Keywords:
monster,raving,loony,party,agriculture,farms,farming,subsidies,ships,housing,houses,air,travel,floods, flooding,venice,subway,air,reconnaissance,recce,submarine,austerity
Ever does Secret Squirrel ponder socio-economic problems, ever does he wax pensive on matters of technology,the food supply,finances, defense and come up with the solutions required in the world of today!!
The MRL Dinner Gong Has Sounded.
It's time Britain move forward in the field of socio-economic agriculture. Certain other
"nations" have made great strides forwards and discoveries in this area. Regrettably,
Britain has lagged behind. However, visiting the colony of Canada, and the area of Europe
we call France I have made certain discoveries which must be applied to England.
With regards to France,a nation with a low power,low gear economy which possesses
little or next to none economic and agrarian knowledge,the present British government has
discovered that France has certain protected subsidies, which they simply refuse to give
up, in short, we're being shorted since France pays subsidies to farmers to grow certain
crops on tiny plots of land, making such tiny plots most admirably and attractively
profitable for very little work or actual produce.
With regards to the colony of Canada,a nation with no discernable economy what so ever,
it has been discovered that there the farmers there are actually being paid not to grow
produce, such as wheat, and then further paid to grow other produce in it's place.
What needs be done in Britain, is not to complain about this, but actually to apply
these systems to Britain and British farmers. Think of it, we could pay an old
granny in Picadilly Circus not to grow wheat, and to then pay her to grow an
asparagus or two in a planter making her a highly successful British farmer.
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Here's yet another idea for the use of ships to solve Britain's problems, here the housing problems
(for the M.R.L. election campaign(the Japanese refer to it as an erection campaign,so do British politicians, but we in the MRL don't require Viagra to get erected, Horney Goat Weed will do nicely thank-you.............)
MRL Solving the Housing Crisis
Britain is in the midst of a great housing crisis. Indeed many young people
are emerging from schools in huge numbers to find they've no jobs, are on
the dole (a really prickly pineapple that), and have no suitable housing
available.There is a solution to all problems, indeed a new form of welfare
council condominium housing must be applied, one which even yet can easily
supply watersport exercise and entertainments to keep them amused coupled with
a cruise ship atmos to keep them all happy and contented. All that must
be done is that shipping containers be converted in to bachelor flats! Of course these
containers would be housed on suitable large shipping container ships. Imagine,
huge sea going apartment condominiums! Further there's the advantage of having
the unemployed safely out of sight, rather than wandering the streets in
immense numbers as they do in Sweden! Further reducing the costs to Her
Majesty,each ship would require but one council to run things, thus further
reducing costs!Why even for when the dole vacation time rolls around, the vessels
could depart to tour the Dardanelles! Ha you say...what of sanitation facilities? Well
they would have the most modern of conveniences, and most easily maintained as well,
they could simply go off over the side...all problems solved!!
A Jolly Good Show All Round!
Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Ever does the juggernaut of the M.R.L. campaign continue..................ever does the battle for the hearts and minds of the British people continue....................unbowed I continue with my major engineering and social policies which will change the face of Britain,improve the lives and lifestyle of the British people.......................all with an air of austerity and the environment in mind.
Now we must turn our attention to the ever rising costs of air travel, and the expense it entails, and major and ever increasing loss of time and convenience for the air traveling public....here a proposal which the Great H.G. Wells would've been proud of and written of had he the engineering acumen to have achieved this grand concept.
MRL On Air Travel Improvements
Air travel nowadays entails great expense in time, boarding the aircraft etc, and of course, in time on landing, debarking,collecting luggage, finally getting to ones actual destination etc. Immediately this plan will remove the problem of the landing and post landing rituals, and the inconvenience of not actually landing at the intended destination.
Expressly the great cargo door of the airliners will be utilized, or,failing that, the embarking debarking doors will just have to do.
The passengers will board the plane, with their luggage in hand(already we have dispensed with the great inconvenience of the airlines losing ones luggage of it arriving at another destination, unintended of course). The airliner will fly over and in vicinity of the intended destination. The passenger, with luggage in hand will then jump out of the airliner and deploy a paraglide chute. This will permit the passenger to land exactly at his intended destination,complete with luggage! The airliner will then return to its starting point having avoided landing fees, extended fuel costs etc etc etc. A general saving all round!
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! And will the Scottish bagpipers,French accordion players, and American harmonica players please cease with their....................................errr....................serenade of good wishes.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister Of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Aha! I have yet another project to benefit the people of Liverpool, and hence, also, therefor England of whom they are a part, if not the heart of. Whilst Liverpool had The Beatles, it seems this occurrence has increased interest in that city and hence the greater interest of my M.R.L. campaign, which is good for Liverpool, better for England. Yet again I have another engineering proposal which shall go forward on my successful election write-in campaign..........................
Liverpool.....The New Venice Of Britain.
Liverpool has a remnant of an interesting transportation system, one which has worked successfully on a grand scale in America, the elevated tram system. Now what is proposed is proposed in the light of modern times, one which will unquestionably please the greens and Britain and the City of Liverpool who is the recipient of this proposal. Of course, I shall run a foul of the electric works and oil companies whom will loose out but hope they will not throw a spanner in to the works of my campaign. What I [propose combines old and new technologies. It is proposed to extend the existing structures, safely above the levels of the streets where it will be out of the way of pedestrians and those who commute by other means. Now, the tub structure surrounding the tramway, the "roadway" as it were, will be filled with water, creating elevated canals throughout Liverpool, making it truly the Venice of England! Traveling those waterways, in similar fashion to the condolers of Venice, we will use rowboats as a form of water taxis. But wait! It gets only better. There will be no tax, no taxi meter,nay the public transit will be free and will truly not cost the British taxpayer anything at all. To row these fine British built rowboats, we will import numbers of French welfare cases. These will be employed to row said mentioned boats. Now employed, in the context of the French the term employed is a misnomer, since most are on welfare, the dole, and enjoy that condition. That condition shall be maintained,quite easily by seeing to it that France continues their dole whilst they row us round and about Liverpool, thus the British taxpayer will be spared any sundry expenses, the Frenchman won't actually be working, and Liverpool will be provided with a free form of public transit, which also will please the Green People. Further, as a form of further inducement for the Greens of Britain, the canals will be lined with lampposts for night service
(which will please the electric works), and we shall hang flower planters from each lamp post!
Generally a jolly good show all round!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Subway Plans For Liverpool
In keeping with election policies, intent on the M.R.L. winning the election, one must sweeten the pot, cuddle up to the electorate, woo the electorate and so we have an interesting project for the City of Liverpool,the addition of a subway. Interestingly it is proposed that we make use of the ancient system of tunnels, built by Joeseph Williamson beneath the streets of Liverpool in the 1800's,his legacy to the people of Liverpool will be fully realized.There, in the tunnels, we will make use of small tracks and electric trains such as are found at pier and fair grounds. They can, after all, do the job and are of convenient size and can easily have cars and engines manufactured in Britain itself, born out of entirely British technology! All will be combined to provide the City Of Liverpool with a modern up to date underground system!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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An MRL Reconnaissance In To The Future
The age of austerity has hit the British military, sadly, unable to afford even the unmanned recce craft the Americans use, allowed to slide in to such a delapidated condition that Britain is unable even yet to design and build such a craft. A cheap solution is,however at hand, combining older technology and the much newer technology as well. The military could buy up all the existent Circus Canons,used, and these could be transported as needed to trouble spots where recce is required. There the canon could be trucked up to a site suitably near the suspected front, a brave lad shot out of the canon in to the air in the same fashion the circus performers were, but with a modern addition that will transform him in to the most modern recce vehicle known to the British military, a para glide chute will deploy, making him agile and mobile, and he will carry aloft, a modern digital camera, 1 gigabyte memory of course(nothing but the best). Problem solved. Of course this all revolves on the M.R.L. being elected in the next election, but we wisely leave this up to those of the superior intellect who will vote M.R.L. this coming election.We can also revive the ancient idea of armed reconnaissance, balloons and blunderbuses.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Technological Engineering Applications Applied For The Day........
