Secret Squirrel's Miraculous Doings....Continue.

Keywords:
global,warming,cows,gas,rich,ice,floods,chunnel,electricity,eels,electricity,marlon,brando,ozone,cars,secret squirrel,propulsion

The MRL Global Warming Cow Gas Emission Collection Plan.

Secret Squirrel global warming is a global problem which we must now turn our attention to.Meet the world's top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane,or even George Bush,: it is the cow.

A United Nations report has identified the world's rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs, and also..............global warming.Cows and bulls can produce 500 litres of methane a day.

Here I stand, out in a field in Devonshire,as she stares at me she is constantly chewing... and burping .........and.............farting.One dairy cow gives off enough methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 empty litre bottles of pop, which is really bad for the environment. It turns out that livestock – predominantly cattle – are responsible for an astonishing proportion of global warming gases - 18 percent of the total, to be precise.Indeed these fart gases rise in the atmos and hence are proveably responsible for the ever increasing great hole in the ozone layer.

A single cow could be producing as much as 500 litres of methane per day.

There are more than two million more like her across the UK.

They are the UK's biggest single source of methane - a gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide when it comes to global warming.

In fact cattle are responsible for about 3 per cent of all Britain's greenhouse gases. Reduce that and experts say you not only make farming greener and more efficient, it could help Britain achieve its commitments under the Kyoto agreement.But who are the major moral culprits in the events of cows and global warming.......

What countries have the most cattle?Here they are in order of the top ten.

1 India
2 Brazil
3 China
4 US
5 Argentina
6 Sudan
7 Ethiopia
8 Mexico
9 Russian Federation
10 Colombia

Indeed none of these nations can say,."Haven't got a cow man!",as it is time to lay the blame. No indeed, they have cows, and lots of'em, and are the major cause of the problems affecting the world,the problems of global warming. But enough of the cause of global warming, are there then solutions to the problem....................well................

Argentine scientists are studying the effects of global warming by strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their gas.

Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas that gets far less attention than carbon dioxide as a potential cause of global warming.

So to collect it a plastic tank is fitted to the cow's back and connected through a tube to the animal's stomach.

Aha! Wisdom prevails, but not in the Argentinians.indeed they are studying the problem, collecting gases to study the problem. Little do they realize that that is the actual solution to the problem...the have absolutely no hindsight in the foresight of their studies...indeed fitting each and every cow with such a gas collector, collecting both belches, and farts..............would save humanity!!!

Oh the humanity of it! Fields of cows,cows running about India,etc etc etc, fitted with these gas bag collecting tanks.Not to study but to actually collect,to gather, to bottle. Said tanks could thence be emptied, trucks coming about on a daily basis to collect the methane gas, and then that gas being bottled and condensed, and hence use in place of such gases as propane, an offspring of.......oil. Indeed this collected gas could be storage tanked and thence used as cooking gas for homes, heating gas for homes,homes could be lit by it!!

Indeed the mind boggles, said gas could also have applications in being burned to provide gas fuels for motor cars,lorries and buses. Indeed once more we in the MRL have excelled, identified the problem, and applied a technologically engineered cure for the betterment of humanity whilst at the same time ending the most massive contributer to the global warming crisis.The world is saved!! By the MRL!!


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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How The M.R.L. Will Make EACH U.K. Citizen Rich For Life

Secret Squirrel knows how to make you rich!
(Now, I was pondering the huge payout figures for General Motors, which the British government HAS available to it..........I then pondered the population figures for the UK....got out the calculator..............and................well...................do read on..................what's more important, General Motors, or the UK Citizens and YOU? I fully realize that Labour ponders things differently, but here are MY MRL views on what should be done with the available 500million pounds................)

GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' - Telegraph
7 Mar 2009 ... GM told insolvency 'better for Opel than bail-out' ... GM is believed to want Britain to contribute around £500m to the European rescue .......................
.so the headlines read............but think now, let's analyze this.......

Well now................dire straits for General Motors? Dire straits for Britain with the loss of the foreign US General Motors jobs.....but face it, here this means that Britain with it's population of 61 million, could afford 500m pounds....................now Britain also spends billion elsewhere...but why waste it on General Motors........

It is the sudden realization of the magnitude of this payout.....it is the magnitude of the figure here mentioned to give to a foreign firm for employing a FEW people,in and by comparison with the sum total of the population of the U.K.........but how many people, Britain has a population (United Kingdom), of 61 million...................

It suddenly occurred to me that the UK Government CAN easily afford 500m pounds...........BUT why then does the Labour government, then simply allow General Motors with it's ridiculously low job figures, compared with 61 million UK citizens,to BE GIVEN that princely and handsome sum.................why not then divide the 500m pounds by the 61m population of the United Kingdom, and then......since it is obviously affordable.....pay EACH UNITED KINGDOM CITIZEN 8.1Million Pounds? Think about it, nobody need work, everybody'd be rich, IT IS AFFORDABLE, the Government has it, the government wishes to spend it, why spend it on a foreign firm such as General Motors, Yes! Simply give each U.k. citizen 8.1million pounds instead, and so the 500m pounds could be said to have been wisely spent.


Secret Squirrel,(Frank John Hermann)
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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MRL Proposal To Sell Ice To The Canadians.

Secret Squirrel can turn a profit from selling cheap ice to the Canadians!
What once used to be a joking phrase defining a certain kind of salesman may turn out to be prophetic, in my estimation when I achieved a monumentally profitable plot to sell ice to the Canadians, and so provide we in Britain with our fish and chips.

With the dwindling ice pack in the Arctic Ocean, the lives of Canadian Eskimos and polar bears are threatened by global warming.The Canadian government knows what they need.

What the Canadian Arctic needs is ice.But can they afford the real thing? Quite plainly it's
much too costly to set up ice making apparatus in the vicious environment of the Canadian
Northlands..........so if we are to turn a profit off of the Canadians and finally make the
colony pay, we must sell them an alternative which is much cheaper for us to manufacture.

I propose we form a company and start making artificial ice floes to place in the Arctic Ocean to give the polar bears platforms to hunt seals from.

We can make 4 foot thick Styrofoam sheets that look and function like real ice floes,which is much yet cheaper to a pondered proposal, that of using cheaper, but much more expensive than styrofoam, Brazilian wood(which would also save the rain forest and contribute to our reduction of Britain's environmental carbon footprint.)

So the Canadian Eskimoes are threatened because there are fewer polar bears, so we provide at a handsome profit the artificial ice flows such that the polar bears can sit on them, be threatened and hunted by the eskimoes who want to do that and require the polar bears for their sustainance, and the polar bears can threaten and hunt the seals, which the polar bears require for their sustainance, and so the reduced numbers of seals such that they do not consume the cod fish we require for our sustinance in Britain.

So we go in to mass production and sales to the Canadians of the artificial ice floes so we can save the polar bears,save the poor Canadian eskimoes, reduce the seal population and so save the cod fish we require for our fish and chips , all to the great applause of the world.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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Emergency MRL Flood Floatation Equipment

Secret Squirrel knows floods occur,recur, the local populace is always imperiled. No matter what, incumbent governments ignore the
problems, stating the waters will subside if one simply waits, and also that flooding won't occur again,such as occurred in the middle of England ......it does, point in fact ,but in the meanwhile the local populace,which is the people of England, suffer,worry, drown etc etc etc.

Indeed they suffered yet again,as well,in the city of New Orleans in the former colony of the Americas...........indeed 7inches of a rain storm, and the populace was once again waist deep in water. While the occurrence was suppressed in the Americas press, I made note of the fact and set my engineering skills to work. What needs be done? To assist the populace to float through such events,to enable them to empower them, to be able to weather a flood whenever it suddenly occurs,whether government acknowledges the flood occurring or not! Indeed how to deal with such a sudden event,how to be ever ready for such an event? Well, the best course of action is to wear devices such that the populace could ever be ready. Now wearing bulky life vests is on the ridiculous side, so we must turn our engineering expertness to the actual design of clothes themselves. Now, we usually have two forms of weather, mostly hot or extremely regularly warm, and a touch on the cooler side.

