Secret Squirrel has once again turned his attention to New
Orleans,the hurricanes it suffers from, the waters of Lake Ponchartrain,
and the levees,and sees things are still sadly lacking and not right at
all for the safety of the citizens of New Orleans. Let's look at Lake
Pontchartrain which generates a vast problem and is a great threat in
itself to the people of New Orleans.
As an estuary, Pontchartrain is not a true lake. It is, however, part of
one of the largest wetlands in North America, and the world.It's
average depth,at 12-14 feet. with a Max. depth, 65 feet (20 m).Max.
length 40 mi (64 km) with Max. width 24 mi (39 km).It's surface area
is 630 sq mi (1630 km²).It threatens New Orleans with each and every
hurricane, regardless of actual strength, as storm surges develop from
the lake even yet at weak category 3 hurricanes as surge is dependent on
both wind, and actual water volumes from the hurricane itself.
The government, in it's idiocy, won't close off Lake Pontchartrain at the bridge,and
drain the lake which constantly threatens New Orleans with massive storm surge
flooding,over toppings, and breeches of the levee system which barely holds Lake Pontchartrain back.
A hurricane in September, 1947 flooded much of Metairie,
Louisiana, much of which is slightly below sea level due to land
subsidence after marshland was drained. After the storm,
hurricane-protection levees were built along Lake Pontchartrain's south
shore to protect New Orleans and nearby communities. A storm surge of 10
feet (3.0 m) from Hurricane Betsy overwhelmed some levees in Eastern
New Orleans in 1965 (while storm surge funneled in by the Mississippi
River – Gulf Outlet Canal and a levee failure flooded most of the Lower
9th Ward). After this the levees encircling the city and outlying
parishes were raised to heights of 14 to 23 feet (4.3 to 7.0 m). Due to
cost concerns, the levees were built to protect against only a Category 3
hurricane; however, some of the levees initially withstood the
Category 5 storm surge of Hurricane Katrina (August 2005), which only
slowed to Category 3 winds within hours of landfall (due to a
last-minute eyewall replacement cycle).
Experts using computer modeling at Louisiana State University after
Hurricane Katrina have concluded that the levees were never topped but
rather faulty design, inadequate construction, or somecombination of the
two were responsible for the flooding of most of New Orleans: some
canal walls leaked underneath because the wall foundations were not deep
enough in peat-subsoil to withstand the pressure of higher water.
Tropical Storm Isaac, downgraded from a hurricane about 19 hours after
making landfall, drove water over a levee in a lightly populated part of
Plaquemines Parish.Until the weather stabilizes,it’s too dangerous to
breach the levee, but it needs to be done so water can flow back into
the bay.There was considerable talk about breaching the levee to take
pressure from the great storm surge off the levee.So clearly then, all's
not well with the levees as such.
Storm surge depends on winds, and also on volume of water dropped during
the hurricane. One can see the problems with the levees let the water
in, let the water out, a breaching of the levees appears to be done.
For starters the levees have to be stronger than they are.....and
secondly, what with breaching and what not being done ion purpose, the
idea would then be to incorporate within the levees sluice gates such
that the breaching can be controlled without actually physically
breaching the levees.Squirrel sees the need for such improvements in the
New Orleans levees, but will the government see the sanity of
Squirrel's way.Squirrel sees the need for much more improvement.
Showing posts with label New Orleans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Orleans. Show all posts
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Secret Squirel,Major Problem Solver
keywords:
war,flooding,fake,butts,implants,aircraft,terrorists,terrorism,pneumatics,trains,transportation,subway,New Orleans
Secret Squirrel Investigates Fake Cosmetic Butt Implants
My intelligence operatives have informed of developments which are quite frightening,
heightening the dangers to us all. The Plastique explosive firms are scrambling to get rid of their ageing explosives,dump them somehow and have improperly stated them as being stable for life, whilst all the while quietly and secretly have been moving them in to the plastique surgery field, commencing with fake breasts,hoping to get rid of their dangerous unpurchased stockpiles. In the field of breast implants we have learned that heat build up has provably caused them to explode, most notably those hidden beneath extremely heat containing,concentrating burkas. Also the explosive becomes unstable and expands with a sudden disastrous catastrophic explosion as can occur in aircraft as the pressure decreases at altitude,as has
been previously revealed,40,000 feet in altitude has proven to be highly disastrous in many cases.The efforts of the plastique producers know no bounds, they are totally out of control, and uncontrollable.Politicians say nothing for fear of public retribution.But all will explode out one day, with catastrophic results.
But now, there's much more to come, this disposal of plastique has just recently commenced to have been moved in to yet another field of plastique surgery implants, those of fake butts. There has been reported a sudden explosion in fake behinds,obviously the effect of the unstable plastique. Imagine though, yet, the terrorists getting wind of these unnatural natural events in the plastique field.
Imagine now, the terrorists getting a suitable suicide kamakazi candidate, under the knife, and there stuffing his, or her, butt with plastique. Just look at the size of some people with absolutely huge as*es accepted in society, why it's so common that no records have been kept of the world's largest as*,though speculation goes to a woman who weighed 1,400 pounds.Imagine the extent of an explosion such a large as*ed person could trigger in comparison with the simple burka breast bomber.Airlines commonly have large butted passengers, removing seat rests to accommodate,adding extra seat belt lengtheners to accommodate, moving them in to first class.There it sits, that great big large as*ed person, it could be that terrorist exploding butt of mass destruction.
The mind boggles how much plastique these people could stuff in to their butts. And how easily and undetectable such a large as*ed fake butt person could get past airport scanners and on to an aircraft,and there to.......to.........to..........
Believe you me, aboard aircraft,walking down the street, the worst is yet to come.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................................
M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.
There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an
appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.
Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.
This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.
Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.
Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly
etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.................................................
Secret Squirrel Ponders New Orleans,In Retrospect..
New Orleans is on the road to recovery......many years after,what we all knew immediately and yet even before, the judges have decided that the government was to blame for the flooding of New Orleans................compensation of a paltry sorts it seems will occur...................and host of pick pockets, tarot card readers, street musicians, drug salesmen and refugee Tonton Macoute Security Guards recently return .......descending on the city as it deals with it's own recovery.
