others were not so successful and some were even incredible.
And so onwards, backwards......................
We in the MRL have seen the deterioration in numbers of Britain's Navy, particularly the miniaturization of the carrier fleets to those of midget ships amongst the giants of the seas,said to be an act of austerity, lacks of funds, or simply because who really wants a ship built by the french(there are limits to what we can ask our sailors to serve on)....we, however, have a solution to this problem
A Project Hubbakuk
Misfortunately, nowadays, Her Majesty's Royal Navy is falling on hard times,
budgets and things, but basicly polite for bankrupt,even yet ghost broke
as even the great Naval ancestors shake their heads and walk away from it all.
However, there is a solution to the crisis, specificly the crisis of being
unable to afford aircraft carriers.The answer is hidden in the records of
Whitehall, secret documents hidden from sight of a project planned to be
undertaken, that of the Project Hubbakuk. Indeed this secret project
involved taking a large arctic ice flow, placing on it refrigeration equipment
to maintain it's integrity, and propulsion equipment to steer it about.
This ice flow was to be used as a floating airfield for Their Majesty's aircraft!
One recalls Hitler having a great fear of the project, most notably telling Churchill
each time Churchill met with him to complain about the goings on in Europe,
"Don't make a big Hubbakuk." All that remains is for the project to be pulled from
the limbo of the hidden war document filing cabinets and undertaken.
Make a great hubbakuk.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................
An Olympian Task For Britain.
From the Olympic Charter
Art. 12: Olympic Symbol
1 The Olympic symbol consists of the five Olympic rings used alone, in one or in several colours.
2 The five colours of the rings are mandatorily blue, yellow, black, green and red. The rings are interlaced from left to right. The blue, black and red rings are situated at the top, the yellow and green rings at the bottom. The
whole approximately forms a regular trapezium, the shorter of the parallel sides forming the base, according to the official design deposited at the IOC headquarters and (reproduced) below.
3 The Olympic symbol represents the union of the five continents and the meeting of athletes from throughout the world at the Olympic Games.
I propose to engineer an Olympic Movement in Britain to have Britain declared as a continent, and so have it's own Olympic Ring, the missing Sixth Ring.Presently all Britain is considered to be In-Continent.
It is to be pointed out, that North and South America are considered separate, and continents, yet they are joined, merely severed by the man-made Panama Canal...does this really count then as separate,yet they have a ring each.
Similarly, Africa is not separate from Europe-Asia except by the man-made Suez Canal, which hardly counts, and so three rings represent what really should merely be one.Europe and Asia are not separate at all,but entirely joined, and also as before, joined with Africa as well.
Australia is there large and looming, and entirely by itself and so legitimately has it's own ring.
But all things considered, has Britain not been shunned? Should Britain not have it's own legitimate Olympic Ring.
Logic dictates so. Definitely what with the next Olympics being in Britain, and Britain bearing the ever increasing huge Olympian cost,Britain should get something in return. Britons must take up the cause and petition for our own Olympic Ring! We are a continent, a separate Island continent. Indeed we must cease this intolerant and intolerable Olympic In-Continence which Britain suffers from.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
..............................................................
Floating Ideas
In 1917 and 1918 British builders constructed barges, tugs and fishing boats using concrete. The Americans were more ambitious, commissioning a fleet of 12 ocean-going concrete freighters costing 50 million dollars.
The concrete ships that were built followed the design of steel ships of that era, but required much thicker hulls to get the same amount of strength that the steel gave. A newly-developed form of concrete that included portland cement was used because it was relatively light (Only 120 pounds per cubic foot). Even so, the ships were much heavier than steel ships. The ship builders also found that concrete was much more difficult to manipulate than steel, making the ships more difficult to construct. The oldest known ferro-cement ship was a dingy built by Joseph Louis Lambot in Southern France in the year 1848. The boat was featured in the 1855 World's Fair held in France. An Italian engineer, Carlo Gabellini, built barges and small ships out of ferro-cement in the 1890s.1910s saw the building of several ferro-cement ships in UK. One of these ships, the Violette, was built in 1917 and is currently used as a boating clubhouse on the River Medway in England. This makes her the oldest ferro-cement ship still
afloat.On August 2, 1917, N.K. Fougner of Norway launched the first ocean-going ferro-cement ship, an 84-foot long boat named Namsenfjord. With the success of the ship, several more small ferro-cement vessels were built.World War II led to shortages in steel supply. In 1942, the U.S. government contracted McCloskey & Company of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to construct a new fleet of 24 cement ships. Construction of the fleet started in July, 1943 in Tampa, Florida. Innovations in cement mixing and composition technology made these ships stronger than the World War I efforts.
Other companies were contracted to build barge ships. These too were large vessels that lacked engines to propel them. Instead, they were used for storage and towed around by other ships.
Some of them were used to transport troops back from Europe at the end of the first World War.
Well now, here's a concrete idea, Britain has lost it's shipyards to the high costs of construction of ships, requiring welders,riveter etc etc etc, and high unit costs of steels and their manufacture. Britain could once again reestablish itself as a world leading shipbuilder, a true model of a shipbuilding mold in the world. Yes, reinstate an already sound, tried and true method of building ships,out of concrete! A truly concrete idea which the M.R.L. must encourage be resurrected!!
There is yet another idea, which was said to have been tried, and had varying success, vessels,particularly in this instance, aircraft carriers, made out of pykrete.
Pykrete is a composite material made of approximately 14% sawdust (or, less frequently, wood pulp) and 86% ice by
weight, invented by Max Perutz and proposed during World War II by Geoffrey Pyke to the Royal Navy as a candidate material for making a huge, unsinkable aircraft carrier, Project Habbakuk, actually more of a floating island than a
ship in the traditional sense. Pykrete has some interesting properties, notably its relatively slow melting rate (due to low thermal conductivity), and its vastly improved strength and toughness over pure ice, actually closer to
concrete. Pykrete is slightly harder to form than concrete, as it expands while freezing, but can be repaired and maintained from the sea's most abundant raw material.However, I have delved further in to this and have discovered
that tests on the material have actually revealed a 50% longer lifespan than ordinary ice, and one which can further be enhanced by suitable refrigeration equipments. Indeed the vessel constructions could easily be funded out of the
many political slush funds which abound nowadays.However there is substantial possibilities of crews catching colds easily,getting rheumatism, hemarroids from sitting on the ice too long etc etc etc, and so in a sound engineering
decision I am favoring further research in the matter, but going with the sure concrete proposal.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*****************************************************
M.R.L. Birmingham Transportation Modernization
The city of Birmingham has been selected for transportation upgrade
and modernization. Clearly the city is ideal for such a futuristic
project, being the juncture of not one, but several canals.
Indeed what is proposed is an engineering project which will solve
all of the problem encountered here in modern times, problems such
as highly annoying massive transportation gridlock encountered in
city centers. Also it will solve the problem of those who own
vehicle in the first place, eliminating the high cost of gasoline
in the all together,and pleasing the Greens in that we shall
eliminate ninety nine percent of pollution problems involving
vehicles. What is proposed in bringing Birmingham in to the future,
we shall follow the wisdoms of those of the Southeast asian
countries and the City Of Venice, we shall eliminate the roadways
within the city, just the roadways, and replace them with shallow
canals all throughout! Of course the canals will have at corners
walkways crossing the canal allowing for walking and bicycling.
One may also use the roadway canals for transportation of goods
and services by application of punts,rowboats, and small barges.
Indeed this will eliminate all traffic problems involving vehicles,
eliminate their pollutions, and also will solve the problem
of dependence on foreign fuels. Imagine, we can also take things
further with more canals eventually linking all of these new
canal cities!What fear I the high cost of vehicles and gasolines!
Nay what's necessary for today's politicians is a jolly good
paddling!!!!!!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
**************************************************************
For Whom The Bridge Tolls
A group of American and (to our shame)British engineers have studied the feasibility of
building a bridge (A structure that allows people or vehicles to cross an obstacle such as a
river or canal or railway etc.)to span the straits of Gibralter. Such a bridge would be of a
combination suspension-truss design and would dwarf any existing bridge in height (over 3000
feet) and length (15 km). Of course the depth of the strait reaches 300m.
Now why not then build a bridge spanning the English Channel at Dover, which would be much,much
easier, the channel at Dover being a maximum of 180feet, or 55m deep, and the width being
18 miles, or 30km. True the bridge would be longer, but the depth of the required support
pillars would be much,much less.What could also be done,is construct the bridge relatively
low to the water and at a central portion construct a lift bridge portion. Now since most of
the shipping traffic in the channel, except that going directly across, is of a most foul and
foreign nature, we propose that said lift bridge portion would only be raised to allow
a ship to pass, should the ship pay a toll. The idea is perfectly sound and a grand way of
revenue, for example we have toll roads in England(Europeans aren't required to pay tolls on
their roads they not needing the income and inconvenience,this would level the economic
playing field), also the Suez Canal generates revenues for the Arabs, and the Panama Canal
generates revenues for the Central Americans. Indeed Britain already has toll bridges
so the Europeans would just have to equally accept our toll bridge.
