Keywords:
mrl, secret squirrel,transit,transportation, monorail,london,tube,subway, fares,cats
Secret Squirrel's MRL Response (At The Time,And In Future Times)To The Raising Of London Tube Transit Fees.............................
The L.T.A.
To the tune of :The M.T.A.
From The Kingston Trio at Large
Spoken:
These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our nation's history, the people of London have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis has arisen. The London Tube Authority, better known as the L.T.A., is attempting to levy a burdensome tax on the population in the form of a subway fare increase.We of the MRL support the people in their cause of objecting to unfair fare increases. Citizens, hear me out! This could happen to you!
(Eight bar guitar, banjo introduction)
Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Charley
on a tragic and fateful day.
He put 6 pence in his pocket, kissed his wife and family,
went to ride on the L.T.A.
Chorus:
Well, did he ever return? No, he never returned and
his fate is still unknown.
(What a pity! Poor ole Charlie. Shame and scandal.
He may ride forever. Just like de 'edless 'orseman.)
He may ride forever 'neath the streets of London.
He's the man who never returned.
Charlie handed in his 6 pence at the Blackfriars Station
and he changed for Nottinghill Gate.
When he got there the conductor told him, "One more pence."
Charlie couldn't get off of that train.
(Chorus)
Now, all night long Charlie rides through the station,
crying, "What will become of me?!!
How can I afford to see my sister in Chelsea
or my cousin in Roxbury?"
(Chorus)
Charlie's wife goes down to the St. James Park Station
every day at quarter past two,
And through the open window she hands Charlie a sandwich
as the train comes rumblin' through.
(Chorus)
Now, you citizens of London, don't you think it's a scandal
how the people have to pay and pay?
Fight the fare increase! Vote for the M.R.L.!
Get poor Charlie off the L. T. A.
(Chorus)
He's the man who never returned.
He's the man who never returned.
Ain't you Charlie?
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*********************************************************************************
The MRL Secret Squirrel Perpetual Motion Monorail Project.
It goes like this...
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down.If the combined constructed of cat + butter were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox (or purradox). Therefore it cannot fall.In essence, you have discovered the secret of anti-gravity. A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs, allowing descent.
It has been theorized by some researchers that most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The most obvious danger of feline anti-gravity propulsion is that lithe cats may manage to lick the butter off their backs.
So I propose to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats.
The two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground.
Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail would have enough power to run between Liverpool and London.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
--------------------------------------------------------
Showing posts with label subway. Show all posts
Showing posts with label subway. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Secret Squirel,Major Problem Solver
keywords:
war,flooding,fake,butts,implants,aircraft,terrorists,terrorism,pneumatics,trains,transportation,subway,New Orleans
Secret Squirrel Investigates Fake Cosmetic Butt Implants
My intelligence operatives have informed of developments which are quite frightening,
heightening the dangers to us all. The Plastique explosive firms are scrambling to get rid of their ageing explosives,dump them somehow and have improperly stated them as being stable for life, whilst all the while quietly and secretly have been moving them in to the plastique surgery field, commencing with fake breasts,hoping to get rid of their dangerous unpurchased stockpiles. In the field of breast implants we have learned that heat build up has provably caused them to explode, most notably those hidden beneath extremely heat containing,concentrating burkas. Also the explosive becomes unstable and expands with a sudden disastrous catastrophic explosion as can occur in aircraft as the pressure decreases at altitude,as has
been previously revealed,40,000 feet in altitude has proven to be highly disastrous in many cases.The efforts of the plastique producers know no bounds, they are totally out of control, and uncontrollable.Politicians say nothing for fear of public retribution.But all will explode out one day, with catastrophic results.
But now, there's much more to come, this disposal of plastique has just recently commenced to have been moved in to yet another field of plastique surgery implants, those of fake butts. There has been reported a sudden explosion in fake behinds,obviously the effect of the unstable plastique. Imagine though, yet, the terrorists getting wind of these unnatural natural events in the plastique field.
Imagine now, the terrorists getting a suitable suicide kamakazi candidate, under the knife, and there stuffing his, or her, butt with plastique. Just look at the size of some people with absolutely huge as*es accepted in society, why it's so common that no records have been kept of the world's largest as*,though speculation goes to a woman who weighed 1,400 pounds.Imagine the extent of an explosion such a large as*ed person could trigger in comparison with the simple burka breast bomber.Airlines commonly have large butted passengers, removing seat rests to accommodate,adding extra seat belt lengtheners to accommodate, moving them in to first class.There it sits, that great big large as*ed person, it could be that terrorist exploding butt of mass destruction.
The mind boggles how much plastique these people could stuff in to their butts. And how easily and undetectable such a large as*ed fake butt person could get past airport scanners and on to an aircraft,and there to.......to.........to..........
Believe you me, aboard aircraft,walking down the street, the worst is yet to come.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................................
M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.
There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an
appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.
Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.
This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.
Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.
Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly
etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.................................................
Secret Squirrel Ponders New Orleans,In Retrospect..
New Orleans is on the road to recovery......many years after,what we all knew immediately and yet even before, the judges have decided that the government was to blame for the flooding of New Orleans................compensation of a paltry sorts it seems will occur...................and host of pick pockets, tarot card readers, street musicians, drug salesmen and refugee Tonton Macoute Security Guards recently return .......descending on the city as it deals with it's own recovery.
Ah well I have pondered New Orleans, seen it happen, heartfelt sympathies all round,and so turning my attention and experteese to the problem, extending a helping hand across the waters as it were, and so to the people of New Orleans,I have a threefold program for the future ........
1) Preventing it happening again.
2) Dealing with it.
or
3) Living with it.
Well, Hurricane Katrina, and the United States Government, left New Orleans, ponchi, victims of improperly constructed government levees, refusals by the government to shore up,improve,modernize the levees, pumps which were supposedly capable of pumping out water from New Orleans as fast as it came in, but pumps where those manning the pumps, took a powder and ran for it,without turning them on.The governments answer, more pumps,more people manning the pumps.Then we recall the arrival of the army to help, with it's General, Honore, telling the people,"I have
arrived!Here, have a bottle of water."., and then prancing about kissing babies.And there they were,comabt troops, a lot of fingers but not really any good at plugging holes in dykes.Yes New Orleans was abandoned, by the Government.
And what happened to New Orleans, well, nowadays one can view maps of Underwater New Orleans, a submerged city as it were, but,misfortunately ,deemed of no archeological value. Indeed, levees failed and broke, levees within the city itself.Why? New Orleans is riddled with canals, and intrusive demi canal regions.Indeed one little used total canal runs through New Orleans entirely, the nowadays called Richie Rich Canal since it seems its only purpose was and is to provide a way for a very few rich boaters, the boat people of America, to access from Lake Ponchtrain,the gulf area.Projects of idiocy, projects of idiots, the same could have been done a few miles farther off,to the side of New Orleans, with the canal and threat far away from the city, and so not endanger,constantly, New Orleans. But failed government,failed engineering, failed governmental planning, resulted in the idiot canals of New Orleans today. I have suggested that the canals be entirely sealed off, leaving Lake Ponchetrain in the very LEAST, but isolated from being far less able to cause and flooding threats to New Orleans, and at the very best,Lake Ponchetrain itself, sealed off, and totally and utterly, drained.Also, making use of
the Project Molehole, you recall this, drilling a hole down as far as they could go, miles, in actual hopes of finding the mole people and having them attack the Soviets(what with the recent events in the Soviet Union, this secret project may actually have been successful, but it certainly did result in massive numbers of Chuds invading New York.).What we do is, in the exact center of New Orleans flooded
out area, the deepest part, we drill a hole three feet wide, and miles down.Simply put as it is now, New Orleans is very much like a bathtub, but a bathtub without a drain, we simple add a drain...........the US government with its many pumps, can suck and blow as much as it likes,but face it, you really can't do very much without a really good hole.
But,zounds and zooks,alas and alack, there really is no rhyme and reason in the American government of the day,lack of action,lack of insight,lack of intelligence, much as it was in the beginning, so it was, and is and ever shall be.....ignorant.Far too ignorant to actually solve any problems of any kind. So what's to be done in light of the government's constant forays in to the idiocy of misrule? Well, I encourage the American people of New Orleans, take heed,Be
Prepared. How? Well one has various technological developments available nowadays, that have evolved.
Firstly, housing......been about for generations actually, and....even
yet.............houseboats. Thing is to sit your house boat up on blocks, and sufficiently rope anchor it in place such that the house can be released to float in case of flooding......transport..personal? Well, there's the Amphicar you know.City transit? Investment in amphibious buses, these have been developed in Europe, without doubt in preparation for the global warming effect of flooding out the Dutch, since basically nobody cares about the dutch except for those nautically inclined companies. Air travel? there are amphibious helicopters,and amphibious
aircraft..........so things are pretty much covered there. What of sudden flooding, can it be dealt with? Indeed yes it can. Bikini clothing has been developed in which the breasts can be inflated to any desired size, by means of air. Merely here we adapt the bar itself as a bra, and so females will be prepared for sudden flooding, merely emergency increase the inflation of the bar and one has instant
water wings. Indeed, the Japanese have developed inflatable kayak dresses, yes, the dress inflates and acts as a personal kayak!Also while it'sgrand to have a chicken in every pot, in the case of New Orleans, it's best have a lifevest on every lamppost.