Introducing the pedal power submarine
Unquestionably influenced heavily by Secret Squirrel's plans to modernize and upgrade Britain's Navy as the British government is set on reducing the Navy to almost nothing due to austerity, a group of enterprising British lads have come up with a cheap solution to the rapidly developing government generated crisis in the submarine secret service of Her Majesty's Royal Navy(the government probably not wishing Her to have one)..............so...........
A team of university boffins have designed Britain's first human-powered submarine. The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike, reaching speeds of more than three knots (3.5mph).
The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike
The SeaBomb, was designed and built by a team of final-year engineering undergraduates from Bath University as their degree project. Without a doubt this reaches back, with our backsides to the future, to the days of the Confederate Navy of the DisUnited States of America, and their crank powered submarine program.
We note the term sea bomb, and we note recent statements made by a certain British Air Force officer...........one Air Vice Marshall David (henceforth known also as KAMAKAZI) Walker.
Elite fliers were shocked into silence when a senior RAF chief said they should consider suicide missions as a last resort against terrorist targets.No doubt a government austerity measure to save shells,bombs, and helmets.
Air Vice Marshal David Walker put forward the attacks — like those flown by desperate Japanese pilots in World War Two — as a “worst case scenario” should they run out of ammo or their weapons failed. We do note a similarity in design of the submersible to the Japanese suicide one man torpedoes.But let me assure you whilst the MRL will apply this technology to upgrade Her Majesty's Royal Navy, we will most definitely not have a kamakazi corps.
Now we must apply this technological advancement properly, adding, perhaps, sling shot type aqua spear guns with a grenade attached for underwater attacks, and, when on the surface, the crewman can throw things at the enemy. Ever onwards with applied technology of the day,ever forwards, we Labour onwards, with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.......................................
Of course that certain time is upon us all, election time, and those of us out on the hustings have our policies to present.
Here is yet another of my policies presented for the people of Britain to consier, a policy, as are all of mine, aimed at improvement of the general situation of the British people, improving their quality of life and transport, and providing construction jobs as well for the British worker! Of course my campaign itself is frugal in nature, as will be my tenure in government, relying on the electorate to include myself on the ballot, as M.R.L.(where no other M.R.L. candidate is presented) as a selected write-in candidate! Consider please............................
MRL Transatlantic Cruise Submarine Railroads
One of the great problems of transatlantic crossing has been comfort, airplanes are decidedly uncomfortable, and cold in the crossing, and nowadays take so much time to board what with security issues etc raised by recent middle eastern events. Ships are much better, but, misfortunately they are excruciatingly slow,rather like being exciled for a bit.
However,things can be speeded up grandly and in comfortable fashion. All that we have to do, is construct on the ocean floor, a double tracked rail line,between Portsmouth and New York. We now convert some of Her Majesty's surplus and stored nuclear submarines to a comfortable cruise ship status. We then attach rail trucks to the submarine cruise vessels, and run them at nuclear submarine speed back and forth across the Atlantic!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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here is one of my M.R.L. ideas to improve shipping, and improve the midlands economy by bringing in greater tourist dollars......................
MRL,Shaping Things Up, And Shipping Out
A great difficulty has been the fact there there just is no canal crossing England
in similar fashion to that running across Scotland.However all can be easily solved.
All that remains is for a project to be undertaken to construct a suitable twin tracked
railroad across England,from Liverpool, to the vicinity of Hull, on the other side.
Ha you say, railroads will never replace the ship. Of course, and you're quite right
as are Britain's great Naval Architects. Indeed what is here proposed, is that the ships,
will actually be pulled on to huge suitable flat cars at Liverpool and so transit across
England to again enter the water at Hull (vice versa for the return journey.).Such a
rail ship combination would be many times more efficient than the present Scottish canal
transit as the ships are limited there to 5 miles an hour, thus making the journey in
24 hours.Using the Liverpool Hull route, the ships could transit at rail speed,
as much as 60 miles per hour, making the trip in less than two hours. Of course
a standard ship transit between Liverpool and Hull would and does take 7 full days!
Indeed, what is even yet possible is that cruise ships could make use of the line,
with suitable rail siding docking facilities in some towns along the way, thus bringing
valuable cruise ship tourism to the heartland of Britain!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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Showing posts with label ships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ships. Show all posts
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Secret Squirrel,Ever Onwards To Improve The World
Keywords:
intelligent,weapons,war,habakkuk,aircraft,carrier,ice,olympics,rings,ships,cement,transportation,floods,canals,bridge,wall,garbage,disposal,farming
Secret Squirrel, of the MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party, his hopes,his dreams,his plans,his engineering designs,his plans for the national defense,plans in the food and farming sector,his financial plans for the good and the betterment of the people of England, Britain, and the World.....what's good for secret Squirrel is good for you, and everything he plans is good for you.......he has good intentions, remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
M.R.L. Manned Intelligent Weapons Delivery System
In view of recent austerity measures taken with respect to the armed forces, I have turned my attention to attempting to alleviate the problem somewhat. Here we see a development of my manned intelligent weapons delivery system. What we do is utilize the intelligence, of man, in this case,the airman, Basically he's suspended by a detachable harness to the wing ordinance pylon, in short, he's the actual delivery system...........much cheaper than missile development.
The Japanese were the first developing an intelligent guidance system for aircraft bombs,however, theirs were of the expendable variety, the so called Kamakazi,who were expended along with the bomb delivery vehicle.It was known as a Baka bomb system,as well, which is Japanese for Idiot Bomb,which they had to be to take such a job. Their system failed basically in the delivery,many times, basically due to the lack of intelligence for those who signed up for that particular job,and also in the fact that their intelligent airman expired when so employed.This was and is considered to be highly detrimental in future recruitment.
Ours is an offshoot of the first system,however, no harm actually comes to the airman,which no doubt will please British airmen, and also increase recruitment. In our system, the British airman is re-loadable and reusable.Note the extreme flexibility this system offers, along with the abilities to intelligently direct and deliver fire towards the enemy with a multitude of weapons available to be used. Here the airman is shown holding a simple automatic pistol,such as one sees used to such great effect in U.S. schools. Of course said stated automatic pistol could be replaced by an automatic rifle, or say fully automatic machine gun. The system could also use and carry and drop grenades intelligently on target,properly aimed. Further flexibility is available through the airman equipped use of an R.P.G. type of weapon.