Now, it has been suggested that drunken French captains, and drunken German captains, might,
in their rage, ram the bridge in an effort to put and end to it.Well we can take this in to
account and can deal with those efforts as well. Indeed, Britain built in the colony of
Canada, the Canso Causeway, linking an insignificant island to mainland Canada colony,
and it is 1,305m long, and has a depth of 65m. So we are dealing with much shorter length,
and much less depth. Our causeway would be constructed of rock fill and so be impervious to
the drunken rage attacks of irate foreign vessels. Of course, in the center, we would
have our Lift Bridge, and, of course, tool booth. The captains would have to row over to the
booth, pay the toll, and then the bridge would be lifted and they would be allowed to pass.
All that remains is for government to take up this great revenue generating cause and so
benefit the people of Britain with a toll levied not on them, but on the foreigners.
As an added plus, we might just include a roadway, or perhaps a railway line as well
to allow goods and tourists to pass between Britain and Europe, paying again a suitable
toll as well, as they are already forced to do when taking the Chunnel, or riding a
ferry(no comment here) across at the present time. Of course, we in the M.R.L., could
exempt Britons from having to pay a toll, so thus it would be for the foreigners for whom
the bridge tolls.
Secret Squirrel
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
****************************************************************************
The Great Wall Of Garbage
Whilst touring America, I visited Mannanos(Algonquin for Place of Intoxification),
eventually renamed Manhattan, and suitably imbibing refreshments of the same name in
keeping with the custom of the place, we came to discussing America's massive present
problem which it cannot control properly(one of many it seems), namely that of the
inability to keep thousands upon thousands, hundreds of thousands, and quite probably
millions, of illegal immigrants from swarming across America's undefended,indefensible and
unguarded borders(strangely the Canadian ones they simply send back..........perhaps
they're imbeciles or something). In either case, the illegal immigrants are regarded as
undesirables, undesirable aliens or some such, by most Americans and there is a desire to
keep them out(at least that much).Pondering that perhaps the American government wishes to
keep them out as well, I have formulated an idea which will help both Britain and America.
Indeed Britain will solve an ever increasing problem which will not go away, and will make
a handsome profit as well, whilst at the same time we will help the Americans guard their
borders better and make their illegal immigrant problem go away.
What I proposed is that we,in Britain, will take our garbage, and compact it in to neat
blocks.We will then form a government company such that the people of Britain all profit,
and the company will then employ, in America, at cheap rate as the Americans do, the illegal
Mexican immigrants. At the same time the Americans will supply them with such medicare
and social services as they already receive so that this will cost the company nothing.
In either case we will then employ them in the task of piling the blocks, deep and high,
such that the American border is the sealed off by The Great Wall Of Garbage, and so the
illegal immigrant problem will be dealt with,and Britain's great garbage problem will also be dealt with. Should we run out of garbage in the course of the project, we can simply
offer to take Europe's garbage away for free and employ that.This project has the poetic
justice of the illegal immigrants helping keep out illegal immigrants, and at the same time
supplying extremely cheap labor, and adding to America's employment figures,and, we in Britain, will get rid of all of our garbage, selling it to...the Americans.
However, at times the American government does object to some employing these illegal
immigrants in America, especially in such a sensitive project, and should it object to itself
employing them we can simply alter our strategy and go with a simpler and even yet cheaper
one.
No matter with neat garbage blocks, we will simply dump the garbage along the border,
in ever increasing piles, and use cheap,paid for, U.S. Army soldiers to work bulldozers,
to see to it that the job is done correctly and to the satisfaction of the U.S. government,
to build a huge mountain range of garbage all along the border. This is the far cheaper
alternative and I suggest we go with this project.Again if we run out, we can offer to
take Europe's garbage away for free and sell it to the Americans.And politically, it can and could be said, that we could now get the Americans to take garbage from us!!!!!!!!
A jolly good engineering show all round.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minster of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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M.R.L. Farming Policy
Once again, out here on the hustings, it is time to expound my highly superior farming policy,
one which will without a doubt please our farmers, presently in a farming crisis of having to work so very hard
for so very little recompense, in the efforts of the British government to feed the French cheaply. Rather
I propose a method by which our farmers will work very little, if at all, and receive grand
recompense and live the good and proper farming life as was meant to be. Now ever onwards with
my policy....................
and do kindly remember me at election time, and suitably enter me as your write-in election selection,
in any and all constituancies wherein there is no M.R.L. candidate......................
One of the problems facing Britain today, is the crisis in farming, farmers feeling they're just not
getting enough profit for the hard work they put in to growing produce,
whilst others make massive profits and live the high life of not working etc. off of them.
Food,vegetables etc., cost to grow, costs time and effort in planting, costs for machinery to prepare the
field, to plant, to maintain, to cultivate,costs for the necessary farm machinery and maintaining such
machinery. Top it all off, the vast majority of the produce is sold to the Europeans, by the government,
and there sold to their people there, cheaply. Well traveling here in the colony of Canada,aptly named
so as the Germans refer to this location as being a hinter land. Here, in the area known as Quebec,
(translated from the French as "What A Beak"), I have discovered the secret to farming techniques which
require very little effort from the farmers.
Indeed I was intrigued when I heard that a Registered Head Nurse,
had given up her career as a nurse, for the evidently much more lucrative occupation of farming, in short
she became what they call a fermier.But why? Why ever would she do that? So I journeyed out to the farmlands,
to visit her...............err........study farming techniques. Well longer story short, It seems that there, there's profit in it,if you're a fermier all round.
Yes! There's actually great profit in it. Indeed farming in the Quebec area of that colony, and quite probably
thence all over the colony as there must be equality in policy all round there even yet though it is a third world area.
All that it really requires to farm profitably there is a farm,an area of the usual size, but there the farming
techniques diverge from those of Britain.
Indeed, the farm requires only a few heaps of what seem to be abandoned equipments of various
questionable nature, rusted and so for, dilapidated, which are called farm machinery, but which in Britain pass
for a machine on the scrap heap due to be hauled off. Said fermier merely sits on the land,squats as it were , in the farm house,
much as do squatters, but lives very much better, high on the hog(of which we never see any). On the farm itself,
there is much scrub to say the least, and grass of various heights, and there they grow............errr...............sit.....
the crops, the REAL crops..............................rocks.
Yes! Rocks! They farm rocks! For being possessed of said farm, the fermiers are paid by the
government,much as living off of the dole, there, or here, but certainly getting far more such doled out to them
than there, and here for that matter, and all requiring no effort at all in the actual necessity of farming,
rocks, or otherwise, as they'll take care of themselves. Indeed there's yet more, fermiers have the ability
to increase their comfortable dole levels, by participating in certain government projects, that of NOT growing
certain things. For example, they can be paid NOT to grow wheat, or for that matter other crops. So their
land is divided in to certain fields, those not growing wheat,those not growing asparagus etc, and all the
while they can still cultivate the rocks, getting the currency for NOT growing certain crops as an added
extra. Of course, such a farm requires NO maintenance, no machinery costs of any kind(merely requires the
scrap heap with wheels in it). Now there's the solution to our farmers problems, merely adopting the farming
practice so very common to that very foreign colony!And so too, now, as shown by the fermier, our new applied
foreign farming techniques will turn farming in to a Jolly Good Show!!!!!
Carry On Farming!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel.
M.R.L. Monetary Policies
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M.R.L. Food,Produce and Meat Pricing Policies.
Of course, in my campaign, by write in vote, in any constituency wherein
is lacking an M.R.L. candidate, continues ever onwards in an effort to
bring the British people to their senses, and bring them to a better government,
and M.R.L. government, the only government which makes sense.
I would, of course, appreciate your vote.
Indeed I do consider myself much more suitable as a candidate as opposed
to my rather laggardly opponents.Take note of my many engineering proposals
as already presented to you, take note of their technologically advanced natures, taking in to
account both modern and ancient technology, combining the best of both worlds
past and present, to build a better future for the British people.
I have presented those to you, I have presented my social policies as well,
and now, as my opponents have sneered and stated I've not policies which
will reduce costs of such, commonly regarded(by them) as common commodities,
commodities such as foods. Here I sneer back, and expose their
unsuitable policies which have led to a system by which the British people pay
far too much for their own produce, for their own meats.Whereas THEY have no
solution to the problem, I most certainly do, this problem can easily be rectified,
and so, if elected..................
Regard now the dismally high prices we are paying for our fine British produce
in groceries, for our fine British meats, in meat stores, and we gaze across the Channel
and see the French paying far,far less, and indeed for our own exported British produce
and meats,produce and meats exported by our government, provided to the French people
at far less cost than supplied to the British people, British groceries et cetera.
There is a cure for this.
Take note that the French Franc is by far of less
value than the British pound. Take note now of the price of said exported produce in
France, valued at the level of the French Franc, even against the value,converted, of the
Euro. Now, having had a kidney stone, I became interested in the study of the
Euro, Eurology as it were. I noticed the value of the British pound against the Euro,
we get more Euros for the British pound than do the French,since our currency is better,
expressly, frankly speaking, we get more Francs to the frenchman.
So what we do, that is we in government,should we get there is Use our British pound to buy Euros which are dropping against the pound, having first
sold the produce to the French, what we then do, is buy the produce back from the French at the
vastly reduced French Franc/Euro prices, and then supply that to the British groceries and meat
stores at equated reduced prices, which they in turn can now supply to the British people at
vastly reduced prices!A grand saving all round for the British people!!
Savings all round, inexpensive food for all!! And..........................have the Frenchmen pay for it.
