Keywords:
river,cruise,auto,washer,vehicle,transportation,bus,gas,war,car,tunnel,Big Dig
MRL Secret Squirrel's Thames River Cruise Management
Those who exercise and diet can live side by side in complete
harmony with those who party and indulge. Indeed,yes, each can
benefit the other. What needs be done, to benefit all, is to
configure paddle wheelers, both side and rear, such that the paddle
wheels are driven by treadmills. Thence an offer is made to join a
health club, for which there are no dues. Indeed the members would
exercise to their hearts content on the treadmills, turning the
paddle wheels driving the paddle wheeler up and down the Thames.
Of course, they can and will have to work in shifts, after all the
entire membership could not exercise at the same time. this would
make the vessel entirely environmentally friendly, thus pleasing
the Greens of society, the vessel being entirely non-polluting ,
and also not drain existing coal, nor oil natural resources.
The upper decks of the Thames riverboat, the vessel would be
configured so's to have a huge dining and dancing lounge, a
theater(panto), a movie house, and, of course, a gambling casino,
which members of the general public could enjoy, paying, of
course, a handsome membership and voyage fee in a social club atmosphere.
The entire arrangement could be run by, and benefit, the Thames
River Authority, and so's make Thames River management entirely
self-financing,whilst benefiting the public in assisting them in
keeping properly fit, and at the same time benefiting the carousing
and partying general public.
Secret Squirrel,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
M.R.L
*****************************************************************************
MRL Chunnel Auto Washer
Must Britain always be last in modern engineering? Nay, it now can be in second place, but face it still not first rate. It has been noted by me, the existence of a secret American project, the so called Boston Big Dig, a project which cost a touch more than the Chunnel, but was only 10 times as short. Why did it cost so much
to build? Well, engineering wise I have fathomed their secret intent. Recently it was noted huge chunks of concrete fell from it's roof revealing the secret plan when a too large chunk fell off. Indeed it had been noted for some months that water was leaking from the ceiling, and so, it dawned on me, and struck many Americans on the head as well, that the enormous cost of the project was because they had incorporated in it's design,an automatically installing and developing engineering first, the AUTO WASH.
Indeed hidden in it's construction plans was a secret gift to the people of that area of our former colony, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, the AUTO WASH. American cars would pass through the tunnel, and be automatically and conveniently washed as well. Of course, this was hidden from the people in order not to bring about a huge outcry from the car wash lobby. What I propose to do, is add this feature to the Chunnel, by simply knocking or drilling holes thither and yon, and so cars could be washed automatically as they pass through the Chunnel.
Of course, it is expected that tourists from France might revel in this free bath as well,then again,probably not.However, Britons might after their shower,grab a quick shave and so be crisp and decent,properly so, on their arrival home. There is also an added bonus by adding this AUTO WASH, it would act as a sprinkler system since so many trains have arrived from France with fires on them, the Auto Wash would also automatically put out the fires as well(it has been mentioned that a great many Frenchman are named...................Arsene). As stated before the Auto Wash would disappoint many Arsene-ists, but what of it.
Now well it might be said, that it would eventually fill the Chunnel with water, but only if left unchecked. The American project,in their foresight of said most definite effect, was fitted with water pumps. Of course we too shall fit water pumps, but much better ones than the Americans had in New Orleans,the American manufactured pumps,which obviously to the view of all, didn't function when required.We shall have ours made by the Chinese,who make so many things nowadays and obviously know what they're doing. And so, taking a page from the Americans, may I state,
"Auto Wash on Dudes!"
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering,
********************************************************************
MRL Boilerplate Revival
I have pondered the problems of war, and concluded they're rather messy things.Some it seems wish to go and invade other places, to rule those places, simply because they're better than..............others invade because they're ignorant and lacking abilities or things such as minerals............others have nothing better to do...........and so most are forced to defend themselves. For those forced to defend themselves, it is costly, in terms of human lives,messy as well. I have pondered this and in my researches have found something rather interesting. I discovered, or rather, re-discovered, BOILERPLATE.
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
In the mid-1890s, Boilerplate embarked on a series of expeditions to demonstrate its abilities, the most ambitious being a voyage to Antarctica. Boilerplate is one of history's great ironies, a technological milestone that remains largely unknown. Even in an age that gave birth to the automobile and aeroplane, a functioning mechanical man should have been accorded more significance.
Indeed what I propose to do, is revive the BOILERPLATE project, and create ROBOT WARS..........quite simply, we will never again send humans out to fight barbaric wars, but rather we will send ROBOTS........................we will send.............BOILERPLATES. It's really the only civilized thing to do for uncivilized conditions.
I'm sure there isn't a British mother who won't thank me,I,Secret Squirrel, who wish only the best for you!For all of you!
Secret Squirrel! Remember me! And also remember Archibald Campion.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
***************************************************************
Secret Squirrel Reveals The Natural Gas Powered Bus Secrets
Ah transportation problems, cheap inexpensive transportation, public transportation. But what are the secrets of this inexpensive form of transportation, the newly developed Gas Powered Bus? The newly developed Natural Gas Powered Bus? Well it is possible to now to ponder. Indeed, I have fathomed out the secret of the bus company.
Recently it has been discovered how economically people can be kept by such researches as have taken place in Guantanamo Bay Cuba, by the Americans of course, indeed kept in tiny battery cages, and fed a mostly economical bean diet.
Of course, this produces vast amounts of gas, natural gas. Ponder now the natural gas bus, and it's secret places beneath the bus hidden from view, ponder now the always necessary batteries being required for all vehicles.
Now, combine it all, the battery cages, the bean fed diet..........yes, indeed, these new hybrid Natural Gas Battery Buses are actually being run by Mexicans kept in battery cages beneath, the bus, force fed like so many Chinese Ducks, a diet of beans, and so produce the gas necessary for the bus motor to function!
I assure you, I am looking to a bright future and investing in bean futures!
Well, why should we be the last in these things. We must also climb on the bus, acquire vast quantities of Mexicans,from the Americas, who will be more than willing to supply them, remember the Fox-y Mexican President(who may or may not be receiving payment for each and every illegal immigrant supplied) doesn't even ask for them back.Britain must not be left behind by the Bus. We must immediately embark on an engineering program of research in to these new Natural Gas Powered Buses.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*****************************************************************************
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Secret Squirrel World,Your World Of The Future
Keywords:defense,secret squirrel,invasion,chunnel,war,transport,air,
train,suicide,bombers,burkas,breasts,aircraft,car,vehicle
The MRL Solution To Prevent A Most Foreign Invasion of England Through Use Of The Chunnel
Secret Squirrel has been busy,studying ways and means to protect Britain from invasion through the Chunnel (The English Channel Tunnel),the thing so most feared that the Chunnel was nor bored through until this day as it were, in these times.Throughout history there have been fears of French invasions of England,Frenchman ,frog eating,snail eating,knarly pickley nosed Frenchman,wearing stripped jerseys, playing ridiculous accordions and saying "Comman,Comman,Comman",and so England invaded France many times in hopes of discouraging them.........but..........what goes around,comes around,and so from France,there even yet was a horrific,yet tiny little one, return invasion.But face it, they're so foreign and french that it was just enough..........too much as a matter of fact, getting them back home was a thunderously obnoxious task.............the men that is, the women could have stayed,it's just that there weren't any women in the french army you know,and what's an army without at least one bint(just look at the Spaniards,they were wise enough to have at least one on each ship, called a "Donna", and ours, we did have,al be it, Mr. Prostitute-it was believed on Britrish ships that it was bad luck to have a woman on board ship,mind you the Titanic proved that to be a scientific proof)................not even yet as
.............as....................as..................you know............well.........hang it all,they're all..............frenchmen,you know,et all.
Well now, how did it all start..typically.........Two centuries ago, the idea of a road tunnel was suggested to Napoleon during a brief peace between France and England in 1802. But war soon broke out again,of course...he couldn't wait.......They guessed that the chalk of Cap Blanc Nez ran under the sea all the way to the white cliffs of Dover - no-one really knew. They imagined horse-drawn carriages driving down a wood-propped tunnel like mines of the day, lit by candles,bringing troops in to England from France for their invasion.........but the idea existed only on paper, due to Napoleon's great problem, he couldn't hold his pants up long enough.
Then in 1869.......Frenchman Thomé de Gamond proposed a scheme,widely accepted in England and France. After making many hazardous solo dives to check the sea-bed, he proposed a rail tunnel, bored through the chalk which he believed ran below the sea-bed.Both countries agreed to work together on a joint tunnel scheme to bring them closer together,they'd become briefly friendly after the Franco-Prussian War.. Engineers began boring trial tunnels from both sides in 1881.
Two tunnel companies started digging seriously in 1881 from the cliffs between Dover and Folkestone, and west of Calais (Sangatte).
Technically, it was a success - driven by compressed air, the boring machines worked well, and there was so little flooding they only switched the pumps on for half a day every two weeks! Within the first year, each side had bored almost 2 km of tunnel, and they expected to complete a 7 foot diameter pilot tunnel across the Channel within 5 years.
The English,we, started on our side,E.W. Watkin promoted Low's scheme and work began at Abbot's Cliff with the excavation of a 7 foot diameter tunnel under the direction of F. Brady, using an early (Beaumont) tunneling machine, which completed 840 yards. It was the moved to Shakespeare Cliff where it completed a tunnel of 2020 yards under the sea towards Dover harbour.The French had completed near as much from their side.
However there was growing fear of French invasion...and so Parliament ordered,wisely, a halt to the project,
since it had aroused alarm amongst the British military, and in 1883, further building of the Tunnel was banned. The Tunnel company suggested (in vain) that, as a safeguard, they could install an inlet to the sea half-way along the tunnel! A soldier would be permanently on guard, ready to pull the plug if the French should try a surprise invasion! However, you know, Parliament well knew that guarding soldiers tended to sleep a lot, remembering the earlier French invasion when England had been asleep.They offered to build a fort guarding the tunnel entrance, and to wire it up with explosives ready to destroy the whole tunnel or flood it with seawater.....
It was no good! The British generals did not trust the French, and that was that. The French tunnelers gave up - believing the British would always be stubborn about staying as an "island fortress".In modern times some they preferred to be referred to as Free French(recall now, that things in french are reverse when traslated to the true English), but in Britain it was generally French Free(when the British Hugenot Inquisition came to Britain that was changed to French Fries).
However.................Present English governments have not learned their lessons from history, and went ahead with the new chunnel project...............and so.....we now have this under the channel tunnel link to France bringing a vast invasion of very foreign foreigners,most defiantely the toul mouthed,mannerless, and most froeign,French..............Onions said I............
It came to my mind that present governments had not seriously taken in to account such an invasion, and other invasions, but had ignored toatally all historical wisdoms and concerns for the safety of the people of England, safety from invasion. There is,for example, NO fort, and certainly not a single flood inlet from the sea to halt any invasion whatsoever. The ancientes in our history had at least take defenses in to consideration of any such tunnel project.Sad they haven't. Onions said I............