Of course what with recent remarks made by Air Vice Marshall "Kamakazi" Walker,obviously deeply influenced by the Japanese Kamakazi Corps, has mentioned the possibility of suicide missions being flown against Taliban or other terror groups,by our present British air forces. He's obviously also seen the ridiculous unintelligent side of intelligent bombs and delivery systems etc, but has gone a touch Baka suggesting that the airman should intelligently guide the bombs to the target, and then see to it,personally,that the bomb etc crashes in to it's target,dashing themselves to pieces. One assumes that should government not be in our hands, and our system developed,that the Air Vice Marshall might order the weapons carrier airman also dropped on an enemy target,misfortunately. Of course, as the system development experiments continue and the system takes form to a fully operational working intelligent weapons system, one hopes that by then the M.R.L. would have achieved government, and so too, no doubt does our weapons system itself.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.....................................
MRL Revives The Secretly Abandoned Project Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk or Habbakuk (spelling varies; see below) was a plan by the British in World War II to construct an aircraft carrier out of pykrete (a mixture of wood pulp and ice), for use against German U-boats in the mid-Atlantic, which was out of range of land-based planes.
And .......................
http://www.royalnavalmuseum.org/info_sheets_Habbakkuk.htm
The Habbakuk Project
HABBAKUK: GEOFFREY PYKE'S ICEBERG AIRCRAFT CARRIER
In 1942, the Allied forces were losing a considerable amount of merchant shipping in the Atlantic Ocean, due to German submarine forces and the lack of adequate air cover in the mid-Atlantic. The range of operating aircraft was not sufficient to cover this area and aircraft carriers were in short supply to allow for shorter range flying. Plans for an Allied invasion of Europe were also underway and it was felt that large floating platforms were needed to assist the assault forces. The Second World War was also a time when many scientists were encouraged to develop weapon technology and other military equipment to assist the war effort. Many projects that were developed were successful, such as the bouncing bomb by Barnes Wallis, midget submarines, mulberry harbours and the Pipe Line Under The Ocean (PLUTO) project. Others were not so successful and some were even incredible.
And so onwards, backwards......................
We in the MRL have seen the deterioration in numbers of Britain's Navy, particularly the miniaturization of the carrier fleets to those of midget ships amongst the giants of the seas,said to be an act of austerity, lacks of funds, or simply because who really wants a ship built by the french(there are limits to what we can ask our sailors to serve on)....we, however, have a solution to this problem
A Project Hubbakuk
Misfortunately, nowadays, Her Majesty's Royal Navy is falling on hard times,
budgets and things, but basicly polite for bankrupt,even yet ghost broke
as even the great Naval ancestors shake their heads and walk away from it all.
However, there is a solution to the crisis, specificly the crisis of being
unable to afford aircraft carriers.The answer is hidden in the records of
Whitehall, secret documents hidden from sight of a project planned to be
undertaken, that of the Project Hubbakuk. Indeed this secret project
involved taking a large arctic ice flow, placing on it refrigeration equipment
to maintain it's integrity, and propulsion equipment to steer it about.
This ice flow was to be used as a floating airfield for Their Majesty's aircraft!
One recalls Hitler having a great fear of the project, most notably telling Churchill
each time Churchill met with him to complain about the goings on in Europe,
"Don't make a big Hubbakuk." All that remains is for the project to be pulled from
the limbo of the hidden war document filing cabinets and undertaken.
Make a great hubbakuk.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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An Olympian Task For Britain.
From the Olympic Charter
Art. 12: Olympic Symbol
1 The Olympic symbol consists of the five Olympic rings used alone, in one or in several colours.
2 The five colours of the rings are mandatorily blue, yellow, black, green and red. The rings are interlaced from left to right. The blue, black and red rings are situated at the top, the yellow and green rings at the bottom. The
whole approximately forms a regular trapezium, the shorter of the parallel sides forming the base, according to the official design deposited at the IOC headquarters and (reproduced) below.
3 The Olympic symbol represents the union of the five continents and the meeting of athletes from throughout the world at the Olympic Games.
I propose to engineer an Olympic Movement in Britain to have Britain declared as a continent, and so have it's own Olympic Ring, the missing Sixth Ring.Presently all Britain is considered to be In-Continent.
It is to be pointed out, that North and South America are considered separate, and continents, yet they are joined, merely severed by the man-made Panama Canal...does this really count then as separate,yet they have a ring each.
Similarly, Africa is not separate from Europe-Asia except by the man-made Suez Canal, which hardly counts, and so three rings represent what really should merely be one.Europe and Asia are not separate at all,but entirely joined, and also as before, joined with Africa as well.
Australia is there large and looming, and entirely by itself and so legitimately has it's own ring.
But all things considered, has Britain not been shunned? Should Britain not have it's own legitimate Olympic Ring.
Logic dictates so. Definitely what with the next Olympics being in Britain, and Britain bearing the ever increasing huge Olympian cost,Britain should get something in return. Britons must take up the cause and petition for our own Olympic Ring! We are a continent, a separate Island continent. Indeed we must cease this intolerant and intolerable Olympic In-Continence which Britain suffers from.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
..............................................................
Floating Ideas
In 1917 and 1918 British builders constructed barges, tugs and fishing boats using concrete. The Americans were more ambitious, commissioning a fleet of 12 ocean-going concrete freighters costing 50 million dollars.
The concrete ships that were built followed the design of steel ships of that era, but required much thicker hulls to get the same amount of strength that the steel gave. A newly-developed form of concrete that included portland cement was used because it was relatively light (Only 120 pounds per cubic foot). Even so, the ships were much heavier than steel ships. The ship builders also found that concrete was much more difficult to manipulate than steel, making the ships more difficult to construct. The oldest known ferro-cement ship was a dingy built by Joseph Louis Lambot in Southern France in the year 1848. The boat was featured in the 1855 World's Fair held in France. An Italian engineer, Carlo Gabellini, built barges and small ships out of ferro-cement in the 1890s.1910s saw the building of several ferro-cement ships in UK. One of these ships, the Violette, was built in 1917 and is currently used as a boating clubhouse on the River Medway in England. This makes her the oldest ferro-cement ship still
afloat.On August 2, 1917, N.K. Fougner of Norway launched the first ocean-going ferro-cement ship, an 84-foot long boat named Namsenfjord. With the success of the ship, several more small ferro-cement vessels were built.World War II led to shortages in steel supply. In 1942, the U.S. government contracted McCloskey & Company of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to construct a new fleet of 24 cement ships. Construction of the fleet started in July, 1943 in Tampa, Florida. Innovations in cement mixing and composition technology made these ships stronger than the World War I efforts.
Other companies were contracted to build barge ships. These too were large vessels that lacked engines to propel them. Instead, they were used for storage and towed around by other ships.
Some of them were used to transport troops back from Europe at the end of the first World War.
Well now, here's a concrete idea, Britain has lost it's shipyards to the high costs of construction of ships, requiring welders,riveter etc etc etc, and high unit costs of steels and their manufacture. Britain could once again reestablish itself as a world leading shipbuilder, a true model of a shipbuilding mold in the world. Yes, reinstate an already sound, tried and true method of building ships,out of concrete! A truly concrete idea which the M.R.L. must encourage be resurrected!!