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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intelligent,weapons,war,habakkuk,aircraft,carrier,ice,olympics,rings,ships,cement,transportation,floods,canals,bridge,wall,garbage,disposal,farming
Secret Squirrel, of the MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party, his hopes,his dreams,his plans,his engineering designs,his plans for the national defense,plans in the food and farming sector,his financial plans for the good and the betterment of the people of England, Britain, and the World.....what's good for secret Squirrel is good for you, and everything he plans is good for you.......he has good intentions, remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
M.R.L. Manned Intelligent Weapons Delivery System
In view of recent austerity measures taken with respect to the armed forces, I have turned my attention to attempting to alleviate the problem somewhat. Here we see a development of my manned intelligent weapons delivery system. What we do is utilize the intelligence, of man, in this case,the airman, Basically he's suspended by a detachable harness to the wing ordinance pylon, in short, he's the actual delivery system...........much cheaper than missile development.
The Japanese were the first developing an intelligent guidance system for aircraft bombs,however, theirs were of the expendable variety, the so called Kamakazi,who were expended along with the bomb delivery vehicle.It was known as a Baka bomb system,as well, which is Japanese for Idiot Bomb,which they had to be to take such a job. Their system failed basically in the delivery,many times, basically due to the lack of intelligence for those who signed up for that particular job,and also in the fact that their intelligent airman expired when so employed.This was and is considered to be highly detrimental in future recruitment.
Ours is an offshoot of the first system,however, no harm actually comes to the airman,which no doubt will please British airmen, and also increase recruitment. In our system, the British airman is re-loadable and reusable.Note the extreme flexibility this system offers, along with the abilities to intelligently direct and deliver fire towards the enemy with a multitude of weapons available to be used. Here the airman is shown holding a simple automatic pistol,such as one sees used to such great effect in U.S. schools. Of course said stated automatic pistol could be replaced by an automatic rifle, or say fully automatic machine gun. The system could also use and carry and drop grenades intelligently on target,properly aimed. Further flexibility is available through the airman equipped use of an R.P.G. type of weapon.
Of course what with recent remarks made by Air Vice Marshall "Kamakazi" Walker,obviously deeply influenced by the Japanese Kamakazi Corps, has mentioned the possibility of suicide missions being flown against Taliban or other terror groups,by our present British air forces. He's obviously also seen the ridiculous unintelligent side of intelligent bombs and delivery systems etc, but has gone a touch Baka suggesting that the airman should intelligently guide the bombs to the target, and then see to it,personally,that the bomb etc crashes in to it's target,dashing themselves to pieces. One assumes that should government not be in our hands, and our system developed,that the Air Vice Marshall might order the weapons carrier airman also dropped on an enemy target,misfortunately. Of course, as the system development experiments continue and the system takes form to a fully operational working intelligent weapons system, one hopes that by then the M.R.L. would have achieved government, and so too, no doubt does our weapons system itself.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.....................................
MRL Revives The Secretly Abandoned Project Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk or Habbakuk (spelling varies; see below) was a plan by the British in World War II to construct an aircraft carrier out of pykrete (a mixture of wood pulp and ice), for use against German U-boats in the mid-Atlantic, which was out of range of land-based planes.
And .......................
http://www.royalnavalmuseum.org/info_sheets_Habbakkuk.htm
The Habbakuk Project
HABBAKUK: GEOFFREY PYKE'S ICEBERG AIRCRAFT CARRIER
In 1942, the Allied forces were losing a considerable amount of merchant shipping in the Atlantic Ocean, due to German submarine forces and the lack of adequate air cover in the mid-Atlantic. The range of operating aircraft was not sufficient to cover this area and aircraft carriers were in short supply to allow for shorter range flying. Plans for an Allied invasion of Europe were also underway and it was felt that large floating platforms were needed to assist the assault forces. The Second World War was also a time when many scientists were encouraged to develop weapon technology and other military equipment to assist the war effort. Many projects that were developed were successful, such as the bouncing bomb by Barnes Wallis, midget submarines, mulberry harbours and the Pipe Line Under The Ocean (PLUTO) project. Others were not so successful and some were even incredible.
And so onwards, backwards......................
We in the MRL have seen the deterioration in numbers of Britain's Navy, particularly the miniaturization of the carrier fleets to those of midget ships amongst the giants of the seas,said to be an act of austerity, lacks of funds, or simply because who really wants a ship built by the french(there are limits to what we can ask our sailors to serve on)....we, however, have a solution to this problem
A Project Hubbakuk
Misfortunately, nowadays, Her Majesty's Royal Navy is falling on hard times,
budgets and things, but basicly polite for bankrupt,even yet ghost broke
as even the great Naval ancestors shake their heads and walk away from it all.
However, there is a solution to the crisis, specificly the crisis of being
unable to afford aircraft carriers.The answer is hidden in the records of
Whitehall, secret documents hidden from sight of a project planned to be
undertaken, that of the Project Hubbakuk. Indeed this secret project
involved taking a large arctic ice flow, placing on it refrigeration equipment
to maintain it's integrity, and propulsion equipment to steer it about.
This ice flow was to be used as a floating airfield for Their Majesty's aircraft!
One recalls Hitler having a great fear of the project, most notably telling Churchill
each time Churchill met with him to complain about the goings on in Europe,
"Don't make a big Hubbakuk." All that remains is for the project to be pulled from
the limbo of the hidden war document filing cabinets and undertaken.
Make a great hubbakuk.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................
An Olympian Task For Britain.
From the Olympic Charter
Art. 12: Olympic Symbol
1 The Olympic symbol consists of the five Olympic rings used alone, in one or in several colours.
2 The five colours of the rings are mandatorily blue, yellow, black, green and red. The rings are interlaced from left to right. The blue, black and red rings are situated at the top, the yellow and green rings at the bottom. The
whole approximately forms a regular trapezium, the shorter of the parallel sides forming the base, according to the official design deposited at the IOC headquarters and (reproduced) below.
3 The Olympic symbol represents the union of the five continents and the meeting of athletes from throughout the world at the Olympic Games.
I propose to engineer an Olympic Movement in Britain to have Britain declared as a continent, and so have it's own Olympic Ring, the missing Sixth Ring.Presently all Britain is considered to be In-Continent.
It is to be pointed out, that North and South America are considered separate, and continents, yet they are joined, merely severed by the man-made Panama Canal...does this really count then as separate,yet they have a ring each.
Similarly, Africa is not separate from Europe-Asia except by the man-made Suez Canal, which hardly counts, and so three rings represent what really should merely be one.Europe and Asia are not separate at all,but entirely joined, and also as before, joined with Africa as well.
Australia is there large and looming, and entirely by itself and so legitimately has it's own ring.
But all things considered, has Britain not been shunned? Should Britain not have it's own legitimate Olympic Ring.
Logic dictates so. Definitely what with the next Olympics being in Britain, and Britain bearing the ever increasing huge Olympian cost,Britain should get something in return. Britons must take up the cause and petition for our own Olympic Ring! We are a continent, a separate Island continent. Indeed we must cease this intolerant and intolerable Olympic In-Continence which Britain suffers from.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
..............................................................
Floating Ideas
In 1917 and 1918 British builders constructed barges, tugs and fishing boats using concrete. The Americans were more ambitious, commissioning a fleet of 12 ocean-going concrete freighters costing 50 million dollars.
The concrete ships that were built followed the design of steel ships of that era, but required much thicker hulls to get the same amount of strength that the steel gave. A newly-developed form of concrete that included portland cement was used because it was relatively light (Only 120 pounds per cubic foot). Even so, the ships were much heavier than steel ships. The ship builders also found that concrete was much more difficult to manipulate than steel, making the ships more difficult to construct. The oldest known ferro-cement ship was a dingy built by Joseph Louis Lambot in Southern France in the year 1848. The boat was featured in the 1855 World's Fair held in France. An Italian engineer, Carlo Gabellini, built barges and small ships out of ferro-cement in the 1890s.1910s saw the building of several ferro-cement ships in UK. One of these ships, the Violette, was built in 1917 and is currently used as a boating clubhouse on the River Medway in England. This makes her the oldest ferro-cement ship still
afloat.On August 2, 1917, N.K. Fougner of Norway launched the first ocean-going ferro-cement ship, an 84-foot long boat named Namsenfjord. With the success of the ship, several more small ferro-cement vessels were built.World War II led to shortages in steel supply. In 1942, the U.S. government contracted McCloskey & Company of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to construct a new fleet of 24 cement ships. Construction of the fleet started in July, 1943 in Tampa, Florida. Innovations in cement mixing and composition technology made these ships stronger than the World War I efforts.
Other companies were contracted to build barge ships. These too were large vessels that lacked engines to propel them. Instead, they were used for storage and towed around by other ships.
Some of them were used to transport troops back from Europe at the end of the first World War.
Well now, here's a concrete idea, Britain has lost it's shipyards to the high costs of construction of ships, requiring welders,riveter etc etc etc, and high unit costs of steels and their manufacture. Britain could once again reestablish itself as a world leading shipbuilder, a true model of a shipbuilding mold in the world. Yes, reinstate an already sound, tried and true method of building ships,out of concrete! A truly concrete idea which the M.R.L. must encourage be resurrected!!
There is yet another idea, which was said to have been tried, and had varying success, vessels,particularly in this instance, aircraft carriers, made out of pykrete.