And so................I secretly started a study, hidden from ken and mind...............a study so secret that not even those who worked on it knew who was the penultimate source for their secret study.........the study of tunnel (and British), security from foreign invasion through and by the use of......The Chunnel................and so, here now for all to see, the completed work............how to stop a most foreign invasion of England from France(and Europe et all)..............a work completed entirely and conceived entirely by
The International Institute for Aerospace Survey and Earth Sciences (ITC), Centrum for Technical Geoscineces (CTG), Section Engineering Geology, Kanaalweg, Delft, the Netherlands.
Just look now at the direct outcome of the study..........
22 BILLION JARS CONTAINING ROUGHLY 707 BILLION ONIONS AT A COST OF APPROXIMATELY £18.8BN WILL BE REQUIRED TO COMPLETELY FILL THE TUNNEL AND PREVENT A FRENCH INVASION
How about the centuries’ fear of invasion? The scenario below estimates the required number of pickled onions to fill the tunnel network and cut England off from France in the event of an invasion. The calculation is based on the volumes of the two main tunnels, which are 3.8m in radius and are 50km long, and a service tunnel of 2.4m in radius, which runs parallel to the main tunnels.
Volume of two main tunnels:
3.142 * 3.8m * 3.8m * 50000m * 2 = 4577882 m3
Volume of service tunnel:
3.142 * 2.4m * 2.4m * 50000m * 1 = 913040 m3
If the volumes of connecting tunnels between the service tunnel and the main tunnels and pressure relief tunnels between the two main tunnels are considered...
3.142 * 1.65m * 1.65m * 20m * 134 = 22925 m3
3.142 * 1.0m * 1.0m * 15m * 202 = 9520 m3
(p * r2 * length * number of tunnels = volume)
The total volume adds up to 5.523367 million cubic metres. A quick look at the family jar of pickled onions shows that 32 onions occupy 250ml and that 22 billion jars containing a staggering 707 billion onions at a cost of approximately £18.8bn will be required to completely fill the tunnel and prevent a French invasion.
I am sure, each and every pub in England, stands at the ready to contribute, should the need arise, it's supply of pickled onions, to repel the most foul and foreign invaders!!!! Display your pickled onion jar proudly! Tout it! PLace itt in a glass case, labelled, "In Case Of Emergency,Break Glass."Not your beer mug you silly idiot!
And let me also point out.............that present governments, have NOT embarked on,nor can answer how, THEY would prevent a foreign invasion of England by the use of the Channel tunnel!!!!!!
The MRL! Secret Squirrel!Always Prepared!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),
Minister for Re-Deranged re-Engineering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Air Train
An M.R.L. Transportation Foreign Investment Review Proposal
The M.R.L. Air Train.......................
Secret Squirrel develops the soon to be famous, Air Train!!
Have you seen the latest BBC lack of intelligence report on the doings in France?? Well now.Here it commences "Air France eyes move to railways.
Air hostess serving food to Air France passenger.
Short-haul Air France passengers could soon be moving onto trains.So the headlines read,but what is the actual truth behind this...Secret Squirrel knows, and so too will you.
Air France is holding talks on a joint venture that could lead to it offering high-speed rail travel.
The airline confirmed reports it was discussing a possible tie-up with Veolia, a French utility firm that also runs several rail services.
Commentators suggest such a deal would enable the airline to cut fuel costs by moving some services onto the railways.
Under the plans Veolia would run trains from Air France's hub airport in Paris to other European destinations.
"We are reviewing the feasibility and possibility of such a project, but it is too early to discuss its terms," an Air France spokesman told the Reuters news agency.
The joint venture is likely to remain focused on international travel as, under European Union plans, legislation is set to free up the international rail passenger market in 2010.
Veolia has previously run public rail franchises in several countries worldwide under the now-defunct Connex brand. It now runs continental Europe's largest private freight service and several rail connections.
With significant improvements being made to the network of high speed rail routes in Europe the potential of such services is improving.
As it confirmed reports of the talks, Air France added it had been looking at launching its own rail links over the past four years as it had been unhappy with the service provided when it had bought rail seats off existing train operators....................................."
Here it ends...........................somewhat, but to every ending,there is a new beginning..............read on.
One recalls, as it brings to mind, the earlier proposal of a Skytrain, however ,they got it all wrong then as well............
Now here's what we,the people of England, those of the M.R.L., do..............
Initially this French idea will never work, the french being French, and all Frenchman equating, we will have the likes of Zarkosy et all looking for the trains at the airports...........in short, for the French this will just never work.
However, we, the English, know better, yes we in the MRL see an excellent investment opportunity. What we all do, is buy Air France from the French.We then also buy their rail system(we were forced to sell ours, the French will just have to be forced to sell theirs.....................we were forced to sell to the foreigners, we will force the French to sell to us foreigners.).
Now, we take the problematical French avions as they call them, lop off the wings, we then mount these on rail boggies and of course, sit'em on the rails, there we pull them by much more fuel economical train engines! Indeed yes, we can easily move hundreds of people by using a simple highly fuel efficient railroad engine!!Indeed to avoid confusion in
France, we simply abolish the Aeroports, or whatever they call them in French, and rename all the train stations to Aeroport or whatever so's not to confuse the French. That would also give us full control of the French rails and airline.
Also it is the best solution all round, fuel savings of absolutely enormous and unimaginable nature,comparing the fuel consumption of the former airliner versus the rail engine,and for the same number of passengers! The mind boggles!!
Less staff would be needed as train type travel is much more economical in terms of utilized and employed staff per unit train.Now they keep saying that airliners are much faster than trains....however, look now at this, one must first get to the airport via whatever means through heavy and slow traffic, time wasted. The time taken to check in and then, give them your baggage, the waiting to board the plane and leave, which is usually much much later than that stated, then on arriving at destination, disembarking, going to collect ones baggage, and then one must go through heavy traffic to ones final resting destination. Obviously there is a great saving in time using train like conditions.
Indeed, had not the government sold the rails to the most foul and extremely foreign foreigners, the same could be done in England should the M.R.L. be able to gain control of government.
(Remember,this proposal comes from Secret Squirrel, who realized at the time that the cabbage was the most useful currency in the U.S.S.R., that the government should start it's own cabbage farms, and hence purchase Aeroflot.......................but...........did they listen....................no...........the M.R.L. and the people of England, are forced to Labor on.................).
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged-Re-Engineering.
----------------------------------------------
M.R.L. Short Distance Travel Solution
Secret Squirrel has pondered short distance air travel problems.
Everyone has experienced some sort of discomfort on short trips,
county to county. If using airplane there is a problem now what
with security delays etc. making such flights a nuisance. Bus
skeds are seemingly never quite right with respect to departure
times, arrival times,return times etc.
However there is a solution to the problem, taken from available
technology from medieval times and from modern times.
The solution to these county to county travel trips is quite
simply a catapult, launching the traveler complete with his or
her luggage, and, at a suitable time in their flight, the proper
altitude of launch achieved, a para glider parachute opens
allowing the passenger to guide themselves to land, on their feet,
at quite the proper wished landing point.
Secret Squirrel
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Secret Squirrel's Intelligence Gathering Report on So Called Burka Wearing Suicide Terrorist Bombers.
Secret Squirrel has discovered the actual truth behind burka bombers.It's actually fake breasts which are exploding due to rather interestng causes.
It has come to light that what have been attributed to terrorist suicide bombings are in fact actually not so. Indeed it has been surmised that it is a plot by the breast implant companies trying to hide defective breast implants. It has been suggested that the horrific explosions by these so-called silicon implants may be in part and possibly due to the inadvertent misuse,misapplication of the explosive known as plastique.....indeed that huge stockpiles of these plastique explosives were in fact used as breast implants.
It has been noted in intelligence circles and anybody else who can see, that the explosions involve those wearing burkas. Now in the Arab world burkas are worn by females, those who have......breasts. Undoubtedly the explosion of the implants can result from the immense buildup of heat associated with
1) the location of the things in question,
2) being inside hidden by a burka causing buildup of heat, and
3) being in an extremely hot climate magnifying the effects of the temperatures such that the plastique is caused to explode.
It is noted that the explosions taking place horrifically on the chest area do with horrendous effects cause the head of the person who exploded to fly off.This is a direct indication of sudden breast explosion, not suicide belts as have been formerly indicated. The belt is worn about the waist, and such an explosion would not and could not cause the head to fly off and the rest of the body to remain somewhat intact, but would in fact cause the explsion of the body to separate the body round and about the waist, the head could not possibly be made to fly off.
Now whilst there is no acknowledgement of such occurrences beyond the fact that people in burkas in Arab lands and elsewhere suddenly tend to explode spontaneously,it is advised that it is best to avoid persons wearing burkas for safety reasons. It also might be best to avoid those females who have these artificial breast implants, Pamela Anderson for example,Brittany Spears,church groups have condemned her wiggling and jiggling as provocatively explosive in its effects on society, Jennifer Anniston for another.......assuming you have one brain cell left.......while they do not wear burkas, there has been discussion and theoretical ponderings that they may suddenly explode in an aircraft for example, should there be a sudden loss of pressure in the aircraft, the explosive decompression theory that such breast would rapidly expand resulting in a horrific and shattering explosion affecting those around them in similar fashion to the sudden explosion burka events.
Indeed it is proveable that some aircraft have suffered catastrophic explosive decompressions. How in the world can a small hole shatter an airliner so completely? Nay! Not by the event and the hole itself, but by the sympathetic explosive detonation of a pair of false breasts.Yet more proof...........The first airline to have a credible plan to transport its passengers to outer space, is Virgin Galactic. The airline has identified a potential risk factor for space travel. According to a Virgin Galactic spokesperson:
Bosses fear the implants may expand and burst due to cabin pressure, according to The Sun.
Better safe than sorry........be warned...........be very warned.
They're here........now......they're real..their breasts are not, remember the so-called Hollywood Hot Spot.....laden with females with fake breasts....they're there, beside you, perhaps they stewardess, she's bending over in front of you, there they are....waiting to explode out..............there in Arab lands.............a burka approaching........
Be very very warned.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
M.R.L. Approved British Made Car Prototype
Secret Squirrel here suggests a cost effective British built car,a vehicle of the future,today!Yes, Britain can return to car manufacture!!The Most Cost Effective Vehicle Ever!!
Secretly in a local Shanghai suburb, one man has created what has to be one of the most cost effective automobiles ever. China was chosen for the British car prototype due to the immense secrecy which can only be achieved in China, imagine American Automobile manufacturers attacking this latest threat to their former domination of the vehicular market.
The car has a very simple design, basically a bunch of wood scraps tied together with wire, four wheels, and a seat that can barely fit one person.
An open frame allows for a nice breeze, so an air conditioner is not required, and it even has a headlight.