Well now I have discovered, existent a ready made solution for the female population, the bikini, the bikini with suitable inflatable water wing breasts! Indeed, this would benefit in terms of style as the female could have a larger set of bristols,zoomers or whatever they are referred to, and at the same time,in the event of a flood could maximally inflate such that they become life saving ,buoyant water wings...as is show in the accompanying picture.

For the cooler days, a dress could be worn, an inflatable dress,but not only inflatable, one that inflates into a full size kayak boat dress and so save the wearing much discomfort and worry during flood situations...again see the accompanying picture of the kayak dress as it could be used.Indeed we in the MRL would see to it, that every female in Britain would be provided,gratis, as in free, as in at no cost to them, one of each of these items. Of course, they might like to purchase more for their wardrobe but that extra cost would have to be born by them. As for males, a suitable pair of blowup kayak pants could be developed for their supply and use.

Indeed as ever, hands reaching out across the water to our misfortunate colonials in The Americas, particularly New Orleans,we could also sent up not lend lease as they provided during our war ,but rather borrow rental during this period of their meteorological war.

See accompanying images of these fascinating,useful and necessary flood clothing items.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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The M.R.L.Solving Britain's Flood Water Problems

Well now, what with the recent floodings, and re-floodings occurring now virtually and in reality every year, something should be done about it. But of course the incumbent government has been laggardly in dealing with the recurring situations. There is a solution to the problem, a sound engineering solution, based on sound hydrological engineering principles, the very sound principles set down by the Romans. It all works and will work, on the basis of the Roman knowledge of hydrology, namely that water follows the rule of law written in hydrology that water must flow downhill, unless it is arrested by a rise in the land. Now Britain is up at the top of the world, and extends downwards, quite rightly, and properly with France and the French beneath us.

What needs be done, is quite simply, starting at the top, we construct,in the earth of course, a long line drainage canal extending downwards, towards and collecting at Dover. Why collecting, well there will be several branch lines joining the main artery canal,all part of a drainage canal system

Now the Collector, as it is called, where the water will be disposed of, is quite properly the Chunnel, to which the storm water will the be directed in to, continuing on, ever following the legalities of the Laws Of Hydrology, flowing downwards, and emerging in France, where it will be a French problem for them to deal with.

You recall a previous engineering plan of allowing the sewage of Great Britain to be collected and directed in to the Chunnel? Well, there will be no problem there as the Chunnel can accommodate both the sewage flows and the storm water flows,as some area cities already do have and share a common sewage/sanitation/storm drain system, so too can that principle be applied here, rather than separate, saving the costs of building another Chunnel...........a Pence saved is a Pound earned, until the government takes your pence.

Ever onwards, the M.R.L. solves problems through sound engineering principles.No problem there.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
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From the private files of......................
Secret Squirrel

The Rebel Had A Cause.


Secret Squirrel has found,hidden amongst the private papers of Marlon Brando the most brilliant plan to make each and every house in Britain independent of the electrics works companies. Brando envisaged a plan to string electric eels
round and about the swimming pool and then run cables to the house to electrically power the edifice.
Indeed a bold and innovative plan. All that remains is for the M.R.L. to take up his engineering genius
and free the British people from slavery to the electric works.Marlon Brando with his scheme to provide free and readily available eel-ectricity to the people,the people who make up humanity! Oh the humanity of Brando! Genius extraordinare.


Secret Squirrel
(M.R.L.)
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering



And just look at this, years after Brando's misfortunate departure from this world......

Japan eel wishes you an electric Christmas


TOKYO (Reuters) - Not even a blackout could put a damper on festivities at one Japanese aquarium where an electric eel is being used to light up its Christmas tree.

Two aluminum panels inside the eel's tank work as electrodes to catch its power. Cables attached to the panels supply the lights on the nearby tree with electricity.

Inventor Kazuhiko Minawa said it took him more than a month to devise a system that would effectively harness eel power.

"If we could gather all electric eels from all around the world, we would be able to light up an unimaginably giant Christmas tree," Minawa told Reuters Television.

Eels are widely eaten in Japan, especially in the summer, when their vitamin-rich flesh is seen as a way to regain stamina sapped by the heat.

The tree, which will stay illuminated until December 25, is proving a popular attraction, drawing tourists from all over the country. "I would love to have an eel like this at home. This is very nature-friendly," said visitor Harumi Yayoi.

(Reporting by Reuters Television; editing by Miral Fahmy)
(One other article mentions a copper electrode............)

http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSSP27985020071213

Brando,yes, innovator of eel-ectricity...indeed yes. I recognized his genius years back when he suggested it, and I immediately put it forward to the MRL, as his project for the betterment of the people, indeed yes! And see too how today his project move forwards in to true realization......Brando.................and engineering genius, a pioneer in the field of energy generation, a pioneer in the field of electricity, of the generation,the safe generation, of green electricity,pretty much free eel-ectricity, but then life always throws you a PETA, they'll be marching now claiming cruelty to eels, cruelty for imprisoning eels..................................always the down side.
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M.R.L.'s Cow Methane Driven Cars

Secret Squirrel says how now Brown's cow...............what have we here? I have discovered an excellent system of highly efficient automobile fuel, and it's free......indeed have you got a cow man? Well? No? Haven't got a cow? Well....get one..........for your own backyard, and have free automobile fuel for the rest of your life!! Imagine, yes indeed the system is engineering genius,mine of course, and already proveable in operation, indeed provable and efficient as in the example of already on the road propane powered taxis,cars,buses,lorries(trucks).

Cows can produce 500 litres of methane every day...as opposed to your average cowboys who produces 1/2 to 3 litres per day..........(the latter being studies of Mexican cowboys on a bean diet).

So, gasoline cost $0.94cents per litre..........propane $0.42cents per litre....cow methane per litre cost.......zero. The cow can be kept in the backyard and allowed to graze, saving cost and effort of cutting the grass as well.......increasing the savings...........the cow also provides milk.........an added plus.......

Now a per trip values estimate, on gasoline a 600km trip,at 60 litres of gas per trip, on propane the same trip consumes 80 litres, but of much cheaper cost,nearly half, but with propane this drops to zero. As to distance, well the 600 km figure for the day is highly acceptable as a base rate.............even for say taxis. Now taxis,many, are already equipped with propane tanks.

All that remains is to substitute the cow collection methane plastic tank.............easily swapped in with a fresh tank as the cow produces it...imagine, researchers from Argentina were surprised to find that a single 550-kg cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions each day............more than enough for the day, and any excess production could be utilized for home cooking and heating uses,the barbie so plastic tanked as well. Indeed, these methane filled tanks can be used anywhere propane is presently utilized! Even yet trains could become methane cow powered. Imagine, The Iron Horse, becoming know as The Iron Cow!!The method of collection? Well the Argentines have been conducting experiments with cows to collect the methane they produce.


Little do they realize that that tank full of methane, could easily be substituted in vehicles for their already installed propane tanks(these tanks are housed in the boot(trunk), of the vehicles should they be of the passenger type, and other places for non passenger types,such as roofs for buses).! Well I can see you're thinking, how ridiculous it would be to drive about with a cow in the backseat producing methane for the car.......however,we don't need the entire cow, just the tank of methane it fills up, and indeed whilst driving on that tank, the cow could be in the backyard busily filling up yet another tank ready as needed! A truly efficient self-sustaining vehicular fuel energy system!Indeed, we are free! Free from fuel costs! Free to drive about as well please! free! Free! Free! And..the fuel supply is free as well!!