Pykrete is a composite material made of approximately 14% sawdust (or, less frequently, wood pulp) and 86% ice by
weight, invented by Max Perutz and proposed during World War II by Geoffrey Pyke to the Royal Navy as a candidate material for making a huge, unsinkable aircraft carrier, Project Habbakuk, actually more of a floating island than a
ship in the traditional sense. Pykrete has some interesting properties, notably its relatively slow melting rate (due to low thermal conductivity), and its vastly improved strength and toughness over pure ice, actually closer to
concrete. Pykrete is slightly harder to form than concrete, as it expands while freezing, but can be repaired and maintained from the sea's most abundant raw material.However, I have delved further in to this and have discovered
that tests on the material have actually revealed a 50% longer lifespan than ordinary ice, and one which can further be enhanced by suitable refrigeration equipments. Indeed the vessel constructions could easily be funded out of the
many political slush funds which abound nowadays.However there is substantial possibilities of crews catching colds easily,getting rheumatism, hemarroids from sitting on the ice too long etc etc etc, and so in a sound engineering
decision I am favoring further research in the matter, but going with the sure concrete proposal.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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M.R.L. Birmingham Transportation Modernization
The city of Birmingham has been selected for transportation upgrade
and modernization. Clearly the city is ideal for such a futuristic
project, being the juncture of not one, but several canals.
Indeed what is proposed is an engineering project which will solve
all of the problem encountered here in modern times, problems such
as highly annoying massive transportation gridlock encountered in
city centers. Also it will solve the problem of those who own
vehicle in the first place, eliminating the high cost of gasoline
in the all together,and pleasing the Greens in that we shall
eliminate ninety nine percent of pollution problems involving
vehicles. What is proposed in bringing Birmingham in to the future,
we shall follow the wisdoms of those of the Southeast asian
countries and the City Of Venice, we shall eliminate the roadways
within the city, just the roadways, and replace them with shallow
canals all throughout! Of course the canals will have at corners
walkways crossing the canal allowing for walking and bicycling.
One may also use the roadway canals for transportation of goods
and services by application of punts,rowboats, and small barges.
Indeed this will eliminate all traffic problems involving vehicles,
eliminate their pollutions, and also will solve the problem
of dependence on foreign fuels. Imagine, we can also take things
further with more canals eventually linking all of these new
canal cities!What fear I the high cost of vehicles and gasolines!
Nay what's necessary for today's politicians is a jolly good
paddling!!!!!!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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For Whom The Bridge Tolls
A group of American and (to our shame)British engineers have studied the feasibility of
building a bridge (A structure that allows people or vehicles to cross an obstacle such as a
river or canal or railway etc.)to span the straits of Gibralter. Such a bridge would be of a
combination suspension-truss design and would dwarf any existing bridge in height (over 3000
feet) and length (15 km). Of course the depth of the strait reaches 300m.
Now why not then build a bridge spanning the English Channel at Dover, which would be much,much
easier, the channel at Dover being a maximum of 180feet, or 55m deep, and the width being
18 miles, or 30km. True the bridge would be longer, but the depth of the required support
pillars would be much,much less.What could also be done,is construct the bridge relatively
low to the water and at a central portion construct a lift bridge portion. Now since most of
the shipping traffic in the channel, except that going directly across, is of a most foul and
foreign nature, we propose that said lift bridge portion would only be raised to allow
a ship to pass, should the ship pay a toll. The idea is perfectly sound and a grand way of
revenue, for example we have toll roads in England(Europeans aren't required to pay tolls on
their roads they not needing the income and inconvenience,this would level the economic
playing field), also the Suez Canal generates revenues for the Arabs, and the Panama Canal
generates revenues for the Central Americans. Indeed Britain already has toll bridges
so the Europeans would just have to equally accept our toll bridge.
Now, it has been suggested that drunken French captains, and drunken German captains, might,
in their rage, ram the bridge in an effort to put and end to it.Well we can take this in to
account and can deal with those efforts as well. Indeed, Britain built in the colony of
Canada, the Canso Causeway, linking an insignificant island to mainland Canada colony,
and it is 1,305m long, and has a depth of 65m. So we are dealing with much shorter length,
and much less depth. Our causeway would be constructed of rock fill and so be impervious to
the drunken rage attacks of irate foreign vessels. Of course, in the center, we would
have our Lift Bridge, and, of course, tool booth. The captains would have to row over to the
booth, pay the toll, and then the bridge would be lifted and they would be allowed to pass.
All that remains is for government to take up this great revenue generating cause and so
benefit the people of Britain with a toll levied not on them, but on the foreigners.
As an added plus, we might just include a roadway, or perhaps a railway line as well
to allow goods and tourists to pass between Britain and Europe, paying again a suitable
toll as well, as they are already forced to do when taking the Chunnel, or riding a
ferry(no comment here) across at the present time. Of course, we in the M.R.L., could
exempt Britons from having to pay a toll, so thus it would be for the foreigners for whom
the bridge tolls.
Secret Squirrel
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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The Great Wall Of Garbage
Whilst touring America, I visited Mannanos(Algonquin for Place of Intoxification),
eventually renamed Manhattan, and suitably imbibing refreshments of the same name in
keeping with the custom of the place, we came to discussing America's massive present
problem which it cannot control properly(one of many it seems), namely that of the
inability to keep thousands upon thousands, hundreds of thousands, and quite probably
millions, of illegal immigrants from swarming across America's undefended,indefensible and
unguarded borders(strangely the Canadian ones they simply send back..........perhaps
they're imbeciles or something). In either case, the illegal immigrants are regarded as
undesirables, undesirable aliens or some such, by most Americans and there is a desire to
keep them out(at least that much).Pondering that perhaps the American government wishes to
keep them out as well, I have formulated an idea which will help both Britain and America.
Indeed Britain will solve an ever increasing problem which will not go away, and will make
a handsome profit as well, whilst at the same time we will help the Americans guard their
borders better and make their illegal immigrant problem go away.
What I proposed is that we,in Britain, will take our garbage, and compact it in to neat
blocks.We will then form a government company such that the people of Britain all profit,
and the company will then employ, in America, at cheap rate as the Americans do, the illegal
Mexican immigrants. At the same time the Americans will supply them with such medicare
and social services as they already receive so that this will cost the company nothing.
In either case we will then employ them in the task of piling the blocks, deep and high,
such that the American border is the sealed off by The Great Wall Of Garbage, and so the
illegal immigrant problem will be dealt with,and Britain's great garbage problem will also be dealt with. Should we run out of garbage in the course of the project, we can simply
offer to take Europe's garbage away for free and employ that.This project has the poetic
justice of the illegal immigrants helping keep out illegal immigrants, and at the same time
supplying extremely cheap labor, and adding to America's employment figures,and, we in Britain, will get rid of all of our garbage, selling it to...the Americans.
However, at times the American government does object to some employing these illegal
immigrants in America, especially in such a sensitive project, and should it object to itself
employing them we can simply alter our strategy and go with a simpler and even yet cheaper
one.
No matter with neat garbage blocks, we will simply dump the garbage along the border,
in ever increasing piles, and use cheap,paid for, U.S. Army soldiers to work bulldozers,
to see to it that the job is done correctly and to the satisfaction of the U.S. government,
to build a huge mountain range of garbage all along the border. This is the far cheaper
alternative and I suggest we go with this project.Again if we run out, we can offer to
take Europe's garbage away for free and sell it to the Americans.And politically, it can and could be said, that we could now get the Americans to take garbage from us!!!!!!!!
A jolly good engineering show all round.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minster of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*******************************************************************
M.R.L. Farming Policy
Once again, out here on the hustings, it is time to expound my highly superior farming policy,
one which will without a doubt please our farmers, presently in a farming crisis of having to work so very hard
for so very little recompense, in the efforts of the British government to feed the French cheaply. Rather
I propose a method by which our farmers will work very little, if at all, and receive grand
recompense and live the good and proper farming life as was meant to be. Now ever onwards with
my policy....................
and do kindly remember me at election time, and suitably enter me as your write-in election selection,
in any and all constituancies wherein there is no M.R.L. candidate......................
One of the problems facing Britain today, is the crisis in farming, farmers feeling they're just not
getting enough profit for the hard work they put in to growing produce,
whilst others make massive profits and live the high life of not working etc. off of them.
Food,vegetables etc., cost to grow, costs time and effort in planting, costs for machinery to prepare the
field, to plant, to maintain, to cultivate,costs for the necessary farm machinery and maintaining such
machinery. Top it all off, the vast majority of the produce is sold to the Europeans, by the government,
and there sold to their people there, cheaply. Well traveling here in the colony of Canada,aptly named
so as the Germans refer to this location as being a hinter land. Here, in the area known as Quebec,
(translated from the French as "What A Beak"), I have discovered the secret to farming techniques which
require very little effort from the farmers.
Indeed I was intrigued when I heard that a Registered Head Nurse,
had given up her career as a nurse, for the evidently much more lucrative occupation of farming, in short
she became what they call a fermier.But why? Why ever would she do that? So I journeyed out to the farmlands,
to visit her...............err........study farming techniques. Well longer story short, It seems that there, there's profit in it,if you're a fermier all round.
Yes! There's actually great profit in it. Indeed farming in the Quebec area of that colony, and quite probably
thence all over the colony as there must be equality in policy all round there even yet though it is a third world area.
All that it really requires to farm profitably there is a farm,an area of the usual size, but there the farming
techniques diverge from those of Britain.