No word on the gas mileage this things gets, but all in all the vehicle is pretty impressive, and fuel mileage will be dependent on the engine finally selected for the production vehicle, and will be available in economical single and much more powerful dual cylinder, four stroke and two stroke engine versions but on our budget it is anticipated to be very much like a lawnmower engine painted red.
Production models will be modified to include a convertable roof, and expanded by use of a tow ball to tow a trailer to increase versatility, and also allow for use of said trailer as a Rumble/Jump seat.
All that remains, what with the collapse of the American car manufacturers, is to jump in to an ever expanding market with a suitable British made production version.
-Secret Squirrel.
----------------------------------------------------------------
train,suicide,bombers,burkas,breasts,aircraft,car,vehicle
The MRL Solution To Prevent A Most Foreign Invasion of England Through Use Of The Chunnel
Secret Squirrel has been busy,studying ways and means to protect Britain from invasion through the Chunnel (The English Channel Tunnel),the thing so most feared that the Chunnel was nor bored through until this day as it were, in these times.Throughout history there have been fears of French invasions of England,Frenchman ,frog eating,snail eating,knarly pickley nosed Frenchman,wearing stripped jerseys, playing ridiculous accordions and saying "Comman,Comman,Comman",and so England invaded France many times in hopes of discouraging them.........but..........what goes around,comes around,and so from France,there even yet was a horrific,yet tiny little one, return invasion.But face it, they're so foreign and french that it was just enough..........too much as a matter of fact, getting them back home was a thunderously obnoxious task.............the men that is, the women could have stayed,it's just that there weren't any women in the french army you know,and what's an army without at least one bint(just look at the Spaniards,they were wise enough to have at least one on each ship, called a "Donna", and ours, we did have,al be it, Mr. Prostitute-it was believed on Britrish ships that it was bad luck to have a woman on board ship,mind you the Titanic proved that to be a scientific proof)................not even yet as
.............as....................as..................you know............well.........hang it all,they're all..............frenchmen,you know,et all.
Well now, how did it all start..typically.........Two centuries ago, the idea of a road tunnel was suggested to Napoleon during a brief peace between France and England in 1802. But war soon broke out again,of course...he couldn't wait.......They guessed that the chalk of Cap Blanc Nez ran under the sea all the way to the white cliffs of Dover - no-one really knew. They imagined horse-drawn carriages driving down a wood-propped tunnel like mines of the day, lit by candles,bringing troops in to England from France for their invasion.........but the idea existed only on paper, due to Napoleon's great problem, he couldn't hold his pants up long enough.
Then in 1869.......Frenchman Thomé de Gamond proposed a scheme,widely accepted in England and France. After making many hazardous solo dives to check the sea-bed, he proposed a rail tunnel, bored through the chalk which he believed ran below the sea-bed.Both countries agreed to work together on a joint tunnel scheme to bring them closer together,they'd become briefly friendly after the Franco-Prussian War.. Engineers began boring trial tunnels from both sides in 1881.
Two tunnel companies started digging seriously in 1881 from the cliffs between Dover and Folkestone, and west of Calais (Sangatte).
Technically, it was a success - driven by compressed air, the boring machines worked well, and there was so little flooding they only switched the pumps on for half a day every two weeks! Within the first year, each side had bored almost 2 km of tunnel, and they expected to complete a 7 foot diameter pilot tunnel across the Channel within 5 years.
The English,we, started on our side,E.W. Watkin promoted Low's scheme and work began at Abbot's Cliff with the excavation of a 7 foot diameter tunnel under the direction of F. Brady, using an early (Beaumont) tunneling machine, which completed 840 yards. It was the moved to Shakespeare Cliff where it completed a tunnel of 2020 yards under the sea towards Dover harbour.The French had completed near as much from their side.
However there was growing fear of French invasion...and so Parliament ordered,wisely, a halt to the project,
since it had aroused alarm amongst the British military, and in 1883, further building of the Tunnel was banned. The Tunnel company suggested (in vain) that, as a safeguard, they could install an inlet to the sea half-way along the tunnel! A soldier would be permanently on guard, ready to pull the plug if the French should try a surprise invasion! However, you know, Parliament well knew that guarding soldiers tended to sleep a lot, remembering the earlier French invasion when England had been asleep.They offered to build a fort guarding the tunnel entrance, and to wire it up with explosives ready to destroy the whole tunnel or flood it with seawater.....
It was no good! The British generals did not trust the French, and that was that. The French tunnelers gave up - believing the British would always be stubborn about staying as an "island fortress".In modern times some they preferred to be referred to as Free French(recall now, that things in french are reverse when traslated to the true English), but in Britain it was generally French Free(when the British Hugenot Inquisition came to Britain that was changed to French Fries).
However.................Present English governments have not learned their lessons from history, and went ahead with the new chunnel project...............and so.....we now have this under the channel tunnel link to France bringing a vast invasion of very foreign foreigners,most defiantely the toul mouthed,mannerless, and most froeign,French..............Onions said I............
It came to my mind that present governments had not seriously taken in to account such an invasion, and other invasions, but had ignored toatally all historical wisdoms and concerns for the safety of the people of England, safety from invasion. There is,for example, NO fort, and certainly not a single flood inlet from the sea to halt any invasion whatsoever. The ancientes in our history had at least take defenses in to consideration of any such tunnel project.Sad they haven't. Onions said I............
And so................I secretly started a study, hidden from ken and mind...............a study so secret that not even those who worked on it knew who was the penultimate source for their secret study.........the study of tunnel (and British), security from foreign invasion through and by the use of......The Chunnel................and so, here now for all to see, the completed work............how to stop a most foreign invasion of England from France(and Europe et all)..............a work completed entirely and conceived entirely by
The International Institute for Aerospace Survey and Earth Sciences (ITC), Centrum for Technical Geoscineces (CTG), Section Engineering Geology, Kanaalweg, Delft, the Netherlands.
Just look now at the direct outcome of the study..........
22 BILLION JARS CONTAINING ROUGHLY 707 BILLION ONIONS AT A COST OF APPROXIMATELY £18.8BN WILL BE REQUIRED TO COMPLETELY FILL THE TUNNEL AND PREVENT A FRENCH INVASION
How about the centuries’ fear of invasion? The scenario below estimates the required number of pickled onions to fill the tunnel network and cut England off from France in the event of an invasion. The calculation is based on the volumes of the two main tunnels, which are 3.8m in radius and are 50km long, and a service tunnel of 2.4m in radius, which runs parallel to the main tunnels.
Volume of two main tunnels:
3.142 * 3.8m * 3.8m * 50000m * 2 = 4577882 m3
Volume of service tunnel:
3.142 * 2.4m * 2.4m * 50000m * 1 = 913040 m3
If the volumes of connecting tunnels between the service tunnel and the main tunnels and pressure relief tunnels between the two main tunnels are considered...
3.142 * 1.65m * 1.65m * 20m * 134 = 22925 m3
3.142 * 1.0m * 1.0m * 15m * 202 = 9520 m3
(p * r2 * length * number of tunnels = volume)
The total volume adds up to 5.523367 million cubic metres. A quick look at the family jar of pickled onions shows that 32 onions occupy 250ml and that 22 billion jars containing a staggering 707 billion onions at a cost of approximately £18.8bn will be required to completely fill the tunnel and prevent a French invasion.
I am sure, each and every pub in England, stands at the ready to contribute, should the need arise, it's supply of pickled onions, to repel the most foul and foreign invaders!!!! Display your pickled onion jar proudly! Tout it! PLace itt in a glass case, labelled, "In Case Of Emergency,Break Glass."Not your beer mug you silly idiot!
And let me also point out.............that present governments, have NOT embarked on,nor can answer how, THEY would prevent a foreign invasion of England by the use of the Channel tunnel!!!!!!
The MRL! Secret Squirrel!Always Prepared!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),
Minister for Re-Deranged re-Engineering.
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Air Train
An M.R.L. Transportation Foreign Investment Review Proposal
The M.R.L. Air Train.......................
Secret Squirrel develops the soon to be famous, Air Train!!
Have you seen the latest BBC lack of intelligence report on the doings in France?? Well now.Here it commences "Air France eyes move to railways.
Air hostess serving food to Air France passenger.
Short-haul Air France passengers could soon be moving onto trains.So the headlines read,but what is the actual truth behind this...Secret Squirrel knows, and so too will you.
Air France is holding talks on a joint venture that could lead to it offering high-speed rail travel.
The airline confirmed reports it was discussing a possible tie-up with Veolia, a French utility firm that also runs several rail services.
Commentators suggest such a deal would enable the airline to cut fuel costs by moving some services onto the railways.
Under the plans Veolia would run trains from Air France's hub airport in Paris to other European destinations.
"We are reviewing the feasibility and possibility of such a project, but it is too early to discuss its terms," an Air France spokesman told the Reuters news agency.
The joint venture is likely to remain focused on international travel as, under European Union plans, legislation is set to free up the international rail passenger market in 2010.
Veolia has previously run public rail franchises in several countries worldwide under the now-defunct Connex brand. It now runs continental Europe's largest private freight service and several rail connections.
With significant improvements being made to the network of high speed rail routes in Europe the potential of such services is improving.
As it confirmed reports of the talks, Air France added it had been looking at launching its own rail links over the past four years as it had been unhappy with the service provided when it had bought rail seats off existing train operators....................................."
Here it ends...........................somewhat, but to every ending,there is a new beginning..............read on.
One recalls, as it brings to mind, the earlier proposal of a Skytrain, however ,they got it all wrong then as well............
Now here's what we,the people of England, those of the M.R.L., do..............
Initially this French idea will never work, the french being French, and all Frenchman equating, we will have the likes of Zarkosy et all looking for the trains at the airports...........in short, for the French this will just never work.
However, we, the English, know better, yes we in the MRL see an excellent investment opportunity. What we all do, is buy Air France from the French.We then also buy their rail system(we were forced to sell ours, the French will just have to be forced to sell theirs.....................we were forced to sell to the foreigners, we will force the French to sell to us foreigners.).
Now, we take the problematical French avions as they call them, lop off the wings, we then mount these on rail boggies and of course, sit'em on the rails, there we pull them by much more fuel economical train engines! Indeed yes, we can easily move hundreds of people by using a simple highly fuel efficient railroad engine!!Indeed to avoid confusion in
France, we simply abolish the Aeroports, or whatever they call them in French, and rename all the train stations to Aeroport or whatever so's not to confuse the French. That would also give us full control of the French rails and airline.
Also it is the best solution all round, fuel savings of absolutely enormous and unimaginable nature,comparing the fuel consumption of the former airliner versus the rail engine,and for the same number of passengers! The mind boggles!!