Well for a sureity the oil companies have gotten on to this, indeed at this very moment both pills,injections, and feed additives are being developed to stop cows from producing these massive free amounts of methane. The plot's afoot, I can sense Government and Big Business seeking to send my free fuel engineering system to ruination of the people.
But fear not, get a cow man! And get a methane collection tank! Convert your vehicle to propane driven, but wisely substitute a plastic methane tank swap system!!!!Free yourself!Get a cow,man!


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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The Rules For Dealing With The Ozone Problem

I,Secret Squirrel solve this,and any other political problem that confuses and either won't go away or is difficult to explain away as a non problem..................

Launch a public relations campaign disputing the evidence.

Predict dire economic consequences, and ignore the cost benefits.

Find and pay a respected scientist to argue persuasively against the threat.

Use non-peer reviewed scientific publications or industry-funded scientists who don't publish original peer-reviewed scientific work to support your point of view.

Trumpet discredited scientific studies and myths supporting your point of view as scientific fact.

Point to the substantial scientific uncertainty, and the certainty of economic loss if immediate action is taken.

Use data from a local area to support your views, and ignore the global evidence.

Disparage scientists, saying they are playing up uncertain predictions of doom in order to get research funding.

Complain that it is unfair to require regulatory action in Britain, as it would put the nation at an economic disadvantage.

Claim that more research is needed before action should be taken.

Argue that it is less expensive to live with the effects.

Secret Squirrel.
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering
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Secret Squirrel Works On Worldly Improvements

Keywords:Britain,car,income,tax,war,fuels,safety,aircraft,weights,measures,global,warming,secret squirrel,Bath,floods,dykes

M.R.L. On Income Tax

Secret Squirrel here tackles the income tax problem,and ends war,both at the same time!! How? Well,Income Tax was announced in 1798, and introduced in 1799, as a means of paying for the war against the French forces under Napoleon. France was threatening to invade, and had already landed briefly in Wales and Ireland. For much of his campaigns from 1795,Napoleon was better organized than the British forces. The cost of war had drained Britain’s resources, and run up a considerable national debt. The army was starving, and poor conditions in the navy in 1797 had led to mutiny.William Pitt the Younger was Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer from 1783,and needed greater ‘aid and contribution for the prosecution of the war’.
‘Certain duties upon income’ as outlined in the Act of 1799 were to be the (temporary)solution. It was a tax to beat Napoleon. Income tax was to be applied in Great Britain(but not Ireland) at a rate of 10% on the total income of the taxpayer from all sources above £60, with reductions on income up to £200.

In Canada...............

The First World War had mostly been financed by traditional means, but in 1917, a tax
on income was introduced as a temporary measure to fund the war. The income tax has
since become a permanent feature of the Canadian tax system.


Hence, logic dictates that income taxes fund war, income taxes were created to fund
war...................we in the M.R.L. do not approve of war, and hence will eliminate
income taxes such that wars cannot be funded, hence eliminating war.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

......................................

MRL Methods To Increase Vehicle Fuel Efficiency

Secret Squirrel takes on the problem of increasing vehicle fuel efficiency and solves it!
Limit weight of passengers to below 150lbs.(10.7 stone, or 68.1kg)(also invest in a
diet plan company).

Decrease the length of the mile(km).

Increase size of vehicle fuel tanks.

Encourage the convoy system of traveling.....such as driving closer to the vehicle in
front of you to increase the vacuum effects of the front vehicle sucking you along in
its wake(this is prevalent nowadays on the German Autobahn anyway,merely an application
of it............note this is not called tail gating as tailgating involves a picnic

anywhere in particular and an alcohol fueled party fed of a truck tailgate or car boot).

Remove road obstacles such as hills, by leveling the hills, or using tunnels. Where
this is not possible............increase the ramp run up of the hill on the approach
side only, and leave a sharper incline on the downside to increase road efficiency.


Since air conditioners for vehicles are said to increase fuel consumption, all vehicles
must be made to be of the convertible or open cab variety, with fully openable windows
as available.Hence vehicle air conditioners will be dispensed with.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


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MRL Improves Aircraft Safety And Reliability.

Secret Squirrel has taken on the problem of aircraft safety and reliability.
Sadly the tragedy of the loss of another Air France plane points to several factors of failure, failure involving major electrical system causing the failure of the most important thing,avionics, the so called instruments in front of the pilot. Obviously something must be done about this dependency on electrically powered computers aboard airplanes. Pilots cannot fly without their instruments to guide them in certain things to do with flying. Now, the pilot is perfectly capable of looking out the windscreen and seeing where he is going. However, should his instruments fail,such as occurred to the Air France aircraft as electrical system commenced a cascading failure, the pilot may become disoriented and so cause the airplane to crash. However there is something which can be used to replace certain critical instruments in the airplane's cockpit, efficiently and reliably,there is something which cannot fail to help the pilot fly IFR safely at ALL times.


THE CAT & DUCK METHOD OF IFR FLYING

Today's flight age is an era highlighted with increasing emphasis on safety. Instrumentation in the cockpit and in the traffic control tower has reached new peaks of electronic perfection to assist the pilot during take-offs, flight, and landings. For whimsical contrast to these and other marvels of scientific flight engineering, it is perhaps opportune to remind pilots of the basic rules concerning the so-called Cat-and-Duck Method of Flight, just in case something goes wrong with any of these new- fangled flying instruments you find in today's aircraft.

Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat always remains upright, he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and, if so, which one.

The duck is used for the instrument approach and landing. Because any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow her to the ground.

There are some limitations to the Cat-and-Duck Method, but by rigidly adhering to the following check list, a degree of success will be achieved.

Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at all, at any time. It may be necessary to get a large fierce dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.
Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all their time washing. Trying to follow a cat licking itself usually results in a tight snap roll, followed by an inverted (or flat) spin. You can see this is very unsanitary.
Old cats are best. Young cats have nine lives, but an old used-up cat with only one life left has just as much to lose an you do and will therefore be more dependable.
Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that you are using the cat to stay upright - or straight and level- she will refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks are no better on instruments than you are.
Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks sometimes will go flogging off into the nearest hill. Very short-sighted ducks will not realize they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This maneuver is quite difficult to follow in an airplane.
Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out and find yourself on final approach for some farm pound in Iowa. Also, the farmers there suffer from temporary insanity when chasing crows off their corn fields and will shoot anything that flies.
Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with geese because many water birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers , geese seldom want to go in the same direction you do. If your duck heads off for the Okefenokee Swamp, you may be sure you have been given the goose.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


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The M.R.L. And The Kilogram Weight Mystery

Secret Squirrel has discovered a discrepancy in Britain's weights and measures,a problem with the actual weight determination,and,being one of the great solvers of mystery and theory, being no slouch at problem solving, especially one involving theory,mystery, and engineering,Secret Squirrel has done just that.

Mass effect
Why a kilogram no longer weighs the same as it used to In a heavily-guarded, subterranean vault on the outskirts of Paris is a lump of metal about the size of a plum.Rumor has it that the weight was arrived at by the employment of the mummified missing left ball of Napoleon,who died in 1821.

The object, along with a clutch of copycat cylinders, was forged in London in the 1880s,the English having been victorious,and wanted to find some sort of constructive use for the frenchman,whom, you recall, laid claim to be an engineer.
The international prototype was found to no longer have the same mass as the other cylinders. And, since then, the drift has continued.

The drift is less than the mass of a grain of sugar
Here Theory One explains the loss.....sort of.........

Theory 1,The Scientific Explanation

(After reading this you won't allow Americans to engineer anything for you,believe you me,far too much politics involved).