There is yet another idea, which was said to have been tried, and had varying success, vessels,particularly in this instance, aircraft carriers, made out of pykrete.
Pykrete is a composite material made of approximately 14% sawdust (or, less frequently, wood pulp) and 86% ice by
weight, invented by Max Perutz and proposed during World War II by Geoffrey Pyke to the Royal Navy as a candidate material for making a huge, unsinkable aircraft carrier, Project Habbakuk, actually more of a floating island than a
ship in the traditional sense. Pykrete has some interesting properties, notably its relatively slow melting rate (due to low thermal conductivity), and its vastly improved strength and toughness over pure ice, actually closer to
concrete. Pykrete is slightly harder to form than concrete, as it expands while freezing, but can be repaired and maintained from the sea's most abundant raw material.However, I have delved further in to this and have discovered
that tests on the material have actually revealed a 50% longer lifespan than ordinary ice, and one which can further be enhanced by suitable refrigeration equipments. Indeed the vessel constructions could easily be funded out of the
many political slush funds which abound nowadays.However there is substantial possibilities of crews catching colds easily,getting rheumatism, hemarroids from sitting on the ice too long etc etc etc, and so in a sound engineering
decision I am favoring further research in the matter, but going with the sure concrete proposal.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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M.R.L. Birmingham Transportation Modernization
The city of Birmingham has been selected for transportation upgrade
and modernization. Clearly the city is ideal for such a futuristic
project, being the juncture of not one, but several canals.
Indeed what is proposed is an engineering project which will solve
all of the problem encountered here in modern times, problems such
as highly annoying massive transportation gridlock encountered in
city centers. Also it will solve the problem of those who own
vehicle in the first place, eliminating the high cost of gasoline
in the all together,and pleasing the Greens in that we shall
eliminate ninety nine percent of pollution problems involving
vehicles. What is proposed in bringing Birmingham in to the future,
we shall follow the wisdoms of those of the Southeast asian
countries and the City Of Venice, we shall eliminate the roadways
within the city, just the roadways, and replace them with shallow
canals all throughout! Of course the canals will have at corners
walkways crossing the canal allowing for walking and bicycling.
One may also use the roadway canals for transportation of goods
and services by application of punts,rowboats, and small barges.
Indeed this will eliminate all traffic problems involving vehicles,
eliminate their pollutions, and also will solve the problem
of dependence on foreign fuels. Imagine, we can also take things
further with more canals eventually linking all of these new
canal cities!What fear I the high cost of vehicles and gasolines!
Nay what's necessary for today's politicians is a jolly good
paddling!!!!!!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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For Whom The Bridge Tolls
A group of American and (to our shame)British engineers have studied the feasibility of
building a bridge (A structure that allows people or vehicles to cross an obstacle such as a
river or canal or railway etc.)to span the straits of Gibralter. Such a bridge would be of a
combination suspension-truss design and would dwarf any existing bridge in height (over 3000
feet) and length (15 km). Of course the depth of the strait reaches 300m.
Now why not then build a bridge spanning the English Channel at Dover, which would be much,much
easier, the channel at Dover being a maximum of 180feet, or 55m deep, and the width being
18 miles, or 30km. True the bridge would be longer, but the depth of the required support
pillars would be much,much less.What could also be done,is construct the bridge relatively
low to the water and at a central portion construct a lift bridge portion. Now since most of
the shipping traffic in the channel, except that going directly across, is of a most foul and
foreign nature, we propose that said lift bridge portion would only be raised to allow
a ship to pass, should the ship pay a toll. The idea is perfectly sound and a grand way of
revenue, for example we have toll roads in England(Europeans aren't required to pay tolls on
their roads they not needing the income and inconvenience,this would level the economic
playing field), also the Suez Canal generates revenues for the Arabs, and the Panama Canal
generates revenues for the Central Americans. Indeed Britain already has toll bridges
so the Europeans would just have to equally accept our toll bridge.
Now, it has been suggested that drunken French captains, and drunken German captains, might,
in their rage, ram the bridge in an effort to put and end to it.Well we can take this in to
account and can deal with those efforts as well. Indeed, Britain built in the colony of
Canada, the Canso Causeway, linking an insignificant island to mainland Canada colony,
and it is 1,305m long, and has a depth of 65m. So we are dealing with much shorter length,
and much less depth. Our causeway would be constructed of rock fill and so be impervious to
the drunken rage attacks of irate foreign vessels. Of course, in the center, we would
have our Lift Bridge, and, of course, tool booth. The captains would have to row over to the
booth, pay the toll, and then the bridge would be lifted and they would be allowed to pass.
All that remains is for government to take up this great revenue generating cause and so
benefit the people of Britain with a toll levied not on them, but on the foreigners.
As an added plus, we might just include a roadway, or perhaps a railway line as well
to allow goods and tourists to pass between Britain and Europe, paying again a suitable
toll as well, as they are already forced to do when taking the Chunnel, or riding a
ferry(no comment here) across at the present time. Of course, we in the M.R.L., could
exempt Britons from having to pay a toll, so thus it would be for the foreigners for whom
the bridge tolls.
Secret Squirrel
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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The Great Wall Of Garbage
Whilst touring America, I visited Mannanos(Algonquin for Place of Intoxification),
eventually renamed Manhattan, and suitably imbibing refreshments of the same name in
keeping with the custom of the place, we came to discussing America's massive present
problem which it cannot control properly(one of many it seems), namely that of the
inability to keep thousands upon thousands, hundreds of thousands, and quite probably
millions, of illegal immigrants from swarming across America's undefended,indefensible and
unguarded borders(strangely the Canadian ones they simply send back..........perhaps
they're imbeciles or something). In either case, the illegal immigrants are regarded as
undesirables, undesirable aliens or some such, by most Americans and there is a desire to
keep them out(at least that much).Pondering that perhaps the American government wishes to
keep them out as well, I have formulated an idea which will help both Britain and America.
Indeed Britain will solve an ever increasing problem which will not go away, and will make
a handsome profit as well, whilst at the same time we will help the Americans guard their
borders better and make their illegal immigrant problem go away.
What I proposed is that we,in Britain, will take our garbage, and compact it in to neat
blocks.We will then form a government company such that the people of Britain all profit,
and the company will then employ, in America, at cheap rate as the Americans do, the illegal
Mexican immigrants. At the same time the Americans will supply them with such medicare
and social services as they already receive so that this will cost the company nothing.
In either case we will then employ them in the task of piling the blocks, deep and high,
such that the American border is the sealed off by The Great Wall Of Garbage, and so the
illegal immigrant problem will be dealt with,and Britain's great garbage problem will also be dealt with. Should we run out of garbage in the course of the project, we can simply
offer to take Europe's garbage away for free and employ that.This project has the poetic
justice of the illegal immigrants helping keep out illegal immigrants, and at the same time
supplying extremely cheap labor, and adding to America's employment figures,and, we in Britain, will get rid of all of our garbage, selling it to...the Americans.
However, at times the American government does object to some employing these illegal
immigrants in America, especially in such a sensitive project, and should it object to itself
employing them we can simply alter our strategy and go with a simpler and even yet cheaper
one.