Less staff would be needed as train type travel is much more economical in terms of utilized and employed staff per unit train.Now they keep saying that airliners are much faster than trains....however, look now at this, one must first get to the airport via whatever means through heavy and slow traffic, time wasted. The time taken to check in and then, give them your baggage, the waiting to board the plane and leave, which is usually much much later than that stated, then on arriving at destination, disembarking, going to collect ones baggage, and then one must go through heavy traffic to ones final resting destination. Obviously there is a great saving in time using train like conditions.
Indeed, had not the government sold the rails to the most foul and extremely foreign foreigners, the same could be done in England should the M.R.L. be able to gain control of government.
(Remember,this proposal comes from Secret Squirrel, who realized at the time that the cabbage was the most useful currency in the U.S.S.R., that the government should start it's own cabbage farms, and hence purchase Aeroflot.......................but...........did they listen....................no...........the M.R.L. and the people of England, are forced to Labor on.................).
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged-Re-Engineering.
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M.R.L. Short Distance Travel Solution
Secret Squirrel has pondered short distance air travel problems.
Everyone has experienced some sort of discomfort on short trips,
county to county. If using airplane there is a problem now what
with security delays etc. making such flights a nuisance. Bus
skeds are seemingly never quite right with respect to departure
times, arrival times,return times etc.
However there is a solution to the problem, taken from available
technology from medieval times and from modern times.
The solution to these county to county travel trips is quite
simply a catapult, launching the traveler complete with his or
her luggage, and, at a suitable time in their flight, the proper
altitude of launch achieved, a para glider parachute opens
allowing the passenger to guide themselves to land, on their feet,
at quite the proper wished landing point.
Secret Squirrel
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Secret Squirrel's Intelligence Gathering Report on So Called Burka Wearing Suicide Terrorist Bombers.
Secret Squirrel has discovered the actual truth behind burka bombers.It's actually fake breasts which are exploding due to rather interestng causes.
It has come to light that what have been attributed to terrorist suicide bombings are in fact actually not so. Indeed it has been surmised that it is a plot by the breast implant companies trying to hide defective breast implants. It has been suggested that the horrific explosions by these so-called silicon implants may be in part and possibly due to the inadvertent misuse,misapplication of the explosive known as plastique.....indeed that huge stockpiles of these plastique explosives were in fact used as breast implants.
It has been noted in intelligence circles and anybody else who can see, that the explosions involve those wearing burkas. Now in the Arab world burkas are worn by females, those who have......breasts. Undoubtedly the explosion of the implants can result from the immense buildup of heat associated with
1) the location of the things in question,
2) being inside hidden by a burka causing buildup of heat, and
3) being in an extremely hot climate magnifying the effects of the temperatures such that the plastique is caused to explode.
It is noted that the explosions taking place horrifically on the chest area do with horrendous effects cause the head of the person who exploded to fly off.This is a direct indication of sudden breast explosion, not suicide belts as have been formerly indicated. The belt is worn about the waist, and such an explosion would not and could not cause the head to fly off and the rest of the body to remain somewhat intact, but would in fact cause the explsion of the body to separate the body round and about the waist, the head could not possibly be made to fly off.
Now whilst there is no acknowledgement of such occurrences beyond the fact that people in burkas in Arab lands and elsewhere suddenly tend to explode spontaneously,it is advised that it is best to avoid persons wearing burkas for safety reasons. It also might be best to avoid those females who have these artificial breast implants, Pamela Anderson for example,Brittany Spears,church groups have condemned her wiggling and jiggling as provocatively explosive in its effects on society, Jennifer Anniston for another.......assuming you have one brain cell left.......while they do not wear burkas, there has been discussion and theoretical ponderings that they may suddenly explode in an aircraft for example, should there be a sudden loss of pressure in the aircraft, the explosive decompression theory that such breast would rapidly expand resulting in a horrific and shattering explosion affecting those around them in similar fashion to the sudden explosion burka events.
Indeed it is proveable that some aircraft have suffered catastrophic explosive decompressions. How in the world can a small hole shatter an airliner so completely? Nay! Not by the event and the hole itself, but by the sympathetic explosive detonation of a pair of false breasts.Yet more proof...........The first airline to have a credible plan to transport its passengers to outer space, is Virgin Galactic. The airline has identified a potential risk factor for space travel. According to a Virgin Galactic spokesperson:
Bosses fear the implants may expand and burst due to cabin pressure, according to The Sun.
Better safe than sorry........be warned...........be very warned.
They're here........now......they're real..their breasts are not, remember the so-called Hollywood Hot Spot.....laden with females with fake breasts....they're there, beside you, perhaps they stewardess, she's bending over in front of you, there they are....waiting to explode out..............there in Arab lands.............a burka approaching........
Be very very warned.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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M.R.L. Approved British Made Car Prototype
Secret Squirrel here suggests a cost effective British built car,a vehicle of the future,today!Yes, Britain can return to car manufacture!!The Most Cost Effective Vehicle Ever!!
Secretly in a local Shanghai suburb, one man has created what has to be one of the most cost effective automobiles ever. China was chosen for the British car prototype due to the immense secrecy which can only be achieved in China, imagine American Automobile manufacturers attacking this latest threat to their former domination of the vehicular market.
The car has a very simple design, basically a bunch of wood scraps tied together with wire, four wheels, and a seat that can barely fit one person.
An open frame allows for a nice breeze, so an air conditioner is not required, and it even has a headlight.
No word on the gas mileage this things gets, but all in all the vehicle is pretty impressive, and fuel mileage will be dependent on the engine finally selected for the production vehicle, and will be available in economical single and much more powerful dual cylinder, four stroke and two stroke engine versions but on our budget it is anticipated to be very much like a lawnmower engine painted red.
Production models will be modified to include a convertable roof, and expanded by use of a tow ball to tow a trailer to increase versatility, and also allow for use of said trailer as a Rumble/Jump seat.
All that remains, what with the collapse of the American car manufacturers, is to jump in to an ever expanding market with a suitable British made production version.
-Secret Squirrel.
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Friday, February 19, 2010
The World Of Secret Squirrel...MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party
Keywords:
snow,war,debt,credit,secret squirrel,prison,MRL,
energy,car,prison,global,cooling,climate,warming,road rage
MRL Solve Britain's Snow Problem,Sells Snow To Canada
Yes, The MRL Secret Squirrel will solve Britain's snow problem by selling snow to Canada.The Olympics need snow,Britain doesn't.Canada has little required snow, Britain has too much it doesn't even yet need and this situation is proof positive of the laggardlyness of Britain's New Labour government. Proof positive of the need for MRL Government..................Yes! Here it is, the economic idea of the Century, but you can bet your snow galoshes that the Labour government won't pick up on this.................here.................read.............see for yourself.................the headline in the Daily Mirror.................
Winter Olympics snow shortage sees white stuff trucked in............
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/02/04/winter-olympics-snow-shortage-sees-white-stuff-trucked-in-picture-115875-22018101/
The Canadian Winter Olympic City......The Winter Olympics start next week - but host city Vancouver is suffering from a shortage of snow.
Yes! Well now, Britain has a great excess of the snow....................quite simply and properly using the political and economic system, of KISS, short for Keep It Simple Stupid................quite simply and economically put before the New Labour government..............sell our snow to Canada NOW!! While they need it and are receptive to buying it!! Solve their problem, gives them snow, solve our problem, gets rid of our snow.
The MRL, always solving political problems, economically!! Sutch is genius!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL,End Wars, Make War Hell,Make Peace Heaven,
(Or, "It Takes Two To Fight, Hell No We Won't Go",the New Army Motto).
Secret Squirrel says NO! to War!!War, good God yu'all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.it means destruction
Of innocent lives War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go to fight and lose their lives.War, friend only to the undertaker.
It's an enemy to all mankind.
War is destructive, not only of people and property, but also of common
decency. I have offered other solutions to avoid war, as in not go to war or not have war.
The first was to send androids/robots/cyborgs/Boilerplates in place of actual men, but alas and alack,
present day governments(non MRL governments) have either ignored this or have lagged behind dragging their feet on the development of these,preferring to participate in wars and send men to die to do so.
Well, there was a second solution proposed, that of abolishing income tax. You see the original income
tax was put forward to fund wars and never removed since the governments of the day and today(not MRL), have taken a fancy to this war tax and going to war.
And then also,I also suggested a third,simply having a Paintball War in it's place, no one gets hurt,
no harm done, a winner a looser, abide by the outcome.But it seems there was fear in the government
about going to war in such a condition, the outcome being so very final.They regarded it as a game,a game in which there was the possibility of ................Loss...........Surrender.........Finality.
Well, in all finality it has come to this,the fact that well it was said, "War is Hell".Well, we can't
make it Heaven,and we can't continue to send our brave young men to Hell, nay it is the government of
the day (not MRL), which can go to Hell if it likes to. What I propose to do, is to make NOT going to
war, absolute Heaven, this would make the army (et all armed forces herewith further referred to as
army)far less WILLING to go to war. So what needs be done, what modern reforms of the military must be accomplished such that an existant army will not want to go to war?
1) Food, diet. Here we have two alternatives, they have a choice, full vegetarian diet, this will
reduce their weight, and sap their strength such that they cannot possibly carry their field equipment,
and finding it too hard would spend their time struggling and straggling with it such that going to war
on any kind of march would be utterly out of the question. The second alternative diet, high fat....in
short they'll pile on the lard such that the virtually same affect is achieved, but due to their high
bulk weight(personally I think these will be the happier lot, and probably will regard those
vegetarians as so many nutters).
2) We go to the Priesthood, the Chaplaincy to council and preach to the troops, preach to the troops the
religious gospels of universal peace and love for all,teaching,the Chaplains in the army must tend to
their religious beliefs, and encourage the religious beliefs of the army, mainly to teach and preach
religion to the army, that killing and maiming is evil, unnecessary, despised of by God,and that it is
much better to make love not war.
The Chaplains can teach the religious belief it is much better to love the enemy in and after whatever
fashion, and history has shown that many victorious armies have put that very principle in to practice,
all be it after a successful war,a sort of rite of celebration as it were, including pillaging and
whatever as I shall soon go it to....the pillaging part not the..........err............err.....never
mind.
3)Well now, the old adage,"Make love not war!",remembered from my hippy daze, certainly holds true,yes, a roll in the hay is worth much more than a roll in the mud of a battlefield any day of the week, and certainly those who have gone to war and know it have mentioned this as well.In the old days when there was a war, there was much much pillage and rape for example.Pillage enriched the warriors, and
rape,well satisfied them.The Japanese even brought things farther along and yet recruited those they
called comfort women to comfort soldiers,at least their Japanese soldiers..this was also done in the
American Union Army, recall the tented girls of General Hooker who camped out on 13th Street in
Washington,D.C., to the satisfaction of the Union Army, and displeasure of President Lincoln who may
have been,in actuality, a Eunuch...........but this Japanese technique of bringing the girls to battle
only served to encouraged wars and the going to war.