Ah but what is to be done should New Orleans once again flood? Well, having had all of the above mentioned, things will be peachy actually, water rises, so what, water subsides, back to normal to await the next occurrence! Alternatively though, one can simply wall in New Orleans, and so retain the flood waters, with all of the above, things will work grandly, and New Orleans will be the Venice of America!!As they say, one must adapt, and go with the flow.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..............................................
MRL Things of Political Atmospherics
Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move
forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.
The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were
attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.
The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.
I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By
stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
war,flooding,fake,butts,implants,aircraft,terrorists,terrorism,pneumatics,trains,transportation,subway,New Orleans
Secret Squirrel Investigates Fake Cosmetic Butt Implants
My intelligence operatives have informed of developments which are quite frightening,
heightening the dangers to us all. The Plastique explosive firms are scrambling to get rid of their ageing explosives,dump them somehow and have improperly stated them as being stable for life, whilst all the while quietly and secretly have been moving them in to the plastique surgery field, commencing with fake breasts,hoping to get rid of their dangerous unpurchased stockpiles. In the field of breast implants we have learned that heat build up has provably caused them to explode, most notably those hidden beneath extremely heat containing,concentrating burkas. Also the explosive becomes unstable and expands with a sudden disastrous catastrophic explosion as can occur in aircraft as the pressure decreases at altitude,as has
been previously revealed,40,000 feet in altitude has proven to be highly disastrous in many cases.The efforts of the plastique producers know no bounds, they are totally out of control, and uncontrollable.Politicians say nothing for fear of public retribution.But all will explode out one day, with catastrophic results.
But now, there's much more to come, this disposal of plastique has just recently commenced to have been moved in to yet another field of plastique surgery implants, those of fake butts. There has been reported a sudden explosion in fake behinds,obviously the effect of the unstable plastique. Imagine though, yet, the terrorists getting wind of these unnatural natural events in the plastique field.
Imagine now, the terrorists getting a suitable suicide kamakazi candidate, under the knife, and there stuffing his, or her, butt with plastique. Just look at the size of some people with absolutely huge as*es accepted in society, why it's so common that no records have been kept of the world's largest as*,though speculation goes to a woman who weighed 1,400 pounds.Imagine the extent of an explosion such a large as*ed person could trigger in comparison with the simple burka breast bomber.Airlines commonly have large butted passengers, removing seat rests to accommodate,adding extra seat belt lengtheners to accommodate, moving them in to first class.There it sits, that great big large as*ed person, it could be that terrorist exploding butt of mass destruction.
The mind boggles how much plastique these people could stuff in to their butts. And how easily and undetectable such a large as*ed fake butt person could get past airport scanners and on to an aircraft,and there to.......to.........to..........
Believe you me, aboard aircraft,walking down the street, the worst is yet to come.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................................
M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.
There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an
appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.
Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.
This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.
Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.
Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly
etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.................................................
Secret Squirrel Ponders New Orleans,In Retrospect..
New Orleans is on the road to recovery......many years after,what we all knew immediately and yet even before, the judges have decided that the government was to blame for the flooding of New Orleans................compensation of a paltry sorts it seems will occur...................and host of pick pockets, tarot card readers, street musicians, drug salesmen and refugee Tonton Macoute Security Guards recently return .......descending on the city as it deals with it's own recovery.
Ah well I have pondered New Orleans, seen it happen, heartfelt sympathies all round,and so turning my attention and experteese to the problem, extending a helping hand across the waters as it were, and so to the people of New Orleans,I have a threefold program for the future ........
1) Preventing it happening again.
2) Dealing with it.
or
3) Living with it.
Well, Hurricane Katrina, and the United States Government, left New Orleans, ponchi, victims of improperly constructed government levees, refusals by the government to shore up,improve,modernize the levees, pumps which were supposedly capable of pumping out water from New Orleans as fast as it came in, but pumps where those manning the pumps, took a powder and ran for it,without turning them on.The governments answer, more pumps,more people manning the pumps.Then we recall the arrival of the army to help, with it's General, Honore, telling the people,"I have
arrived!Here, have a bottle of water."., and then prancing about kissing babies.And there they were,comabt troops, a lot of fingers but not really any good at plugging holes in dykes.Yes New Orleans was abandoned, by the Government.
And what happened to New Orleans, well, nowadays one can view maps of Underwater New Orleans, a submerged city as it were, but,misfortunately ,deemed of no archeological value. Indeed, levees failed and broke, levees within the city itself.Why? New Orleans is riddled with canals, and intrusive demi canal regions.Indeed one little used total canal runs through New Orleans entirely, the nowadays called Richie Rich Canal since it seems its only purpose was and is to provide a way for a very few rich boaters, the boat people of America, to access from Lake Ponchtrain,the gulf area.Projects of idiocy, projects of idiots, the same could have been done a few miles farther off,to the side of New Orleans, with the canal and threat far away from the city, and so not endanger,constantly, New Orleans. But failed government,failed engineering, failed governmental planning, resulted in the idiot canals of New Orleans today. I have suggested that the canals be entirely sealed off, leaving Lake Ponchetrain in the very LEAST, but isolated from being far less able to cause and flooding threats to New Orleans, and at the very best,Lake Ponchetrain itself, sealed off, and totally and utterly, drained.Also, making use of
the Project Molehole, you recall this, drilling a hole down as far as they could go, miles, in actual hopes of finding the mole people and having them attack the Soviets(what with the recent events in the Soviet Union, this secret project may actually have been successful, but it certainly did result in massive numbers of Chuds invading New York.).What we do is, in the exact center of New Orleans flooded
out area, the deepest part, we drill a hole three feet wide, and miles down.Simply put as it is now, New Orleans is very much like a bathtub, but a bathtub without a drain, we simple add a drain...........the US government with its many pumps, can suck and blow as much as it likes,but face it, you really can't do very much without a really good hole.
But,zounds and zooks,alas and alack, there really is no rhyme and reason in the American government of the day,lack of action,lack of insight,lack of intelligence, much as it was in the beginning, so it was, and is and ever shall be.....ignorant.Far too ignorant to actually solve any problems of any kind. So what's to be done in light of the government's constant forays in to the idiocy of misrule? Well, I encourage the American people of New Orleans, take heed,Be
Prepared. How? Well one has various technological developments available nowadays, that have evolved.
Firstly, housing......been about for generations actually, and....even
yet.............houseboats. Thing is to sit your house boat up on blocks, and sufficiently rope anchor it in place such that the house can be released to float in case of flooding......transport..personal? Well, there's the Amphicar you know.City transit? Investment in amphibious buses, these have been developed in Europe, without doubt in preparation for the global warming effect of flooding out the Dutch, since basically nobody cares about the dutch except for those nautically inclined companies. Air travel? there are amphibious helicopters,and amphibious
aircraft..........so things are pretty much covered there. What of sudden flooding, can it be dealt with? Indeed yes it can. Bikini clothing has been developed in which the breasts can be inflated to any desired size, by means of air. Merely here we adapt the bar itself as a bra, and so females will be prepared for sudden flooding, merely emergency increase the inflation of the bar and one has instant
water wings. Indeed, the Japanese have developed inflatable kayak dresses, yes, the dress inflates and acts as a personal kayak!Also while it'sgrand to have a chicken in every pot, in the case of New Orleans, it's best have a lifevest on every lamppost.
Ah but what is to be done should New Orleans once again flood? Well, having had all of the above mentioned, things will be peachy actually, water rises, so what, water subsides, back to normal to await the next occurrence! Alternatively though, one can simply wall in New Orleans, and so retain the flood waters, with all of the above, things will work grandly, and New Orleans will be the Venice of America!!As they say, one must adapt, and go with the flow.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..............................................
MRL Things of Political Atmospherics
Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move
forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.
The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were
attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.
The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.
I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By
stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Secret Squirrel,Your Better Interests At Heart
Keywords:
monster,raving,loony,party,agriculture,farms,farming,subsidies,ships,housing,houses,air,travel,floods, flooding,venice,subway,air,reconnaissance,recce,submarine,austerity
Ever does Secret Squirrel ponder socio-economic problems, ever does he wax pensive on matters of technology,the food supply,finances, defense and come up with the solutions required in the world of today!!
The MRL Dinner Gong Has Sounded.
It's time Britain move forward in the field of socio-economic agriculture. Certain other
"nations" have made great strides forwards and discoveries in this area. Regrettably,
Britain has lagged behind. However, visiting the colony of Canada, and the area of Europe
we call France I have made certain discoveries which must be applied to England.
With regards to France,a nation with a low power,low gear economy which possesses
little or next to none economic and agrarian knowledge,the present British government has
discovered that France has certain protected subsidies, which they simply refuse to give
up, in short, we're being shorted since France pays subsidies to farmers to grow certain
crops on tiny plots of land, making such tiny plots most admirably and attractively
profitable for very little work or actual produce.
With regards to the colony of Canada,a nation with no discernable economy what so ever,
it has been discovered that there the farmers there are actually being paid not to grow
produce, such as wheat, and then further paid to grow other produce in it's place.
What needs be done in Britain, is not to complain about this, but actually to apply
these systems to Britain and British farmers. Think of it, we could pay an old
granny in Picadilly Circus not to grow wheat, and to then pay her to grow an
asparagus or two in a planter making her a highly successful British farmer.
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
****************************************************
Here's yet another idea for the use of ships to solve Britain's problems, here the housing problems
(for the M.R.L. election campaign(the Japanese refer to it as an erection campaign,so do British politicians, but we in the MRL don't require Viagra to get erected, Horney Goat Weed will do nicely thank-you.............)