No matter with neat garbage blocks, we will simply dump the garbage along the border,
in ever increasing piles, and use cheap,paid for, U.S. Army soldiers to work bulldozers,
to see to it that the job is done correctly and to the satisfaction of the U.S. government,
to build a huge mountain range of garbage all along the border. This is the far cheaper
alternative and I suggest we go with this project.Again if we run out, we can offer to
take Europe's garbage away for free and sell it to the Americans.And politically, it can and could be said, that we could now get the Americans to take garbage from us!!!!!!!!
A jolly good engineering show all round.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minster of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*******************************************************************
M.R.L. Farming Policy
Once again, out here on the hustings, it is time to expound my highly superior farming policy,
one which will without a doubt please our farmers, presently in a farming crisis of having to work so very hard
for so very little recompense, in the efforts of the British government to feed the French cheaply. Rather
I propose a method by which our farmers will work very little, if at all, and receive grand
recompense and live the good and proper farming life as was meant to be. Now ever onwards with
my policy....................
and do kindly remember me at election time, and suitably enter me as your write-in election selection,
in any and all constituancies wherein there is no M.R.L. candidate......................
One of the problems facing Britain today, is the crisis in farming, farmers feeling they're just not
getting enough profit for the hard work they put in to growing produce,
whilst others make massive profits and live the high life of not working etc. off of them.
Food,vegetables etc., cost to grow, costs time and effort in planting, costs for machinery to prepare the
field, to plant, to maintain, to cultivate,costs for the necessary farm machinery and maintaining such
machinery. Top it all off, the vast majority of the produce is sold to the Europeans, by the government,
and there sold to their people there, cheaply. Well traveling here in the colony of Canada,aptly named
so as the Germans refer to this location as being a hinter land. Here, in the area known as Quebec,
(translated from the French as "What A Beak"), I have discovered the secret to farming techniques which
require very little effort from the farmers.
Indeed I was intrigued when I heard that a Registered Head Nurse,
had given up her career as a nurse, for the evidently much more lucrative occupation of farming, in short
she became what they call a fermier.But why? Why ever would she do that? So I journeyed out to the farmlands,
to visit her...............err........study farming techniques. Well longer story short, It seems that there, there's profit in it,if you're a fermier all round.
Yes! There's actually great profit in it. Indeed farming in the Quebec area of that colony, and quite probably
thence all over the colony as there must be equality in policy all round there even yet though it is a third world area.
All that it really requires to farm profitably there is a farm,an area of the usual size, but there the farming
techniques diverge from those of Britain.
Indeed, the farm requires only a few heaps of what seem to be abandoned equipments of various
questionable nature, rusted and so for, dilapidated, which are called farm machinery, but which in Britain pass
for a machine on the scrap heap due to be hauled off. Said fermier merely sits on the land,squats as it were , in the farm house,
much as do squatters, but lives very much better, high on the hog(of which we never see any). On the farm itself,
there is much scrub to say the least, and grass of various heights, and there they grow............errr...............sit.....
the crops, the REAL crops..............................rocks.
Yes! Rocks! They farm rocks! For being possessed of said farm, the fermiers are paid by the
government,much as living off of the dole, there, or here, but certainly getting far more such doled out to them
than there, and here for that matter, and all requiring no effort at all in the actual necessity of farming,
rocks, or otherwise, as they'll take care of themselves. Indeed there's yet more, fermiers have the ability
to increase their comfortable dole levels, by participating in certain government projects, that of NOT growing
certain things. For example, they can be paid NOT to grow wheat, or for that matter other crops. So their
land is divided in to certain fields, those not growing wheat,those not growing asparagus etc, and all the
while they can still cultivate the rocks, getting the currency for NOT growing certain crops as an added
extra. Of course, such a farm requires NO maintenance, no machinery costs of any kind(merely requires the
scrap heap with wheels in it). Now there's the solution to our farmers problems, merely adopting the farming
practice so very common to that very foreign colony!And so too, now, as shown by the fermier, our new applied
foreign farming techniques will turn farming in to a Jolly Good Show!!!!!
Carry On Farming!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel.
M.R.L. Monetary Policies
*********************************************************************
M.R.L. Food,Produce and Meat Pricing Policies.
Of course, in my campaign, by write in vote, in any constituency wherein
is lacking an M.R.L. candidate, continues ever onwards in an effort to
bring the British people to their senses, and bring them to a better government,
and M.R.L. government, the only government which makes sense.
I would, of course, appreciate your vote.
Indeed I do consider myself much more suitable as a candidate as opposed
to my rather laggardly opponents.Take note of my many engineering proposals
as already presented to you, take note of their technologically advanced natures, taking in to
account both modern and ancient technology, combining the best of both worlds
past and present, to build a better future for the British people.
I have presented those to you, I have presented my social policies as well,
and now, as my opponents have sneered and stated I've not policies which
will reduce costs of such, commonly regarded(by them) as common commodities,
commodities such as foods. Here I sneer back, and expose their
unsuitable policies which have led to a system by which the British people pay
far too much for their own produce, for their own meats.Whereas THEY have no
solution to the problem, I most certainly do, this problem can easily be rectified,
and so, if elected..................
Regard now the dismally high prices we are paying for our fine British produce
in groceries, for our fine British meats, in meat stores, and we gaze across the Channel
and see the French paying far,far less, and indeed for our own exported British produce
and meats,produce and meats exported by our government, provided to the French people
at far less cost than supplied to the British people, British groceries et cetera.
There is a cure for this.
Take note that the French Franc is by far of less
value than the British pound. Take note now of the price of said exported produce in
France, valued at the level of the French Franc, even against the value,converted, of the
Euro. Now, having had a kidney stone, I became interested in the study of the
Euro, Eurology as it were. I noticed the value of the British pound against the Euro,
we get more Euros for the British pound than do the French,since our currency is better,
expressly, frankly speaking, we get more Francs to the frenchman.
So what we do, that is we in government,should we get there is Use our British pound to buy Euros which are dropping against the pound, having first
sold the produce to the French, what we then do, is buy the produce back from the French at the
vastly reduced French Franc/Euro prices, and then supply that to the British groceries and meat
stores at equated reduced prices, which they in turn can now supply to the British people at
vastly reduced prices!A grand saving all round for the British people!!
Savings all round, inexpensive food for all!! And..........................have the Frenchmen pay for it.
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
********************************************************************
intelligent,weapons,war,habakkuk,aircraft,carrier,ice,olympics,rings,ships,cement,transportation,floods,canals,bridge,wall,garbage,disposal,farming
Secret Squirrel, of the MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party, his hopes,his dreams,his plans,his engineering designs,his plans for the national defense,plans in the food and farming sector,his financial plans for the good and the betterment of the people of England, Britain, and the World.....what's good for secret Squirrel is good for you, and everything he plans is good for you.......he has good intentions, remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
M.R.L. Manned Intelligent Weapons Delivery System
In view of recent austerity measures taken with respect to the armed forces, I have turned my attention to attempting to alleviate the problem somewhat. Here we see a development of my manned intelligent weapons delivery system. What we do is utilize the intelligence, of man, in this case,the airman, Basically he's suspended by a detachable harness to the wing ordinance pylon, in short, he's the actual delivery system...........much cheaper than missile development.