What we must do, is see to it that our soldiers pay is raised to at least comparable levels with those on welfare in Canada,so that the urge to go to war,risking death and maiming, to pillage is seen as utterly ridiculous,and totally out of the question.Now further to things ,recall certain European nations have legalized prostitution, well,so this job is now accepted,and legal, and so socially governmentally acceptable. So we must then legalize prostitution for the army and see to it women are recruited to that level of achievement,err rank.Quite simply the Canadian Army has thousands with the rank of sappers, generally acknowledging that the vast majority who go to the army are just that, saps. We can give the women a sort of comparable rank of say...Sackers.That will certainly sooth the savage beast,give'em a choice, either go to war or spend time in the sack with a comfortable woman,and a legal one at that!!! Now what else is to be done, look after their entertainment, after all idle hands make for work of the devil...
4) Recreation, the lads must have rest and recreation. This can easily be achieved by having camps of
sorts, resorts for them,on beach fronts,near to casinos and piers, in such lands as say Holland or
Denmark where,you know, girls have been legalized. And so, all work and no play, has been dealt with by a fine and long R&R (Rest and Recreation) vacation package for them. We could also offer say a cheaper version, if the budget couldn't afford this, of merely sending the lads to Sweden, where they could go door to door, knocking to visit the very bored and unsatisfied wives(as reported in so many surveys of them) of Swedes who are off working. And so the lads could have a jolly good knocked up vacation. Of course,with either vacation package, this would be interspersed with visits to pubs round and about, a sort of I&I (Intoxification and Intercourse).
5) After such a stay, the lads may be keyed up on their return And so they must be further trained,
trained to the rigors of life in bivouac conditions, roughing it, deprivational therapy,now off the
fine and fancy foods, on to rations, no baths etc etc etc that army life had PREVIOUSLY presented and
life which a war environment would present. Yes, from Hotel like accommodation, to the swine swill pit
of degradation, quite a contrast to sharpen their minds.After a suitable time, mandatory teaching of
meditation by master sargeants, to let the men concentrate on the fine life they had versus the harsh
reality of the war environment.
6) Further staff sergeants teaching sensitivity to the soldiers such as accepting the enemies customs,
or at least tolerating them. After all what results in wars is America's wish to bring American
behavior to the rest of the world,and so too their soldiers wish to do the same, thinking they are
doing the world a favor by substituting theirs, which is anathema to the religious beliefs,customs, and
habits of the people of the world generally,even to their their style of dress for example.Nay, we must
encourage toleration and acceptance of others. We just can't simply go shooting people in wars because they won't buy nor wear our brand of pants. Commanding officers must teach their men, encourage them, in the ways and paths of peace, and so vastly reduce their willingness to go to war.
7) We must encourage the army to accept people as they are,why just look at what the American General Honore did, in New Orleans, instructing his men NOT to shoot looters, and so he made a pacifist example of himself in refusing to give them the order to do so, and then ran about picking up and kissing their babies.......a much better task than killing people!!
8) And,finally, all guns and ammunition are to be kept securely locked up at all times, thus keeping
temptation out of the view of the army, resulting in a psychological advantage towards not going to
war, the weapons and instruments of war removed from temptation, and reminding them of their
vulnerability, again encouraging a pacifist attitude in the army.If they exhibited any urge towards the
use of weapons, we would simply direct this energy towards war games, affected with paintball guns, and so effectively work out of their system any form of misguided, misdirected aggression, in a
calm,peaceful,and utterly harmless fashion.
So, all these things being accomplished, should ever anyone attempt to send the army to a ridiculous
war, the army would have absolutely no encouragement to do so. In short, it takes two to fight a war,
one cannot simply war with oneself, and so, there would be no war, not today, not any other day.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*************************************************************
MRL Pays National Debt By Revolving Credit System
I,Secret Squirrel solve the National debt,by his revolving credit plan.Credit card companies have cheques that permit you to pay off another credit card company by using this cheque,paying credit card company A with a cheque from credit card company B,then paying credit card company B.
I propose we use the same system, but in a form of revolving credit for the National Debt. In short,we pay our debt off with national credit card company government accounts, with several such companies,without mentioning names, as we're dealing with the financial mechanics of the system,say A,B,C,D,E,we pay A with B's cheque,B with C's cheque etc and on to, and then when arriving at E's cheque,we pay A with E's cheque, and so enter the system round
about ever more, revolving credit revolves constantly, and so we maintain the national debt payments,fully, and so also garner an absolutely spotless credit rating, allowing us to borrow,print up, spend,whatever, yet more.
Everyone knows that such a burden of debt is far more easily borne when it's kept constantly moving instead of sitting heavily upon the nation. Mind you you do notice that none of the other existent political parties have mastered the financial economics of debt management that we in the MRL have.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*****************************************************
I,Secret Squirrel have taken up to solving Britain's prison space shortage!
It's election time, and the political parties have taken up the issue of prison capacity in Britain,well so too has the MRL and solved it as well...........
So Labour has a prison capacity problem, the Conservatives are trying to solve the capacity problem.......but the MRL is much farther ahead and has solved it..............
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/7055836/Prison-ship-plan-under-consideration-by-Tories.html
Prison ship plan under consideration by Tories
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/8476507.stm
So,here's the MRL solution............
M.R.L. Solves Britain's Prison Overcrowding Problems .
There are severe problems in England what with prison overcrowding, and a general lack of prisons, arising from the extreme high cost of construction of such facilities, and maintenance of same in terms of prison staff etc. In the 60's arose a system of construction, prefab, which was used to construct several buildings, including the then considered ultra modern Habitat 67 at the Man and His World exhibition in the colony of Canada during the World's Fair of that year. Interesting, boxes piled one atop the other, sticking out here and there etc.and interesting piece of engineering.
This engineering principle was carried forwards to ships in the form of cargo containers, and can be stacked say 14,000 to a vessel, each container cell being say 20x8x8 in terms of feet, interestingly, the size of a prison cell, particularly those of the Americans in Guantanamo Bay. The idea presents itself. Now a prison at sea is a grand idea, utilizing containers,stacked, , expandable to the max limit, say 7 such ships could accommodate the entire prison population of Britain! However, these ships consume say 1660 gallons (imperial), of fuel an hour...........not worth the cost to send'em on a sea cruise is it?
But the idea has presented itself,also, a prison island, indeed yes, imagine an island in the Indian Ocean, not requiring heating costs,and not worth it, the air conditioning costs, merely a form of bed and breakfast,lunch,dinner...........a gigantic container ship type island, stacked with prison cells, as converted cargo containers, ever expandable..........look at Diego Garcia, an island almost abandoned, it could easily become the prison for Britain, indeed the name, Diego Garcia,Her Majesty's Prison For The Extremely Naughty, comes to mind.
Look at what is there now a large airbase with several long range runways constructed, as well as a harbor suitable for large naval vessels so delivery of prisoners and containers,yes converted and stacked shipping containers to house prisoners, to house new arrivals is a thing of utter ease.They can easily even be stacked in confused fashion such as Montreal Habitat 67 built for their World's Fair, 1967, a change from the drab and the ordinary.
As a territory of the United Kingdom, the head of state is Queen Elizabeth II. There is no Governor appointed to represent the Queen on the territory, as there are no native inhabitants. Thus the island itself is ideal, as an island, indeed, the lesser prisoners could act as guards and prison staff, making them useful to the full, reducing the costs of maintenance grandly, just requiring prison ship patrols about the island to prevent shall we say, prisoners attempting to break in to the island to enjoy it's lush location and tropical accommodation.Indeed the prison population could be left entirely to their own devices, being amongst their own kind so to speak, being on an island the island could be patrolled to see they couldn't escape in makeshift rafts etc.........and so the prison population would be entirely self-contained,only with suitable food deliveries brought.
But wait, there is yet another solution......exile,banishment........simply banish them to the colony of Canada.If Canada won't take these fine upstanding immigrants, then they could be smuggled in under a MI5/MI6 combined operation, and hidden amongst the Canadian Government members, there the Canadian public could never tell the difference.
Problem solved.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL To Tap Road Rage For Transportation Uses
I,Secret Squirrel,in studying car road rage,have found a use for it.
In continuing research and experimentation in virtually every field of science and political sciences, I have discovered research on the use of road rage in America to power cars. Evidently this shows great promise and was previously jealously hidden by the now bankrupt car companies and the rich oil companies who paid vast sums to hide this from the general public, it being a fuel cost free.Obviously this system would work in America, and certainly in France,and also in Italy, but sadly nowhere else in the world really...nevertheless, for our American cousins and for the French, and the Italians, I shall outline the system, and do consider that British development of such a system would be of value, and money could be made in those markets.
It seems that the system was first developed and researched by one Nicola Tesla(the father of Alternating Current), who discovered the psycho kinetic abilities could be harnessed during his research in to broadcast power, transmittable energy. One recalls Britain banning certain tele shows, depicting such broadcast power and also psycho kinetic energy,clearly they were attempting to ban and censor, hide from the public, a good thing, unquestionably influenced by the high power money CEO's of the American car companies, and of the greedy super
rich oil companies.In the summer of 1931, Nikola Tesla, the inventor of alternating current and the holder of some 1200 other U.S. patents, along with his nephew Peter Savo, installed a box on the front seat of a brand new Pierce-Arrow touring car at the company factory in Buffalo, New York. The box is said to have been 24 inches long, 12 inches wide and 6 inches high. Out of it protruded a 1.8 meter long antenna and two and one quarter inch metal rods. Inside the box was reputed to be some dozen vacuum tubes -- 70-L-7 type -- and other electrical parts. Two wire leads ran from the box to a newly-installed 40 inch long, 30 inch diameter AC motor that replaced the gasoline engine.
As the story goes, Tesla inserted the two metal rods and announced confidently, "We now have power" and then proceeded to drive the car for a week, "often at speeds of up to 90 mph." One account says the motor developed 1,800 rpm and got fairly hot when operating, requiring a cooling fan. The "converter" box is said to have generated enough electrical energy to also power the lights in a home.
The car is said to have ended up on a farm 20 miles outside of Buffalo, "not far from Niagara Falls."
The patents were first granted to Nikola Tesla, whose special hat pick up converts emotional energy into kinetic energy. Further secret research undoubtably continued in the American prison system,using the comdemned prisoners as guinea pigs in his experiment. These experiment undoubtably succeeded as it is stated that after a new style of hat was used in the electric chair, prisoners used to give off massive quantities of smoke and flames would shoot
out of their heads,during the excitation of the execution. Of course, nowadays this does not occur, as the experiment are over.
So the skull cap psychic energy converter exists that permits the harnessing of the limitless supply of bad temper generated daily by American drivers(and of course the French and Italian ones),all in the course of just normal driving.This special hat then transmits the energy to a motor system,through a converter which converts the psychic natural hatred of these
drivers in to useable electric energy........they simply generate,convert, and so burn the absolute pure white-hot hatred of their minds, with no harmful environmental emissions. So the average motorist traveling a clogged American highway will produce hundreds of thousands of kilowatts of pure hatred per infuriating drive,which, previously,before Tesla,was untapped.