Ah well I have pondered New Orleans, seen it happen, heartfelt sympathies all round,and so turning my attention and experteese to the problem, extending a helping hand across the waters as it were, and so to the people of New Orleans,I have a threefold program for the future ........
1) Preventing it happening again.
2) Dealing with it.
or
3) Living with it.
Well, Hurricane Katrina, and the United States Government, left New Orleans, ponchi, victims of improperly constructed government levees, refusals by the government to shore up,improve,modernize the levees, pumps which were supposedly capable of pumping out water from New Orleans as fast as it came in, but pumps where those manning the pumps, took a powder and ran for it,without turning them on.The governments answer, more pumps,more people manning the pumps.Then we recall the arrival of the army to help, with it's General, Honore, telling the people,"I have
arrived!Here, have a bottle of water."., and then prancing about kissing babies.And there they were,comabt troops, a lot of fingers but not really any good at plugging holes in dykes.Yes New Orleans was abandoned, by the Government.
And what happened to New Orleans, well, nowadays one can view maps of Underwater New Orleans, a submerged city as it were, but,misfortunately ,deemed of no archeological value. Indeed, levees failed and broke, levees within the city itself.Why? New Orleans is riddled with canals, and intrusive demi canal regions.Indeed one little used total canal runs through New Orleans entirely, the nowadays called Richie Rich Canal since it seems its only purpose was and is to provide a way for a very few rich boaters, the boat people of America, to access from Lake Ponchtrain,the gulf area.Projects of idiocy, projects of idiots, the same could have been done a few miles farther off,to the side of New Orleans, with the canal and threat far away from the city, and so not endanger,constantly, New Orleans. But failed government,failed engineering, failed governmental planning, resulted in the idiot canals of New Orleans today. I have suggested that the canals be entirely sealed off, leaving Lake Ponchetrain in the very LEAST, but isolated from being far less able to cause and flooding threats to New Orleans, and at the very best,Lake Ponchetrain itself, sealed off, and totally and utterly, drained.Also, making use of
the Project Molehole, you recall this, drilling a hole down as far as they could go, miles, in actual hopes of finding the mole people and having them attack the Soviets(what with the recent events in the Soviet Union, this secret project may actually have been successful, but it certainly did result in massive numbers of Chuds invading New York.).What we do is, in the exact center of New Orleans flooded
out area, the deepest part, we drill a hole three feet wide, and miles down.Simply put as it is now, New Orleans is very much like a bathtub, but a bathtub without a drain, we simple add a drain...........the US government with its many pumps, can suck and blow as much as it likes,but face it, you really can't do very much without a really good hole.
But,zounds and zooks,alas and alack, there really is no rhyme and reason in the American government of the day,lack of action,lack of insight,lack of intelligence, much as it was in the beginning, so it was, and is and ever shall be.....ignorant.Far too ignorant to actually solve any problems of any kind. So what's to be done in light of the government's constant forays in to the idiocy of misrule? Well, I encourage the American people of New Orleans, take heed,Be
Prepared. How? Well one has various technological developments available nowadays, that have evolved.
Firstly, housing......been about for generations actually, and....even
yet.............houseboats. Thing is to sit your house boat up on blocks, and sufficiently rope anchor it in place such that the house can be released to float in case of flooding......transport..personal? Well, there's the Amphicar you know.City transit? Investment in amphibious buses, these have been developed in Europe, without doubt in preparation for the global warming effect of flooding out the Dutch, since basically nobody cares about the dutch except for those nautically inclined companies. Air travel? there are amphibious helicopters,and amphibious
aircraft..........so things are pretty much covered there. What of sudden flooding, can it be dealt with? Indeed yes it can. Bikini clothing has been developed in which the breasts can be inflated to any desired size, by means of air. Merely here we adapt the bar itself as a bra, and so females will be prepared for sudden flooding, merely emergency increase the inflation of the bar and one has instant
water wings. Indeed, the Japanese have developed inflatable kayak dresses, yes, the dress inflates and acts as a personal kayak!Also while it'sgrand to have a chicken in every pot, in the case of New Orleans, it's best have a lifevest on every lamppost.
Ah but what is to be done should New Orleans once again flood? Well, having had all of the above mentioned, things will be peachy actually, water rises, so what, water subsides, back to normal to await the next occurrence! Alternatively though, one can simply wall in New Orleans, and so retain the flood waters, with all of the above, things will work grandly, and New Orleans will be the Venice of America!!As they say, one must adapt, and go with the flow.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..............................................
MRL Things of Political Atmospherics
Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move
forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.
The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were
attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.
The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.
I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By
stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
war,flooding,fake,butts,implants,aircraft,terrorists,terrorism,pneumatics,trains,transportation,subway,New Orleans
Secret Squirrel Investigates Fake Cosmetic Butt Implants
My intelligence operatives have informed of developments which are quite frightening,
heightening the dangers to us all. The Plastique explosive firms are scrambling to get rid of their ageing explosives,dump them somehow and have improperly stated them as being stable for life, whilst all the while quietly and secretly have been moving them in to the plastique surgery field, commencing with fake breasts,hoping to get rid of their dangerous unpurchased stockpiles. In the field of breast implants we have learned that heat build up has provably caused them to explode, most notably those hidden beneath extremely heat containing,concentrating burkas. Also the explosive becomes unstable and expands with a sudden disastrous catastrophic explosion as can occur in aircraft as the pressure decreases at altitude,as has
been previously revealed,40,000 feet in altitude has proven to be highly disastrous in many cases.The efforts of the plastique producers know no bounds, they are totally out of control, and uncontrollable.Politicians say nothing for fear of public retribution.But all will explode out one day, with catastrophic results.
But now, there's much more to come, this disposal of plastique has just recently commenced to have been moved in to yet another field of plastique surgery implants, those of fake butts. There has been reported a sudden explosion in fake behinds,obviously the effect of the unstable plastique. Imagine though, yet, the terrorists getting wind of these unnatural natural events in the plastique field.