MRL Solving the Housing Crisis
Britain is in the midst of a great housing crisis. Indeed many young people
are emerging from schools in huge numbers to find they've no jobs, are on
the dole (a really prickly pineapple that), and have no suitable housing
available.There is a solution to all problems, indeed a new form of welfare
council condominium housing must be applied, one which even yet can easily
supply watersport exercise and entertainments to keep them amused coupled with
a cruise ship atmos to keep them all happy and contented. All that must
be done is that shipping containers be converted in to bachelor flats! Of course these
containers would be housed on suitable large shipping container ships. Imagine,
huge sea going apartment condominiums! Further there's the advantage of having
the unemployed safely out of sight, rather than wandering the streets in
immense numbers as they do in Sweden! Further reducing the costs to Her
Majesty,each ship would require but one council to run things, thus further
reducing costs!Why even for when the dole vacation time rolls around, the vessels
could depart to tour the Dardanelles! Ha you say...what of sanitation facilities? Well
they would have the most modern of conveniences, and most easily maintained as well,
they could simply go off over the side...all problems solved!!
A Jolly Good Show All Round!
Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*******************************************************************************
Ever does the juggernaut of the M.R.L. campaign continue..................ever does the battle for the hearts and minds of the British people continue....................unbowed I continue with my major engineering and social policies which will change the face of Britain,improve the lives and lifestyle of the British people.......................all with an air of austerity and the environment in mind.
Now we must turn our attention to the ever rising costs of air travel, and the expense it entails, and major and ever increasing loss of time and convenience for the air traveling public....here a proposal which the Great H.G. Wells would've been proud of and written of had he the engineering acumen to have achieved this grand concept.
MRL On Air Travel Improvements
Air travel nowadays entails great expense in time, boarding the aircraft etc, and of course, in time on landing, debarking,collecting luggage, finally getting to ones actual destination etc. Immediately this plan will remove the problem of the landing and post landing rituals, and the inconvenience of not actually landing at the intended destination.
Expressly the great cargo door of the airliners will be utilized, or,failing that, the embarking debarking doors will just have to do.
The passengers will board the plane, with their luggage in hand(already we have dispensed with the great inconvenience of the airlines losing ones luggage of it arriving at another destination, unintended of course). The airliner will fly over and in vicinity of the intended destination. The passenger, with luggage in hand will then jump out of the airliner and deploy a paraglide chute. This will permit the passenger to land exactly at his intended destination,complete with luggage! The airliner will then return to its starting point having avoided landing fees, extended fuel costs etc etc etc. A general saving all round!
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! And will the Scottish bagpipers,French accordion players, and American harmonica players please cease with their....................................errr....................serenade of good wishes.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister Of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
**********************************************************************************
Aha! I have yet another project to benefit the people of Liverpool, and hence, also, therefor England of whom they are a part, if not the heart of. Whilst Liverpool had The Beatles, it seems this occurrence has increased interest in that city and hence the greater interest of my M.R.L. campaign, which is good for Liverpool, better for England. Yet again I have another engineering proposal which shall go forward on my successful election write-in campaign..........................
Liverpool.....The New Venice Of Britain.
Liverpool has a remnant of an interesting transportation system, one which has worked successfully on a grand scale in America, the elevated tram system. Now what is proposed is proposed in the light of modern times, one which will unquestionably please the greens and Britain and the City of Liverpool who is the recipient of this proposal. Of course, I shall run a foul of the electric works and oil companies whom will loose out but hope they will not throw a spanner in to the works of my campaign. What I [propose combines old and new technologies. It is proposed to extend the existing structures, safely above the levels of the streets where it will be out of the way of pedestrians and those who commute by other means. Now, the tub structure surrounding the tramway, the "roadway" as it were, will be filled with water, creating elevated canals throughout Liverpool, making it truly the Venice of England! Traveling those waterways, in similar fashion to the condolers of Venice, we will use rowboats as a form of water taxis. But wait! It gets only better. There will be no tax, no taxi meter,nay the public transit will be free and will truly not cost the British taxpayer anything at all. To row these fine British built rowboats, we will import numbers of French welfare cases. These will be employed to row said mentioned boats. Now employed, in the context of the French the term employed is a misnomer, since most are on welfare, the dole, and enjoy that condition. That condition shall be maintained,quite easily by seeing to it that France continues their dole whilst they row us round and about Liverpool, thus the British taxpayer will be spared any sundry expenses, the Frenchman won't actually be working, and Liverpool will be provided with a free form of public transit, which also will please the Green People. Further, as a form of further inducement for the Greens of Britain, the canals will be lined with lampposts for night service
(which will please the electric works), and we shall hang flower planters from each lamp post!
Generally a jolly good show all round!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
***************************************************************************
MRL Subway Plans For Liverpool
In keeping with election policies, intent on the M.R.L. winning the election, one must sweeten the pot, cuddle up to the electorate, woo the electorate and so we have an interesting project for the City of Liverpool,the addition of a subway. Interestingly it is proposed that we make use of the ancient system of tunnels, built by Joeseph Williamson beneath the streets of Liverpool in the 1800's,his legacy to the people of Liverpool will be fully realized.There, in the tunnels, we will make use of small tracks and electric trains such as are found at pier and fair grounds. They can, after all, do the job and are of convenient size and can easily have cars and engines manufactured in Britain itself, born out of entirely British technology! All will be combined to provide the City Of Liverpool with a modern up to date underground system!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
**************************************************************************
An MRL Reconnaissance In To The Future
The age of austerity has hit the British military, sadly, unable to afford even the unmanned recce craft the Americans use, allowed to slide in to such a delapidated condition that Britain is unable even yet to design and build such a craft. A cheap solution is,however at hand, combining older technology and the much newer technology as well. The military could buy up all the existent Circus Canons,used, and these could be transported as needed to trouble spots where recce is required. There the canon could be trucked up to a site suitably near the suspected front, a brave lad shot out of the canon in to the air in the same fashion the circus performers were, but with a modern addition that will transform him in to the most modern recce vehicle known to the British military, a para glide chute will deploy, making him agile and mobile, and he will carry aloft, a modern digital camera, 1 gigabyte memory of course(nothing but the best). Problem solved. Of course this all revolves on the M.R.L. being elected in the next election, but we wisely leave this up to those of the superior intellect who will vote M.R.L. this coming election.We can also revive the ancient idea of armed reconnaissance, balloons and blunderbuses.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
****************************************************************
MRL Technological Engineering Applications Applied For The Day........
Introducing the pedal power submarine
Unquestionably influenced heavily by Secret Squirrel's plans to modernize and upgrade Britain's Navy as the British government is set on reducing the Navy to almost nothing due to austerity, a group of enterprising British lads have come up with a cheap solution to the rapidly developing government generated crisis in the submarine secret service of Her Majesty's Royal Navy(the government probably not wishing Her to have one)..............so...........
A team of university boffins have designed Britain's first human-powered submarine. The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike, reaching speeds of more than three knots (3.5mph).
The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike
The SeaBomb, was designed and built by a team of final-year engineering undergraduates from Bath University as their degree project. Without a doubt this reaches back, with our backsides to the future, to the days of the Confederate Navy of the DisUnited States of America, and their crank powered submarine program.
We note the term sea bomb, and we note recent statements made by a certain British Air Force officer...........one Air Vice Marshall David (henceforth known also as KAMAKAZI) Walker.
Elite fliers were shocked into silence when a senior RAF chief said they should consider suicide missions as a last resort against terrorist targets.No doubt a government austerity measure to save shells,bombs, and helmets.
Air Vice Marshal David Walker put forward the attacks — like those flown by desperate Japanese pilots in World War Two — as a “worst case scenario” should they run out of ammo or their weapons failed. We do note a similarity in design of the submersible to the Japanese suicide one man torpedoes.But let me assure you whilst the MRL will apply this technology to upgrade Her Majesty's Royal Navy, we will most definitely not have a kamakazi corps.
Now we must apply this technological advancement properly, adding, perhaps, sling shot type aqua spear guns with a grenade attached for underwater attacks, and, when on the surface, the crewman can throw things at the enemy. Ever onwards with applied technology of the day,ever forwards, we Labour onwards, with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.......................................
Of course that certain time is upon us all, election time, and those of us out on the hustings have our policies to present.
Here is yet another of my policies presented for the people of Britain to consier, a policy, as are all of mine, aimed at improvement of the general situation of the British people, improving their quality of life and transport, and providing construction jobs as well for the British worker! Of course my campaign itself is frugal in nature, as will be my tenure in government, relying on the electorate to include myself on the ballot, as M.R.L.(where no other M.R.L. candidate is presented) as a selected write-in candidate! Consider please............................
MRL Transatlantic Cruise Submarine Railroads
One of the great problems of transatlantic crossing has been comfort, airplanes are decidedly uncomfortable, and cold in the crossing, and nowadays take so much time to board what with security issues etc raised by recent middle eastern events. Ships are much better, but, misfortunately they are excruciatingly slow,rather like being exciled for a bit.
However,things can be speeded up grandly and in comfortable fashion. All that we have to do, is construct on the ocean floor, a double tracked rail line,between Portsmouth and New York. We now convert some of Her Majesty's surplus and stored nuclear submarines to a comfortable cruise ship status. We then attach rail trucks to the submarine cruise vessels, and run them at nuclear submarine speed back and forth across the Atlantic!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
****************************************************************
here is one of my M.R.L. ideas to improve shipping, and improve the midlands economy by bringing in greater tourist dollars......................