Indeed there exists today, the.....................Tesla Motors, the Tesla motor cars,this company created to hide the true vehicle, the merest smoke screen of having the most efficient electric vehicle, 0-65 in 4 seconds(faster than an American Ferrarri)...250 miles to a charge....ha..simple battery that. But we're not fooled. We know what we're after, and we shall sell at such a price as to further infuriate the purchaser to contribute to the free fuel generation, and,I shudder to say this, but what the heck these will be for the American,French and Italian market, we shall use the typically ugly French car designs for the bodies, coupled with typical deficient Italian construction to see to it that the drivers are in a constant rage state just due to
those factors(hmmm that might well work in the rest of the world as well....further research and marketing research is indicated.).
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
********************************************************
MRL Proposes To Tax The Poor!!
The MRL's Secret Squirrel has determined that a tax on the poor will solve Britain's major money taxation input problems.You see,I was pondering ways that governments make money, and an MRL government could make money, and the biggest way is printing money,sort of. The US government,deeply in debt, millions in debt, then billions in debt, then trillions in debt, but still had the trillions to spend. Their method is to have the government print up treasury
Certificates, then go to the Treasury, present those and have money printed up according to the certificates which the Treasury happily keeps..then off goes the government and spend the money it printed up.
Well,if the rest of the world isn't doing this, it's certainly not cricket. Now, in Canada, where welfare reigns supreme, those on welfare get everything they need, they can purchase it, request the money from the Welfare and so have house,two cars, furniture, food,gas computer, satellite TV,cell phone etc etc etc, just like the rich have, but one wonders where Canada gets the money to support this, not having an economy. Well now, what if we combine the two systems.
Yes indeed, but how to apply it? Well, we just heavily tax.....................the poor.............yes! That's
right! Tax the poor! Those on welfare! Indeed they get taxed, go to the government and ask for the money to pay the tax,else they can't pay the tax you see. So, the government gives them the money, and then they pay the government the tax. Thusly the government earns and collects vast sums of tax money it can then spend.That's not cricket either, but that's taxation!! This also takes the tax burden off of those who can least afford it, those who work.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
************************************************************
MRL:Global Warming?What?Me Worry?
Secret Squirrel questions Global Warming? Global Warming? It's said that politicians are running about like Chicken Little!! The earth is warming!The earth is warming! Well, Nay, there are nay sayers, many nay sayers.........it's not Global Warming....It's Global Cooling. Why just look at things of the day..........Snow and ice in Bogota.......And record cold in Buenos Aires,England blanketed in the worst snow and cold it has ever experienced.Snow storms,ice,cold in Scotland, in Ireland,in China - but "it can't be blamed on Global Warming"?
Britain and Europe suffering from cold snaps, and they aren't getting less,
only worse.The threat of gas shortages has forced the National Grid to issue
an alert to power suppliers for the second time in its history as the Arctic
cold snap extended its grip across Britain, causing travel misery.Record snow
hits China and Korea.Winter is making the news -- "record cold" in Texas,
"killer blizzards" in Chicago, "arctic conditions" in Great Britain not to
mention record heating bills, and raw red hands in the lands of sunshine!
Banking on Global Warming? Best be banking in Iceland!!!
Just found (Dec 09) CIA cooling report: "The western world's leading
climatologists have confirmed reports of a detrimental global climatic change
cooling. The stability of most nations is based upon a dependable source of
food, but this stability will not be possible under the new climatic era. A
forecast by the University of Wisconsin projects that the Earth's climate is
returning to that of the neo-boreal era (1600-1850) - an era of drought,
famine, and political unrest in the western world.Leaked emails of
ClimateGate explain how scientists hid the present cooling .
Recently discovered is the Milankovitch hypothesis, explaining ice ages in terms of
cyclical variations in Earth's orbit with the sun.
The Milankovitch theory clearly implies that we are moving toward a return of
full ice age conditions. This process, of course, spreads over many
centuries. But, indications are, that, though glaciations last for millennium,
they come on with great suddenness.In 1974, Dr. George Kukla of the
Lamont-Doherty Geological Observatory noted a doubling of arctic snow cover
during the years 1968-1972. He also noted that average snow cover increased
by four million square kilometers during the bad winter of 1971. He estimated
that just seven consecutive winters of similar severity could establish ice
cover equal in area, if not in depth, to that of the last ice age.In the
1960s and 1970s, Global Cooling was all the fashion. Newsweek warned of it.No
political careers were built on fears of a milder Earth.Fashions change. As
Michael Crichton points out in State of Fear, one year it suddenly became
unfashionable to look at cooling factors in the Earth’s climate.There is also
no reason to think that there won’t be inconvenient short-term warming
effects. But we can’t predict them; we can’t predict the weather ten days in
advance.
Global Cooling, unlike warming, can happen as suddenly as the collapse of the
California real estate market.In the last few years the Pacific Ocean has
been losing its warmth and has recently started to cool down.This massive sea
cooling has major effects, vortex effects, increases in amount of hurricanes,
and cyclone.........increase in the numbers and range of vortex
tornadoes............all evident in the light of present day.
According to research conducted by Professor Don Easterbrook from Western
Washington University last November, the oceans and global temperatures are
correlated.
CO2 is used as an example of what they believe causes Global Warming,
however...Much evidence points to a marked scarcity of CO2 in today's
atmosphere relative to that of past ages,and those ages were periods of
warmth, and major growth and development of jungles. Many plant varieties
grow more rapidly and luxuriantly in an artificial atmosphere enriched with
five to ten times the present ambient CO2 concentration.There are other, less
obvious, consequences of global cooling. Expanding arctic ice cover means
that the anti-cyclonic arctic "air mass", the" circumpolar vortex", whose
flowing outer/southern edge has been named "the jet stream", bulges outward,
further southward, closer to the equator. The buffer zone separating it from
tropical air masses shrinks. When these meteorological opposites -- arctic
air masses and tropical air masses -- meet, violent, often tornadic
thunderstorms ensue. Tornadoes occur more frequently, with greater intensity,
and in places where they formerly occurred never or rarely. This is but one
example of the many ways in which cooling leads to increasing climatic
variability.
Climatic cooling involves feedbacks by which that cooling accelerates itself.
As ocean surface waters cool, they absorb more airborne CO2. Colder surface
waters also mean less water evaporation, hence less later water
re-precipitation over land, causing drought and desertification, changing
land surface reflectivity "albedo" in ways which further cooling.Global
cooling means shrinking growing seasons, as well as drought.
Reversing Global Cooling?Production of a capability to reverse this global
cooling trend may require a future very different than many today envision.
An all-out "Marshall Plan" mobilization to industrialize the Third World
might be designed to, among other benefits, bring fossil fuel CO2 production
up to levels sufficient to preclude renewed Milankovitch-cycles-sired global
glaciation.And here we see why Climate Conferences are failing, they are
actually meant to,meant to because they don't want to alarm the general
public concerning the true threat, that of Global Cooling, the resultant ice
age coming. Indeed they cloak the true issue in a fabric of lies, Global
Warming.the big lie. The conferences fail, and CO2 production etc continues
and actually increases,thus the general public is,in a political viewpoint,
protected from worrying about the true issue, rather seeing the false issue
as a threat to them ,which simply isn't an existent threat at all in the mind
of the politician such that there is no problem there for the public, the
public is safe, protected from worrying about the real massive frightening
condition of Global Cooling.
The solution itself, however,may become a new problem.Climatologists are
pessimistic that political leaders will take any positive action to
compensate for the climatic change, or even to allay its effects,beyond these
fake arranged do nothing smoke and shadow conventional climate conferences.
They concede that some of the more spectacular solutions proposed, such as
melting the Arctic ice cap by covering it with black soot or diverting arctic
rivers, might create problems far greater than those they
solve.............but we are seeing stated solutions to this problem are
presently working, since there have been noticeable reports of meltings taking
place in the Arctic nether regions.......................Do I worry about
Global Warming knowing all this? Nay!Nay say I! I do not, warm is
comfortable, cold is not..............it's cold I worry about.A wise investment? Parkas, fur lined galoshes,heaters,snow shovels.snowmobiles and snowblowers!!!! That's the ticket!!!!!
MRL,
Secret Squirrel,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
**************************************************************
snow,war,debt,credit,secret squirrel,prison,MRL,
energy,car,prison,global,cooling,climate,warming,road rage
MRL Solve Britain's Snow Problem,Sells Snow To Canada
Yes, The MRL Secret Squirrel will solve Britain's snow problem by selling snow to Canada.The Olympics need snow,Britain doesn't.Canada has little required snow, Britain has too much it doesn't even yet need and this situation is proof positive of the laggardlyness of Britain's New Labour government. Proof positive of the need for MRL Government..................Yes! Here it is, the economic idea of the Century, but you can bet your snow galoshes that the Labour government won't pick up on this.................here.................read.............see for yourself.................the headline in the Daily Mirror.................
Winter Olympics snow shortage sees white stuff trucked in............
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/02/04/winter-olympics-snow-shortage-sees-white-stuff-trucked-in-picture-115875-22018101/
The Canadian Winter Olympic City......The Winter Olympics start next week - but host city Vancouver is suffering from a shortage of snow.
Yes! Well now, Britain has a great excess of the snow....................quite simply and properly using the political and economic system, of KISS, short for Keep It Simple Stupid................quite simply and economically put before the New Labour government..............sell our snow to Canada NOW!! While they need it and are receptive to buying it!! Solve their problem, gives them snow, solve our problem, gets rid of our snow.
The MRL, always solving political problems, economically!! Sutch is genius!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*********************************************************
MRL,End Wars, Make War Hell,Make Peace Heaven,
(Or, "It Takes Two To Fight, Hell No We Won't Go",the New Army Motto).
Secret Squirrel says NO! to War!!War, good God yu'all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.it means destruction
Of innocent lives War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go to fight and lose their lives.War, friend only to the undertaker.
It's an enemy to all mankind.
War is destructive, not only of people and property, but also of common
decency. I have offered other solutions to avoid war, as in not go to war or not have war.
The first was to send androids/robots/cyborgs/Boilerplates in place of actual men, but alas and alack,
present day governments(non MRL governments) have either ignored this or have lagged behind dragging their feet on the development of these,preferring to participate in wars and send men to die to do so.
Well, there was a second solution proposed, that of abolishing income tax. You see the original income
tax was put forward to fund wars and never removed since the governments of the day and today(not MRL), have taken a fancy to this war tax and going to war.
And then also,I also suggested a third,simply having a Paintball War in it's place, no one gets hurt,
no harm done, a winner a looser, abide by the outcome.But it seems there was fear in the government
about going to war in such a condition, the outcome being so very final.They regarded it as a game,a game in which there was the possibility of ................Loss...........Surrender.........Finality.