The Japanese were the first developing an intelligent guidance system for aircraft bombs,however, theirs were of the expendable variety, the so called Kamakazi,who were expended along with the bomb delivery vehicle.It was known as a Baka bomb system,as well, which is Japanese for Idiot Bomb,which they had to be to take such a job. Their system failed basically in the delivery,many times, basically due to the lack of intelligence for those who signed up for that particular job,and also in the fact that their intelligent airman expired when so employed.This was and is considered to be highly detrimental in future recruitment.
Ours is an offshoot of the first system,however, no harm actually comes to the airman,which no doubt will please British airmen, and also increase recruitment. In our system, the British airman is re-loadable and reusable.Note the extreme flexibility this system offers, along with the abilities to intelligently direct and deliver fire towards the enemy with a multitude of weapons available to be used. Here the airman is shown holding a simple automatic pistol,such as one sees used to such great effect in U.S. schools. Of course said stated automatic pistol could be replaced by an automatic rifle, or say fully automatic machine gun. The system could also use and carry and drop grenades intelligently on target,properly aimed. Further flexibility is available through the airman equipped use of an R.P.G. type of weapon.
Of course what with recent remarks made by Air Vice Marshall "Kamakazi" Walker,obviously deeply influenced by the Japanese Kamakazi Corps, has mentioned the possibility of suicide missions being flown against Taliban or other terror groups,by our present British air forces. He's obviously also seen the ridiculous unintelligent side of intelligent bombs and delivery systems etc, but has gone a touch Baka suggesting that the airman should intelligently guide the bombs to the target, and then see to it,personally,that the bomb etc crashes in to it's target,dashing themselves to pieces. One assumes that should government not be in our hands, and our system developed,that the Air Vice Marshall might order the weapons carrier airman also dropped on an enemy target,misfortunately. Of course, as the system development experiments continue and the system takes form to a fully operational working intelligent weapons system, one hopes that by then the M.R.L. would have achieved government, and so too, no doubt does our weapons system itself.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.....................................
MRL Revives The Secretly Abandoned Project Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk
Project Habakkuk or Habbakuk (spelling varies; see below) was a plan by the British in World War II to construct an aircraft carrier out of pykrete (a mixture of wood pulp and ice), for use against German U-boats in the mid-Atlantic, which was out of range of land-based planes.
And .......................
http://www.royalnavalmuseum.org/info_sheets_Habbakkuk.htm
The Habbakuk Project
HABBAKUK: GEOFFREY PYKE'S ICEBERG AIRCRAFT CARRIER
In 1942, the Allied forces were losing a considerable amount of merchant shipping in the Atlantic Ocean, due to German submarine forces and the lack of adequate air cover in the mid-Atlantic. The range of operating aircraft was not sufficient to cover this area and aircraft carriers were in short supply to allow for shorter range flying. Plans for an Allied invasion of Europe were also underway and it was felt that large floating platforms were needed to assist the assault forces. The Second World War was also a time when many scientists were encouraged to develop weapon technology and other military equipment to assist the war effort. Many projects that were developed were successful, such as the bouncing bomb by Barnes Wallis, midget submarines, mulberry harbours and the Pipe Line Under The Ocean (PLUTO) project. Others were not so successful and some were even incredible.
And so onwards, backwards......................
We in the MRL have seen the deterioration in numbers of Britain's Navy, particularly the miniaturization of the carrier fleets to those of midget ships amongst the giants of the seas,said to be an act of austerity, lacks of funds, or simply because who really wants a ship built by the french(there are limits to what we can ask our sailors to serve on)....we, however, have a solution to this problem
A Project Hubbakuk
Misfortunately, nowadays, Her Majesty's Royal Navy is falling on hard times,
budgets and things, but basicly polite for bankrupt,even yet ghost broke
as even the great Naval ancestors shake their heads and walk away from it all.
However, there is a solution to the crisis, specificly the crisis of being
unable to afford aircraft carriers.The answer is hidden in the records of
Whitehall, secret documents hidden from sight of a project planned to be
undertaken, that of the Project Hubbakuk. Indeed this secret project
involved taking a large arctic ice flow, placing on it refrigeration equipment
to maintain it's integrity, and propulsion equipment to steer it about.
This ice flow was to be used as a floating airfield for Their Majesty's aircraft!
One recalls Hitler having a great fear of the project, most notably telling Churchill
each time Churchill met with him to complain about the goings on in Europe,
"Don't make a big Hubbakuk." All that remains is for the project to be pulled from
the limbo of the hidden war document filing cabinets and undertaken.
Make a great hubbakuk.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................
An Olympian Task For Britain.
From the Olympic Charter
Art. 12: Olympic Symbol
1 The Olympic symbol consists of the five Olympic rings used alone, in one or in several colours.
2 The five colours of the rings are mandatorily blue, yellow, black, green and red. The rings are interlaced from left to right. The blue, black and red rings are situated at the top, the yellow and green rings at the bottom. The
whole approximately forms a regular trapezium, the shorter of the parallel sides forming the base, according to the official design deposited at the IOC headquarters and (reproduced) below.
3 The Olympic symbol represents the union of the five continents and the meeting of athletes from throughout the world at the Olympic Games.
I propose to engineer an Olympic Movement in Britain to have Britain declared as a continent, and so have it's own Olympic Ring, the missing Sixth Ring.Presently all Britain is considered to be In-Continent.
It is to be pointed out, that North and South America are considered separate, and continents, yet they are joined, merely severed by the man-made Panama Canal...does this really count then as separate,yet they have a ring each.
Similarly, Africa is not separate from Europe-Asia except by the man-made Suez Canal, which hardly counts, and so three rings represent what really should merely be one.Europe and Asia are not separate at all,but entirely joined, and also as before, joined with Africa as well.
Australia is there large and looming, and entirely by itself and so legitimately has it's own ring.
But all things considered, has Britain not been shunned? Should Britain not have it's own legitimate Olympic Ring.
Logic dictates so. Definitely what with the next Olympics being in Britain, and Britain bearing the ever increasing huge Olympian cost,Britain should get something in return. Britons must take up the cause and petition for our own Olympic Ring! We are a continent, a separate Island continent. Indeed we must cease this intolerant and intolerable Olympic In-Continence which Britain suffers from.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
..............................................................
Floating Ideas
In 1917 and 1918 British builders constructed barges, tugs and fishing boats using concrete. The Americans were more ambitious, commissioning a fleet of 12 ocean-going concrete freighters costing 50 million dollars.
The concrete ships that were built followed the design of steel ships of that era, but required much thicker hulls to get the same amount of strength that the steel gave. A newly-developed form of concrete that included portland cement was used because it was relatively light (Only 120 pounds per cubic foot). Even so, the ships were much heavier than steel ships. The ship builders also found that concrete was much more difficult to manipulate than steel, making the ships more difficult to construct. The oldest known ferro-cement ship was a dingy built by Joseph Louis Lambot in Southern France in the year 1848. The boat was featured in the 1855 World's Fair held in France. An Italian engineer, Carlo Gabellini, built barges and small ships out of ferro-cement in the 1890s.1910s saw the building of several ferro-cement ships in UK. One of these ships, the Violette, was built in 1917 and is currently used as a boating clubhouse on the River Medway in England. This makes her the oldest ferro-cement ship still
afloat.On August 2, 1917, N.K. Fougner of Norway launched the first ocean-going ferro-cement ship, an 84-foot long boat named Namsenfjord. With the success of the ship, several more small ferro-cement vessels were built.World War II led to shortages in steel supply. In 1942, the U.S. government contracted McCloskey & Company of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to construct a new fleet of 24 cement ships. Construction of the fleet started in July, 1943 in Tampa, Florida. Innovations in cement mixing and composition technology made these ships stronger than the World War I efforts.