"Relative to the average of all the sister copies made over the last 100 years you could say it is losing weight, but by definition it can't," explained Dr Richard Steiner of the National Institute of Standards and technology (NIST) in the US. "So the others are really gaining mass."

Aha!Uttered Idiocy!

There are,however, other theories.........and two converge,

Theory 2a

The Futurama theory that the metals are similar to the poplars,that they are life forms(and as such shouldn't be eaten either.......lest we incur the wrath of Lrrr).Recall there is much mention of this kilogram thing telling weights,in short speaking, as poplars finally did.

Theory 2b

The Doctor Who theory 2b,a theory which he uses for most strange and ugly things that move or sit there mysteriously,the theory he uses for most strange things..........which converges,oddly, but what can you really expect, with Theory 1a..............that the cylinders are alive,they are life forms. So what is actually occurring is natural aging of the cylinders, the older cylinder is decreasing in size, shrinking, loosing weight, whilst the younger siblings are reaching middle age bulge, becoming fatter, putting on more weight

Of course there is yet another theory ,my own as a matter of fact.

Theory 3

Now this obviously hasn't occurred to any body there evidently....it's simply loss of mass and weight due to the tear and wear of handling over 127 years.I'm for Theory 3 myself

On To Problem Solving

This is certainly a weighty matter,but it has a solution, or rather several which present themselves.Now, we can make a new original one from the copies and use that. Or we can use one of the copies as the new original one and trash the real original to the recycle bin.
But wait, there is one more solution. Since we never had problems in Britain with weights and measure till the attempted abandonment of the system of the English system of pound wish,penny pinched(the Euros have done that to use as well)...........it is simply that the butcher's thumb on the scale reckoned in, we use the pound weight, rename that to kilogram for the Euros if they wish and the problem is solved. And, since we don't want a problem with the grams, we rename those to ounces before any problem arises there.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

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MRL Plan To Profitably Reduce Effects of Global Warming

The problem of global warming has warmed the heart of Secret Squirrel,and Secret Squirrel has decided to assist in reducing it's effects,and so save humanity.
Some scientists and people, are worried about the ice caps melting,due to the effects of global warming,with the resultant massive flooding of seacoast areas. Of course ways have been pondered to reduce the global warming, hence

reduce the melting and the effects of melting of the ice caps. However, there is a constructive,productive and lucrative method of assisting in this.................what we do is simply to build ice mining and melting and bottling establishments in the arctic regions..........that's right, mine, melt the ice, then purify,bottle it, and sell the bottled water! Grand! All Europe requires bottled water as the city supplies are in shoddy contaminated and disease spreading states hence there is a huge market for it. Indeed yes, also, Britain itself could make use of such a vast and unquenchable supply through a national publicly owned for shares utility and so reduce the effects of the profit hunger money grabbing privatized companies so shoddily managing and profiteering over Britain's own water supply, selling it back to the British people and such exorbitant rates!Also,the product could be sold to the Arabs in exchange for oil, barrel for barrel as it were, that'd make gas as cheap as water for us,or at least should were it not the present mostly foreign oil profiteering companies!! Indeed I strongly suspect rumours of this project has already been espied by certain nations, noticeably the Chinese,Russians and Americans who have staked huge claims to vast areas of the antarctic when they got the merest rumour that such an enterprise had been proposed,and indeed, possibly already existed.Indeed this entrepreneurial endeavour solves the issue of oil pricing, and European water supply, and reduces the effects of Global warming as well.............We in the MRL must push forwards such an enterprise to properly utilize the Falkland Islands Antarctic territorial claim area and turn over an excellent profit while at the same time reducing global warming.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

.................................


The Great Plan For The True City Of BATH

Secret Squirrel has studied the effects of floods, and has decided to use Bath as his flood model city soundly protected by,and surrounded by,dykes, ending it's flooding problems forever.
The Americans have gone about things all wrong, they built a reverse of Venice a city below
the sea with levees and pumps to keep the water out,and so attract vast amounts of tourists.
Well so much for their technological and engineering abilities, but it did attract a vast
amount of touring disaster relief workers and soldiers.

The time is right to reveal the previously secret plan to improve tourism in the
City of Bath, the completion of the City Plan of Bath, the Great Plan, by The Great
Engineer.The true plan hidden in The Da Vinci Code, the plan which was meant for Britain,
NOT the Americans ,the Great Gift, of The Great Engineer, the Great Leonardo Da Vinci.
it is left to me to take on the Great Task, reveal what is truly revealed in the Great
Da Vinci Code.

Unlike the Americans, who were very confused and couldn't read the code right,
we shall go about things properly. Round and about the City Of Bath,on Avon,
carefully following the plans of the Great Engineer,


We shall construct huge dykes! These dykes will suitably block off the noise of the highways
that surround it, and will serve to keep the water in, the water of the River Avon, which
we shall pump IN to the city to create a modern tourist attracting Venice Come Brighton,
in Britain.

Now we shall not have to travel Italy to endure the bad manners and idiotic behaviour of the
Italian.We can also attract the French who will come to Bath, or not as the case may be
depending on their time of year.

Most definitely this is a plan which shall hold water.Sutch is it that we
will create a true City Of Bath, the Bath of Britain. Brighton look out.People who visit Bath
will be able to get along swimmingly,merrily swimming through it's streets, creating a
swimmingly great holiday city.

Indeed, we shall be prepared. We shall regularly inspect the dykes to see that they do
NOT spring leaks, rather shoring them up.thicker and ever thicker,should such an event
ever threaten to occur, and our pumps shall have their own generators to see to it that
they continue to function and pump the needed water in to Bath.Also, we shall further bolster
the generators with wind driven generators to keep the pumps powered in high wind and storm
conditions such that the City Of Bath will be able to hold it's water. Indeed we will
install such wind driven generators outside the city walls, Sutch that they will appear
to be windmills, reminding people of Holland. People who fancy Sutch an environment will
also be able to visit Bath, thus capturing the tourist market of those who would have
headed for holidays in Venice and Holland!Incontinence will not be tolerated in that city,
there will be NO leaks in it's plans.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering

Secret Squirrel World,Your World Of The Future

Keywords:defense,secret squirrel,invasion,chunnel,war,transport,air,
train,suicide,bombers,burkas,breasts,aircraft,car,vehicle



The MRL Solution To Prevent A Most Foreign Invasion of England Through Use Of The Chunnel

Secret Squirrel has been busy,studying ways and means to protect Britain from invasion through the Chunnel (The English Channel Tunnel),the thing so most feared that the Chunnel was nor bored through until this day as it were, in these times.Throughout history there have been fears of French invasions of England,Frenchman ,frog eating,snail eating,knarly pickley nosed Frenchman,wearing stripped jerseys, playing ridiculous accordions and saying "Comman,Comman,Comman",and so England invaded France many times in hopes of discouraging them.........but..........what goes around,comes around,and so from France,there even yet was a horrific,yet tiny little one, return invasion.But face it, they're so foreign and french that it was just enough..........too much as a matter of fact, getting them back home was a thunderously obnoxious task.............the men that is, the women could have stayed,it's just that there weren't any women in the french army you know,and what's an army without at least one bint(just look at the Spaniards,they were wise enough to have at least one on each ship, called a "Donna", and ours, we did have,al be it, Mr. Prostitute-it was believed on Britrish ships that it was bad luck to have a woman on board ship,mind you the Titanic proved that to be a scientific proof)................not even yet as
.............as....................as..................you know............well.........hang it all,they're all..............frenchmen,you know,et all.

Well now, how did it all start..typically.........Two centuries ago, the idea of a road tunnel was suggested to Napoleon during a brief peace between France and England in 1802. But war soon broke out again,of course...he couldn't wait.......They guessed that the chalk of Cap Blanc Nez ran under the sea all the way to the white cliffs of Dover - no-one really knew. They imagined horse-drawn carriages driving down a wood-propped tunnel like mines of the day, lit by candles,bringing troops in to England from France for their invasion.........but the idea existed only on paper, due to Napoleon's great problem, he couldn't hold his pants up long enough.