Indeed, the farm requires only a few heaps of what seem to be abandoned equipments of various
questionable nature, rusted and so for, dilapidated, which are called farm machinery, but which in Britain pass
for a machine on the scrap heap due to be hauled off. Said fermier merely sits on the land,squats as it were , in the farm house,
much as do squatters, but lives very much better, high on the hog(of which we never see any). On the farm itself,
there is much scrub to say the least, and grass of various heights, and there they grow............errr...............sit.....
the crops, the REAL crops..............................rocks.
Yes! Rocks! They farm rocks! For being possessed of said farm, the fermiers are paid by the
government,much as living off of the dole, there, or here, but certainly getting far more such doled out to them
than there, and here for that matter, and all requiring no effort at all in the actual necessity of farming,
rocks, or otherwise, as they'll take care of themselves. Indeed there's yet more, fermiers have the ability
to increase their comfortable dole levels, by participating in certain government projects, that of NOT growing
certain things. For example, they can be paid NOT to grow wheat, or for that matter other crops. So their
land is divided in to certain fields, those not growing wheat,those not growing asparagus etc, and all the
while they can still cultivate the rocks, getting the currency for NOT growing certain crops as an added
extra. Of course, such a farm requires NO maintenance, no machinery costs of any kind(merely requires the
scrap heap with wheels in it). Now there's the solution to our farmers problems, merely adopting the farming
practice so very common to that very foreign colony!And so too, now, as shown by the fermier, our new applied
foreign farming techniques will turn farming in to a Jolly Good Show!!!!!
Carry On Farming!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel.
M.R.L. Monetary Policies
*********************************************************************
M.R.L. Food,Produce and Meat Pricing Policies.
Of course, in my campaign, by write in vote, in any constituency wherein
is lacking an M.R.L. candidate, continues ever onwards in an effort to
bring the British people to their senses, and bring them to a better government,
and M.R.L. government, the only government which makes sense.
I would, of course, appreciate your vote.
Indeed I do consider myself much more suitable as a candidate as opposed
to my rather laggardly opponents.Take note of my many engineering proposals
as already presented to you, take note of their technologically advanced natures, taking in to
account both modern and ancient technology, combining the best of both worlds
past and present, to build a better future for the British people.
I have presented those to you, I have presented my social policies as well,
and now, as my opponents have sneered and stated I've not policies which
will reduce costs of such, commonly regarded(by them) as common commodities,
commodities such as foods. Here I sneer back, and expose their
unsuitable policies which have led to a system by which the British people pay
far too much for their own produce, for their own meats.Whereas THEY have no
solution to the problem, I most certainly do, this problem can easily be rectified,
and so, if elected..................
Regard now the dismally high prices we are paying for our fine British produce
in groceries, for our fine British meats, in meat stores, and we gaze across the Channel
and see the French paying far,far less, and indeed for our own exported British produce
and meats,produce and meats exported by our government, provided to the French people
at far less cost than supplied to the British people, British groceries et cetera.
There is a cure for this.
Take note that the French Franc is by far of less
value than the British pound. Take note now of the price of said exported produce in
France, valued at the level of the French Franc, even against the value,converted, of the
Euro. Now, having had a kidney stone, I became interested in the study of the
Euro, Eurology as it were. I noticed the value of the British pound against the Euro,
we get more Euros for the British pound than do the French,since our currency is better,
expressly, frankly speaking, we get more Francs to the frenchman.
So what we do, that is we in government,should we get there is Use our British pound to buy Euros which are dropping against the pound, having first
sold the produce to the French, what we then do, is buy the produce back from the French at the
vastly reduced French Franc/Euro prices, and then supply that to the British groceries and meat
stores at equated reduced prices, which they in turn can now supply to the British people at
vastly reduced prices!A grand saving all round for the British people!!
Savings all round, inexpensive food for all!! And..........................have the Frenchmen pay for it.
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
********************************************************************
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Secret Squirrel's Miraculous Doings....Continue.
Keywords:
global,warming,cows,gas,rich,ice,floods,chunnel,electricity,eels,electricity,marlon,brando,ozone,cars,secret squirrel,propulsion
The MRL Global Warming Cow Gas Emission Collection Plan.
Secret Squirrel global warming is a global problem which we must now turn our attention to.Meet the world's top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane,or even George Bush,: it is the cow.
A United Nations report has identified the world's rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs, and also..............global warming.Cows and bulls can produce 500 litres of methane a day.
Here I stand, out in a field in Devonshire,as she stares at me she is constantly chewing... and burping .........and.............farting.One dairy cow gives off enough methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 empty litre bottles of pop, which is really bad for the environment. It turns out that livestock – predominantly cattle – are responsible for an astonishing proportion of global warming gases - 18 percent of the total, to be precise.Indeed these fart gases rise in the atmos and hence are proveably responsible for the ever increasing great hole in the ozone layer.
A single cow could be producing as much as 500 litres of methane per day.
There are more than two million more like her across the UK.
They are the UK's biggest single source of methane - a gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide when it comes to global warming.
In fact cattle are responsible for about 3 per cent of all Britain's greenhouse gases. Reduce that and experts say you not only make farming greener and more efficient, it could help Britain achieve its commitments under the Kyoto agreement.But who are the major moral culprits in the events of cows and global warming.......
What countries have the most cattle?Here they are in order of the top ten.
1 India
2 Brazil
3 China
4 US
5 Argentina
6 Sudan
7 Ethiopia
8 Mexico
9 Russian Federation
10 Colombia
Indeed none of these nations can say,."Haven't got a cow man!",as it is time to lay the blame. No indeed, they have cows, and lots of'em, and are the major cause of the problems affecting the world,the problems of global warming. But enough of the cause of global warming, are there then solutions to the problem....................well................
Argentine scientists are studying the effects of global warming by strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their gas.
Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas that gets far less attention than carbon dioxide as a potential cause of global warming.
So to collect it a plastic tank is fitted to the cow's back and connected through a tube to the animal's stomach.
Aha! Wisdom prevails, but not in the Argentinians.indeed they are studying the problem, collecting gases to study the problem. Little do they realize that that is the actual solution to the problem...the have absolutely no hindsight in the foresight of their studies...indeed fitting each and every cow with such a gas collector, collecting both belches, and farts..............would save humanity!!!
Oh the humanity of it! Fields of cows,cows running about India,etc etc etc, fitted with these gas bag collecting tanks.Not to study but to actually collect,to gather, to bottle. Said tanks could thence be emptied, trucks coming about on a daily basis to collect the methane gas, and then that gas being bottled and condensed, and hence use in place of such gases as propane, an offspring of.......oil. Indeed this collected gas could be storage tanked and thence used as cooking gas for homes, heating gas for homes,homes could be lit by it!!
Indeed the mind boggles, said gas could also have applications in being burned to provide gas fuels for motor cars,lorries and buses. Indeed once more we in the MRL have excelled, identified the problem, and applied a technologically engineered cure for the betterment of humanity whilst at the same time ending the most massive contributer to the global warming crisis.The world is saved!! By the MRL!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
-------------------------
How The M.R.L. Will Make EACH U.K. Citizen Rich For Life
Secret Squirrel knows how to make you rich!
(Now, I was pondering the huge payout figures for General Motors, which the British government HAS available to it..........I then pondered the population figures for the UK....got out the calculator..............and................well...................do read on..................what's more important, General Motors, or the UK Citizens and YOU? I fully realize that Labour ponders things differently, but here are MY MRL views on what should be done with the available 500million pounds................)
GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' - Telegraph
7 Mar 2009 ... GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' ... GM is believed to want Britain to contribute around £500m to the European rescue .......................
.so the headlines read............but think now, let's analyze this.......
Well now................dire straits for General Motors? Dire straits for Britain with the loss of the foreign US General Motors jobs.....but face it, here this means that Britain with it's population of 61 million, could afford 500m pounds....................now Britain also spends billion elsewhere...but why waste it on General Motors........
It is the sudden realization of the magnitude of this payout.....it is the magnitude of the figure here mentioned to give to a foreign firm for employing a FEW people,in and by comparison with the sum total of the population of the U.K.........but how many people, Britain has a population (United Kingdom), of 61 million...................
It suddenly occurred to me that the UK Government CAN easily afford 500m pounds...........BUT why then does the Labour government, then simply allow General Motors with it's ridiculously low job figures, compared with 61 million UK citizens,to BE GIVEN that princely and handsome sum.................why not then divide the 500m pounds by the 61m population of the United Kingdom, and then......since it is obviously affordable.....pay EACH UNITED KINGDOM CITIZEN 8.1Million Pounds? Think about it, nobody need work, everybody'd be rich, IT IS AFFORDABLE, the Government has it, the government wishes to spend it, why spend it on a foreign firm such as General Motors, Yes! Simply give each U.k. citizen 8.1million pounds instead, and so the 500m pounds could be said to have been wisely spent.
Secret Squirrel,(Frank John Hermann)
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
----------------------------------------
MRL Proposal To Sell Ice To The Canadians.
Secret Squirrel can turn a profit from selling cheap ice to the Canadians!
What once used to be a joking phrase defining a certain kind of salesman may turn out to be prophetic, in my estimation when I achieved a monumentally profitable plot to sell ice to the Canadians, and so provide we in Britain with our fish and chips.
With the dwindling ice pack in the Arctic Ocean, the lives of Canadian Eskimos and polar bears are threatened by global warming.The Canadian government knows what they need.
