Keywords:war,secret squirrel,mrl,texas,canada,annexation,colony,MP,
expenses,scandal,chunnel,sewage,floods,flooding,motors
M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War
Secret Squirrel has investigated the problem of war and has a solution to virtually do away with it,at least in terms of major loss of soldier's lives.
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.
Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.
There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.
Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.
This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.
Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.
Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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Texas And Canada.......The MRL On The Future Annexation Of Texas, and The Re-Acquisition of the Former Colony Of Canada.
I,Secret Squirrel of the MRL have pondered the possibility of the annexation of Texas and re-acquiring Canada.
One recalls the earlier annexation of Texas by the United States, an annexation some term to have been illegal, indeed yet today, as actor Chuck Norris seeks to be President of the successionist Texas should that occur, there are claims that thousands of right wing cell groups have organized and are ready for a second American Revolution,but mostly it is claimed that his Fu has been Kunged one too many times.
Indeed annexation of Texas occurred immediately just AFTER Texas had won independence from Mexico, hence who could believe it would join anyone else.......and modern and British government officials of the day scholars state and have stated it is and was not legal under international law.Now we have a situation arising. Of course should Texas succeed from America, we in Britain would stand ready to extend our hand to the Texans to join Britain in the state it is today.Of course the Labour Party of the day is a great stumbling block, but should there be an MRL Government I firmly believe we would acquire Texas.
But aside from this example of the day, or a day, when a nation,America, struck when the iron was hot so to speak........in the above mentioned case, America annexing Texas in that day, there is a situation arising in the former colony of Canada which indicates a vulnerability is again arising, similar in nature to that of the Texas annexation conditions, a political and also military vulnerability that indicates that in a few short years, 2011, to be exact, we in Britain would be and should be ready to march the army in to Canada, ferocious bagpipers sweeping all opposition before them as their horrendous screeching is wont to do, and so sieze and annex Canada BEFORE the Americans do the same thing. Here I have secured a secretly televised intelligence analytical tape of the vulnerable state of Canada which the Americans have prepared. It was extremely difficult to secure such a copy but nevertheless I prevailed, and so here share that tape with you all. It most definatly indicates that America IS planning to march in to an undefended Canada, in similar fashion to the disputed annexation of Texas, but it also indicates the vulnerability of Canada to anybody, and it is Britain that should be first,now knowing what we know of the situation,learning form the mistakes of the past, the annexation of Texas, that it is Britain that should be first and reacquire and Annex the Former Crown Colony!!
Britain!!!!!...Learn From The Mistakes of the Past! Strike! Strike not as the French constantly Do, But Strike Whilst the Iron Is Hot!!!
Here is the secret intelligence tape I have acquired, from YouTube.......
an inviolate source as you shall see and hear........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcJn5XlbSFk
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Cure For Britain's MP's Expense Abuses.
Secret Squirrel has a suggestion to deal with the MP expenses scandal.
What with all the sleeze and smarm concerning MP's conduct with respect to expenses,expense accounts, and various other forms of monetary drain and abuse of the public and the public purse, why not simply invent a system whereby MP's are paid what we ,in our state of economic enlightenment,call a salary,a single yearly fixed salary.Alternatively, a base fixed sum could be figured out,what with averaged expenses of all the MP's,once they've been "cleaned up",we present them with credit cards with a fixed sum for them to spend,as they see fit, and that's it, that's all.
Actors have this as something in case of travel problems,emergency health problems etc and what ever, and it is theirs in sum toto, in short, at the end, the card is expected to be empty. This works for actors, this pleases actors, this can work for MP's as well. No questions asked.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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The Great Wellington Sewage Chunnel
Secret Squirrel here attacks the great sewage problem Britain faces.
Indeed a great crisis is developing in Britain, that of sewage, which
ever increases in volume and quantity. Alas there is a solution
available, and solution left to us by our Roman Legacy, that of the
Roman ditch, and that of the engineering genius(which sometimes
surpasses the abilities of present day sanitation engineers, that water
flows downhill. Part of our situation which presents our solution, is
that Britain is in the enviable position of being on top of it all,
above all things as it were. What needs be done, quite simply, is that
all the sewage outlet pipes must be gathered to a common
place,Folkstone, and there led in to the Chunnel, which will provide the
British people with a much greater function than bringing Frenchman in
from France, rather it will Chunnel all of our sewage in to France, where it
will emerge in Calais, and so become a French problem.
And so, in and after such fashion, we will win the Battle Of Water and Loo, through the
application of the Great Wellington Sewage Chunnel.
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of ReDeranged ReEngineering
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Floods
M.R.L. Flooding Solution
Secret Squirrel has noted that Britain suffers from repeated floods.
The government is in crisis, England is in crisis, England is flooding, and the government is England's crisis. Recent vents of flooding in Britain have touched me deeply, saddened me, disheartened me, having seen the vicious flooding in America's formerly Great City of New Orleans, and pondered the effects on the people of Britain. Indeed utter destruction was wrought in New Orleans, and was wrought in England as well.............no assistance was rendered, the people left to fend for themselves.
New Orleans was entirely the fault of a laggard American government, ignoring the pleas of the Mayor
and Citizenry alike, to expand,improve,shore up,renew and/or build new and more solid levees,quite simply, dyke structures. Britain's flooding is also the fault of a government laggard in it's behaviour, doing nothing to remedy the situation,the problems have continued to flood through governments past and present, as water through an American dyke. However there is engineering genius to be considered,British ingenuity, the adaptability of the British people in the face of adversity, all in the face of laggardly,inept, and ignorant governments which have allowed the problem to exist.