Well, in all finality it has come to this,the fact that well it was said, "War is Hell".Well, we can't
make it Heaven,and we can't continue to send our brave young men to Hell, nay it is the government of
the day (not MRL), which can go to Hell if it likes to. What I propose to do, is to make NOT going to
war, absolute Heaven, this would make the army (et all armed forces herewith further referred to as
army)far less WILLING to go to war. So what needs be done, what modern reforms of the military must be accomplished such that an existant army will not want to go to war?
1) Food, diet. Here we have two alternatives, they have a choice, full vegetarian diet, this will
reduce their weight, and sap their strength such that they cannot possibly carry their field equipment,
and finding it too hard would spend their time struggling and straggling with it such that going to war
on any kind of march would be utterly out of the question. The second alternative diet, high fat....in
short they'll pile on the lard such that the virtually same affect is achieved, but due to their high
bulk weight(personally I think these will be the happier lot, and probably will regard those
vegetarians as so many nutters).
2) We go to the Priesthood, the Chaplaincy to council and preach to the troops, preach to the troops the
religious gospels of universal peace and love for all,teaching,the Chaplains in the army must tend to
their religious beliefs, and encourage the religious beliefs of the army, mainly to teach and preach
religion to the army, that killing and maiming is evil, unnecessary, despised of by God,and that it is
much better to make love not war.
The Chaplains can teach the religious belief it is much better to love the enemy in and after whatever
fashion, and history has shown that many victorious armies have put that very principle in to practice,
all be it after a successful war,a sort of rite of celebration as it were, including pillaging and
whatever as I shall soon go it to....the pillaging part not the..........err............err.....never
mind.
3)Well now, the old adage,"Make love not war!",remembered from my hippy daze, certainly holds true,yes, a roll in the hay is worth much more than a roll in the mud of a battlefield any day of the week, and certainly those who have gone to war and know it have mentioned this as well.In the old days when there was a war, there was much much pillage and rape for example.Pillage enriched the warriors, and
rape,well satisfied them.The Japanese even brought things farther along and yet recruited those they
called comfort women to comfort soldiers,at least their Japanese soldiers..this was also done in the
American Union Army, recall the tented girls of General Hooker who camped out on 13th Street in
Washington,D.C., to the satisfaction of the Union Army, and displeasure of President Lincoln who may
have been,in actuality, a Eunuch...........but this Japanese technique of bringing the girls to battle
only served to encouraged wars and the going to war.
What we must do, is see to it that our soldiers pay is raised to at least comparable levels with those on welfare in Canada,so that the urge to go to war,risking death and maiming, to pillage is seen as utterly ridiculous,and totally out of the question.Now further to things ,recall certain European nations have legalized prostitution, well,so this job is now accepted,and legal, and so socially governmentally acceptable. So we must then legalize prostitution for the army and see to it women are recruited to that level of achievement,err rank.Quite simply the Canadian Army has thousands with the rank of sappers, generally acknowledging that the vast majority who go to the army are just that, saps. We can give the women a sort of comparable rank of say...Sackers.That will certainly sooth the savage beast,give'em a choice, either go to war or spend time in the sack with a comfortable woman,and a legal one at that!!! Now what else is to be done, look after their entertainment, after all idle hands make for work of the devil...
4) Recreation, the lads must have rest and recreation. This can easily be achieved by having camps of
sorts, resorts for them,on beach fronts,near to casinos and piers, in such lands as say Holland or
Denmark where,you know, girls have been legalized. And so, all work and no play, has been dealt with by a fine and long R&R (Rest and Recreation) vacation package for them. We could also offer say a cheaper version, if the budget couldn't afford this, of merely sending the lads to Sweden, where they could go door to door, knocking to visit the very bored and unsatisfied wives(as reported in so many surveys of them) of Swedes who are off working. And so the lads could have a jolly good knocked up vacation. Of course,with either vacation package, this would be interspersed with visits to pubs round and about, a sort of I&I (Intoxification and Intercourse).
5) After such a stay, the lads may be keyed up on their return And so they must be further trained,
trained to the rigors of life in bivouac conditions, roughing it, deprivational therapy,now off the
fine and fancy foods, on to rations, no baths etc etc etc that army life had PREVIOUSLY presented and
life which a war environment would present. Yes, from Hotel like accommodation, to the swine swill pit
of degradation, quite a contrast to sharpen their minds.After a suitable time, mandatory teaching of
meditation by master sargeants, to let the men concentrate on the fine life they had versus the harsh
reality of the war environment.
6) Further staff sergeants teaching sensitivity to the soldiers such as accepting the enemies customs,
or at least tolerating them. After all what results in wars is America's wish to bring American
behavior to the rest of the world,and so too their soldiers wish to do the same, thinking they are
doing the world a favor by substituting theirs, which is anathema to the religious beliefs,customs, and
habits of the people of the world generally,even to their their style of dress for example.Nay, we must
encourage toleration and acceptance of others. We just can't simply go shooting people in wars because they won't buy nor wear our brand of pants. Commanding officers must teach their men, encourage them, in the ways and paths of peace, and so vastly reduce their willingness to go to war.
7) We must encourage the army to accept people as they are,why just look at what the American General Honore did, in New Orleans, instructing his men NOT to shoot looters, and so he made a pacifist example of himself in refusing to give them the order to do so, and then ran about picking up and kissing their babies.......a much better task than killing people!!
8) And,finally, all guns and ammunition are to be kept securely locked up at all times, thus keeping
temptation out of the view of the army, resulting in a psychological advantage towards not going to
war, the weapons and instruments of war removed from temptation, and reminding them of their
vulnerability, again encouraging a pacifist attitude in the army.If they exhibited any urge towards the
use of weapons, we would simply direct this energy towards war games, affected with paintball guns, and so effectively work out of their system any form of misguided, misdirected aggression, in a
calm,peaceful,and utterly harmless fashion.
So, all these things being accomplished, should ever anyone attempt to send the army to a ridiculous
war, the army would have absolutely no encouragement to do so. In short, it takes two to fight a war,
one cannot simply war with oneself, and so, there would be no war, not today, not any other day.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*************************************************************
MRL Pays National Debt By Revolving Credit System
I,Secret Squirrel solve the National debt,by his revolving credit plan.Credit card companies have cheques that permit you to pay off another credit card company by using this cheque,paying credit card company A with a cheque from credit card company B,then paying credit card company B.
I propose we use the same system, but in a form of revolving credit for the National Debt. In short,we pay our debt off with national credit card company government accounts, with several such companies,without mentioning names, as we're dealing with the financial mechanics of the system,say A,B,C,D,E,we pay A with B's cheque,B with C's cheque etc and on to, and then when arriving at E's cheque,we pay A with E's cheque, and so enter the system round
about ever more, revolving credit revolves constantly, and so we maintain the national debt payments,fully, and so also garner an absolutely spotless credit rating, allowing us to borrow,print up, spend,whatever, yet more.
Everyone knows that such a burden of debt is far more easily borne when it's kept constantly moving instead of sitting heavily upon the nation. Mind you you do notice that none of the other existent political parties have mastered the financial economics of debt management that we in the MRL have.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
*****************************************************
I,Secret Squirrel have taken up to solving Britain's prison space shortage!
It's election time, and the political parties have taken up the issue of prison capacity in Britain,well so too has the MRL and solved it as well...........
So Labour has a prison capacity problem, the Conservatives are trying to solve the capacity problem.......but the MRL is much farther ahead and has solved it..............
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/7055836/Prison-ship-plan-under-consideration-by-Tories.html
Prison ship plan under consideration by Tories
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/8476507.stm
So,here's the MRL solution............
M.R.L. Solves Britain's Prison Overcrowding Problems .
There are severe problems in England what with prison overcrowding, and a general lack of prisons, arising from the extreme high cost of construction of such facilities, and maintenance of same in terms of prison staff etc. In the 60's arose a system of construction, prefab, which was used to construct several buildings, including the then considered ultra modern Habitat 67 at the Man and His World exhibition in the colony of Canada during the World's Fair of that year. Interesting, boxes piled one atop the other, sticking out here and there etc.and interesting piece of engineering.
This engineering principle was carried forwards to ships in the form of cargo containers, and can be stacked say 14,000 to a vessel, each container cell being say 20x8x8 in terms of feet, interestingly, the size of a prison cell, particularly those of the Americans in Guantanamo Bay. The idea presents itself. Now a prison at sea is a grand idea, utilizing containers,stacked, , expandable to the max limit, say 7 such ships could accommodate the entire prison population of Britain! However, these ships consume say 1660 gallons (imperial), of fuel an hour...........not worth the cost to send'em on a sea cruise is it?
But the idea has presented itself,also, a prison island, indeed yes, imagine an island in the Indian Ocean, not requiring heating costs,and not worth it, the air conditioning costs, merely a form of bed and breakfast,lunch,dinner...........a gigantic container ship type island, stacked with prison cells, as converted cargo containers, ever expandable..........look at Diego Garcia, an island almost abandoned, it could easily become the prison for Britain, indeed the name, Diego Garcia,Her Majesty's Prison For The Extremely Naughty, comes to mind.
Look at what is there now a large airbase with several long range runways constructed, as well as a harbor suitable for large naval vessels so delivery of prisoners and containers,yes converted and stacked shipping containers to house prisoners, to house new arrivals is a thing of utter ease.They can easily even be stacked in confused fashion such as Montreal Habitat 67 built for their World's Fair, 1967, a change from the drab and the ordinary.
As a territory of the United Kingdom, the head of state is Queen Elizabeth II. There is no Governor appointed to represent the Queen on the territory, as there are no native inhabitants. Thus the island itself is ideal, as an island, indeed, the lesser prisoners could act as guards and prison staff, making them useful to the full, reducing the costs of maintenance grandly, just requiring prison ship patrols about the island to prevent shall we say, prisoners attempting to break in to the island to enjoy it's lush location and tropical accommodation.Indeed the prison population could be left entirely to their own devices, being amongst their own kind so to speak, being on an island the island could be patrolled to see they couldn't escape in makeshift rafts etc.........and so the prison population would be entirely self-contained,only with suitable food deliveries brought.
But wait, there is yet another solution......exile,banishment........simply banish them to the colony of Canada.If Canada won't take these fine upstanding immigrants, then they could be smuggled in under a MI5/MI6 combined operation, and hidden amongst the Canadian Government members, there the Canadian public could never tell the difference.
Problem solved.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
********************************************************************
MRL To Tap Road Rage For Transportation Uses
I,Secret Squirrel,in studying car road rage,have found a use for it.
In continuing research and experimentation in virtually every field of science and political sciences, I have discovered research on the use of road rage in America to power cars. Evidently this shows great promise and was previously jealously hidden by the now bankrupt car companies and the rich oil companies who paid vast sums to hide this from the general public, it being a fuel cost free.Obviously this system would work in America, and certainly in France,and also in Italy, but sadly nowhere else in the world really...nevertheless, for our American cousins and for the French, and the Italians, I shall outline the system, and do consider that British development of such a system would be of value, and money could be made in those markets.
