Secret Squirrel has remarked, prohibition has returned to America.The
era of Prohibition saw the growth of organized crime in the United
States.Gangsters such as Dutch Schultz, Lucky Johnson, Al Capone, and
Lucky Luciano made fortunes by supplying illegal beer and liquor to
speakeasies across the country.
Some speakeasies were used as homes and offices by gangsters, who
adopted an extravagant and easily identifiable lifestyle. Successful
gangsters could be identified by their fashionable silk suits, expensive
jewelry, and guns.There was much bootlegging....The term “bootlegging”
came into use in the 1880s, when it referred to the practice of hiding
flasks of illegal liquor inside boots.
Bootlegging was widespread in the United States during
Prohibition. Even though the Eighteenth Amendment prohibited the
manufacture and sale of alcoholic beverages, the law was widely
disobeyed by the public and even by government officials.
During Prohibition, the production of illegal beer and whiskey
quickly expanded across the country. Bootleggers made large profits by
distributing these products to speakeasies and other consumers.
Bootlegging became an organized business run by crime families and
gangsters, (e.g. Al Capone).And with prohibition, came the
depression.Thankfully prohibition failed.Many people wonder why
prohibition
failed. One of the primary reasons was that there just was not enough
money, or police power to stop illegal places like speakeasies
(New York's 21 Club was a Prohibition-era speakeasy.A speakeasy, also
called a Big toad or big ol ben, is an establishment that illegally
sells alcoholic beverages) from popping up. Corruption also had a lot to
do with the reason why prohibition ended up failing.
The following is a story out of Detroit, probably one of the best places
to be a bootlegger or to find an illegal drink. "When the state police
raided the Deutsches Haus at Mack and Maxwell, they arrested Detroit
Mayor John Smith, Michigan Congressman Robert Clancy and Sheriff Edward
Stein.However with the failure of prohibition, there too came the end of
the depression.
Well,once again prohibition has returned to America, heralding another
depression, heralding the rise of.bootleggers, and the return of
speakeasies, and the return, eventually,and rise of organized crime
families, to take over and run an efficient bootlegging
business,satifying the needs of Americans. And now what has caused this?
Well,Your next trip to the gas station or stroll through the
candy aisle might include smaller sized candy bars. Thanks to Michelle
Obama lobbying Mars Candy to sign her “Healthier America” agreement you
will no longer have the option to buy King Sized Candy. The theory is
that stopping the production of king sized candy
bars will somehow drop the obesity rate in the states.Mind you,I know
for a fact I didn't start to gain weight till far past my years,about
age 40 when I wasn't eating candy bars at alland hadn't been for at
least 10 years before that,take note,Michelle Obama.
Leave it up to the liberal lifestyle police to protect you from
yourself… eating candy. Seriously? What’s next.It’s not that obesity in
America isn’t an issue. It is. It’s that the government is interfering
with the choices you make for your own
health. Now you’ll just lose a bit of money if you decide to buy two
regular size candy bars to get the same amount of candy(until that
becomes illegal).And you can be sure that if someone wants the
equivalent of a king sized candy bar, he or she is going to buy two
regular candy bars to feed the hunger. That is actually more food than
the king sized bar, so Michelle’s little plan could actually make
us all fatter in the end. People who have self-control don’t gravitate
towards king sized candy bars, and they never will. It is only those who
want to stuff their faces with nougat-y wonder. Those people are going
to eat what they want to eat no matter what.
Regardless of the compromise Mars made with Michelle Obama,(they are
reducing the size of their choco bars down to 250 calories people will
still eat more than 250 calories worth of candy bar.Smaller candy bars
have always been available and people have been able to choose between
small or large. Michelle Obama is simply limiting people's choice.
Regardless
of the compromise Mars made with Michelle Obama, people will still eat
more than 250 calories worth of candy bar. Michelle Obama is simply
limiting people's choice.This is important because the government is
stepping in when they are not needed. Who is the government to tell us
what we can and cannot eat?!
By doing this they are destroying the principles that the United States
were founded on. The government is destroying our FREEDOM. If people are
suffering from obesity, it's because they had the free will to make bad
decisions...not because anyone forced them to buy fatty foods and
become obese,but if mars or any other company make's em any smaller
they'll be banned entirely soon as a choking hazard.
There are solutions to the problem and they are being taken.To
counteract the effects of prohibition, some are buying out all of the
king sized candy bars and store them to sell in the black market after
the ban is enforced. I can see it now – refrigerated trench coats
stuffed with oversized Snickers…kids hiding chocolate under their
pillows like it’s marijuana…teens talking about how they got busted
for having a Twix fix behind the dumpster at Walmart…the horror! The
horror!Freezers stocked to the overflow with the banned giant bars.We
can also purcahse the tiny choco bars,unquestionably no longer than her
husban'ds wee wee, and we can melt them together, two,three, four of'em,
to get to our desired length.Yes,indeed, people are fighting this.Also
they can be,and shall be, and are being,as I write this, shipped in by
truck,or rail,or by ship, or actually flown in,from across the borders
of America, from Canada, or Mexico,where they are still legal, just as
alcohol was shipped in during alcohol prohibition.