Other companies were contracted to build barge ships. These too were large vessels that lacked engines to propel them. Instead, they were used for storage and towed around by other ships.
Some of them were used to transport troops back from Europe at the end of the first World War.
Well now, here's a concrete idea, Britain has lost it's shipyards to the high costs of construction of ships, requiring welders,riveter etc etc etc, and high unit costs of steels and their manufacture. Britain could once again reestablish itself as a world leading shipbuilder, a true model of a shipbuilding mold in the world. Yes, reinstate an already sound, tried and true method of building ships,out of concrete! A truly concrete idea which the M.R.L. must encourage be resurrected!!
There is yet another idea, which was said to have been tried, and had varying success, vessels,particularly in this instance, aircraft carriers, made out of pykrete.
Pykrete is a composite material made of approximately 14% sawdust (or, less frequently, wood pulp) and 86% ice by
weight, invented by Max Perutz and proposed during World War II by Geoffrey Pyke to the Royal Navy as a candidate material for making a huge, unsinkable aircraft carrier, Project Habbakuk, actually more of a floating island than a
ship in the traditional sense. Pykrete has some interesting properties, notably its relatively slow melting rate (due to low thermal conductivity), and its vastly improved strength and toughness over pure ice, actually closer to
concrete. Pykrete is slightly harder to form than concrete, as it expands while freezing, but can be repaired and maintained from the sea's most abundant raw material.However, I have delved further in to this and have discovered
that tests on the material have actually revealed a 50% longer lifespan than ordinary ice, and one which can further be enhanced by suitable refrigeration equipments. Indeed the vessel constructions could easily be funded out of the
many political slush funds which abound nowadays.However there is substantial possibilities of crews catching colds easily,getting rheumatism, hemarroids from sitting on the ice too long etc etc etc, and so in a sound engineering
decision I am favoring further research in the matter, but going with the sure concrete proposal.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*****************************************************
M.R.L. Birmingham Transportation Modernization
The city of Birmingham has been selected for transportation upgrade
and modernization. Clearly the city is ideal for such a futuristic
project, being the juncture of not one, but several canals.
Indeed what is proposed is an engineering project which will solve
all of the problem encountered here in modern times, problems such
as highly annoying massive transportation gridlock encountered in
city centers. Also it will solve the problem of those who own
vehicle in the first place, eliminating the high cost of gasoline
in the all together,and pleasing the Greens in that we shall
eliminate ninety nine percent of pollution problems involving
vehicles. What is proposed in bringing Birmingham in to the future,
we shall follow the wisdoms of those of the Southeast asian
countries and the City Of Venice, we shall eliminate the roadways
within the city, just the roadways, and replace them with shallow
canals all throughout! Of course the canals will have at corners
walkways crossing the canal allowing for walking and bicycling.
One may also use the roadway canals for transportation of goods
and services by application of punts,rowboats, and small barges.
Indeed this will eliminate all traffic problems involving vehicles,
eliminate their pollutions, and also will solve the problem
of dependence on foreign fuels. Imagine, we can also take things
further with more canals eventually linking all of these new
canal cities!What fear I the high cost of vehicles and gasolines!
Nay what's necessary for today's politicians is a jolly good
paddling!!!!!!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
**************************************************************
For Whom The Bridge Tolls
A group of American and (to our shame)British engineers have studied the feasibility of
building a bridge (A structure that allows people or vehicles to cross an obstacle such as a
river or canal or railway etc.)to span the straits of Gibralter. Such a bridge would be of a
combination suspension-truss design and would dwarf any existing bridge in height (over 3000
feet) and length (15 km). Of course the depth of the strait reaches 300m.
Now why not then build a bridge spanning the English Channel at Dover, which would be much,much
easier, the channel at Dover being a maximum of 180feet, or 55m deep, and the width being
18 miles, or 30km. True the bridge would be longer, but the depth of the required support
pillars would be much,much less.What could also be done,is construct the bridge relatively
low to the water and at a central portion construct a lift bridge portion. Now since most of
the shipping traffic in the channel, except that going directly across, is of a most foul and
foreign nature, we propose that said lift bridge portion would only be raised to allow
a ship to pass, should the ship pay a toll. The idea is perfectly sound and a grand way of
revenue, for example we have toll roads in England(Europeans aren't required to pay tolls on
their roads they not needing the income and inconvenience,this would level the economic
playing field), also the Suez Canal generates revenues for the Arabs, and the Panama Canal
generates revenues for the Central Americans. Indeed Britain already has toll bridges
so the Europeans would just have to equally accept our toll bridge.
Now, it has been suggested that drunken French captains, and drunken German captains, might,
in their rage, ram the bridge in an effort to put and end to it.Well we can take this in to
account and can deal with those efforts as well. Indeed, Britain built in the colony of
Canada, the Canso Causeway, linking an insignificant island to mainland Canada colony,
and it is 1,305m long, and has a depth of 65m. So we are dealing with much shorter length,
and much less depth. Our causeway would be constructed of rock fill and so be impervious to
the drunken rage attacks of irate foreign vessels. Of course, in the center, we would
have our Lift Bridge, and, of course, tool booth. The captains would have to row over to the
booth, pay the toll, and then the bridge would be lifted and they would be allowed to pass.
All that remains is for government to take up this great revenue generating cause and so
benefit the people of Britain with a toll levied not on them, but on the foreigners.
As an added plus, we might just include a roadway, or perhaps a railway line as well
to allow goods and tourists to pass between Britain and Europe, paying again a suitable
toll as well, as they are already forced to do when taking the Chunnel, or riding a
ferry(no comment here) across at the present time. Of course, we in the M.R.L., could
exempt Britons from having to pay a toll, so thus it would be for the foreigners for whom
the bridge tolls.
Secret Squirrel
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
****************************************************************************
The Great Wall Of Garbage
Whilst touring America, I visited Mannanos(Algonquin for Place of Intoxification),
eventually renamed Manhattan, and suitably imbibing refreshments of the same name in
keeping with the custom of the place, we came to discussing America's massive present
problem which it cannot control properly(one of many it seems), namely that of the
inability to keep thousands upon thousands, hundreds of thousands, and quite probably
millions, of illegal immigrants from swarming across America's undefended,indefensible and
unguarded borders(strangely the Canadian ones they simply send back..........perhaps
they're imbeciles or something). In either case, the illegal immigrants are regarded as
undesirables, undesirable aliens or some such, by most Americans and there is a desire to
keep them out(at least that much).Pondering that perhaps the American government wishes to
keep them out as well, I have formulated an idea which will help both Britain and America.
Indeed Britain will solve an ever increasing problem which will not go away, and will make
a handsome profit as well, whilst at the same time we will help the Americans guard their
borders better and make their illegal immigrant problem go away.