Imagine now, the terrorists getting a suitable suicide kamakazi candidate, under the knife, and there stuffing his, or her, butt with plastique. Just look at the size of some people with absolutely huge as*es accepted in society, why it's so common that no records have been kept of the world's largest as*,though speculation goes to a woman who weighed 1,400 pounds.Imagine the extent of an explosion such a large as*ed person could trigger in comparison with the simple burka breast bomber.Airlines commonly have large butted passengers, removing seat rests to accommodate,adding extra seat belt lengtheners to accommodate, moving them in to first class.There it sits, that great big large as*ed person, it could be that terrorist exploding butt of mass destruction.
The mind boggles how much plastique these people could stuff in to their butts. And how easily and undetectable such a large as*ed fake butt person could get past airport scanners and on to an aircraft,and there to.......to.........to..........
Believe you me, aboard aircraft,walking down the street, the worst is yet to come.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..................................................................
M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.
There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an
appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.
Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.
This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.
Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.
Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly
etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.................................................
Secret Squirrel Ponders New Orleans,In Retrospect..
New Orleans is on the road to recovery......many years after,what we all knew immediately and yet even before, the judges have decided that the government was to blame for the flooding of New Orleans................compensation of a paltry sorts it seems will occur...................and host of pick pockets, tarot card readers, street musicians, drug salesmen and refugee Tonton Macoute Security Guards recently return .......descending on the city as it deals with it's own recovery.
Ah well I have pondered New Orleans, seen it happen, heartfelt sympathies all round,and so turning my attention and experteese to the problem, extending a helping hand across the waters as it were, and so to the people of New Orleans,I have a threefold program for the future ........
1) Preventing it happening again.
2) Dealing with it.
or
3) Living with it.
Well, Hurricane Katrina, and the United States Government, left New Orleans, ponchi, victims of improperly constructed government levees, refusals by the government to shore up,improve,modernize the levees, pumps which were supposedly capable of pumping out water from New Orleans as fast as it came in, but pumps where those manning the pumps, took a powder and ran for it,without turning them on.The governments answer, more pumps,more people manning the pumps.Then we recall the arrival of the army to help, with it's General, Honore, telling the people,"I have
arrived!Here, have a bottle of water."., and then prancing about kissing babies.And there they were,comabt troops, a lot of fingers but not really any good at plugging holes in dykes.Yes New Orleans was abandoned, by the Government.
And what happened to New Orleans, well, nowadays one can view maps of Underwater New Orleans, a submerged city as it were, but,misfortunately ,deemed of no archeological value. Indeed, levees failed and broke, levees within the city itself.Why? New Orleans is riddled with canals, and intrusive demi canal regions.Indeed one little used total canal runs through New Orleans entirely, the nowadays called Richie Rich Canal since it seems its only purpose was and is to provide a way for a very few rich boaters, the boat people of America, to access from Lake Ponchtrain,the gulf area.Projects of idiocy, projects of idiots, the same could have been done a few miles farther off,to the side of New Orleans, with the canal and threat far away from the city, and so not endanger,constantly, New Orleans. But failed government,failed engineering, failed governmental planning, resulted in the idiot canals of New Orleans today. I have suggested that the canals be entirely sealed off, leaving Lake Ponchetrain in the very LEAST, but isolated from being far less able to cause and flooding threats to New Orleans, and at the very best,Lake Ponchetrain itself, sealed off, and totally and utterly, drained.Also, making use of
the Project Molehole, you recall this, drilling a hole down as far as they could go, miles, in actual hopes of finding the mole people and having them attack the Soviets(what with the recent events in the Soviet Union, this secret project may actually have been successful, but it certainly did result in massive numbers of Chuds invading New York.).What we do is, in the exact center of New Orleans flooded
out area, the deepest part, we drill a hole three feet wide, and miles down.Simply put as it is now, New Orleans is very much like a bathtub, but a bathtub without a drain, we simple add a drain...........the US government with its many pumps, can suck and blow as much as it likes,but face it, you really can't do very much without a really good hole.
But,zounds and zooks,alas and alack, there really is no rhyme and reason in the American government of the day,lack of action,lack of insight,lack of intelligence, much as it was in the beginning, so it was, and is and ever shall be.....ignorant.Far too ignorant to actually solve any problems of any kind. So what's to be done in light of the government's constant forays in to the idiocy of misrule? Well, I encourage the American people of New Orleans, take heed,Be
Prepared. How? Well one has various technological developments available nowadays, that have evolved.
Firstly, housing......been about for generations actually, and....even
yet.............houseboats. Thing is to sit your house boat up on blocks, and sufficiently rope anchor it in place such that the house can be released to float in case of flooding......transport..personal? Well, there's the Amphicar you know.City transit? Investment in amphibious buses, these have been developed in Europe, without doubt in preparation for the global warming effect of flooding out the Dutch, since basically nobody cares about the dutch except for those nautically inclined companies. Air travel? there are amphibious helicopters,and amphibious
aircraft..........so things are pretty much covered there. What of sudden flooding, can it be dealt with? Indeed yes it can. Bikini clothing has been developed in which the breasts can be inflated to any desired size, by means of air. Merely here we adapt the bar itself as a bra, and so females will be prepared for sudden flooding, merely emergency increase the inflation of the bar and one has instant
water wings. Indeed, the Japanese have developed inflatable kayak dresses, yes, the dress inflates and acts as a personal kayak!Also while it'sgrand to have a chicken in every pot, in the case of New Orleans, it's best have a lifevest on every lamppost.
Ah but what is to be done should New Orleans once again flood? Well, having had all of the above mentioned, things will be peachy actually, water rises, so what, water subsides, back to normal to await the next occurrence! Alternatively though, one can simply wall in New Orleans, and so retain the flood waters, with all of the above, things will work grandly, and New Orleans will be the Venice of America!!As they say, one must adapt, and go with the flow.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..............................................
MRL Things of Political Atmospherics
Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move
forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.
The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were
attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.
The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.