What the Canadian Arctic needs is ice.But can they afford the real thing? Quite plainly it's
much too costly to set up ice making apparatus in the vicious environment of the Canadian
Northlands..........so if we are to turn a profit off of the Canadians and finally make the
colony pay, we must sell them an alternative which is much cheaper for us to manufacture.
I propose we form a company and start making artificial ice floes to place in the Arctic Ocean to give the polar bears platforms to hunt seals from.
We can make 4 foot thick Styrofoam sheets that look and function like real ice floes,which is much yet cheaper to a pondered proposal, that of using cheaper, but much more expensive than styrofoam, Brazilian wood(which would also save the rain forest and contribute to our reduction of Britain's environmental carbon footprint.)
So the Canadian Eskimoes are threatened because there are fewer polar bears, so we provide at a handsome profit the artificial ice flows such that the polar bears can sit on them, be threatened and hunted by the eskimoes who want to do that and require the polar bears for their sustainance, and the polar bears can threaten and hunt the seals, which the polar bears require for their sustainance, and so the reduced numbers of seals such that they do not consume the cod fish we require for our sustinance in Britain.
So we go in to mass production and sales to the Canadians of the artificial ice floes so we can save the polar bears,save the poor Canadian eskimoes, reduce the seal population and so save the cod fish we require for our fish and chips , all to the great applause of the world.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
----------------------------
Emergency MRL Flood Floatation Equipment
Secret Squirrel knows floods occur,recur, the local populace is always imperiled. No matter what, incumbent governments ignore the
problems, stating the waters will subside if one simply waits, and also that flooding won't occur again,such as occurred in the middle of England ......it does, point in fact ,but in the meanwhile the local populace,which is the people of England, suffer,worry, drown etc etc etc.
Indeed they suffered yet again,as well,in the city of New Orleans in the former colony of the Americas...........indeed 7inches of a rain storm, and the populace was once again waist deep in water. While the occurrence was suppressed in the Americas press, I made note of the fact and set my engineering skills to work. What needs be done? To assist the populace to float through such events,to enable them to empower them, to be able to weather a flood whenever it suddenly occurs,whether government acknowledges the flood occurring or not! Indeed how to deal with such a sudden event,how to be ever ready for such an event? Well, the best course of action is to wear devices such that the populace could ever be ready. Now wearing bulky life vests is on the ridiculous side, so we must turn our engineering expertness to the actual design of clothes themselves. Now, we usually have two forms of weather, mostly hot or extremely regularly warm, and a touch on the cooler side.
Well now I have discovered, existent a ready made solution for the female population, the bikini, the bikini with suitable inflatable water wing breasts! Indeed, this would benefit in terms of style as the female could have a larger set of bristols,zoomers or whatever they are referred to, and at the same time,in the event of a flood could maximally inflate such that they become life saving ,buoyant water wings...as is show in the accompanying picture.
For the cooler days, a dress could be worn, an inflatable dress,but not only inflatable, one that inflates into a full size kayak boat dress and so save the wearing much discomfort and worry during flood situations...again see the accompanying picture of the kayak dress as it could be used.Indeed we in the MRL would see to it, that every female in Britain would be provided,gratis, as in free, as in at no cost to them, one of each of these items. Of course, they might like to purchase more for their wardrobe but that extra cost would have to be born by them. As for males, a suitable pair of blowup kayak pants could be developed for their supply and use.
Indeed as ever, hands reaching out across the water to our misfortunate colonials in The Americas, particularly New Orleans,we could also sent up not lend lease as they provided during our war ,but rather borrow rental during this period of their meteorological war.
See accompanying images of these fascinating,useful and necessary flood clothing items.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
--------------------------------------
The M.R.L.Solving Britain's Flood Water Problems
Well now, what with the recent floodings, and re-floodings occurring now virtually and in reality every year, something should be done about it. But of course the incumbent government has been laggardly in dealing with the recurring situations. There is a solution to the problem, a sound engineering solution, based on sound hydrological engineering principles, the very sound principles set down by the Romans. It all works and will work, on the basis of the Roman knowledge of hydrology, namely that water follows the rule of law written in hydrology that water must flow downhill, unless it is arrested by a rise in the land. Now Britain is up at the top of the world, and extends downwards, quite rightly, and properly with France and the French beneath us.
What needs be done, is quite simply, starting at the top, we construct,in the earth of course, a long line drainage canal extending downwards, towards and collecting at Dover. Why collecting, well there will be several branch lines joining the main artery canal,all part of a drainage canal system
Now the Collector, as it is called, where the water will be disposed of, is quite properly the Chunnel, to which the storm water will the be directed in to, continuing on, ever following the legalities of the Laws Of Hydrology, flowing downwards, and emerging in France, where it will be a French problem for them to deal with.
You recall a previous engineering plan of allowing the sewage of Great Britain to be collected and directed in to the Chunnel? Well, there will be no problem there as the Chunnel can accommodate both the sewage flows and the storm water flows,as some area cities already do have and share a common sewage/sanitation/storm drain system, so too can that principle be applied here, rather than separate, saving the costs of building another Chunnel...........a Pence saved is a Pound earned, until the government takes your pence.
Ever onwards, the M.R.L. solves problems through sound engineering principles.No problem there.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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From the private files of......................
Secret Squirrel
The Rebel Had A Cause.
Secret Squirrel has found,hidden amongst the private papers of Marlon Brando the most brilliant plan to make each and every house in Britain independent of the electrics works companies. Brando envisaged a plan to string electric eels
round and about the swimming pool and then run cables to the house to electrically power the edifice.
Indeed a bold and innovative plan. All that remains is for the M.R.L. to take up his engineering genius
and free the British people from slavery to the electric works.Marlon Brando with his scheme to provide free and readily available eel-ectricity to the people,the people who make up humanity! Oh the humanity of Brando! Genius extraordinare.
Secret Squirrel
(M.R.L.)
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
And just look at this, years after Brando's misfortunate departure from this world......
Japan eel wishes you an electric Christmas
TOKYO (Reuters) - Not even a blackout could put a damper on festivities at one Japanese aquarium where an electric eel is being used to light up its Christmas tree.
Two aluminum panels inside the eel's tank work as electrodes to catch its power. Cables attached to the panels supply the lights on the nearby tree with electricity.
Inventor Kazuhiko Minawa said it took him more than a month to devise a system that would effectively harness eel power.
"If we could gather all electric eels from all around the world, we would be able to light up an unimaginably giant Christmas tree," Minawa told Reuters Television.
Eels are widely eaten in Japan, especially in the summer, when their vitamin-rich flesh is seen as a way to regain stamina sapped by the heat.
The tree, which will stay illuminated until December 25, is proving a popular attraction, drawing tourists from all over the country. "I would love to have an eel like this at home. This is very nature-friendly," said visitor Harumi Yayoi.
(Reporting by Reuters Television; editing by Miral Fahmy)
(One other article mentions a copper electrode............)
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSSP27985020071213
Brando,yes, innovator of eel-ectricity...indeed yes. I recognized his genius years back when he suggested it, and I immediately put it forward to the MRL, as his project for the betterment of the people, indeed yes! And see too how today his project move forwards in to true realization......Brando.................and engineering genius, a pioneer in the field of energy generation, a pioneer in the field of electricity, of the generation,the safe generation, of green electricity,pretty much free eel-ectricity, but then life always throws you a PETA, they'll be marching now claiming cruelty to eels, cruelty for imprisoning eels..................................always the down side.
----------------------------------------------------------------
M.R.L.'s Cow Methane Driven Cars
Secret Squirrel says how now Brown's cow...............what have we here? I have discovered an excellent system of highly efficient automobile fuel, and it's free......indeed have you got a cow man? Well? No? Haven't got a cow? Well....get one..........for your own backyard, and have free automobile fuel for the rest of your life!! Imagine, yes indeed the system is engineering genius,mine of course, and already proveable in operation, indeed provable and efficient as in the example of already on the road propane powered taxis,cars,buses,lorries(trucks).
Cows can produce 500 litres of methane every day...as opposed to your average cowboys who produces 1/2 to 3 litres per day..........(the latter being studies of Mexican cowboys on a bean diet).
So, gasoline cost $0.94cents per litre..........propane $0.42cents per litre....cow methane per litre cost.......zero. The cow can be kept in the backyard and allowed to graze, saving cost and effort of cutting the grass as well.......increasing the savings...........the cow also provides milk.........an added plus.......
Now a per trip values estimate, on gasoline a 600km trip,at 60 litres of gas per trip, on propane the same trip consumes 80 litres, but of much cheaper cost,nearly half, but with propane this drops to zero. As to distance, well the 600 km figure for the day is highly acceptable as a base rate.............even for say taxis. Now taxis,many, are already equipped with propane tanks.
All that remains is to substitute the cow collection methane plastic tank.............easily swapped in with a fresh tank as the cow produces it...imagine, researchers from Argentina were surprised to find that a single 550-kg cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions each day............more than enough for the day, and any excess production could be utilized for home cooking and heating uses,the barbie so plastic tanked as well. Indeed, these methane filled tanks can be used anywhere propane is presently utilized! Even yet trains could become methane cow powered. Imagine, The Iron Horse, becoming know as The Iron Cow!!The method of collection? Well the Argentines have been conducting experiments with cows to collect the methane they produce.