What I proposed is that we,in Britain, will take our garbage, and compact it in to neat
blocks.We will then form a government company such that the people of Britain all profit,
and the company will then employ, in America, at cheap rate as the Americans do, the illegal
Mexican immigrants. At the same time the Americans will supply them with such medicare
and social services as they already receive so that this will cost the company nothing.
In either case we will then employ them in the task of piling the blocks, deep and high,
such that the American border is the sealed off by The Great Wall Of Garbage, and so the
illegal immigrant problem will be dealt with,and Britain's great garbage problem will also be dealt with. Should we run out of garbage in the course of the project, we can simply
offer to take Europe's garbage away for free and employ that.This project has the poetic
justice of the illegal immigrants helping keep out illegal immigrants, and at the same time
supplying extremely cheap labor, and adding to America's employment figures,and, we in Britain, will get rid of all of our garbage, selling it to...the Americans.
However, at times the American government does object to some employing these illegal
immigrants in America, especially in such a sensitive project, and should it object to itself
employing them we can simply alter our strategy and go with a simpler and even yet cheaper
one.
No matter with neat garbage blocks, we will simply dump the garbage along the border,
in ever increasing piles, and use cheap,paid for, U.S. Army soldiers to work bulldozers,
to see to it that the job is done correctly and to the satisfaction of the U.S. government,
to build a huge mountain range of garbage all along the border. This is the far cheaper
alternative and I suggest we go with this project.Again if we run out, we can offer to
take Europe's garbage away for free and sell it to the Americans.And politically, it can and could be said, that we could now get the Americans to take garbage from us!!!!!!!!
A jolly good engineering show all round.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minster of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*******************************************************************
M.R.L. Farming Policy
Once again, out here on the hustings, it is time to expound my highly superior farming policy,
one which will without a doubt please our farmers, presently in a farming crisis of having to work so very hard
for so very little recompense, in the efforts of the British government to feed the French cheaply. Rather
I propose a method by which our farmers will work very little, if at all, and receive grand
recompense and live the good and proper farming life as was meant to be. Now ever onwards with
my policy....................
and do kindly remember me at election time, and suitably enter me as your write-in election selection,
in any and all constituancies wherein there is no M.R.L. candidate......................
One of the problems facing Britain today, is the crisis in farming, farmers feeling they're just not
getting enough profit for the hard work they put in to growing produce,
whilst others make massive profits and live the high life of not working etc. off of them.
Food,vegetables etc., cost to grow, costs time and effort in planting, costs for machinery to prepare the
field, to plant, to maintain, to cultivate,costs for the necessary farm machinery and maintaining such
machinery. Top it all off, the vast majority of the produce is sold to the Europeans, by the government,
and there sold to their people there, cheaply. Well traveling here in the colony of Canada,aptly named
so as the Germans refer to this location as being a hinter land. Here, in the area known as Quebec,
(translated from the French as "What A Beak"), I have discovered the secret to farming techniques which
require very little effort from the farmers.
Indeed I was intrigued when I heard that a Registered Head Nurse,
had given up her career as a nurse, for the evidently much more lucrative occupation of farming, in short
she became what they call a fermier.But why? Why ever would she do that? So I journeyed out to the farmlands,
to visit her...............err........study farming techniques. Well longer story short, It seems that there, there's profit in it,if you're a fermier all round.
Yes! There's actually great profit in it. Indeed farming in the Quebec area of that colony, and quite probably
thence all over the colony as there must be equality in policy all round there even yet though it is a third world area.
All that it really requires to farm profitably there is a farm,an area of the usual size, but there the farming
techniques diverge from those of Britain.
Indeed, the farm requires only a few heaps of what seem to be abandoned equipments of various
questionable nature, rusted and so for, dilapidated, which are called farm machinery, but which in Britain pass
for a machine on the scrap heap due to be hauled off. Said fermier merely sits on the land,squats as it were , in the farm house,
much as do squatters, but lives very much better, high on the hog(of which we never see any). On the farm itself,
there is much scrub to say the least, and grass of various heights, and there they grow............errr...............sit.....
the crops, the REAL crops..............................rocks.
Yes! Rocks! They farm rocks! For being possessed of said farm, the fermiers are paid by the
government,much as living off of the dole, there, or here, but certainly getting far more such doled out to them
than there, and here for that matter, and all requiring no effort at all in the actual necessity of farming,
rocks, or otherwise, as they'll take care of themselves. Indeed there's yet more, fermiers have the ability
to increase their comfortable dole levels, by participating in certain government projects, that of NOT growing
certain things. For example, they can be paid NOT to grow wheat, or for that matter other crops. So their
land is divided in to certain fields, those not growing wheat,those not growing asparagus etc, and all the
while they can still cultivate the rocks, getting the currency for NOT growing certain crops as an added
extra. Of course, such a farm requires NO maintenance, no machinery costs of any kind(merely requires the
scrap heap with wheels in it). Now there's the solution to our farmers problems, merely adopting the farming
practice so very common to that very foreign colony!And so too, now, as shown by the fermier, our new applied
foreign farming techniques will turn farming in to a Jolly Good Show!!!!!
Carry On Farming!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel.
M.R.L. Monetary Policies
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M.R.L. Food,Produce and Meat Pricing Policies.
Of course, in my campaign, by write in vote, in any constituency wherein
is lacking an M.R.L. candidate, continues ever onwards in an effort to
bring the British people to their senses, and bring them to a better government,
and M.R.L. government, the only government which makes sense.
I would, of course, appreciate your vote.
Indeed I do consider myself much more suitable as a candidate as opposed
to my rather laggardly opponents.Take note of my many engineering proposals
as already presented to you, take note of their technologically advanced natures, taking in to
account both modern and ancient technology, combining the best of both worlds
past and present, to build a better future for the British people.
I have presented those to you, I have presented my social policies as well,
and now, as my opponents have sneered and stated I've not policies which
will reduce costs of such, commonly regarded(by them) as common commodities,
commodities such as foods. Here I sneer back, and expose their
unsuitable policies which have led to a system by which the British people pay
far too much for their own produce, for their own meats.Whereas THEY have no
solution to the problem, I most certainly do, this problem can easily be rectified,
and so, if elected..................
Regard now the dismally high prices we are paying for our fine British produce
in groceries, for our fine British meats, in meat stores, and we gaze across the Channel
and see the French paying far,far less, and indeed for our own exported British produce
and meats,produce and meats exported by our government, provided to the French people
at far less cost than supplied to the British people, British groceries et cetera.
There is a cure for this.
Take note that the French Franc is by far of less
value than the British pound. Take note now of the price of said exported produce in
France, valued at the level of the French Franc, even against the value,converted, of the
Euro. Now, having had a kidney stone, I became interested in the study of the
Euro, Eurology as it were. I noticed the value of the British pound against the Euro,
we get more Euros for the British pound than do the French,since our currency is better,
expressly, frankly speaking, we get more Francs to the frenchman.
So what we do, that is we in government,should we get there is Use our British pound to buy Euros which are dropping against the pound, having first
sold the produce to the French, what we then do, is buy the produce back from the French at the
vastly reduced French Franc/Euro prices, and then supply that to the British groceries and meat
stores at equated reduced prices, which they in turn can now supply to the British people at
vastly reduced prices!A grand saving all round for the British people!!
Savings all round, inexpensive food for all!! And..........................have the Frenchmen pay for it.
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah!
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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