Now bootleggers, such as Al Capone, were also busy making their own brew
you know, and a recipe of Al Capone's prohibition beer,can be found at
this URL......
http://hbd.org/brewery/cm3/recs/13_30.html
Also to be found now on the internet, are the actual candy bar recipes
which can be followed and tha bars made to any form of King Size the
bootlegger wishes.........
here note......
http://www.chow.com/food-news/54139/make-your-own-candy-bars/
These bear such bootlegged names as almond jay.twixt, snickles (read
almond joy, twix,snickers.............)make'em long as you want.
also here try your hand at making a giant sized Bounty.........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhGCm56nf2s
Yes, there are solutions at hand, and bless those bootleggers taking
them. And what then does it mean to you?Well, you know you must find a
suitable speakeasy establishment dealing,serving,selling,these
illicit,illegal large sized, giant sized, king sized...candy bars.
Recall duringthe Prohibition era, Chicagoans refused to let the
booze stop flowing in their town. Illegal speakeasies popped up in every
neighborhood to help quench a thirsty city. One could find bars in any
number of basements, back rooms and soda shops.
Some of the speakeasies were less discreet than others. Music and
alcohol flowed openly at the Green Mill Cocktail Lounge in Uptown, which
had the support of Al Capone and was partly owned by gangster Jack
“Machine Gun” McGurn. On the other hand, John Barleycorn in Lincoln Park
claims it had a Chinese laundry as a cover and smuggled barrels of
booze in under dirty sheets. Right across the street,
Bugs Moran ran Halligan’s, another hidden watering hole, and down the
road, Marge’s Still brewed gin in an upstairs bathtub.And so too do
candy bar speakeasies exist.All speakeasies require somebody in the
know,you know, to know, and pass on the wisdom to their fellow candy bar
consumers,secret codewords etc are required to gain entrance much as in
the days of alcohol prohibition, indeed they are out there.
Here let me describe how things are and what goes on in the candy bar
speakeasy. How are they found? Well, they are well hidden,not right up
front.They have,secret entrances,passages etc.Here let me
elaborate.Secret passages, also commonly referred to as hidden passages
or secret tunnels, are hidden routes used for stealthy travel. Such
passageways are sometimes inside buildings leading to
secret rooms. Others allow occupants to enter or exit buildings without
being seen. Hidden rooms help candy leggers carry out their illegal
activities of providing illicit and illegal sized candies, and allow
those who wish to, to consume them in a safe environment away from the
prying eyes of the Feds,The Inscrutables.
Secret passages often have hidden or secret back doors that are
camouflaged so that they appear to be part of the fire wall, or so that
they appear to be an architectural feature such as a fireplace, a
built-in bookcase or another feature or any establishment of the hidden
consumption of king sized candy bars. Some entrances are more
elaborately concealed and can be opened only by engaging a hidden
mechanism or locking device. Other hidden doors are much simpler; a
trapdoor hidden under a rug can easily conceal a secret passage.
Some buildings have secret areas built into the original plans,already,
remnants of the era of alcohol prohibition.Some have a secret door used
as an emergency exit built into the walls and hidden with a window sill
or a bookcase.
Other secret passages have sometimes been constructed after the
initial building, particularly secret tunnels. These tunnels have often
been created as escape routesjust in case there is a raid by the Feds
Inscrutables. These secret tunnels typically require a hidden opening or
door, and may also involve other deceptive construction techniques,
such as the construction of a false wall. Other tunnels
have been made for different reasons, such as smuggling tunnels used for
smuggling in or out the contraband revenue,the king size choco bars.
Now I myself viewed one of these new,and ever being setup,
speakeasies....there I was led to the location,walking down a hatch in
the sidewalk and down an underground alley to get into Back Room.THe
suitable password was given,the hidden door opened, and
there............there in a dimly lit corner,I saw, The Ridiculous
Flying Fatman himslef, Gerard Depardieu,the World's Fatest Frenchman,
there he was.Suddenly the chair gave way beneath his massive weight, he
crashed down to the floor splintering the chair, pissing himself,
holding out both arms with each holding a king sized candy bar, and
pathetically screamed, "Je vu pisser!Je vu pisser! (which if you don't
know french,means "I want to piss!I want to piss!").A memorable and
sorry sight it was. Young people, 8-10 years old,lined benches along the
wall, ravenously munching on the illicit king sized morsels,in a
drunken orgy of self indulgence such as the likes of which I have never
before witnessed. Teens begged the candy bar keep to be allowed further
credit to purchase more of the governmentally denied and illicit king
sized candy bars. Well let me tell you, as I write this, munching on my
ill gotten gain, my illegal and illicit choco bar,here muncing on a Mr.
Big,I tell you Michelle Obama, you will not succeed with prohibition, we
shall persevere, we who love our king sized bars, we shall resist to
the bitter end, we shall go underground, into the secret illegal dens
of candy bar
consumption.We shall speakeasy,and we shall overcome!!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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