I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By
stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
MRL Replaces Expensive & Ageing British Tanks
Keywords:
tanks,military,army,eunuchs,income,tax,collection,agency,fees,liquified,natural,gas,lng,lpg,floods,secret squirrel,new orleans,flooding
MRL Replacements For Expensive and Ageing British Tank Vehicles
Secret Squirrel has turned his attention to the fact that problems have arisen what with the logistics and attrition within the army with respect to tanks. The present ones areageing, falling apart, bottoms rusting through(they being made from only the highest of quality scrap and present day scrapped cars arescrap to being with), and the high cost of replacement. The enemy has tanks, should we have tanks? Well, not necessarily, the thing is to deal with the enemy tanks. What we do, is quite simply to go with the eco friendly hybrid golf carts. These are most definitely all
terrain vehicles what with their forced service about Britain's golf courses. Most definitely we mount the tiny and light anti-tankRPG's on the carts.The present day Arabs have proven that most definitely on of them can in fact take out an American Abrams(also a tank made from high quality scrap). These carts are manufactured only from the best of materials, due to the nature of those whom they transport round and about the golf courses of Britain and they are quite open,being cool for the desert,forest and jungle environments encountered on golf courses, can easily ford small streams, and being small and so open,are so quite difficult to sight on and hit,but not like the ease with which a large enemy tank could be sighted on and hit. Lighter version can also be made available, as Their
Majesty's military trend towards the versatile, with a bazooka instead of the RPG, or mortars, after the rocket launching fashion of
some military vehicles. Of course, the actual drivers and crews would be wearing the very latest in military body armor, and helmets, provided by an MRL government, should an MRL government be in power, instead of purchasing their own as the Labour government of the past has had the military do, in the backwards fashion of Britain's old military traditions. So out with the old, in with the new and so, now we of the MRL are all set to deal efficiently and cheaply with the enemy in an eco-friendly manner as well.
Early test models were developed, even yet shown in action, in tele series such as The Avengers,The Thirteenth Hole episode,there actually moving in the extremely harsh and varied environment of an English golf course,the only vehicle that can survive that harsh environment(in secret tests,confidentially,the French Leclerc Main Battle tank fell apart on the course, the Abrhams M1 tanks did manage to complete the course,albeit with the loss of loads of parts,but none of the crews could,hitting well in to the 300's and packing it in at nightfall).
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..........................................................
...........
MRL System Of Fee Collection
Secret Squirrel says EUNUCH is EUNUCH.In Britain soon we shall see EUNUCHS feeing,that is collecting fees,income tax violations etc.
As I have been traveling the Indian Continent, admiring the ways of the Indians, not the American Indians, but ours, the Indians of the Indes,or India as it is known,or was if they haven't changed the name yet. In either case I have been studying Indian methods, in various fashions as I am want, engineering,medicine(they call their's sham'ns in preference to quacks, and people go about saying,"Sham'n,sham'n,sham'n," in place of "Quack,quack,quack"...............quacking making them unpopular due to bird flu,we may soon have to follow suit), interesting methods of medical filing, following still to this day much of our own, piles of jumbled papers on a desk). But I was most struck by their system of collecting things unpaid, such as taxes,dues,bills,and other fees.
What they do is send EUNUCHS, that's right EUNUCHS, you know, those without the where with all to have it all or any of it for that matter. In either case, these EUNUCHS, go about to the Offendi house, he or she that which owes, and there they camp out on the lawn, or wherever,surround the house, and then sing and dance round and about the house,and expose themselves until the Offendi pays its fees or pays them to go away(this is bribery,I know, but they learned that from the British Governmental rulers you know,that and how to beat us at cricket).In the obviously totally uncivilized colony of Canada they send someone with a sound truck to park outside the Offenders home, and there play at enormous volume levels, Celine Dion and Michel Buble cd's, until they beg for mercy and swear to pay up. In either case I propose for Britain, since the system works so grandly well, a similar well working system of EUNUCH fee collectors and repo men.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................................
This is an MRL hands across the water welfare and engineering project right up America's alley......it helps them, and they'll help us, for in return for the idea patent and system patents, they can ship us a percentage cut of the resultant cheap and ever generated supply of LFG gases........
MRL Solves Liquified Gas Crisis
What with the crisis in the LPG(Liquified Petrolium Gas, or LNG,Liquified Natural Gas as it's related) area of the energy eco-system,Secret Squirrel has seen the need for a solution.
1) Look at the U.S. prison system what they call GitMo. Well that's fair then isn't it, we all can do it. We build similar versions in America, in areas as needed, and we house'em in these battey cages......................who......................Mexicans..................illegal Mexicans.......that's even better than the present inhabitants. The added plus is that it makes efficient use of Gitmo, actually generating return revenues,not just expenditures, and that they're housed then you know, in one place, not roaming the streets and alleys, and occupying abandonned buildings of America............
2) We create FART Banks,(Flatulant Air Retention Tanks), huge FART tanks, fields of fart tanks, just like we used to use for oil....matter of fact we simply clean'em out and use those since they're not being used for anything else presently.
3), We feed the now useful illegal Mexicans a very nutritious and generous bean diet.
4) Hoses from the battery cages to the tanks, via suitable sucking airfan collector fans(we can use the wind driven
generator fans even to power those,and be self-reliant at the collection end).
5) Use existing technology, LPG, (Liquified Petrolium Gas) tech to Liquify the gas so collected and tanked, an efficient LFG system(Liquified Fart
Gas), and all runs at the cost of beans!!!
Hey! Energy crisis solved!!! Problem is they may not want to feed Mexicans.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................
Extending A Helping Hand.Yet Further. The MRL helps America solve it's problem with New Orleans..........
Secret Squirrel has seen New Orleans, and has reached out a helping hand to solve the flooding problem.In times of need,never let it be said that the M.R.L. wasn't there to help, wasn't there to give sound advice.Lake Pontchartrain may have left the Americans Pontchy,but we at the MRL are sound of mind and engineering principles and solutions, sound engineering solutions for all problems, all of the time. And we would be able to supply these solutions should we ever achieve power,governmental power, but as it is we must ever struggle to keep our heads above water. So what of it,let's look at America and it's problems, putting our own aside for the time being.