It seems that the system was first developed and researched by one Nicola Tesla(the father of Alternating Current), who discovered the psycho kinetic abilities could be harnessed during his research in to broadcast power, transmittable energy. One recalls Britain banning certain tele shows, depicting such broadcast power and also psycho kinetic energy,clearly they were attempting to ban and censor, hide from the public, a good thing, unquestionably influenced by the high power money CEO's of the American car companies, and of the greedy super
rich oil companies.In the summer of 1931, Nikola Tesla, the inventor of alternating current and the holder of some 1200 other U.S. patents, along with his nephew Peter Savo, installed a box on the front seat of a brand new Pierce-Arrow touring car at the company factory in Buffalo, New York. The box is said to have been 24 inches long, 12 inches wide and 6 inches high. Out of it protruded a 1.8 meter long antenna and two and one quarter inch metal rods. Inside the box was reputed to be some dozen vacuum tubes -- 70-L-7 type -- and other electrical parts. Two wire leads ran from the box to a newly-installed 40 inch long, 30 inch diameter AC motor that replaced the gasoline engine.
As the story goes, Tesla inserted the two metal rods and announced confidently, "We now have power" and then proceeded to drive the car for a week, "often at speeds of up to 90 mph." One account says the motor developed 1,800 rpm and got fairly hot when operating, requiring a cooling fan. The "converter" box is said to have generated enough electrical energy to also power the lights in a home.
The car is said to have ended up on a farm 20 miles outside of Buffalo, "not far from Niagara Falls."
The patents were first granted to Nikola Tesla, whose special hat pick up converts emotional energy into kinetic energy. Further secret research undoubtably continued in the American prison system,using the comdemned prisoners as guinea pigs in his experiment. These experiment undoubtably succeeded as it is stated that after a new style of hat was used in the electric chair, prisoners used to give off massive quantities of smoke and flames would shoot
out of their heads,during the excitation of the execution. Of course, nowadays this does not occur, as the experiment are over.
So the skull cap psychic energy converter exists that permits the harnessing of the limitless supply of bad temper generated daily by American drivers(and of course the French and Italian ones),all in the course of just normal driving.This special hat then transmits the energy to a motor system,through a converter which converts the psychic natural hatred of these
drivers in to useable electric energy........they simply generate,convert, and so burn the absolute pure white-hot hatred of their minds, with no harmful environmental emissions. So the average motorist traveling a clogged American highway will produce hundreds of thousands of kilowatts of pure hatred per infuriating drive,which, previously,before Tesla,was untapped.
Indeed there exists today, the.....................Tesla Motors, the Tesla motor cars,this company created to hide the true vehicle, the merest smoke screen of having the most efficient electric vehicle, 0-65 in 4 seconds(faster than an American Ferrarri)...250 miles to a charge....ha..simple battery that. But we're not fooled. We know what we're after, and we shall sell at such a price as to further infuriate the purchaser to contribute to the free fuel generation, and,I shudder to say this, but what the heck these will be for the American,French and Italian market, we shall use the typically ugly French car designs for the bodies, coupled with typical deficient Italian construction to see to it that the drivers are in a constant rage state just due to
those factors(hmmm that might well work in the rest of the world as well....further research and marketing research is indicated.).
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
********************************************************
MRL Proposes To Tax The Poor!!
The MRL's Secret Squirrel has determined that a tax on the poor will solve Britain's major money taxation input problems.You see,I was pondering ways that governments make money, and an MRL government could make money, and the biggest way is printing money,sort of. The US government,deeply in debt, millions in debt, then billions in debt, then trillions in debt, but still had the trillions to spend. Their method is to have the government print up treasury
Certificates, then go to the Treasury, present those and have money printed up according to the certificates which the Treasury happily keeps..then off goes the government and spend the money it printed up.
Well,if the rest of the world isn't doing this, it's certainly not cricket. Now, in Canada, where welfare reigns supreme, those on welfare get everything they need, they can purchase it, request the money from the Welfare and so have house,two cars, furniture, food,gas computer, satellite TV,cell phone etc etc etc, just like the rich have, but one wonders where Canada gets the money to support this, not having an economy. Well now, what if we combine the two systems.
Yes indeed, but how to apply it? Well, we just heavily tax.....................the poor.............yes! That's
right! Tax the poor! Those on welfare! Indeed they get taxed, go to the government and ask for the money to pay the tax,else they can't pay the tax you see. So, the government gives them the money, and then they pay the government the tax. Thusly the government earns and collects vast sums of tax money it can then spend.That's not cricket either, but that's taxation!! This also takes the tax burden off of those who can least afford it, those who work.
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL:Global Warming?What?Me Worry?
Secret Squirrel questions Global Warming? Global Warming? It's said that politicians are running about like Chicken Little!! The earth is warming!The earth is warming! Well, Nay, there are nay sayers, many nay sayers.........it's not Global Warming....It's Global Cooling. Why just look at things of the day..........Snow and ice in Bogota.......And record cold in Buenos Aires,England blanketed in the worst snow and cold it has ever experienced.Snow storms,ice,cold in Scotland, in Ireland,in China - but "it can't be blamed on Global Warming"?
Britain and Europe suffering from cold snaps, and they aren't getting less,
only worse.The threat of gas shortages has forced the National Grid to issue
an alert to power suppliers for the second time in its history as the Arctic
cold snap extended its grip across Britain, causing travel misery.Record snow
hits China and Korea.Winter is making the news -- "record cold" in Texas,
"killer blizzards" in Chicago, "arctic conditions" in Great Britain not to
mention record heating bills, and raw red hands in the lands of sunshine!
Banking on Global Warming? Best be banking in Iceland!!!
Just found (Dec 09) CIA cooling report: "The western world's leading
climatologists have confirmed reports of a detrimental global climatic change
cooling. The stability of most nations is based upon a dependable source of
food, but this stability will not be possible under the new climatic era. A
forecast by the University of Wisconsin projects that the Earth's climate is
returning to that of the neo-boreal era (1600-1850) - an era of drought,
famine, and political unrest in the western world.Leaked emails of
ClimateGate explain how scientists hid the present cooling .
Recently discovered is the Milankovitch hypothesis, explaining ice ages in terms of
cyclical variations in Earth's orbit with the sun.
The Milankovitch theory clearly implies that we are moving toward a return of
full ice age conditions. This process, of course, spreads over many
centuries. But, indications are, that, though glaciations last for millennium,
they come on with great suddenness.In 1974, Dr. George Kukla of the
Lamont-Doherty Geological Observatory noted a doubling of arctic snow cover
during the years 1968-1972. He also noted that average snow cover increased
by four million square kilometers during the bad winter of 1971. He estimated
that just seven consecutive winters of similar severity could establish ice
cover equal in area, if not in depth, to that of the last ice age.In the
1960s and 1970s, Global Cooling was all the fashion. Newsweek warned of it.No
political careers were built on fears of a milder Earth.Fashions change. As
Michael Crichton points out in State of Fear, one year it suddenly became
unfashionable to look at cooling factors in the Earth’s climate.There is also
no reason to think that there won’t be inconvenient short-term warming
effects. But we can’t predict them; we can’t predict the weather ten days in
advance.
Global Cooling, unlike warming, can happen as suddenly as the collapse of the
California real estate market.In the last few years the Pacific Ocean has
been losing its warmth and has recently started to cool down.This massive sea
cooling has major effects, vortex effects, increases in amount of hurricanes,
and cyclone.........increase in the numbers and range of vortex
tornadoes............all evident in the light of present day.
According to research conducted by Professor Don Easterbrook from Western
Washington University last November, the oceans and global temperatures are
correlated.
CO2 is used as an example of what they believe causes Global Warming,
however...Much evidence points to a marked scarcity of CO2 in today's
atmosphere relative to that of past ages,and those ages were periods of
warmth, and major growth and development of jungles. Many plant varieties
grow more rapidly and luxuriantly in an artificial atmosphere enriched with
five to ten times the present ambient CO2 concentration.There are other, less
obvious, consequences of global cooling. Expanding arctic ice cover means
that the anti-cyclonic arctic "air mass", the" circumpolar vortex", whose
flowing outer/southern edge has been named "the jet stream", bulges outward,
further southward, closer to the equator. The buffer zone separating it from
tropical air masses shrinks. When these meteorological opposites -- arctic
air masses and tropical air masses -- meet, violent, often tornadic
thunderstorms ensue. Tornadoes occur more frequently, with greater intensity,
and in places where they formerly occurred never or rarely. This is but one
example of the many ways in which cooling leads to increasing climatic
variability.
Climatic cooling involves feedbacks by which that cooling accelerates itself.
As ocean surface waters cool, they absorb more airborne CO2. Colder surface
waters also mean less water evaporation, hence less later water
re-precipitation over land, causing drought and desertification, changing
land surface reflectivity "albedo" in ways which further cooling.Global
cooling means shrinking growing seasons, as well as drought.
Reversing Global Cooling?Production of a capability to reverse this global
cooling trend may require a future very different than many today envision.
An all-out "Marshall Plan" mobilization to industrialize the Third World
might be designed to, among other benefits, bring fossil fuel CO2 production
up to levels sufficient to preclude renewed Milankovitch-cycles-sired global
glaciation.And here we see why Climate Conferences are failing, they are
actually meant to,meant to because they don't want to alarm the general
public concerning the true threat, that of Global Cooling, the resultant ice
age coming. Indeed they cloak the true issue in a fabric of lies, Global
Warming.the big lie. The conferences fail, and CO2 production etc continues
and actually increases,thus the general public is,in a political viewpoint,
protected from worrying about the true issue, rather seeing the false issue
as a threat to them ,which simply isn't an existent threat at all in the mind
of the politician such that there is no problem there for the public, the
public is safe, protected from worrying about the real massive frightening
condition of Global Cooling.
The solution itself, however,may become a new problem.Climatologists are
pessimistic that political leaders will take any positive action to
compensate for the climatic change, or even to allay its effects,beyond these
fake arranged do nothing smoke and shadow conventional climate conferences.
They concede that some of the more spectacular solutions proposed, such as
melting the Arctic ice cap by covering it with black soot or diverting arctic
rivers, might create problems far greater than those they
solve.............but we are seeing stated solutions to this problem are
presently working, since there have been noticeable reports of meltings taking
place in the Arctic nether regions.......................Do I worry about
Global Warming knowing all this? Nay!Nay say I! I do not, warm is
comfortable, cold is not..............it's cold I worry about.A wise investment? Parkas, fur lined galoshes,heaters,snow shovels.snowmobiles and snowblowers!!!! That's the ticket!!!!!
MRL,
Secret Squirrel,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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