Little do they realize that that tank full of methane, could easily be substituted in vehicles for their already installed propane tanks(these tanks are housed in the boot(trunk), of the vehicles should they be of the passenger type, and other places for non passenger types,such as roofs for buses).! Well I can see you're thinking, how ridiculous it would be to drive about with a cow in the backseat producing methane for the car.......however,we don't need the entire cow, just the tank of methane it fills up, and indeed whilst driving on that tank, the cow could be in the backyard busily filling up yet another tank ready as needed! A truly efficient self-sustaining vehicular fuel energy system!Indeed, we are free! Free from fuel costs! Free to drive about as well please! free! Free! Free! And..the fuel supply is free as well!!
Well for a sureity the oil companies have gotten on to this, indeed at this very moment both pills,injections, and feed additives are being developed to stop cows from producing these massive free amounts of methane. The plot's afoot, I can sense Government and Big Business seeking to send my free fuel engineering system to ruination of the people.
But fear not, get a cow man! And get a methane collection tank! Convert your vehicle to propane driven, but wisely substitute a plastic methane tank swap system!!!!Free yourself!Get a cow,man!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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The Rules For Dealing With The Ozone Problem
I,Secret Squirrel solve this,and any other political problem that confuses and either won't go away or is difficult to explain away as a non problem..................
Launch a public relations campaign disputing the evidence.
Predict dire economic consequences, and ignore the cost benefits.
Find and pay a respected scientist to argue persuasively against the threat.
Use non-peer reviewed scientific publications or industry-funded scientists who don't publish original peer-reviewed scientific work to support your point of view.
Trumpet discredited scientific studies and myths supporting your point of view as scientific fact.
Point to the substantial scientific uncertainty, and the certainty of economic loss if immediate action is taken.
Use data from a local area to support your views, and ignore the global evidence.
Disparage scientists, saying they are playing up uncertain predictions of doom in order to get research funding.
Complain that it is unfair to require regulatory action in Britain, as it would put the nation at an economic disadvantage.
Claim that more research is needed before action should be taken.
Argue that it is less expensive to live with the effects.
Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
-------------------------------------------------------------
global,warming,cows,gas,rich,ice,floods,chunnel,electricity,eels,electricity,marlon,brando,ozone,cars,secret squirrel,propulsion
The MRL Global Warming Cow Gas Emission Collection Plan.
Secret Squirrel global warming is a global problem which we must now turn our attention to.Meet the world's top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane,or even George Bush,: it is the cow.
A United Nations report has identified the world's rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs, and also..............global warming.Cows and bulls can produce 500 litres of methane a day.
Here I stand, out in a field in Devonshire,as she stares at me she is constantly chewing... and burping .........and.............farting.One dairy cow gives off enough methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 empty litre bottles of pop, which is really bad for the environment. It turns out that livestock – predominantly cattle – are responsible for an astonishing proportion of global warming gases - 18 percent of the total, to be precise.Indeed these fart gases rise in the atmos and hence are proveably responsible for the ever increasing great hole in the ozone layer.
A single cow could be producing as much as 500 litres of methane per day.
There are more than two million more like her across the UK.
They are the UK's biggest single source of methane - a gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide when it comes to global warming.
In fact cattle are responsible for about 3 per cent of all Britain's greenhouse gases. Reduce that and experts say you not only make farming greener and more efficient, it could help Britain achieve its commitments under the Kyoto agreement.But who are the major moral culprits in the events of cows and global warming.......
What countries have the most cattle?Here they are in order of the top ten.
1 India
2 Brazil
3 China
4 US
5 Argentina
6 Sudan
7 Ethiopia
8 Mexico
9 Russian Federation
10 Colombia
Indeed none of these nations can say,."Haven't got a cow man!",as it is time to lay the blame. No indeed, they have cows, and lots of'em, and are the major cause of the problems affecting the world,the problems of global warming. But enough of the cause of global warming, are there then solutions to the problem....................well................
Argentine scientists are studying the effects of global warming by strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their gas.
Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas that gets far less attention than carbon dioxide as a potential cause of global warming.
So to collect it a plastic tank is fitted to the cow's back and connected through a tube to the animal's stomach.
Aha! Wisdom prevails, but not in the Argentinians.indeed they are studying the problem, collecting gases to study the problem. Little do they realize that that is the actual solution to the problem...the have absolutely no hindsight in the foresight of their studies...indeed fitting each and every cow with such a gas collector, collecting both belches, and farts..............would save humanity!!!
Oh the humanity of it! Fields of cows,cows running about India,etc etc etc, fitted with these gas bag collecting tanks.Not to study but to actually collect,to gather, to bottle. Said tanks could thence be emptied, trucks coming about on a daily basis to collect the methane gas, and then that gas being bottled and condensed, and hence use in place of such gases as propane, an offspring of.......oil. Indeed this collected gas could be storage tanked and thence used as cooking gas for homes, heating gas for homes,homes could be lit by it!!
Indeed the mind boggles, said gas could also have applications in being burned to provide gas fuels for motor cars,lorries and buses. Indeed once more we in the MRL have excelled, identified the problem, and applied a technologically engineered cure for the betterment of humanity whilst at the same time ending the most massive contributer to the global warming crisis.The world is saved!! By the MRL!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
-------------------------
How The M.R.L. Will Make EACH U.K. Citizen Rich For Life
Secret Squirrel knows how to make you rich!
(Now, I was pondering the huge payout figures for General Motors, which the British government HAS available to it..........I then pondered the population figures for the UK....got out the calculator..............and................well...................do read on..................what's more important, General Motors, or the UK Citizens and YOU? I fully realize that Labour ponders things differently, but here are MY MRL views on what should be done with the available 500million pounds................)
GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' - Telegraph
7 Mar 2009 ... GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' ... GM is believed to want Britain to contribute around £500m to the European rescue .......................
.so the headlines read............but think now, let's analyze this.......
Well now................dire straits for General Motors? Dire straits for Britain with the loss of the foreign US General Motors jobs.....but face it, here this means that Britain with it's population of 61 million, could afford 500m pounds....................now Britain also spends billion elsewhere...but why waste it on General Motors........
It is the sudden realization of the magnitude of this payout.....it is the magnitude of the figure here mentioned to give to a foreign firm for employing a FEW people,in and by comparison with the sum total of the population of the U.K.........but how many people, Britain has a population (United Kingdom), of 61 million...................
It suddenly occurred to me that the UK Government CAN easily afford 500m pounds...........BUT why then does the Labour government, then simply allow General Motors with it's ridiculously low job figures, compared with 61 million UK citizens,to BE GIVEN that princely and handsome sum.................why not then divide the 500m pounds by the 61m population of the United Kingdom, and then......since it is obviously affordable.....pay EACH UNITED KINGDOM CITIZEN 8.1Million Pounds? Think about it, nobody need work, everybody'd be rich, IT IS AFFORDABLE, the Government has it, the government wishes to spend it, why spend it on a foreign firm such as General Motors, Yes! Simply give each U.k. citizen 8.1million pounds instead, and so the 500m pounds could be said to have been wisely spent.
Secret Squirrel,(Frank John Hermann)
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Proposal To Sell Ice To The Canadians.
Secret Squirrel can turn a profit from selling cheap ice to the Canadians!
What once used to be a joking phrase defining a certain kind of salesman may turn out to be prophetic, in my estimation when I achieved a monumentally profitable plot to sell ice to the Canadians, and so provide we in Britain with our fish and chips.
With the dwindling ice pack in the Arctic Ocean, the lives of Canadian Eskimos and polar bears are threatened by global warming.The Canadian government knows what they need.
What the Canadian Arctic needs is ice.But can they afford the real thing? Quite plainly it's
much too costly to set up ice making apparatus in the vicious environment of the Canadian
Northlands..........so if we are to turn a profit off of the Canadians and finally make the
colony pay, we must sell them an alternative which is much cheaper for us to manufacture.
I propose we form a company and start making artificial ice floes to place in the Arctic Ocean to give the polar bears platforms to hunt seals from.
We can make 4 foot thick Styrofoam sheets that look and function like real ice floes,which is much yet cheaper to a pondered proposal, that of using cheaper, but much more expensive than styrofoam, Brazilian wood(which would also save the rain forest and contribute to our reduction of Britain's environmental carbon footprint.)
So the Canadian Eskimoes are threatened because there are fewer polar bears, so we provide at a handsome profit the artificial ice flows such that the polar bears can sit on them, be threatened and hunted by the eskimoes who want to do that and require the polar bears for their sustainance, and the polar bears can threaten and hunt the seals, which the polar bears require for their sustainance, and so the reduced numbers of seals such that they do not consume the cod fish we require for our sustinance in Britain.
So we go in to mass production and sales to the Canadians of the artificial ice floes so we can save the polar bears,save the poor Canadian eskimoes, reduce the seal population and so save the cod fish we require for our fish and chips , all to the great applause of the world.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Emergency MRL Flood Floatation Equipment
Secret Squirrel knows floods occur,recur, the local populace is always imperiled. No matter what, incumbent governments ignore the
problems, stating the waters will subside if one simply waits, and also that flooding won't occur again,such as occurred in the middle of England ......it does, point in fact ,but in the meanwhile the local populace,which is the people of England, suffer,worry, drown etc etc etc.