Then in 1869.......Frenchman Thomé de Gamond proposed a scheme,widely accepted in England and France. After making many hazardous solo dives to check the sea-bed, he proposed a rail tunnel, bored through the chalk which he believed ran below the sea-bed.Both countries agreed to work together on a joint tunnel scheme to bring them closer together,they'd become briefly friendly after the Franco-Prussian War.. Engineers began boring trial tunnels from both sides in 1881.

Two tunnel companies started digging seriously in 1881 from the cliffs between Dover and Folkestone, and west of Calais (Sangatte).
Technically, it was a success - driven by compressed air, the boring machines worked well, and there was so little flooding they only switched the pumps on for half a day every two weeks! Within the first year, each side had bored almost 2 km of tunnel, and they expected to complete a 7 foot diameter pilot tunnel across the Channel within 5 years.

The English,we, started on our side,E.W. Watkin promoted Low's scheme and work began at Abbot's Cliff with the excavation of a 7 foot diameter tunnel under the direction of F. Brady, using an early (Beaumont) tunneling machine, which completed 840 yards. It was the moved to Shakespeare Cliff where it completed a tunnel of 2020 yards under the sea towards Dover harbour.The French had completed near as much from their side.

However there was growing fear of French invasion...and so Parliament ordered,wisely, a halt to the project,
since it had aroused alarm amongst the British military, and in 1883, further building of the Tunnel was banned. The Tunnel company suggested (in vain) that, as a safeguard, they could install an inlet to the sea half-way along the tunnel! A soldier would be permanently on guard, ready to pull the plug if the French should try a surprise invasion! However, you know, Parliament well knew that guarding soldiers tended to sleep a lot, remembering the earlier French invasion when England had been asleep.They offered to build a fort guarding the tunnel entrance, and to wire it up with explosives ready to destroy the whole tunnel or flood it with seawater.....

It was no good! The British generals did not trust the French, and that was that. The French tunnelers gave up - believing the British would always be stubborn about staying as an "island fortress".In modern times some they preferred to be referred to as Free French(recall now, that things in french are reverse when traslated to the true English), but in Britain it was generally French Free(when the British Hugenot Inquisition came to Britain that was changed to French Fries).

However.................Present English governments have not learned their lessons from history, and went ahead with the new chunnel project...............and so.....we now have this under the channel tunnel link to France bringing a vast invasion of very foreign foreigners,most defiantely the toul mouthed,mannerless, and most froeign,French..............Onions said I............


It came to my mind that present governments had not seriously taken in to account such an invasion, and other invasions, but had ignored toatally all historical wisdoms and concerns for the safety of the people of England, safety from invasion. There is,for example, NO fort, and certainly not a single flood inlet from the sea to halt any invasion whatsoever. The ancientes in our history had at least take defenses in to consideration of any such tunnel project.Sad they haven't. Onions said I............

And so................I secretly started a study, hidden from ken and mind...............a study so secret that not even those who worked on it knew who was the penultimate source for their secret study.........the study of tunnel (and British), security from foreign invasion through and by the use of......The Chunnel................and so, here now for all to see, the completed work............how to stop a most foreign invasion of England from France(and Europe et all)..............a work completed entirely and conceived entirely by

The International Institute for Aerospace Survey and Earth Sciences (ITC), Centrum for Technical Geoscineces (CTG), Section Engineering Geology, Kanaalweg, Delft, the Netherlands.

Just look now at the direct outcome of the study..........

22 BILLION JARS CONTAINING ROUGHLY 707 BILLION ONIONS AT A COST OF APPROXIMATELY £18.8BN WILL BE REQUIRED TO COMPLETELY FILL THE TUNNEL AND PREVENT A FRENCH INVASION

How about the centuries’ fear of invasion? The scenario below estimates the required number of pickled onions to fill the tunnel network and cut England off from France in the event of an invasion. The calculation is based on the volumes of the two main tunnels, which are 3.8m in radius and are 50km long, and a service tunnel of 2.4m in radius, which runs parallel to the main tunnels.



Volume of two main tunnels:
3.142 * 3.8m * 3.8m * 50000m * 2 = 4577882 m3

Volume of service tunnel:
3.142 * 2.4m * 2.4m * 50000m * 1 = 913040 m3

If the volumes of connecting tunnels between the service tunnel and the main tunnels and pressure relief tunnels between the two main tunnels are considered...

3.142 * 1.65m * 1.65m * 20m * 134 = 22925 m3
3.142 * 1.0m * 1.0m * 15m * 202 = 9520 m3
(p * r2 * length * number of tunnels = volume)

The total volume adds up to 5.523367 million cubic metres. A quick look at the family jar of pickled onions shows that 32 onions occupy 250ml and that 22 billion jars containing a staggering 707 billion onions at a cost of approximately £18.8bn will be required to completely fill the tunnel and prevent a French invasion.


I am sure, each and every pub in England, stands at the ready to contribute, should the need arise, it's supply of pickled onions, to repel the most foul and foreign invaders!!!! Display your pickled onion jar proudly! Tout it! PLace itt in a glass case, labelled, "In Case Of Emergency,Break Glass."Not your beer mug you silly idiot!
And let me also point out.............that present governments, have NOT embarked on,nor can answer how, THEY would prevent a foreign invasion of England by the use of the Channel tunnel!!!!!!

The MRL! Secret Squirrel!Always Prepared!!

Secret Squirrel,

MRL,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),

Minister for Re-Deranged re-Engineering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Air Train

An M.R.L. Transportation Foreign Investment Review Proposal

The M.R.L. Air Train.......................

Secret Squirrel develops the soon to be famous, Air Train!!
Have you seen the latest BBC lack of intelligence report on the doings in France?? Well now.Here it commences "Air France eyes move to railways.
Air hostess serving food to Air France passenger.
Short-haul Air France passengers could soon be moving onto trains.So the headlines read,but what is the actual truth behind this...Secret Squirrel knows, and so too will you.

Air France is holding talks on a joint venture that could lead to it offering high-speed rail travel.
The airline confirmed reports it was discussing a possible tie-up with Veolia, a French utility firm that also runs several rail services.
Commentators suggest such a deal would enable the airline to cut fuel costs by moving some services onto the railways.
Under the plans Veolia would run trains from Air France's hub airport in Paris to other European destinations.
"We are reviewing the feasibility and possibility of such a project, but it is too early to discuss its terms," an Air France spokesman told the Reuters news agency.
The joint venture is likely to remain focused on international travel as, under European Union plans, legislation is set to free up the international rail passenger market in 2010.
Veolia has previously run public rail franchises in several countries worldwide under the now-defunct Connex brand. It now runs continental Europe's largest private freight service and several rail connections.
With significant improvements being made to the network of high speed rail routes in Europe the potential of such services is improving.
As it confirmed reports of the talks, Air France added it had been looking at launching its own rail links over the past four years as it had been unhappy with the service provided when it had bought rail seats off existing train operators....................................."

Here it ends...........................somewhat, but to every ending,there is a new beginning..............read on.

One recalls, as it brings to mind, the earlier proposal of a Skytrain, however ,they got it all wrong then as well............

Now here's what we,the people of England, those of the M.R.L., do..............

Initially this French idea will never work, the french being French, and all Frenchman equating, we will have the likes of Zarkosy et all looking for the trains at the airports...........in short, for the French this will just never work.

However, we, the English, know better, yes we in the MRL see an excellent investment opportunity. What we all do, is buy Air France from the French.We then also buy their rail system(we were forced to sell ours, the French will just have to be forced to sell theirs.....................we were forced to sell to the foreigners, we will force the French to sell to us foreigners.).