MRL,Shaping Things Up, And Shipping Out
A great difficulty has been the fact there there just is no canal crossing England
in similar fashion to that running across Scotland.However all can be easily solved.
All that remains is for a project to be undertaken to construct a suitable twin tracked
railroad across England,from Liverpool, to the vicinity of Hull, on the other side.
Ha you say, railroads will never replace the ship. Of course, and you're quite right
as are Britain's great Naval Architects. Indeed what is here proposed, is that the ships,
will actually be pulled on to huge suitable flat cars at Liverpool and so transit across
England to again enter the water at Hull (vice versa for the return journey.).Such a
rail ship combination would be many times more efficient than the present Scottish canal
transit as the ships are limited there to 5 miles an hour, thus making the journey in
24 hours.Using the Liverpool Hull route, the ships could transit at rail speed,
as much as 60 miles per hour, making the trip in less than two hours. Of course
a standard ship transit between Liverpool and Hull would and does take 7 full days!
Indeed, what is even yet possible is that cruise ships could make use of the line,
with suitable rail siding docking facilities in some towns along the way, thus bringing
valuable cruise ship tourism to the heartland of Britain!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
***************************************************************
monster,raving,loony,party,agriculture,farms,farming,subsidies,ships,housing,houses,air,travel,floods, flooding,venice,subway,air,reconnaissance,recce,submarine,austerity
Ever does Secret Squirrel ponder socio-economic problems, ever does he wax pensive on matters of technology,the food supply,finances, defense and come up with the solutions required in the world of today!!
The MRL Dinner Gong Has Sounded.
It's time Britain move forward in the field of socio-economic agriculture. Certain other
"nations" have made great strides forwards and discoveries in this area. Regrettably,
Britain has lagged behind. However, visiting the colony of Canada, and the area of Europe
we call France I have made certain discoveries which must be applied to England.
With regards to France,a nation with a low power,low gear economy which possesses
little or next to none economic and agrarian knowledge,the present British government has
discovered that France has certain protected subsidies, which they simply refuse to give
up, in short, we're being shorted since France pays subsidies to farmers to grow certain
crops on tiny plots of land, making such tiny plots most admirably and attractively
profitable for very little work or actual produce.
With regards to the colony of Canada,a nation with no discernable economy what so ever,
it has been discovered that there the farmers there are actually being paid not to grow
produce, such as wheat, and then further paid to grow other produce in it's place.
What needs be done in Britain, is not to complain about this, but actually to apply
these systems to Britain and British farmers. Think of it, we could pay an old
granny in Picadilly Circus not to grow wheat, and to then pay her to grow an
asparagus or two in a planter making her a highly successful British farmer.
M.R.L.
Secret Squirrel,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
****************************************************
Here's yet another idea for the use of ships to solve Britain's problems, here the housing problems
(for the M.R.L. election campaign(the Japanese refer to it as an erection campaign,so do British politicians, but we in the MRL don't require Viagra to get erected, Horney Goat Weed will do nicely thank-you.............)
MRL Solving the Housing Crisis
Britain is in the midst of a great housing crisis. Indeed many young people
are emerging from schools in huge numbers to find they've no jobs, are on
the dole (a really prickly pineapple that), and have no suitable housing
available.There is a solution to all problems, indeed a new form of welfare
council condominium housing must be applied, one which even yet can easily
supply watersport exercise and entertainments to keep them amused coupled with
a cruise ship atmos to keep them all happy and contented. All that must
be done is that shipping containers be converted in to bachelor flats! Of course these
containers would be housed on suitable large shipping container ships. Imagine,
huge sea going apartment condominiums! Further there's the advantage of having
the unemployed safely out of sight, rather than wandering the streets in
immense numbers as they do in Sweden! Further reducing the costs to Her
Majesty,each ship would require but one council to run things, thus further
reducing costs!Why even for when the dole vacation time rolls around, the vessels
could depart to tour the Dardanelles! Ha you say...what of sanitation facilities? Well
they would have the most modern of conveniences, and most easily maintained as well,
they could simply go off over the side...all problems solved!!
A Jolly Good Show All Round!
Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*******************************************************************************
Ever does the juggernaut of the M.R.L. campaign continue..................ever does the battle for the hearts and minds of the British people continue....................unbowed I continue with my major engineering and social policies which will change the face of Britain,improve the lives and lifestyle of the British people.......................all with an air of austerity and the environment in mind.
Now we must turn our attention to the ever rising costs of air travel, and the expense it entails, and major and ever increasing loss of time and convenience for the air traveling public....here a proposal which the Great H.G. Wells would've been proud of and written of had he the engineering acumen to have achieved this grand concept.
MRL On Air Travel Improvements
Air travel nowadays entails great expense in time, boarding the aircraft etc, and of course, in time on landing, debarking,collecting luggage, finally getting to ones actual destination etc. Immediately this plan will remove the problem of the landing and post landing rituals, and the inconvenience of not actually landing at the intended destination.
Expressly the great cargo door of the airliners will be utilized, or,failing that, the embarking debarking doors will just have to do.
The passengers will board the plane, with their luggage in hand(already we have dispensed with the great inconvenience of the airlines losing ones luggage of it arriving at another destination, unintended of course). The airliner will fly over and in vicinity of the intended destination. The passenger, with luggage in hand will then jump out of the airliner and deploy a paraglide chute. This will permit the passenger to land exactly at his intended destination,complete with luggage! The airliner will then return to its starting point having avoided landing fees, extended fuel costs etc etc etc. A general saving all round!
Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! And will the Scottish bagpipers,French accordion players, and American harmonica players please cease with their....................................errr....................serenade of good wishes.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister Of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
**********************************************************************************
Aha! I have yet another project to benefit the people of Liverpool, and hence, also, therefor England of whom they are a part, if not the heart of. Whilst Liverpool had The Beatles, it seems this occurrence has increased interest in that city and hence the greater interest of my M.R.L. campaign, which is good for Liverpool, better for England. Yet again I have another engineering proposal which shall go forward on my successful election write-in campaign..........................
Liverpool.....The New Venice Of Britain.
Liverpool has a remnant of an interesting transportation system, one which has worked successfully on a grand scale in America, the elevated tram system. Now what is proposed is proposed in the light of modern times, one which will unquestionably please the greens and Britain and the City of Liverpool who is the recipient of this proposal. Of course, I shall run a foul of the electric works and oil companies whom will loose out but hope they will not throw a spanner in to the works of my campaign. What I [propose combines old and new technologies. It is proposed to extend the existing structures, safely above the levels of the streets where it will be out of the way of pedestrians and those who commute by other means. Now, the tub structure surrounding the tramway, the "roadway" as it were, will be filled with water, creating elevated canals throughout Liverpool, making it truly the Venice of England! Traveling those waterways, in similar fashion to the condolers of Venice, we will use rowboats as a form of water taxis. But wait! It gets only better. There will be no tax, no taxi meter,nay the public transit will be free and will truly not cost the British taxpayer anything at all. To row these fine British built rowboats, we will import numbers of French welfare cases. These will be employed to row said mentioned boats. Now employed, in the context of the French the term employed is a misnomer, since most are on welfare, the dole, and enjoy that condition. That condition shall be maintained,quite easily by seeing to it that France continues their dole whilst they row us round and about Liverpool, thus the British taxpayer will be spared any sundry expenses, the Frenchman won't actually be working, and Liverpool will be provided with a free form of public transit, which also will please the Green People. Further, as a form of further inducement for the Greens of Britain, the canals will be lined with lampposts for night service
(which will please the electric works), and we shall hang flower planters from each lamp post!
Generally a jolly good show all round!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
***************************************************************************
MRL Subway Plans For Liverpool
In keeping with election policies, intent on the M.R.L. winning the election, one must sweeten the pot, cuddle up to the electorate, woo the electorate and so we have an interesting project for the City of Liverpool,the addition of a subway. Interestingly it is proposed that we make use of the ancient system of tunnels, built by Joeseph Williamson beneath the streets of Liverpool in the 1800's,his legacy to the people of Liverpool will be fully realized.There, in the tunnels, we will make use of small tracks and electric trains such as are found at pier and fair grounds. They can, after all, do the job and are of convenient size and can easily have cars and engines manufactured in Britain itself, born out of entirely British technology! All will be combined to provide the City Of Liverpool with a modern up to date underground system!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
**************************************************************************
An MRL Reconnaissance In To The Future
The age of austerity has hit the British military, sadly, unable to afford even the unmanned recce craft the Americans use, allowed to slide in to such a delapidated condition that Britain is unable even yet to design and build such a craft. A cheap solution is,however at hand, combining older technology and the much newer technology as well. The military could buy up all the existent Circus Canons,used, and these could be transported as needed to trouble spots where recce is required. There the canon could be trucked up to a site suitably near the suspected front, a brave lad shot out of the canon in to the air in the same fashion the circus performers were, but with a modern addition that will transform him in to the most modern recce vehicle known to the British military, a para glide chute will deploy, making him agile and mobile, and he will carry aloft, a modern digital camera, 1 gigabyte memory of course(nothing but the best). Problem solved. Of course this all revolves on the M.R.L. being elected in the next election, but we wisely leave this up to those of the superior intellect who will vote M.R.L. this coming election.We can also revive the ancient idea of armed reconnaissance, balloons and blunderbuses.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
****************************************************************
MRL Technological Engineering Applications Applied For The Day........