However, the problem can be solved quite easily with proper application of modern engineering techniques already existent.Indeed, I have THE solution.
It struck me quite plainly as I gazed on an amazing waterway,canal system, in Germany. I suddenly realized that one waterway crossed over the other, as a flyover, an overpass, one canal crossing above the other...............a canalway, in the sky, and in the ground. Well,here in Britain the idea will fly but the M.R.L. is more down to earth as are the engineering projects I endeavour to present. You see what needs be done is to live with both flood and non flood conditions. How? Well the German canal system is illustrative of this, it works, it's hardly leaking and collapsing as so many American unnecessary water canal projects do.Ours,however,is necessary. What we have to do, in each village and town, and interconnecting roadway, and within the towns, is to construct the roads themselves within walled dykes(I won't call the levees calling to mind the American travesty's of failed concrete walls). Now when it floods the water is contained within these canal roadways and channeled away when it's done, and back to dry road uses when it's gone. But how to live with this,how to maintain a dignified lifestyle? Well, quite simply it requires and adaptive change of lifestyle. All can be accommodated within any and all existent conditions, flood or no flood. Cars,vehicles, lorries, must now be of the amphibious type.
Recall the early amphicar,we all saw Branson's mucking about in one(no doubt a failed attempt to walk on water, the amphicar was as close as he could come).There are many varieties of such vehicles available. Look at the ingenious lorries the Cubans adapted to cross the sea to get to America. There are even yet amphi Recreational vehicles, allowing for caravan trips whilst in or out of flood conditions, indeed these can even be built as buses, for intercity, and in city transport of the population. Well now, we have accommodated transportation, business lorries, the common man's car, what of housing?
Well there are different approaches to actual housing for some may not prefer the amphi recreational bus vehicle. We can mount existing larger or smaller caravans, on barges(for those inclined to caravaning), and tether them to place,these will then rise and fall with the tide, or remain earthbound in event of non flood conditions,and so can still function as caravans in any and all conditions,allowing a waterworld,waterpark vacation in conditions of wet flood, and regular caravan camping in event of dry! Camp all around I should say! And,do! For those inclined to regular housing we can adapt as the Dutch have, with actual house type house boats, again tethering in place. What of larger edifices, well
the dying industry of cruise ships can be utilized and the ships transported to the flood areas and there they shall sit, or float depending on conditions,acting as buildings,apartments and whatever else form of other building is required.
Ah you say, what of air transit? Well, we do have, you know, existent, amphibious helicopters and yet aircraft of all types so each village can have it's own aerodrome-waterport, no problem there at all.
There, we have covered it all, solved it all, and easily with modern existent technology.Indeed the M.R.L. excels and revels in solving the problem which past and present governments have utterly failed at.The M.R.L. solution! Good for you! Good for us!
Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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MRL Squirrel Cage Motors
Secret Squirrel has discovered the secret truth behind squirrel cage motors.
Well, most definitely a plot has been discovered. Who's at the bottom of it all?
We are. Bottomed by the usual, the oil companies. Suppressed by whom? The oil companies.
And how?. Indeed and how! And what? Well, having pondered things, it suddenly came to me,was revealed to me, by no less than a squirrel, and it is Squirrel who reveals it to you.
What? Squirrel Cage Motors! Yes, we've all heard of them, and cruelly, we were forced to believe,
and have been taught, that these are Electric Motors. Yes! Electric. But how terribly wrong
it all is. Indeed, these motors,which have been around for years, being called squirrel cage motors, were in fact and are not REALLY so. Indeed they were discovered and started life, properly as they were,
as all things do.
They were discovered, then bought up and out and surppressed by the oil companies, and have only now been found out as they attempt to introduce electric motors to the automotive industry.
These squirrel cage motors were,in fact, and are indeed, much cheaper than we all think, or were led to believe. These started life as truly inexpensive forms of automotive propulsion, Squirrel Cage motors.
A secret prototype was found, discovered, and was seen, for the short time it was seen, until the prototype disappeared. It was seen that the actual motor was a squirrel cage system, a transmissioned caged system of squirrels running on treadmills, and so powered the vehicle, run on peanuts of course. Well let me tell you,they may claim it was never so, they may claim it isn't so, they may claim the prototype never existed, but we know differently, and they've done themselves in this time. Indeed, they destroyed the patents for the system,they don't even yet exist, and so new patents can be applied for, gotten,and possessed. And well shall solve our oil crisis with vehicles that run on peanuts, vehicles equipped with modern squirrel cage motors.
Of course, thinking of our squirrels, we shall have the squirrels also power, while they power the vehicle, electric generators, and so provide heat and comfort not only to the passengers, but also to themselves. Indeed we shall also not ignore and air conditioning system, for those hot summer days. This will be a truly pleasing vehicle not only to its owner,to the squirrels who power it, but also to the Greens, who if they don't like it can go take a running jump,and if they cared a hang for anybody they would be working in my recently acquired peanut fields. PETA can be ignored as the squirrels will be very well fed, cheaply, peanuts, and certainly not required for their fur, nor for food value so they will also be pleased, and appeased. The way to the future..............Squirrel's Cage Motors!
Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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