Now, we take the problematical French avions as they call them, lop off the wings, we then mount these on rail boggies and of course, sit'em on the rails, there we pull them by much more fuel economical train engines! Indeed yes, we can easily move hundreds of people by using a simple highly fuel efficient railroad engine!!Indeed to avoid confusion in

France, we simply abolish the Aeroports, or whatever they call them in French, and rename all the train stations to Aeroport or whatever so's not to confuse the French. That would also give us full control of the French rails and airline.

Also it is the best solution all round, fuel savings of absolutely enormous and unimaginable nature,comparing the fuel consumption of the former airliner versus the rail engine,and for the same number of passengers! The mind boggles!!

Less staff would be needed as train type travel is much more economical in terms of utilized and employed staff per unit train.Now they keep saying that airliners are much faster than trains....however, look now at this, one must first get to the airport via whatever means through heavy and slow traffic, time wasted. The time taken to check in and then, give them your baggage, the waiting to board the plane and leave, which is usually much much later than that stated, then on arriving at destination, disembarking, going to collect ones baggage, and then one must go through heavy traffic to ones final resting destination. Obviously there is a great saving in time using train like conditions.

Indeed, had not the government sold the rails to the most foul and extremely foreign foreigners, the same could be done in England should the M.R.L. be able to gain control of government.


(Remember,this proposal comes from Secret Squirrel, who realized at the time that the cabbage was the most useful currency in the U.S.S.R., that the government should start it's own cabbage farms, and hence purchase Aeroflot.......................but...........did they listen....................no...........the M.R.L. and the people of England, are forced to Labor on.................).

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged-Re-Engineering.
----------------------------------------------

M.R.L. Short Distance Travel Solution

Secret Squirrel has pondered short distance air travel problems.
Everyone has experienced some sort of discomfort on short trips,
county to county. If using airplane there is a problem now what
with security delays etc. making such flights a nuisance. Bus
skeds are seemingly never quite right with respect to departure
times, arrival times,return times etc.
However there is a solution to the problem, taken from available
technology from medieval times and from modern times.
The solution to these county to county travel trips is quite
simply a catapult, launching the traveler complete with his or
her luggage, and, at a suitable time in their flight, the proper
altitude of launch achieved, a para glider parachute opens
allowing the passenger to guide themselves to land, on their feet,
at quite the proper wished landing point.


Secret Squirrel
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Secret Squirrel's Intelligence Gathering Report on So Called Burka Wearing Suicide Terrorist Bombers.

Secret Squirrel has discovered the actual truth behind burka bombers.It's actually fake breasts which are exploding due to rather interestng causes.
It has come to light that what have been attributed to terrorist suicide bombings are in fact actually not so. Indeed it has been surmised that it is a plot by the breast implant companies trying to hide defective breast implants. It has been suggested that the horrific explosions by these so-called silicon implants may be in part and possibly due to the inadvertent misuse,misapplication of the explosive known as plastique.....indeed that huge stockpiles of these plastique explosives were in fact used as breast implants.
It has been noted in intelligence circles and anybody else who can see, that the explosions involve those wearing burkas. Now in the Arab world burkas are worn by females, those who have......breasts. Undoubtedly the explosion of the implants can result from the immense buildup of heat associated with

1) the location of the things in question,

2) being inside hidden by a burka causing buildup of heat, and

3) being in an extremely hot climate magnifying the effects of the temperatures such that the plastique is caused to explode.

It is noted that the explosions taking place horrifically on the chest area do with horrendous effects cause the head of the person who exploded to fly off.This is a direct indication of sudden breast explosion, not suicide belts as have been formerly indicated. The belt is worn about the waist, and such an explosion would not and could not cause the head to fly off and the rest of the body to remain somewhat intact, but would in fact cause the explsion of the body to separate the body round and about the waist, the head could not possibly be made to fly off.

Now whilst there is no acknowledgement of such occurrences beyond the fact that people in burkas in Arab lands and elsewhere suddenly tend to explode spontaneously,it is advised that it is best to avoid persons wearing burkas for safety reasons. It also might be best to avoid those females who have these artificial breast implants, Pamela Anderson for example,Brittany Spears,church groups have condemned her wiggling and jiggling as provocatively explosive in its effects on society, Jennifer Anniston for another.......assuming you have one brain cell left.......while they do not wear burkas, there has been discussion and theoretical ponderings that they may suddenly explode in an aircraft for example, should there be a sudden loss of pressure in the aircraft, the explosive decompression theory that such breast would rapidly expand resulting in a horrific and shattering explosion affecting those around them in similar fashion to the sudden explosion burka events.

Indeed it is proveable that some aircraft have suffered catastrophic explosive decompressions. How in the world can a small hole shatter an airliner so completely? Nay! Not by the event and the hole itself, but by the sympathetic explosive detonation of a pair of false breasts.Yet more proof...........The first airline to have a credible plan to transport its passengers to outer space, is Virgin Galactic. The airline has identified a potential risk factor for space travel. According to a Virgin Galactic spokesperson:

Bosses fear the implants may expand and burst due to cabin pressure, according to The Sun.



Better safe than sorry........be warned...........be very warned.

They're here........now......they're real..their breasts are not, remember the so-called Hollywood Hot Spot.....laden with females with fake breasts....they're there, beside you, perhaps they stewardess, she's bending over in front of you, there they are....waiting to explode out..............there in Arab lands.............a burka approaching........

Be very very warned.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



M.R.L. Approved British Made Car Prototype


Secret Squirrel here suggests a cost effective British built car,a vehicle of the future,today!Yes, Britain can return to car manufacture!!The Most Cost Effective Vehicle Ever!!
Secretly in a local Shanghai suburb, one man has created what has to be one of the most cost effective automobiles ever. China was chosen for the British car prototype due to the immense secrecy which can only be achieved in China, imagine American Automobile manufacturers attacking this latest threat to their former domination of the vehicular market.

The car has a very simple design, basically a bunch of wood scraps tied together with wire, four wheels, and a seat that can barely fit one person.

An open frame allows for a nice breeze, so an air conditioner is not required, and it even has a headlight.

No word on the gas mileage this things gets, but all in all the vehicle is pretty impressive, and fuel mileage will be dependent on the engine finally selected for the production vehicle, and will be available in economical single and much more powerful dual cylinder, four stroke and two stroke engine versions but on our budget it is anticipated to be very much like a lawnmower engine painted red.

Production models will be modified to include a convertable roof, and expanded by use of a tow ball to tow a trailer to increase versatility, and also allow for use of said trailer as a Rumble/Jump seat.

All that remains, what with the collapse of the American car manufacturers, is to jump in to an ever expanding market with a suitable British made production version.



-Secret Squirrel.

----------------------------------------------------------------

MRL's Secret Squirrel Solving Problems

Keywords:war,secret squirrel,mrl,texas,canada,annexation,colony,MP,
expenses,scandal,chunnel,sewage,floods,flooding,motors

M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War

Secret Squirrel has investigated the problem of war and has a solution to virtually do away with it,at least in terms of major loss of soldier's lives.
Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.

Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.

There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.

Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.

This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.

Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.

Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

...............................................................
Texas And Canada.......The MRL On The Future Annexation Of Texas, and The Re-Acquisition of the Former Colony Of Canada.

I,Secret Squirrel of the MRL have pondered the possibility of the annexation of Texas and re-acquiring Canada.
One recalls the earlier annexation of Texas by the United States, an annexation some term to have been illegal, indeed yet today, as actor Chuck Norris seeks to be President of the successionist Texas should that occur, there are claims that thousands of right wing cell groups have organized and are ready for a second American Revolution,but mostly it is claimed that his Fu has been Kunged one too many times.