Introducing the pedal power submarine
Unquestionably influenced heavily by Secret Squirrel's plans to modernize and upgrade Britain's Navy as the British government is set on reducing the Navy to almost nothing due to austerity, a group of enterprising British lads have come up with a cheap solution to the rapidly developing government generated crisis in the submarine secret service of Her Majesty's Royal Navy(the government probably not wishing Her to have one)..............so...........
A team of university boffins have designed Britain's first human-powered submarine. The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike, reaching speeds of more than three knots (3.5mph).
The 10ft-long vessel carries one "pilot" who pedals a contraption similar to an exercise bike
The SeaBomb, was designed and built by a team of final-year engineering undergraduates from Bath University as their degree project. Without a doubt this reaches back, with our backsides to the future, to the days of the Confederate Navy of the DisUnited States of America, and their crank powered submarine program.
We note the term sea bomb, and we note recent statements made by a certain British Air Force officer...........one Air Vice Marshall David (henceforth known also as KAMAKAZI) Walker.
Elite fliers were shocked into silence when a senior RAF chief said they should consider suicide missions as a last resort against terrorist targets.No doubt a government austerity measure to save shells,bombs, and helmets.
Air Vice Marshal David Walker put forward the attacks — like those flown by desperate Japanese pilots in World War Two — as a “worst case scenario” should they run out of ammo or their weapons failed. We do note a similarity in design of the submersible to the Japanese suicide one man torpedoes.But let me assure you whilst the MRL will apply this technology to upgrade Her Majesty's Royal Navy, we will most definitely not have a kamakazi corps.
Now we must apply this technological advancement properly, adding, perhaps, sling shot type aqua spear guns with a grenade attached for underwater attacks, and, when on the surface, the crewman can throw things at the enemy. Ever onwards with applied technology of the day,ever forwards, we Labour onwards, with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.......................................
Of course that certain time is upon us all, election time, and those of us out on the hustings have our policies to present.
Here is yet another of my policies presented for the people of Britain to consier, a policy, as are all of mine, aimed at improvement of the general situation of the British people, improving their quality of life and transport, and providing construction jobs as well for the British worker! Of course my campaign itself is frugal in nature, as will be my tenure in government, relying on the electorate to include myself on the ballot, as M.R.L.(where no other M.R.L. candidate is presented) as a selected write-in candidate! Consider please............................
MRL Transatlantic Cruise Submarine Railroads
One of the great problems of transatlantic crossing has been comfort, airplanes are decidedly uncomfortable, and cold in the crossing, and nowadays take so much time to board what with security issues etc raised by recent middle eastern events. Ships are much better, but, misfortunately they are excruciatingly slow,rather like being exciled for a bit.
However,things can be speeded up grandly and in comfortable fashion. All that we have to do, is construct on the ocean floor, a double tracked rail line,between Portsmouth and New York. We now convert some of Her Majesty's surplus and stored nuclear submarines to a comfortable cruise ship status. We then attach rail trucks to the submarine cruise vessels, and run them at nuclear submarine speed back and forth across the Atlantic!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
****************************************************************
here is one of my M.R.L. ideas to improve shipping, and improve the midlands economy by bringing in greater tourist dollars......................
MRL,Shaping Things Up, And Shipping Out
A great difficulty has been the fact there there just is no canal crossing England
in similar fashion to that running across Scotland.However all can be easily solved.
All that remains is for a project to be undertaken to construct a suitable twin tracked
railroad across England,from Liverpool, to the vicinity of Hull, on the other side.
Ha you say, railroads will never replace the ship. Of course, and you're quite right
as are Britain's great Naval Architects. Indeed what is here proposed, is that the ships,
will actually be pulled on to huge suitable flat cars at Liverpool and so transit across
England to again enter the water at Hull (vice versa for the return journey.).Such a
rail ship combination would be many times more efficient than the present Scottish canal
transit as the ships are limited there to 5 miles an hour, thus making the journey in
24 hours.Using the Liverpool Hull route, the ships could transit at rail speed,
as much as 60 miles per hour, making the trip in less than two hours. Of course
a standard ship transit between Liverpool and Hull would and does take 7 full days!
Indeed, what is even yet possible is that cruise ships could make use of the line,
with suitable rail siding docking facilities in some towns along the way, thus bringing
valuable cruise ship tourism to the heartland of Britain!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
***************************************************************
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Secret Squirrel Engineering Your Future
Keywords:
pneumatic,subway,transportation,cannon,congestion,dams,lottery,lotteries,flood,protection,bridges,engineering
Secret Squirrel's great engineering projects, projects that rival the engineering and genius of The Great Engineer,Isambard Kingdom Brunel. Brunel once said,"If there's an engineer greater than me, I shall do pinwheels in my grave." Well, down at the cemetary, he's known as Pinwheel Ishie. See,read, the genius of Secret Squirrel and his engineering projects, projects for a better world. See the world of engineering from Secret Squirrel's great vision.
MRL Things of Political Atmospherics
Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.After all, you know, engineered vehicular transport devices that worked in the past, will work in the future as well.....
The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel, was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.
The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.
Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.
I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people,if they can be gathered in a group, ball and chained, and whipped frequently!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...............................................................................................
The MRL Is Cannon
Well now, the City of London has been smiled on greatly through the centuries,especially with respect to the barrier of the Thames. Well The Thames is no barrier,bridges have been built across, the great Brunel's father started, and Brunel finished, a tunnel beneath the Thames, one which is still used to this very day, at least until the Heritage people get their hands on it whence it will be closed to preserve it from posterity, and whomever else might want to use it thereafter, in the hereafter. Indeed now there is even yet a proposal to have a , get this, cable car system across it. Well and good, no doubt there will be a great charge for this. I propose also to smile on the city of London, and present it with a great charge, but not a charge to those using my system to cross the Thames, indeed what I propose to do is to revive the sound idea of pneumatic cannon. These cannon still exist today, having been born out of attempts to hurl dynamite charges safely without exploding them to land on decks of ships and wherever and whatever and there to explode. Only air cannon could supply the safe cushion charge of air to hurl the projectile without exploding the dynamite in the barrel transit. This idea was thereafter toyed with, and developed to the form of circus cannon. Well, the idea is sound, and it is safe from an engineering standpoint, and INDEED has been safely proven,tested,and recorded on film, by A Thousand Clowns. Well, send in the clowns,again. We shall install a Air Cannon system on each side of the Thames, and for a minimal charge, I couldn't resist, fire them happily across to safely land in a net and there to proceed with their day's doings. It will be surely less taxing (Labor will no doubt initiate this one day we all suspect), than walking across by bridge, less taxing than driving across(you know, congestion tax, road tax), and surely as well take far far less time than the Cable Car system. It also will be enormously faster than either method once the cannon is fired you know. All that remains is for the MRL to be able to gift the already gifted people of London with a sound (chuckle,snort,chortle) air tight(yet more) engineering idea.Ever forwards we proceed with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
......................................................................................
MRL Solves Congestion Charge Technologically.
Thousands of drivers from outside the UK are not paying London's congestion charge,but Britons are.And isn't it so that Tony Blair and his Labor Party are meaning to have you purchase a tracking device for your car and paying a monthly bill to use it. The tracking device will cost about £200(400$U.S.) and in a recent study by the BBC, the lowest monthly bill was £28($56U.S.) for a rural florist and £194($388) for a delivery driver,then additionally. Is there a way out for the driving Briton, the government of Tony Blair, says "You all can go fly!!"......................and so, we just may.........
Roadable Aircraft - Aerocar Aerocar
Moulton B. Taylor dreamed of producing a roadable aircraft, which could be used as a family car and, as the need or inclination arose, have wings, tail and propellor quickly attached. After World War 2, Taylor set to work to produce such a vehicle, and by late 1949 a prototype Aerocar had flown.
On 13th December, 1956, the improved production Aerocar 1 received FAA certification. Four further Model 1s were built, for demonstration and sale. The six Aerocars so far built accumulated over 200,000 road miles and 5,000 flight hours. The final version was a much improved Aerocar III, converted from a model 1.
The car itself was a fairly conventional front-wheel-drive automobile. The power plant was an Avco Lycoming O-320 aircraft engine in the rear of the vehicle. This drove either the road wheels or, via an extended drive shaft in the detachable tail boom, a propeller to the rear of the Y-form tail structure. Braced monoplane wings were fitted in high configuration to the rear of the car. Unless the wings and tail boom were all correctly engaged, it was not possible to start the engine for flight.
Conversion from air to road could be achieved by one person in five minutes. The detached aircraft components could be towed behind the car in folding wheels fitted to the wing roots.
The Aerocar project ended with the passing of new legislation relating to automobiles in the United States. To meet 1970s requirements, the Aerocar would have to become too heavy and expensive to be practical.
And so the Hafner Rotabuggy was consigned to the better ideas of history past, and forgotten, till........................today.
Engineering work continued, militarily.............
and there came the Flying Jeep.
The work of the Airborne Forces Experimental Establishment at Ringway, Manchester, on the Rotachute from 1940 onwards led to the suggestion that the free-wheeling autogyro principles employed could also be applied to larger loads. The designer, Raoul Hafner, suggested the Rotabuggy, a Jeep (or "Blitz Buggy") with rotors, and the Rotatank, a similarly modified Valentine tank. A development contract was placed with the M.L. Aviation Company at White Waltham in 1942, covered by specification 10/42.