Flooding threatens New Orleans from three sources: the Mississippi River, Lake Pontchartrain, and natural rainfall.
All could be easily solved, by simply draining Lake Pontchartrain and filling in the canals that run through the city to serve as transport canal for rich boaters.But, Artificial levees have been,and were, built to supposedly keep out rising river and lake waters but have had the negative effect of keeping rainfall in.Naturally pumping,24 hours a day,work in New Orleans, pumping water from beneath the city,out,capable of pumping out the city entirely,of course is somebody is there to switch''em on and hasn't run for it. Of course, it has been determined that the city itself is sinking at a rate of 3 feet(one meter), per century. Well, what with all that water, the inability to keep it out, the levees helping to keep it in, it is our sworn duty to help our ungrateful American cousins. Indeed, we must here make recommendations to them. There lifestyle must change, but we have a solution for this change of life.
Firstly, all vehicles, must henceforth be of the amphibious variety. Of course, in keeping with the swinging lifestyle of those who were water inundated, we will also see to it that they have boats in every drive, for recreational use........far be it from me to suggest these are mere powered lifeboats(powered assuming they have gas available).
Housing..........well, you know..........their houses are flood destroyed wrecks, eaten by damp mold. Trailers are no substitute of course, since they wold simply float for a bit, then sink in the flooding. However, that has given me an idea for them................houseboats! Yes! Houseboats!! These must be made available to them. Indeed imagine, a houseboat would have solved their housing problem!!
Magnificent, no problem at all.
And what of the public transit? Well, we shall go with a recommended rail system within the city, indeed rail, submersibles on rails, submarines for those who haven't figured it out yet. Indeed these submarines will be outfitted with boogie,trucks, wheels for those who haven't figured it out. And they shall travel as they are want to, using their propellers, but running on rails just as the trolleys used to. You can see the well thought out solution here. Indeed a true submarine way....a subway.
And, what of air travel? Well, you know, amphibious aircraft, flying boats! Yes that's it!
An........for those rainy days, we could see to it that they are supplied with recreational gear, such as scuba diving outfits, chic and all the rage these will be! And for those who are perhaps less financially endowed, simple snorkel outfits will just have to do. Yes! It flies! The city of New Orleans is Fly! When wearing water wings.
Yes there it is Urban Planning,the MRL method, the scientific engineering approach to problem solving.Notice that here we attach no blame, no blame for the oversights in lifestyle selection by the Americans, only here we provide lifestyle suggestion, alternatives, sound alternatives, a solution for the problems at hand, and how to deal with them,how to swim through the problems life, the government hosers , inundate you with.
Improved levees? Note that we avoid these in our solution, why raise taxes, life in America is taxing enough.In our MRL solution we have no need of levees. Of course, if by levees being inadequate they mean Dutch style Dykes,well, then you should import French ones, avoid Norwegians they're surprisingly hairey.
Of course we have other suggestions for our American cousins, solutions to problems they have seen in Britain, that of governmental ownership of certain companies. They have suggested solutions to problems of said stated companies, and Britain has bowed to their suggestions and has followed them. Well, we in the MRL propose that they also follow their suggestions, that as they have suggested the privatization of British rail, we suggest the privatization of The Amtrak. As they have suggested the privatization of the British Post Office,we suggest the privatization of the American Post Office. As they have suggested the inclusion of the Sein Fein IRA in British government, so too must we suggest the inclusion of Al Kieda in the American government. Yes and as it was seen good for Americans to have Britain privatize it all, then so too must we see to it that the Americans privatize in great and proper fashion.And, as Britain has followed their suggestions, we are open to suggestion to have them follow their suggestions.
Any complaints can be dealt with privately,publicly,since the Pub is where all proper solutions come from..solutions! Oh well, if you haven't got a solution yet, wait for the next rain storm.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
............................................
Secret Squirrel And The Problem Of Non-British Foreign Rail
Well now, let's consider the problem what was, and is yet getting worse,that of rail travel,passenger rail travel. The U.S. government, had Britain privatize the rail system as it seems Britain couldn't manage a rail system in government hands. Indeed the Americans running their own government Amtrak, could see this problem and saw to it Britain cured it's efficient rail problems. Now Britain faces an interesting situation, a rail system it can't afford and manage and maintain for foreigners.
Indeed the rail system is in a shambles track-wise, foreigners owning it claiming they can't maintain the rails in suitable condition such as not to have trains run off the rails, they can't maintain the points(switches), in suitable safe conditions. Indeed more and more the British government of the people must provide them with money to do that and keep them in business.
Also those managing the signaling system have discovered the same dilemma, the government of the people of Britain must provide them with money to run the system such that the people owning the signaling can make a profit.
Now we turn to other matters, those owning the rolling stock.Here we encounter conditions such that cars are a problem for the foreigners owning them, and they don't wish to buy new ones, and the government of the people must yet again supply them with money so that they can maintain their cars, and run at a profit, and indeed provide them with money for new cars for the same reasons.
Now, on to the motive power of the system, those who own the engines which pull the trains. So, they also have a dilemma of shoddy equipment, require money to maintain the equipment, recondition the engines, and also ,of course, purchase new engines, being constantly supplied with money by the government of the people of Britain so that said foreign engine owning firm can make a profit.
At the same time train fares are constantly increased, with claims on some lines that it costs too much for extra cars for the riders, whilst on yet other areas of the lines there are insufficient riders,such that rail fares must be increased so that the foreign companies owning things can make a profit.
Well now, Britain never had those problems before. But consider now the final and ultimate solution. Britain buys it all back at what it was sold for. Why? Well, because the firms can't make a profit, so they're bankrupt so the system being bought back would effectively save said foreign companies losses. In it's entirety,Britain could now return to running an efficient rail system for the people of Britain.
So they won't allow it eh? Well, the business world is a cruel world, we simply buy up the rail tracks and all, just the rail route. And that's it, tell the other foreigners with Britain's rail signaling equipment, and rolling stock, and engines.................to go chuck it all. From British Rail, we got to British Roads.Face it, they're gone, bankrupt when the British government refuses also to fund them. Done, the tracks are ours.