Indeed annexation of Texas occurred immediately just AFTER Texas had won independence from Mexico, hence who could believe it would join anyone else.......and modern and British government officials of the day scholars state and have stated it is and was not legal under international law.Now we have a situation arising. Of course should Texas succeed from America, we in Britain would stand ready to extend our hand to the Texans to join Britain in the state it is today.Of course the Labour Party of the day is a great stumbling block, but should there be an MRL Government I firmly believe we would acquire Texas.

But aside from this example of the day, or a day, when a nation,America, struck when the iron was hot so to speak........in the above mentioned case, America annexing Texas in that day, there is a situation arising in the former colony of Canada which indicates a vulnerability is again arising, similar in nature to that of the Texas annexation conditions, a political and also military vulnerability that indicates that in a few short years, 2011, to be exact, we in Britain would be and should be ready to march the army in to Canada, ferocious bagpipers sweeping all opposition before them as their horrendous screeching is wont to do, and so sieze and annex Canada BEFORE the Americans do the same thing. Here I have secured a secretly televised intelligence analytical tape of the vulnerable state of Canada which the Americans have prepared. It was extremely difficult to secure such a copy but nevertheless I prevailed, and so here share that tape with you all. It most definatly indicates that America IS planning to march in to an undefended Canada, in similar fashion to the disputed annexation of Texas, but it also indicates the vulnerability of Canada to anybody, and it is Britain that should be first,now knowing what we know of the situation,learning form the mistakes of the past, the annexation of Texas, that it is Britain that should be first and reacquire and Annex the Former Crown Colony!!

Britain!!!!!...Learn From The Mistakes of the Past! Strike! Strike not as the French constantly Do, But Strike Whilst the Iron Is Hot!!!

Here is the secret intelligence tape I have acquired, from YouTube.......
an inviolate source as you shall see and hear........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcJn5XlbSFk

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

....................

MRL Cure For Britain's MP's Expense Abuses.

Secret Squirrel has a suggestion to deal with the MP expenses scandal.
What with all the sleeze and smarm concerning MP's conduct with respect to expenses,expense accounts, and various other forms of monetary drain and abuse of the public and the public purse, why not simply invent a system whereby MP's are paid what we ,in our state of economic enlightenment,call a salary,a single yearly fixed salary.Alternatively, a base fixed sum could be figured out,what with averaged expenses of all the MP's,once they've been "cleaned up",we present them with credit cards with a fixed sum for them to spend,as they see fit, and that's it, that's all.
Actors have this as something in case of travel problems,emergency health problems etc and what ever, and it is theirs in sum toto, in short, at the end, the card is expected to be empty. This works for actors, this pleases actors, this can work for MP's as well. No questions asked.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.
..............


The Great Wellington Sewage Chunnel

Secret Squirrel here attacks the great sewage problem Britain faces.
Indeed a great crisis is developing in Britain, that of sewage, which
ever increases in volume and quantity. Alas there is a solution
available, and solution left to us by our Roman Legacy, that of the
Roman ditch, and that of the engineering genius(which sometimes
surpasses the abilities of present day sanitation engineers, that water
flows downhill. Part of our situation which presents our solution, is
that Britain is in the enviable position of being on top of it all,
above all things as it were. What needs be done, quite simply, is that
all the sewage outlet pipes must be gathered to a common
place,Folkstone, and there led in to the Chunnel, which will provide the
British people with a much greater function than bringing Frenchman in
from France, rather it will Chunnel all of our sewage in to France, where it
will emerge in Calais, and so become a French problem.
And so, in and after such fashion, we will win the Battle Of Water and Loo, through the
application of the Great Wellington Sewage Chunnel.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister of ReDeranged ReEngineering

...................................
Floods
M.R.L. Flooding Solution

Secret Squirrel has noted that Britain suffers from repeated floods.
The government is in crisis, England is in crisis, England is flooding, and the government is England's crisis. Recent vents of flooding in Britain have touched me deeply, saddened me, disheartened me, having seen the vicious flooding in America's formerly Great City of New Orleans, and pondered the effects on the people of Britain. Indeed utter destruction was wrought in New Orleans, and was wrought in England as well.............no assistance was rendered, the people left to fend for themselves.

New Orleans was entirely the fault of a laggard American government, ignoring the pleas of the Mayor
and Citizenry alike, to expand,improve,shore up,renew and/or build new and more solid levees,quite simply, dyke structures. Britain's flooding is also the fault of a government laggard in it's behaviour, doing nothing to remedy the situation,the problems have continued to flood through governments past and present, as water through an American dyke. However there is engineering genius to be considered,British ingenuity, the adaptability of the British people in the face of adversity, all in the face of laggardly,inept, and ignorant governments which have allowed the problem to exist.

However, the problem can be solved quite easily with proper application of modern engineering techniques already existent.Indeed, I have THE solution.
It struck me quite plainly as I gazed on an amazing waterway,canal system, in Germany. I suddenly realized that one waterway crossed over the other, as a flyover, an overpass, one canal crossing above the other...............a canalway, in the sky, and in the ground. Well,here in Britain the idea will fly but the M.R.L. is more down to earth as are the engineering projects I endeavour to present. You see what needs be done is to live with both flood and non flood conditions. How? Well the German canal system is illustrative of this, it works, it's hardly leaking and collapsing as so many American unnecessary water canal projects do.Ours,however,is necessary. What we have to do, in each village and town, and interconnecting roadway, and within the towns, is to construct the roads themselves within walled dykes(I won't call the levees calling to mind the American travesty's of failed concrete walls). Now when it floods the water is contained within these canal roadways and channeled away when it's done, and back to dry road uses when it's gone. But how to live with this,how to maintain a dignified lifestyle? Well, quite simply it requires and adaptive change of lifestyle. All can be accommodated within any and all existent conditions, flood or no flood. Cars,vehicles, lorries, must now be of the amphibious type.

Recall the early amphicar,we all saw Branson's mucking about in one(no doubt a failed attempt to walk on water, the amphicar was as close as he could come).There are many varieties of such vehicles available. Look at the ingenious lorries the Cubans adapted to cross the sea to get to America. There are even yet amphi Recreational vehicles, allowing for caravan trips whilst in or out of flood conditions, indeed these can even be built as buses, for intercity, and in city transport of the population. Well now, we have accommodated transportation, business lorries, the common man's car, what of housing?

Well there are different approaches to actual housing for some may not prefer the amphi recreational bus vehicle. We can mount existing larger or smaller caravans, on barges(for those inclined to caravaning), and tether them to place,these will then rise and fall with the tide, or remain earthbound in event of non flood conditions,and so can still function as caravans in any and all conditions,allowing a waterworld,waterpark vacation in conditions of wet flood, and regular caravan camping in event of dry! Camp all around I should say! And,do! For those inclined to regular housing we can adapt as the Dutch have, with actual house type house boats, again tethering in place. What of larger edifices, well
the dying industry of cruise ships can be utilized and the ships transported to the flood areas and there they shall sit, or float depending on conditions,acting as buildings,apartments and whatever else form of other building is required.

Ah you say, what of air transit? Well, we do have, you know, existent, amphibious helicopters and yet aircraft of all types so each village can have it's own aerodrome-waterport, no problem there at all.

There, we have covered it all, solved it all, and easily with modern existent technology.Indeed the M.R.L. excels and revels in solving the problem which past and present governments have utterly failed at.The M.R.L. solution! Good for you! Good for us!


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.