Preliminary tests involved loading a Jeep with concrete and dropping it from heights of up to 7 ft. 8 in. (2.35 m.), demonstrating that the standard vehicle could survive undamaged from impacts of up to 11g. A 46 ft. 8 in. (12.4 m.) dia. two-blade rotor was then fitted, as well as a streamlined tail fairing with twin rudderless fins. Other additions were perspex door panels, a 'hanging' rotor control next to the steering wheel and a rotor tachometer and glider navigational instruments.
The Rotabuggy, camouflaged, carrying RAF roundels and a prototype "P", was tow tested behind a 4½ litre supercharged Bentley, and achieved gliding speeds of up to 65 mph (105 km/h) IAS.
The first flight was made on November 16, 1943. Later, some flights were made behind a Whitley bomber from Sherbourne-in-Elmet.
One witness described how she watched a Whitley take off with a Jeep in tow, circle and land. The Jeep, still in tow, did not touch down at the same time, and the witness realised that its occupants "were unhappy". With the pilot holding the hanging control column and the driver clutching the steering wheel, the Jeep made a series of up and down movements, whilst the audience hoped it would stall on a 'down' rather than an 'up'.
This it fortunately did, the driver taking over and driving flat-out after the Whitley, to which it remained attached. When it stopped, nobody got out for a while; the pilot was then assisted out and lay down beside the runway to recover. Apparently he was exhausted from trying to control the joystick, which had whipped in circles for the whole flight.
Apparently this flight was one of the worst, and the handling and flying qualities of the Rotabuggy were officially recorded as "highly satisfactory", especially when large tail fins had been fitted and greater rotor blade articulation provided. However, development of Horsa II and Hamilcar vehicle carrying gliders made further development of the idea unnecessary.
Now the existing technology could be applied and upgraded..................the time is now...............by reviving sutch a concept we could vastly reduce road traffic congestion, and just imagine, not being on a ROAD, the Labor government could not use and apply a road tax, nor could any other existing government of England. And now after having gotten this far in my proposal, you realize that it's certainly not a taxing engineering idea.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..........................................................................
M.R.L. Dam Building Technology.
Just look at the massive Three Gorges Dam built in Red China, took years to build, massive amounts of equipment and workers, all that problem diverting river water etc so the dam could've been built. Had Red China included the M.R.L. in the negotiations for construction, and engineering, it could've been built much cheaper, much faster and much easier. Yes quite simply it is in our nature to do things the easy way, let somebody else build it as long as we don't have to, build only when necessary. Indeed, what should've been done, is simply to have released beavers in
to the river(American beavers would've been used as they have sense to move when they cut down trees, many Canadian beavers are found squashed beneath trees simply because they haven't the wits to move themselves at the right time).
The beavers would then have started to dam up the river. We would've supplied the beavers with more and more materials with which to build the dam further. Now, this would've created the necessary working coffer dam, and the beavers would have continued to build it up and maintain it. Behind this, work on the concrete dam could thence have proceeded as planned, all in perfect safety and in a totally dry environment. When the dam was completed, we would then simply have slowly and properly, mind, blasted away the beaver dam. We could then, being kind in our natures to nature, and to appease any Greens complaints about things, taken the beavers and housed then suitably till they were required for yet another such project.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...........................................................
Ah Lotteries........................the very mechanism of it...the mind boggles...interesting it all is...................especially the multitudinous variety of payout ones existent in many lands, Canada for example, where,zounds and zooks, the very air abounds with lotteries at utterly unbelievable payouts, large and small in their structure, 15 20 million grand down to 35$ lowest for same lottery payouts etc etc etc et all,.........and the massive payouts in all of them, prizes unbelievable,unheard of large figures,great and to the smaller,even yet El Gourdo is a pittance in the colony of Canada............................well, what is the advantage of having these lotteries...........and how do they work.......
M.R.L. Lottery Policy
Lottery!!! LOTTERIES!!! Ah yes! the grand lottery, the great gamble where a little can get a lot.
Lotteries!! Gambling indeed! There's much money to be made in gambling, in lotteries, a great lot
all round, great for the lottery company, great for a winner. Great for a government, great when it
runs the lottery. There's much profit to be made, in running the lottery, taking more in than paying out,
as the system is supposed to work. But,how now? Let us examine a rather interesting system, a system run
in a foreign nation, the very foreign nation, the third world nation,the colony of Canada, that vast great
hinter land of the world.How do they run their lottery,profitably,profitably, and yet then more...........
how now.............
Firstly let us consider, it's all a monopoly, wherever it is, a government monopoly, a federal government
monopoly as their federal government runs theirs, then there's the lottery monopolies run by each of
their provinces(similar to Shires such as in our England). Each province has a lottery board which controls
the lotteries they run, to each their own, and to each the entire control, and,of course, collection of
lottery profits. Of course, the lottery must take more in than it pays out, to make a profit and keep
running.Evidently the system run by Canada and it's provinces is an expansion of the system run in Las Vegas
so it would make sense to adapt similar lottery rules,structures and government controls so nobody would
complain about it, after all it would profit the government(s), the winners,the people of the land, and this
the point isn't it, or at least, partly.
Now,how does a lottery run? Well, Firstly, people select numbers and buy tickets, in denominations of $10,
5 or 1, herein let us imagine it is pounds as it would be for here,Britain,our cash strapped nation which would
make money off it all just as they do in Canada, and the people who would have vast amounts of currency made
equitably available to the people,or rather winners, and, of course, profit money is applied to the government
itself for it to spend. So far we're all with it here. Now each lottery has a first prize, the grand prize, then
several prizes beneath that of lessening value, based on the grand prize level. We won't bother with the many tiny
payouts of extra tickets(lost revenues there),$1,10$ and paltry $100 and 1000$ payouts(let's pretend pounds since our lottery
is a let's make believe lottery isn't it), there can be regular payouts of wins of say as much as 25million, 50million,
dollars or pounds, and the the lesser values, all totaled up at any given time, in yet just one lottery, and then there are
many many others in the same provinces and so the system is in all the provinces there.
Then, let's total all the payouts up...........................and, we then discover, that in that tiny nation of
30million, they seem to have the population of two China's buying tickets just to pay for the winners! Indeed then there's yet the government
profits as well to take in to account!!That's just not millions, nor billions, that's TRILLIONS!!! And each year too!!!
My my, such vast money floating around a tiny miniscule insignificant nation with no discernable
economy! Imagine, what could be done were this lottery system could be applied in England, with it's much
greater of population!! Imagine yet, even Britain with it's vastly greater number of employed who can afford to buy lottery
tickets! The mind boggles just as does the thought of the vast currency so available all round in that
foreign welfare unemployed no economy nation!!!!!!
How does it all work? Why does it all work??It's all a monopoly, a monopoly game, using monopoly money!
So the game's afoot, we will apply more printing of government monopoly money and spread it all around and
make everyone in Britain part of the game,that's the name of the game....MONOPOLY!!!!And everybody will have
vast amounts of monopoly money, and if not, they can win it in the governments controlled lotteries!
Why imagine,such vast amounts money in British hands, money of such by comparison, magnitude which would result,
money such that Britain's regular lottery winners could afford to buy General Motors, Ford,General Electric,
Westinghouse,Boeing,Lockhead,Consolidated Edison, Exxon Oil etc. Somebody stop me!! Or Us!! Let them try!!
Britain could once again establish itself in internal industry and industry about the world.
Imagine if I could win, I could buy Australia outright and apply it as a vacation resort!!!
And so Britain would once more be employed,would once more own industries, and then the Blair,and similar governments,
could afford to sell the all again to the French and the Germans, not being able to think of little else.
But not if there was a total M.R.L. government, and all it takes is your vote....the M.R.L. Wants You!!...
to point our finger at as it's all your fault..........you're being fingered.............remember....when
you vote..........vote for me.........vote for me as your M.R.L. write-in candidate, and vote for change,for improvement,
for the betterment of the British people...anything less is utter..................lunacy.
Are you....................game?
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...........................................................
MRL Walled City Flood Protection Plan
Well now, there have been interesting MRL projects and solutions to deal with the massive flooding England has
experienced, projects such as adapting and living with and in flood conditions, adapting to a total flood living
environment and living with it much as does Venice, then there are our drainage projects to drain flooding away.But
there is still one more method of dealing with floods that we really must consider, a method the ancients, our wise
engineering ancestors have taught us, their legacy of protecting the people. How you say?
Well........................Castles, our homes were and are our castles, but they lack what castles
had.....walls.....now it's a bit complex to ring each home, but imagine now, entire walled cities, as they were in
ancient times, but walled such as to be able to shut themselves in and keep the flood waters out!! Indeed we could have
flood doors at entry roads to the cities, and rail lines as well!! Shut these during times of flooding, and the entire
city is protected!! Ha! Problem solved!!
I'll bet you didn't think it was that simple, but it is!! What protected our ancestors, can work to protect us!
Ever onwards, we move forwards,looking back,moving forwards,with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...................................................................
Bridges,The New outlook? Look Out!MRL Improved Bridge Engineering.
Well what's up with bridge collapses in North America?Canada and the United States that's what, and their engineers and designs,their ideas of a good cheap bridge, slap dash rapidly constructed. Well, to put it quite properly, it's problem is this urge to unitized construction, utilize the cheapest material possible,build for the future...........build one again in a few years to replace it,the North American engineering outlook! That's the problem.! That and not being able to ascertain that it is the time to change the bridges once more! yes! Indeed, taht's their problem! So, what do we do to see to it that it not become ours? Well now...............