We have an option,buy their bankrupt equipment and systems cheaply, and start business up again! Huzzah!
Now was it all too expensive in the first place? Well, if it was, it still is, so what's cheaper then. Quite simply we rip up all the rails. We keep the roadbed routes, we convert those to roads, BUS ONLY ROADS. Indeed, we run the system as a bus line. Buses. Buses going back and forth in their own reserved and proper lane, changing at switch points without needs of signaling or points nor points equipment. Imagine. Problem of transportation solved. And...................we don't pay foreigners to thieve from the people of Britain.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
............................................................
Solved By Secret Squirrel,Solved by the MRL.................!!!!!!!!!!!
Branson's Challenge Met
Well,well,well.British tycoon Sir Richard Branson, announced a 25million$U.S. prize for the first scientist to come up with a way to extract greenhouse gases from the atmosphere. Now, in similar fashion there was a quest launched in 1675 to devise a method of estimating longitude accurately(they weren't interested in latitude, no,no, that's much too loose behaviour there). Well, English clock maker John Harrison came up with a method after 60 years, and received his prize from King George III. Branson stated "...............the earth cannot wait 60 years......".
Well no it can't wait 60 years, and doesn't have to and I want my prize in small bills thank-you, in a suitcase, packed so I can leave the colony of Canada wherein I am presently trapped. Now, the method is easy, and sound, and works in practice, and in theory and is readily provable so I won't have to wait 60 years to claim it. In theory and in practice over here in the colony we filter our water in charcoal filters, the charcoal filter removes impurities within the water, particulates, and also the soluble gases such as chlorine. Now I fully realize here we are dealing with a liquid filter, but the principle is very much the same for a gas.Some have stated that the major problem is fart gas produced by cows, well cow farting can be solved in the same fashion as will be here outlined, but, on average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, and given the ever increasing human population of earth, this is the other end of the fart gas problem, so......
Curiously we have noticed, that certain of the rich classes such as are represented by such as Paris Hilton,Lindsay Lohan, Jay-Lo(or is it Loo),Britney Spears have all been seen and caught by cameras, as wearing no underpants. It has also been noted that this fad is not new, but actually began when Global Warming was first noticed as being a problem, a problem caused by the emission of hot gases.Similarly by corollary it is to be assumed that male richie riches are also not wearing underwear. Well I must be cheeky, but quite simply, they all simply MUST wear underpants,man,woman and cow,(let's not forget the sheep), thence the farts, foul ozone depleting and destructive gases, will thence also be trapped in the usual filter underwear. These underpants can then be dealt with in a suitable rubbish bin, or for those poorer, simply washed for reuse. The washing for reuse method is highly recommended in that any trapped gases would thence be dissolved in water and so flushed and filtered in through the water sanitation sewage system. And, in shorts, to put it briefly, the atmosphere and we would be saved, earth would be saved!!! Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! Three cheers for me, now kindly send the money.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged-Re-Engineering.
tanks,military,army,eunuchs,income,tax,collection,agency,fees,liquified,natural,gas,lng,lpg,floods,secret squirrel,new orleans,flooding
MRL Replacements For Expensive and Ageing British Tank Vehicles
Secret Squirrel has turned his attention to the fact that problems have arisen what with the logistics and attrition within the army with respect to tanks. The present ones areageing, falling apart, bottoms rusting through(they being made from only the highest of quality scrap and present day scrapped cars arescrap to being with), and the high cost of replacement. The enemy has tanks, should we have tanks? Well, not necessarily, the thing is to deal with the enemy tanks. What we do, is quite simply to go with the eco friendly hybrid golf carts. These are most definitely all
terrain vehicles what with their forced service about Britain's golf courses. Most definitely we mount the tiny and light anti-tankRPG's on the carts.The present day Arabs have proven that most definitely on of them can in fact take out an American Abrams(also a tank made from high quality scrap). These carts are manufactured only from the best of materials, due to the nature of those whom they transport round and about the golf courses of Britain and they are quite open,being cool for the desert,forest and jungle environments encountered on golf courses, can easily ford small streams, and being small and so open,are so quite difficult to sight on and hit,but not like the ease with which a large enemy tank could be sighted on and hit. Lighter version can also be made available, as Their
Majesty's military trend towards the versatile, with a bazooka instead of the RPG, or mortars, after the rocket launching fashion of
some military vehicles. Of course, the actual drivers and crews would be wearing the very latest in military body armor, and helmets, provided by an MRL government, should an MRL government be in power, instead of purchasing their own as the Labour government of the past has had the military do, in the backwards fashion of Britain's old military traditions. So out with the old, in with the new and so, now we of the MRL are all set to deal efficiently and cheaply with the enemy in an eco-friendly manner as well.
Early test models were developed, even yet shown in action, in tele series such as The Avengers,The Thirteenth Hole episode,there actually moving in the extremely harsh and varied environment of an English golf course,the only vehicle that can survive that harsh environment(in secret tests,confidentially,the French Leclerc Main Battle tank fell apart on the course, the Abrhams M1 tanks did manage to complete the course,albeit with the loss of loads of parts,but none of the crews could,hitting well in to the 300's and packing it in at nightfall).
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..........................................................
...........
MRL System Of Fee Collection
Secret Squirrel says EUNUCH is EUNUCH.In Britain soon we shall see EUNUCHS feeing,that is collecting fees,income tax violations etc.
As I have been traveling the Indian Continent, admiring the ways of the Indians, not the American Indians, but ours, the Indians of the Indes,or India as it is known,or was if they haven't changed the name yet. In either case I have been studying Indian methods, in various fashions as I am want, engineering,medicine(they call their's sham'ns in preference to quacks, and people go about saying,"Sham'n,sham'n,sham'n," in place of "Quack,quack,quack"...............quacking making them unpopular due to bird flu,we may soon have to follow suit), interesting methods of medical filing, following still to this day much of our own, piles of jumbled papers on a desk). But I was most struck by their system of collecting things unpaid, such as taxes,dues,bills,and other fees.