Indeed they suffered yet again,as well,in the city of New Orleans in the former colony of the Americas...........indeed 7inches of a rain storm, and the populace was once again waist deep in water. While the occurrence was suppressed in the Americas press, I made note of the fact and set my engineering skills to work. What needs be done? To assist the populace to float through such events,to enable them to empower them, to be able to weather a flood whenever it suddenly occurs,whether government acknowledges the flood occurring or not! Indeed how to deal with such a sudden event,how to be ever ready for such an event? Well, the best course of action is to wear devices such that the populace could ever be ready. Now wearing bulky life vests is on the ridiculous side, so we must turn our engineering expertness to the actual design of clothes themselves. Now, we usually have two forms of weather, mostly hot or extremely regularly warm, and a touch on the cooler side.
Well now I have discovered, existent a ready made solution for the female population, the bikini, the bikini with suitable inflatable water wing breasts! Indeed, this would benefit in terms of style as the female could have a larger set of bristols,zoomers or whatever they are referred to, and at the same time,in the event of a flood could maximally inflate such that they become life saving ,buoyant water wings...as is show in the accompanying picture.
For the cooler days, a dress could be worn, an inflatable dress,but not only inflatable, one that inflates into a full size kayak boat dress and so save the wearing much discomfort and worry during flood situations...again see the accompanying picture of the kayak dress as it could be used.Indeed we in the MRL would see to it, that every female in Britain would be provided,gratis, as in free, as in at no cost to them, one of each of these items. Of course, they might like to purchase more for their wardrobe but that extra cost would have to be born by them. As for males, a suitable pair of blowup kayak pants could be developed for their supply and use.
Indeed as ever, hands reaching out across the water to our misfortunate colonials in The Americas, particularly New Orleans,we could also sent up not lend lease as they provided during our war ,but rather borrow rental during this period of their meteorological war.
See accompanying images of these fascinating,useful and necessary flood clothing items.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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The M.R.L.Solving Britain's Flood Water Problems
Well now, what with the recent floodings, and re-floodings occurring now virtually and in reality every year, something should be done about it. But of course the incumbent government has been laggardly in dealing with the recurring situations. There is a solution to the problem, a sound engineering solution, based on sound hydrological engineering principles, the very sound principles set down by the Romans. It all works and will work, on the basis of the Roman knowledge of hydrology, namely that water follows the rule of law written in hydrology that water must flow downhill, unless it is arrested by a rise in the land. Now Britain is up at the top of the world, and extends downwards, quite rightly, and properly with France and the French beneath us.
What needs be done, is quite simply, starting at the top, we construct,in the earth of course, a long line drainage canal extending downwards, towards and collecting at Dover. Why collecting, well there will be several branch lines joining the main artery canal,all part of a drainage canal system
Now the Collector, as it is called, where the water will be disposed of, is quite properly the Chunnel, to which the storm water will the be directed in to, continuing on, ever following the legalities of the Laws Of Hydrology, flowing downwards, and emerging in France, where it will be a French problem for them to deal with.
You recall a previous engineering plan of allowing the sewage of Great Britain to be collected and directed in to the Chunnel? Well, there will be no problem there as the Chunnel can accommodate both the sewage flows and the storm water flows,as some area cities already do have and share a common sewage/sanitation/storm drain system, so too can that principle be applied here, rather than separate, saving the costs of building another Chunnel...........a Pence saved is a Pound earned, until the government takes your pence.
Ever onwards, the M.R.L. solves problems through sound engineering principles.No problem there.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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From the private files of......................
Secret Squirrel
The Rebel Had A Cause.
Secret Squirrel has found,hidden amongst the private papers of Marlon Brando the most brilliant plan to make each and every house in Britain independent of the electrics works companies. Brando envisaged a plan to string electric eels
round and about the swimming pool and then run cables to the house to electrically power the edifice.
Indeed a bold and innovative plan. All that remains is for the M.R.L. to take up his engineering genius
and free the British people from slavery to the electric works.Marlon Brando with his scheme to provide free and readily available eel-ectricity to the people,the people who make up humanity! Oh the humanity of Brando! Genius extraordinare.
Secret Squirrel
(M.R.L.)
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
And just look at this, years after Brando's misfortunate departure from this world......
Japan eel wishes you an electric Christmas
TOKYO (Reuters) - Not even a blackout could put a damper on festivities at one Japanese aquarium where an electric eel is being used to light up its Christmas tree.
Two aluminum panels inside the eel's tank work as electrodes to catch its power. Cables attached to the panels supply the lights on the nearby tree with electricity.
Inventor Kazuhiko Minawa said it took him more than a month to devise a system that would effectively harness eel power.
"If we could gather all electric eels from all around the world, we would be able to light up an unimaginably giant Christmas tree," Minawa told Reuters Television.
Eels are widely eaten in Japan, especially in the summer, when their vitamin-rich flesh is seen as a way to regain stamina sapped by the heat.
The tree, which will stay illuminated until December 25, is proving a popular attraction, drawing tourists from all over the country. "I would love to have an eel like this at home. This is very nature-friendly," said visitor Harumi Yayoi.
(Reporting by Reuters Television; editing by Miral Fahmy)
(One other article mentions a copper electrode............)
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSSP27985020071213
Brando,yes, innovator of eel-ectricity...indeed yes. I recognized his genius years back when he suggested it, and I immediately put it forward to the MRL, as his project for the betterment of the people, indeed yes! And see too how today his project move forwards in to true realization......Brando.................and engineering genius, a pioneer in the field of energy generation, a pioneer in the field of electricity, of the generation,the safe generation, of green electricity,pretty much free eel-ectricity, but then life always throws you a PETA, they'll be marching now claiming cruelty to eels, cruelty for imprisoning eels..................................always the down side.
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M.R.L.'s Cow Methane Driven Cars
Secret Squirrel says how now Brown's cow...............what have we here? I have discovered an excellent system of highly efficient automobile fuel, and it's free......indeed have you got a cow man? Well? No? Haven't got a cow? Well....get one..........for your own backyard, and have free automobile fuel for the rest of your life!! Imagine, yes indeed the system is engineering genius,mine of course, and already proveable in operation, indeed provable and efficient as in the example of already on the road propane powered taxis,cars,buses,lorries(trucks).
Cows can produce 500 litres of methane every day...as opposed to your average cowboys who produces 1/2 to 3 litres per day..........(the latter being studies of Mexican cowboys on a bean diet).
So, gasoline cost $0.94cents per litre..........propane $0.42cents per litre....cow methane per litre cost.......zero. The cow can be kept in the backyard and allowed to graze, saving cost and effort of cutting the grass as well.......increasing the savings...........the cow also provides milk.........an added plus.......
Now a per trip values estimate, on gasoline a 600km trip,at 60 litres of gas per trip, on propane the same trip consumes 80 litres, but of much cheaper cost,nearly half, but with propane this drops to zero. As to distance, well the 600 km figure for the day is highly acceptable as a base rate.............even for say taxis. Now taxis,many, are already equipped with propane tanks.
All that remains is to substitute the cow collection methane plastic tank.............easily swapped in with a fresh tank as the cow produces it...imagine, researchers from Argentina were surprised to find that a single 550-kg cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions each day............more than enough for the day, and any excess production could be utilized for home cooking and heating uses,the barbie so plastic tanked as well. Indeed, these methane filled tanks can be used anywhere propane is presently utilized! Even yet trains could become methane cow powered. Imagine, The Iron Horse, becoming know as The Iron Cow!!The method of collection? Well the Argentines have been conducting experiments with cows to collect the methane they produce.
Little do they realize that that tank full of methane, could easily be substituted in vehicles for their already installed propane tanks(these tanks are housed in the boot(trunk), of the vehicles should they be of the passenger type, and other places for non passenger types,such as roofs for buses).! Well I can see you're thinking, how ridiculous it would be to drive about with a cow in the backseat producing methane for the car.......however,we don't need the entire cow, just the tank of methane it fills up, and indeed whilst driving on that tank, the cow could be in the backyard busily filling up yet another tank ready as needed! A truly efficient self-sustaining vehicular fuel energy system!Indeed, we are free! Free from fuel costs! Free to drive about as well please! free! Free! Free! And..the fuel supply is free as well!!
Well for a sureity the oil companies have gotten on to this, indeed at this very moment both pills,injections, and feed additives are being developed to stop cows from producing these massive free amounts of methane. The plot's afoot, I can sense Government and Big Business seeking to send my free fuel engineering system to ruination of the people.
But fear not, get a cow man! And get a methane collection tank! Convert your vehicle to propane driven, but wisely substitute a plastic methane tank swap system!!!!Free yourself!Get a cow,man!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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The Rules For Dealing With The Ozone Problem
I,Secret Squirrel solve this,and any other political problem that confuses and either won't go away or is difficult to explain away as a non problem..................
Launch a public relations campaign disputing the evidence.
Predict dire economic consequences, and ignore the cost benefits.
Find and pay a respected scientist to argue persuasively against the threat.
Use non-peer reviewed scientific publications or industry-funded scientists who don't publish original peer-reviewed scientific work to support your point of view.
Trumpet discredited scientific studies and myths supporting your point of view as scientific fact.
Point to the substantial scientific uncertainty, and the certainty of economic loss if immediate action is taken.
Use data from a local area to support your views, and ignore the global evidence.
Disparage scientists, saying they are playing up uncertain predictions of doom in order to get research funding.
Complain that it is unfair to require regulatory action in Britain, as it would put the nation at an economic disadvantage.
Claim that more research is needed before action should be taken.
Argue that it is less expensive to live with the effects.
Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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