The Romans' legacy to bridge building was the heavy masonry arch bridge, hundreds of which were built throughout Europe. In this, large stone blocks were wedged against each other to form an arch. The central stone at the top of the arch was known as the keystone. The finest surviving example of such a bridge is the Pons Fabricius in Rome. Completed in 62 BC, the bridge (now called the Ponte Quattro Capi) has two fine semicircular arches each spanning 78 feet. A small "relief" arch in the central sponging of the two main arches releases excess water in times of flood.Still standing and carrying modern traffic today, 2007, as are and do many such Roman designed,engineered and constructed bridges.
So prolific and efficient was Roman building that it was hundreds of years before Europeans took to bridge building anew. Then, in the 12th century Catholic priests and professionals took over the building of bridges because the Church recognized the advantages of good road communications in a developing society. In France a group of interested priests formed a new order, the Freres du Pont, to design and build lasting bridges. Most famous of this order's works was the Pont d' Avignon, built in 1177 over the Rhone River. It had 21 arches in all, the longest spanned 115 feet. Similarly in England it was Peter de Colechurch who designed and built the first stone bridge over the Thames, the famous London Bridge. Another was done by the architect-priest Giovanni Giocondo (c. 1433-1515) who used the segmental arch in Paris' first masonry bridge, built in 1507.These still standing, in use today,2007.
In 1878 the City architect Horace Jones proposed a bascule bridge. 'Bascule' comes from the French for 'see-saw', and a bascule bridge at street-level has two 'leaves' that can be raised on a horizontal axis to let ships pass on the river.
And so Tower Bridge was constructed, still standing an din use today,2007.
Sir John Fowler and Sir Benjamin Baker, who designed a structure that was built by Sir William Arrol's company between 1883 and 1890,Firth Of Forth bridge, a railway bridge true, but could be fitted with a road deck, and is still in use today,2007.
Well, obviously the ancients knew how to design bridges, how to build bridges.So what's with these collapsed bridges in North America? Well now, to avoid such occurrences in future on our side of the puddle, so must we simply turn to the ancients, build from and with the very best of lasting materials,and build the bridges exactly as they built them.....as they engineered them,making them longer in exact fashion as needed, exactly as they were designed,and we won't have any problem at all.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
pneumatic,subway,transportation,cannon,congestion,dams,lottery,lotteries,flood,protection,bridges,engineering
Secret Squirrel's great engineering projects, projects that rival the engineering and genius of The Great Engineer,Isambard Kingdom Brunel. Brunel once said,"If there's an engineer greater than me, I shall do pinwheels in my grave." Well, down at the cemetary, he's known as Pinwheel Ishie. See,read, the genius of Secret Squirrel and his engineering projects, projects for a better world. See the world of engineering from Secret Squirrel's great vision.
MRL Things of Political Atmospherics
Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.After all, you know, engineered vehicular transport devices that worked in the past, will work in the future as well.....
The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel, was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.
The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.
Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.
I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people,if they can be gathered in a group, ball and chained, and whipped frequently!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...............................................................................................
The MRL Is Cannon
Well now, the City of London has been smiled on greatly through the centuries,especially with respect to the barrier of the Thames. Well The Thames is no barrier,bridges have been built across, the great Brunel's father started, and Brunel finished, a tunnel beneath the Thames, one which is still used to this very day, at least until the Heritage people get their hands on it whence it will be closed to preserve it from posterity, and whomever else might want to use it thereafter, in the hereafter. Indeed now there is even yet a proposal to have a , get this, cable car system across it. Well and good, no doubt there will be a great charge for this. I propose also to smile on the city of London, and present it with a great charge, but not a charge to those using my system to cross the Thames, indeed what I propose to do is to revive the sound idea of pneumatic cannon. These cannon still exist today, having been born out of attempts to hurl dynamite charges safely without exploding them to land on decks of ships and wherever and whatever and there to explode. Only air cannon could supply the safe cushion charge of air to hurl the projectile without exploding the dynamite in the barrel transit. This idea was thereafter toyed with, and developed to the form of circus cannon. Well, the idea is sound, and it is safe from an engineering standpoint, and INDEED has been safely proven,tested,and recorded on film, by A Thousand Clowns. Well, send in the clowns,again. We shall install a Air Cannon system on each side of the Thames, and for a minimal charge, I couldn't resist, fire them happily across to safely land in a net and there to proceed with their day's doings. It will be surely less taxing (Labor will no doubt initiate this one day we all suspect), than walking across by bridge, less taxing than driving across(you know, congestion tax, road tax), and surely as well take far far less time than the Cable Car system. It also will be enormously faster than either method once the cannon is fired you know. All that remains is for the MRL to be able to gift the already gifted people of London with a sound (chuckle,snort,chortle) air tight(yet more) engineering idea.Ever forwards we proceed with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
......................................................................................
MRL Solves Congestion Charge Technologically.
Thousands of drivers from outside the UK are not paying London's congestion charge,but Britons are.And isn't it so that Tony Blair and his Labor Party are meaning to have you purchase a tracking device for your car and paying a monthly bill to use it. The tracking device will cost about £200(400$U.S.) and in a recent study by the BBC, the lowest monthly bill was £28($56U.S.) for a rural florist and £194($388) for a delivery driver,then additionally. Is there a way out for the driving Briton, the government of Tony Blair, says "You all can go fly!!"......................and so, we just may.........
Roadable Aircraft - Aerocar Aerocar
Moulton B. Taylor dreamed of producing a roadable aircraft, which could be used as a family car and, as the need or inclination arose, have wings, tail and propellor quickly attached. After World War 2, Taylor set to work to produce such a vehicle, and by late 1949 a prototype Aerocar had flown.
On 13th December, 1956, the improved production Aerocar 1 received FAA certification. Four further Model 1s were built, for demonstration and sale. The six Aerocars so far built accumulated over 200,000 road miles and 5,000 flight hours. The final version was a much improved Aerocar III, converted from a model 1.
The car itself was a fairly conventional front-wheel-drive automobile. The power plant was an Avco Lycoming O-320 aircraft engine in the rear of the vehicle. This drove either the road wheels or, via an extended drive shaft in the detachable tail boom, a propeller to the rear of the Y-form tail structure. Braced monoplane wings were fitted in high configuration to the rear of the car. Unless the wings and tail boom were all correctly engaged, it was not possible to start the engine for flight.
Conversion from air to road could be achieved by one person in five minutes. The detached aircraft components could be towed behind the car in folding wheels fitted to the wing roots.
The Aerocar project ended with the passing of new legislation relating to automobiles in the United States. To meet 1970s requirements, the Aerocar would have to become too heavy and expensive to be practical.
And so the Hafner Rotabuggy was consigned to the better ideas of history past, and forgotten, till........................today.
Engineering work continued, militarily.............
and there came the Flying Jeep.
The work of the Airborne Forces Experimental Establishment at Ringway, Manchester, on the Rotachute from 1940 onwards led to the suggestion that the free-wheeling autogyro principles employed could also be applied to larger loads. The designer, Raoul Hafner, suggested the Rotabuggy, a Jeep (or "Blitz Buggy") with rotors, and the Rotatank, a similarly modified Valentine tank. A development contract was placed with the M.L. Aviation Company at White Waltham in 1942, covered by specification 10/42.
Preliminary tests involved loading a Jeep with concrete and dropping it from heights of up to 7 ft. 8 in. (2.35 m.), demonstrating that the standard vehicle could survive undamaged from impacts of up to 11g. A 46 ft. 8 in. (12.4 m.) dia. two-blade rotor was then fitted, as well as a streamlined tail fairing with twin rudderless fins. Other additions were perspex door panels, a 'hanging' rotor control next to the steering wheel and a rotor tachometer and glider navigational instruments.
The Rotabuggy, camouflaged, carrying RAF roundels and a prototype "P", was tow tested behind a 4½ litre supercharged Bentley, and achieved gliding speeds of up to 65 mph (105 km/h) IAS.
The first flight was made on November 16, 1943. Later, some flights were made behind a Whitley bomber from Sherbourne-in-Elmet.
One witness described how she watched a Whitley take off with a Jeep in tow, circle and land. The Jeep, still in tow, did not touch down at the same time, and the witness realised that its occupants "were unhappy". With the pilot holding the hanging control column and the driver clutching the steering wheel, the Jeep made a series of up and down movements, whilst the audience hoped it would stall on a 'down' rather than an 'up'.
This it fortunately did, the driver taking over and driving flat-out after the Whitley, to which it remained attached. When it stopped, nobody got out for a while; the pilot was then assisted out and lay down beside the runway to recover. Apparently he was exhausted from trying to control the joystick, which had whipped in circles for the whole flight.
Apparently this flight was one of the worst, and the handling and flying qualities of the Rotabuggy were officially recorded as "highly satisfactory", especially when large tail fins had been fitted and greater rotor blade articulation provided. However, development of Horsa II and Hamilcar vehicle carrying gliders made further development of the idea unnecessary.
Now the existing technology could be applied and upgraded..................the time is now...............by reviving sutch a concept we could vastly reduce road traffic congestion, and just imagine, not being on a ROAD, the Labor government could not use and apply a road tax, nor could any other existing government of England. And now after having gotten this far in my proposal, you realize that it's certainly not a taxing engineering idea.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..........................................................................
M.R.L. Dam Building Technology.