What they do is send EUNUCHS, that's right EUNUCHS, you know, those without the where with all to have it all or any of it for that matter. In either case, these EUNUCHS, go about to the Offendi house, he or she that which owes, and there they camp out on the lawn, or wherever,surround the house, and then sing and dance round and about the house,and expose themselves until the Offendi pays its fees or pays them to go away(this is bribery,I know, but they learned that from the British Governmental rulers you know,that and how to beat us at cricket).In the obviously totally uncivilized colony of Canada they send someone with a sound truck to park outside the Offenders home, and there play at enormous volume levels, Celine Dion and Michel Buble cd's, until they beg for mercy and swear to pay up. In either case I propose for Britain, since the system works so grandly well, a similar well working system of EUNUCH fee collectors and repo men.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................................
This is an MRL hands across the water welfare and engineering project right up America's alley......it helps them, and they'll help us, for in return for the idea patent and system patents, they can ship us a percentage cut of the resultant cheap and ever generated supply of LFG gases........
MRL Solves Liquified Gas Crisis
What with the crisis in the LPG(Liquified Petrolium Gas, or LNG,Liquified Natural Gas as it's related) area of the energy eco-system,Secret Squirrel has seen the need for a solution.
1) Look at the U.S. prison system what they call GitMo. Well that's fair then isn't it, we all can do it. We build similar versions in America, in areas as needed, and we house'em in these battey cages......................who......................Mexicans..................illegal Mexicans.......that's even better than the present inhabitants. The added plus is that it makes efficient use of Gitmo, actually generating return revenues,not just expenditures, and that they're housed then you know, in one place, not roaming the streets and alleys, and occupying abandonned buildings of America............
2) We create FART Banks,(Flatulant Air Retention Tanks), huge FART tanks, fields of fart tanks, just like we used to use for oil....matter of fact we simply clean'em out and use those since they're not being used for anything else presently.
3), We feed the now useful illegal Mexicans a very nutritious and generous bean diet.
4) Hoses from the battery cages to the tanks, via suitable sucking airfan collector fans(we can use the wind driven
generator fans even to power those,and be self-reliant at the collection end).
5) Use existing technology, LPG, (Liquified Petrolium Gas) tech to Liquify the gas so collected and tanked, an efficient LFG system(Liquified Fart
Gas), and all runs at the cost of beans!!!
Hey! Energy crisis solved!!! Problem is they may not want to feed Mexicans.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
.........................
Extending A Helping Hand.Yet Further. The MRL helps America solve it's problem with New Orleans..........
Secret Squirrel has seen New Orleans, and has reached out a helping hand to solve the flooding problem.In times of need,never let it be said that the M.R.L. wasn't there to help, wasn't there to give sound advice.Lake Pontchartrain may have left the Americans Pontchy,but we at the MRL are sound of mind and engineering principles and solutions, sound engineering solutions for all problems, all of the time. And we would be able to supply these solutions should we ever achieve power,governmental power, but as it is we must ever struggle to keep our heads above water. So what of it,let's look at America and it's problems, putting our own aside for the time being.
Flooding threatens New Orleans from three sources: the Mississippi River, Lake Pontchartrain, and natural rainfall.
All could be easily solved, by simply draining Lake Pontchartrain and filling in the canals that run through the city to serve as transport canal for rich boaters.But, Artificial levees have been,and were, built to supposedly keep out rising river and lake waters but have had the negative effect of keeping rainfall in.Naturally pumping,24 hours a day,work in New Orleans, pumping water from beneath the city,out,capable of pumping out the city entirely,of course is somebody is there to switch''em on and hasn't run for it. Of course, it has been determined that the city itself is sinking at a rate of 3 feet(one meter), per century. Well, what with all that water, the inability to keep it out, the levees helping to keep it in, it is our sworn duty to help our ungrateful American cousins. Indeed, we must here make recommendations to them. There lifestyle must change, but we have a solution for this change of life.
Firstly, all vehicles, must henceforth be of the amphibious variety. Of course, in keeping with the swinging lifestyle of those who were water inundated, we will also see to it that they have boats in every drive, for recreational use........far be it from me to suggest these are mere powered lifeboats(powered assuming they have gas available).
Housing..........well, you know..........their houses are flood destroyed wrecks, eaten by damp mold. Trailers are no substitute of course, since they wold simply float for a bit, then sink in the flooding. However, that has given me an idea for them................houseboats! Yes! Houseboats!! These must be made available to them. Indeed imagine, a houseboat would have solved their housing problem!!
Magnificent, no problem at all.
And what of the public transit? Well, we shall go with a recommended rail system within the city, indeed rail, submersibles on rails, submarines for those who haven't figured it out yet. Indeed these submarines will be outfitted with boogie,trucks, wheels for those who haven't figured it out. And they shall travel as they are want to, using their propellers, but running on rails just as the trolleys used to. You can see the well thought out solution here. Indeed a true submarine way....a subway.
And, what of air travel? Well, you know, amphibious aircraft, flying boats! Yes that's it!
An........for those rainy days, we could see to it that they are supplied with recreational gear, such as scuba diving outfits, chic and all the rage these will be! And for those who are perhaps less financially endowed, simple snorkel outfits will just have to do. Yes! It flies! The city of New Orleans is Fly! When wearing water wings.
Yes there it is Urban Planning,the MRL method, the scientific engineering approach to problem solving.Notice that here we attach no blame, no blame for the oversights in lifestyle selection by the Americans, only here we provide lifestyle suggestion, alternatives, sound alternatives, a solution for the problems at hand, and how to deal with them,how to swim through the problems life, the government hosers , inundate you with.
Improved levees? Note that we avoid these in our solution, why raise taxes, life in America is taxing enough.In our MRL solution we have no need of levees. Of course, if by levees being inadequate they mean Dutch style Dykes,well, then you should import French ones, avoid Norwegians they're surprisingly hairey.