Just look at the massive Three Gorges Dam built in Red China, took years to build, massive amounts of equipment and workers, all that problem diverting river water etc so the dam could've been built. Had Red China included the M.R.L. in the negotiations for construction, and engineering, it could've been built much cheaper, much faster and much easier. Yes quite simply it is in our nature to do things the easy way, let somebody else build it as long as we don't have to, build only when necessary. Indeed, what should've been done, is simply to have released beavers in
to the river(American beavers would've been used as they have sense to move when they cut down trees, many Canadian beavers are found squashed beneath trees simply because they haven't the wits to move themselves at the right time).
The beavers would then have started to dam up the river. We would've supplied the beavers with more and more materials with which to build the dam further. Now, this would've created the necessary working coffer dam, and the beavers would have continued to build it up and maintain it. Behind this, work on the concrete dam could thence have proceeded as planned, all in perfect safety and in a totally dry environment. When the dam was completed, we would then simply have slowly and properly, mind, blasted away the beaver dam. We could then, being kind in our natures to nature, and to appease any Greens complaints about things, taken the beavers and housed then suitably till they were required for yet another such project.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...........................................................
Ah Lotteries........................the very mechanism of it...the mind boggles...interesting it all is...................especially the multitudinous variety of payout ones existent in many lands, Canada for example, where,zounds and zooks, the very air abounds with lotteries at utterly unbelievable payouts, large and small in their structure, 15 20 million grand down to 35$ lowest for same lottery payouts etc etc etc et all,.........and the massive payouts in all of them, prizes unbelievable,unheard of large figures,great and to the smaller,even yet El Gourdo is a pittance in the colony of Canada............................well, what is the advantage of having these lotteries...........and how do they work.......
M.R.L. Lottery Policy
Lottery!!! LOTTERIES!!! Ah yes! the grand lottery, the great gamble where a little can get a lot.
Lotteries!! Gambling indeed! There's much money to be made in gambling, in lotteries, a great lot
all round, great for the lottery company, great for a winner. Great for a government, great when it
runs the lottery. There's much profit to be made, in running the lottery, taking more in than paying out,
as the system is supposed to work. But,how now? Let us examine a rather interesting system, a system run
in a foreign nation, the very foreign nation, the third world nation,the colony of Canada, that vast great
hinter land of the world.How do they run their lottery,profitably,profitably, and yet then more...........
how now.............
Firstly let us consider, it's all a monopoly, wherever it is, a government monopoly, a federal government
monopoly as their federal government runs theirs, then there's the lottery monopolies run by each of
their provinces(similar to Shires such as in our England). Each province has a lottery board which controls
the lotteries they run, to each their own, and to each the entire control, and,of course, collection of
lottery profits. Of course, the lottery must take more in than it pays out, to make a profit and keep
running.Evidently the system run by Canada and it's provinces is an expansion of the system run in Las Vegas
so it would make sense to adapt similar lottery rules,structures and government controls so nobody would
complain about it, after all it would profit the government(s), the winners,the people of the land, and this
the point isn't it, or at least, partly.
Now,how does a lottery run? Well, Firstly, people select numbers and buy tickets, in denominations of $10,
5 or 1, herein let us imagine it is pounds as it would be for here,Britain,our cash strapped nation which would
make money off it all just as they do in Canada, and the people who would have vast amounts of currency made
equitably available to the people,or rather winners, and, of course, profit money is applied to the government
itself for it to spend. So far we're all with it here. Now each lottery has a first prize, the grand prize, then
several prizes beneath that of lessening value, based on the grand prize level. We won't bother with the many tiny
payouts of extra tickets(lost revenues there),$1,10$ and paltry $100 and 1000$ payouts(let's pretend pounds since our lottery
is a let's make believe lottery isn't it), there can be regular payouts of wins of say as much as 25million, 50million,
dollars or pounds, and the the lesser values, all totaled up at any given time, in yet just one lottery, and then there are
many many others in the same provinces and so the system is in all the provinces there.
Then, let's total all the payouts up...........................and, we then discover, that in that tiny nation of
30million, they seem to have the population of two China's buying tickets just to pay for the winners! Indeed then there's yet the government
profits as well to take in to account!!That's just not millions, nor billions, that's TRILLIONS!!! And each year too!!!
My my, such vast money floating around a tiny miniscule insignificant nation with no discernable
economy! Imagine, what could be done were this lottery system could be applied in England, with it's much
greater of population!! Imagine yet, even Britain with it's vastly greater number of employed who can afford to buy lottery
tickets! The mind boggles just as does the thought of the vast currency so available all round in that
foreign welfare unemployed no economy nation!!!!!!
How does it all work? Why does it all work??It's all a monopoly, a monopoly game, using monopoly money!
So the game's afoot, we will apply more printing of government monopoly money and spread it all around and
make everyone in Britain part of the game,that's the name of the game....MONOPOLY!!!!And everybody will have
vast amounts of monopoly money, and if not, they can win it in the governments controlled lotteries!
Why imagine,such vast amounts money in British hands, money of such by comparison, magnitude which would result,
money such that Britain's regular lottery winners could afford to buy General Motors, Ford,General Electric,
Westinghouse,Boeing,Lockhead,Consolidated Edison, Exxon Oil etc. Somebody stop me!! Or Us!! Let them try!!
Britain could once again establish itself in internal industry and industry about the world.
Imagine if I could win, I could buy Australia outright and apply it as a vacation resort!!!
And so Britain would once more be employed,would once more own industries, and then the Blair,and similar governments,
could afford to sell the all again to the French and the Germans, not being able to think of little else.
But not if there was a total M.R.L. government, and all it takes is your vote....the M.R.L. Wants You!!...
to point our finger at as it's all your fault..........you're being fingered.............remember....when
you vote..........vote for me.........vote for me as your M.R.L. write-in candidate, and vote for change,for improvement,
for the betterment of the British people...anything less is utter..................lunacy.
Are you....................game?
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...........................................................
MRL Walled City Flood Protection Plan
Well now, there have been interesting MRL projects and solutions to deal with the massive flooding England has
experienced, projects such as adapting and living with and in flood conditions, adapting to a total flood living
environment and living with it much as does Venice, then there are our drainage projects to drain flooding away.But
there is still one more method of dealing with floods that we really must consider, a method the ancients, our wise
engineering ancestors have taught us, their legacy of protecting the people. How you say?
Well........................Castles, our homes were and are our castles, but they lack what castles
had.....walls.....now it's a bit complex to ring each home, but imagine now, entire walled cities, as they were in
ancient times, but walled such as to be able to shut themselves in and keep the flood waters out!! Indeed we could have
flood doors at entry roads to the cities, and rail lines as well!! Shut these during times of flooding, and the entire
city is protected!! Ha! Problem solved!!
I'll bet you didn't think it was that simple, but it is!! What protected our ancestors, can work to protect us!
Ever onwards, we move forwards,looking back,moving forwards,with our backsides to the future.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
...................................................................
Bridges,The New outlook? Look Out!MRL Improved Bridge Engineering.
Well what's up with bridge collapses in North America?Canada and the United States that's what, and their engineers and designs,their ideas of a good cheap bridge, slap dash rapidly constructed. Well, to put it quite properly, it's problem is this urge to unitized construction, utilize the cheapest material possible,build for the future...........build one again in a few years to replace it,the North American engineering outlook! That's the problem.! That and not being able to ascertain that it is the time to change the bridges once more! yes! Indeed, taht's their problem! So, what do we do to see to it that it not become ours? Well now...............
The Romans' legacy to bridge building was the heavy masonry arch bridge, hundreds of which were built throughout Europe. In this, large stone blocks were wedged against each other to form an arch. The central stone at the top of the arch was known as the keystone. The finest surviving example of such a bridge is the Pons Fabricius in Rome. Completed in 62 BC, the bridge (now called the Ponte Quattro Capi) has two fine semicircular arches each spanning 78 feet. A small "relief" arch in the central sponging of the two main arches releases excess water in times of flood.Still standing and carrying modern traffic today, 2007, as are and do many such Roman designed,engineered and constructed bridges.
So prolific and efficient was Roman building that it was hundreds of years before Europeans took to bridge building anew. Then, in the 12th century Catholic priests and professionals took over the building of bridges because the Church recognized the advantages of good road communications in a developing society. In France a group of interested priests formed a new order, the Freres du Pont, to design and build lasting bridges. Most famous of this order's works was the Pont d' Avignon, built in 1177 over the Rhone River. It had 21 arches in all, the longest spanned 115 feet. Similarly in England it was Peter de Colechurch who designed and built the first stone bridge over the Thames, the famous London Bridge. Another was done by the architect-priest Giovanni Giocondo (c. 1433-1515) who used the segmental arch in Paris' first masonry bridge, built in 1507.These still standing, in use today,2007.
In 1878 the City architect Horace Jones proposed a bascule bridge. 'Bascule' comes from the French for 'see-saw', and a bascule bridge at street-level has two 'leaves' that can be raised on a horizontal axis to let ships pass on the river.
And so Tower Bridge was constructed, still standing an din use today,2007.
Sir John Fowler and Sir Benjamin Baker, who designed a structure that was built by Sir William Arrol's company between 1883 and 1890,Firth Of Forth bridge, a railway bridge true, but could be fitted with a road deck, and is still in use today,2007.
Well, obviously the ancients knew how to design bridges, how to build bridges.So what's with these collapsed bridges in North America? Well now, to avoid such occurrences in future on our side of the puddle, so must we simply turn to the ancients, build from and with the very best of lasting materials,and build the bridges exactly as they built them.....as they engineered them,making them longer in exact fashion as needed, exactly as they were designed,and we won't have any problem at all.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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