Of course we have other suggestions for our American cousins, solutions to problems they have seen in Britain, that of governmental ownership of certain companies. They have suggested solutions to problems of said stated companies, and Britain has bowed to their suggestions and has followed them. Well, we in the MRL propose that they also follow their suggestions, that as they have suggested the privatization of British rail, we suggest the privatization of The Amtrak. As they have suggested the privatization of the British Post Office,we suggest the privatization of the American Post Office. As they have suggested the inclusion of the Sein Fein IRA in British government, so too must we suggest the inclusion of Al Kieda in the American government. Yes and as it was seen good for Americans to have Britain privatize it all, then so too must we see to it that the Americans privatize in great and proper fashion.And, as Britain has followed their suggestions, we are open to suggestion to have them follow their suggestions.
Any complaints can be dealt with privately,publicly,since the Pub is where all proper solutions come from..solutions! Oh well, if you haven't got a solution yet, wait for the next rain storm.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
............................................
Secret Squirrel And The Problem Of Non-British Foreign Rail
Well now, let's consider the problem what was, and is yet getting worse,that of rail travel,passenger rail travel. The U.S. government, had Britain privatize the rail system as it seems Britain couldn't manage a rail system in government hands. Indeed the Americans running their own government Amtrak, could see this problem and saw to it Britain cured it's efficient rail problems. Now Britain faces an interesting situation, a rail system it can't afford and manage and maintain for foreigners.
Indeed the rail system is in a shambles track-wise, foreigners owning it claiming they can't maintain the rails in suitable condition such as not to have trains run off the rails, they can't maintain the points(switches), in suitable safe conditions. Indeed more and more the British government of the people must provide them with money to do that and keep them in business.
Also those managing the signaling system have discovered the same dilemma, the government of the people of Britain must provide them with money to run the system such that the people owning the signaling can make a profit.
Now we turn to other matters, those owning the rolling stock.Here we encounter conditions such that cars are a problem for the foreigners owning them, and they don't wish to buy new ones, and the government of the people must yet again supply them with money so that they can maintain their cars, and run at a profit, and indeed provide them with money for new cars for the same reasons.
Now, on to the motive power of the system, those who own the engines which pull the trains. So, they also have a dilemma of shoddy equipment, require money to maintain the equipment, recondition the engines, and also ,of course, purchase new engines, being constantly supplied with money by the government of the people of Britain so that said foreign engine owning firm can make a profit.
At the same time train fares are constantly increased, with claims on some lines that it costs too much for extra cars for the riders, whilst on yet other areas of the lines there are insufficient riders,such that rail fares must be increased so that the foreign companies owning things can make a profit.
Well now, Britain never had those problems before. But consider now the final and ultimate solution. Britain buys it all back at what it was sold for. Why? Well, because the firms can't make a profit, so they're bankrupt so the system being bought back would effectively save said foreign companies losses. In it's entirety,Britain could now return to running an efficient rail system for the people of Britain.
So they won't allow it eh? Well, the business world is a cruel world, we simply buy up the rail tracks and all, just the rail route. And that's it, tell the other foreigners with Britain's rail signaling equipment, and rolling stock, and engines.................to go chuck it all. From British Rail, we got to British Roads.Face it, they're gone, bankrupt when the British government refuses also to fund them. Done, the tracks are ours.
We have an option,buy their bankrupt equipment and systems cheaply, and start business up again! Huzzah!
Now was it all too expensive in the first place? Well, if it was, it still is, so what's cheaper then. Quite simply we rip up all the rails. We keep the roadbed routes, we convert those to roads, BUS ONLY ROADS. Indeed, we run the system as a bus line. Buses. Buses going back and forth in their own reserved and proper lane, changing at switch points without needs of signaling or points nor points equipment. Imagine. Problem of transportation solved. And...................we don't pay foreigners to thieve from the people of Britain.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
............................................................
Solved By Secret Squirrel,Solved by the MRL.................!!!!!!!!!!!
Branson's Challenge Met
Well,well,well.British tycoon Sir Richard Branson, announced a 25million$U.S. prize for the first scientist to come up with a way to extract greenhouse gases from the atmosphere. Now, in similar fashion there was a quest launched in 1675 to devise a method of estimating longitude accurately(they weren't interested in latitude, no,no, that's much too loose behaviour there). Well, English clock maker John Harrison came up with a method after 60 years, and received his prize from King George III. Branson stated "...............the earth cannot wait 60 years......".
Well no it can't wait 60 years, and doesn't have to and I want my prize in small bills thank-you, in a suitcase, packed so I can leave the colony of Canada wherein I am presently trapped. Now, the method is easy, and sound, and works in practice, and in theory and is readily provable so I won't have to wait 60 years to claim it. In theory and in practice over here in the colony we filter our water in charcoal filters, the charcoal filter removes impurities within the water, particulates, and also the soluble gases such as chlorine. Now I fully realize here we are dealing with a liquid filter, but the principle is very much the same for a gas.Some have stated that the major problem is fart gas produced by cows, well cow farting can be solved in the same fashion as will be here outlined, but, on average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, and given the ever increasing human population of earth, this is the other end of the fart gas problem, so......
Curiously we have noticed, that certain of the rich classes such as are represented by such as Paris Hilton,Lindsay Lohan, Jay-Lo(or is it Loo),Britney Spears have all been seen and caught by cameras, as wearing no underpants. It has also been noted that this fad is not new, but actually began when Global Warming was first noticed as being a problem, a problem caused by the emission of hot gases.Similarly by corollary it is to be assumed that male richie riches are also not wearing underwear. Well I must be cheeky, but quite simply, they all simply MUST wear underpants,man,woman and cow,(let's not forget the sheep), thence the farts, foul ozone depleting and destructive gases, will thence also be trapped in the usual filter underwear. These underpants can then be dealt with in a suitable rubbish bin, or for those poorer, simply washed for reuse. The washing for reuse method is highly recommended in that any trapped gases would thence be dissolved in water and so flushed and filtered in through the water sanitation sewage system. And, in shorts, to put it briefly, the atmosphere and we would be saved, earth would be saved!!! Huzzah!Huzzah!Huzzah! Three cheers for me, now kindly send the money.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged-Re-Engineering.
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