....................................
MRL Squirrel Cage Motors

Secret Squirrel has discovered the secret truth behind squirrel cage motors.
Well, most definitely a plot has been discovered. Who's at the bottom of it all?
We are. Bottomed by the usual, the oil companies. Suppressed by whom? The oil companies.
And how?. Indeed and how! And what? Well, having pondered things, it suddenly came to me,was revealed to me, by no less than a squirrel, and it is Squirrel who reveals it to you.
What? Squirrel Cage Motors! Yes, we've all heard of them, and cruelly, we were forced to believe,
and have been taught, that these are Electric Motors. Yes! Electric. But how terribly wrong
it all is. Indeed, these motors,which have been around for years, being called squirrel cage motors, were in fact and are not REALLY so. Indeed they were discovered and started life, properly as they were,
as all things do.

They were discovered, then bought up and out and surppressed by the oil companies, and have only now been found out as they attempt to introduce electric motors to the automotive industry.
These squirrel cage motors were,in fact, and are indeed, much cheaper than we all think, or were led to believe. These started life as truly inexpensive forms of automotive propulsion, Squirrel Cage motors.

A secret prototype was found, discovered, and was seen, for the short time it was seen, until the prototype disappeared. It was seen that the actual motor was a squirrel cage system, a transmissioned caged system of squirrels running on treadmills, and so powered the vehicle, run on peanuts of course. Well let me tell you,they may claim it was never so, they may claim it isn't so, they may claim the prototype never existed, but we know differently, and they've done themselves in this time. Indeed, they destroyed the patents for the system,they don't even yet exist, and so new patents can be applied for, gotten,and possessed. And well shall solve our oil crisis with vehicles that run on peanuts, vehicles equipped with modern squirrel cage motors.

Of course, thinking of our squirrels, we shall have the squirrels also power, while they power the vehicle, electric generators, and so provide heat and comfort not only to the passengers, but also to themselves. Indeed we shall also not ignore and air conditioning system, for those hot summer days. This will be a truly pleasing vehicle not only to its owner,to the squirrels who power it, but also to the Greens, who if they don't like it can go take a running jump,and if they cared a hang for anybody they would be working in my recently acquired peanut fields. PETA can be ignored as the squirrels will be very well fed, cheaply, peanuts, and certainly not required for their fur, nor for food value so they will also be pleased, and appeased. The way to the future..............Squirrel's Cage Motors!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

The World Of Secret Squirrel...MRL,Monster Raving Loony Party

Keywords:

snow,war,debt,credit,secret squirrel,prison,MRL,
energy,car,prison,global,cooling,climate,warming,road rage


MRL Solve Britain's Snow Problem,Sells Snow To Canada

Yes, The MRL Secret Squirrel will solve Britain's snow problem by selling snow to Canada.The Olympics need snow,Britain doesn't.Canada has little required snow, Britain has too much it doesn't even yet need and this situation is proof positive of the laggardlyness of Britain's New Labour government. Proof positive of the need for MRL Government..................Yes! Here it is, the economic idea of the Century, but you can bet your snow galoshes that the Labour government won't pick up on this.................here.................read.............see for yourself.................the headline in the Daily Mirror.................

Winter Olympics snow shortage sees white stuff trucked in............
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/02/04/winter-olympics-snow-shortage-sees-white-stuff-trucked-in-picture-115875-22018101/

The Canadian Winter Olympic City......The Winter Olympics start next week - but host city Vancouver is suffering from a shortage of snow.

Yes! Well now, Britain has a great excess of the snow....................quite simply and properly using the political and economic system, of KISS, short for Keep It Simple Stupid................quite simply and economically put before the New Labour government..............sell our snow to Canada NOW!! While they need it and are receptive to buying it!! Solve their problem, gives them snow, solve our problem, gets rid of our snow.
The MRL, always solving political problems, economically!! Sutch is genius!!


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

*********************************************************

MRL,End Wars, Make War Hell,Make Peace Heaven,
(Or, "It Takes Two To Fight, Hell No We Won't Go",the New Army Motto).

Secret Squirrel says NO! to War!!War, good God yu'all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.it means destruction
Of innocent lives War means tears to thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go to fight and lose their lives.War, friend only to the undertaker.
It's an enemy to all mankind.

War is destructive, not only of people and property, but also of common
decency. I have offered other solutions to avoid war, as in not go to war or not have war.

The first was to send androids/robots/cyborgs/Boilerplates in place of actual men, but alas and alack,
present day governments(non MRL governments) have either ignored this or have lagged behind dragging their feet on the development of these,preferring to participate in wars and send men to die to do so.

Well, there was a second solution proposed, that of abolishing income tax. You see the original income
tax was put forward to fund wars and never removed since the governments of the day and today(not MRL), have taken a fancy to this war tax and going to war.

And then also,I also suggested a third,simply having a Paintball War in it's place, no one gets hurt,
no harm done, a winner a looser, abide by the outcome.But it seems there was fear in the government
about going to war in such a condition, the outcome being so very final.They regarded it as a game,a game in which there was the possibility of ................Loss...........Surrender.........Finality.

Well, in all finality it has come to this,the fact that well it was said, "War is Hell".Well, we can't
make it Heaven,and we can't continue to send our brave young men to Hell, nay it is the government of
the day (not MRL), which can go to Hell if it likes to. What I propose to do, is to make NOT going to
war, absolute Heaven, this would make the army (et all armed forces herewith further referred to as
army)far less WILLING to go to war. So what needs be done, what modern reforms of the military must be accomplished such that an existant army will not want to go to war?

1) Food, diet. Here we have two alternatives, they have a choice, full vegetarian diet, this will
reduce their weight, and sap their strength such that they cannot possibly carry their field equipment,
and finding it too hard would spend their time struggling and straggling with it such that going to war
on any kind of march would be utterly out of the question. The second alternative diet, high fat....in
short they'll pile on the lard such that the virtually same affect is achieved, but due to their high
bulk weight(personally I think these will be the happier lot, and probably will regard those
vegetarians as so many nutters).

2) We go to the Priesthood, the Chaplaincy to council and preach to the troops, preach to the troops the
religious gospels of universal peace and love for all,teaching,the Chaplains in the army must tend to
their religious beliefs, and encourage the religious beliefs of the army, mainly to teach and preach
religion to the army, that killing and maiming is evil, unnecessary, despised of by God,and that it is
much better to make love not war.

The Chaplains can teach the religious belief it is much better to love the enemy in and after whatever
fashion, and history has shown that many victorious armies have put that very principle in to practice,
all be it after a successful war,a sort of rite of celebration as it were, including pillaging and
whatever as I shall soon go it to....the pillaging part not the..........err............err.....never
mind.

3)Well now, the old adage,"Make love not war!",remembered from my hippy daze, certainly holds true,yes, a roll in the hay is worth much more than a roll in the mud of a battlefield any day of the week, and certainly those who have gone to war and know it have mentioned this as well.In the old days when there was a war, there was much much pillage and rape for example.Pillage enriched the warriors, and
rape,well satisfied them.The Japanese even brought things farther along and yet recruited those they
called comfort women to comfort soldiers,at least their Japanese soldiers..this was also done in the
American Union Army, recall the tented girls of General Hooker who camped out on 13th Street in
Washington,D.C., to the satisfaction of the Union Army, and displeasure of President Lincoln who may
have been,in actuality, a Eunuch...........but this Japanese technique of bringing the girls to battle
only served to encouraged wars and the going to war.

What we must do, is see to it that our soldiers pay is raised to at least comparable levels with those on welfare in Canada,so that the urge to go to war,risking death and maiming, to pillage is seen as utterly ridiculous,and totally out of the question.Now further to things ,recall certain European nations have legalized prostitution, well,so this job is now accepted,and legal, and so socially governmentally acceptable. So we must then legalize prostitution for the army and see to it women are recruited to that level of achievement,err rank.Quite simply the Canadian Army has thousands with the rank of sappers, generally acknowledging that the vast majority who go to the army are just that, saps. We can give the women a sort of comparable rank of say...Sackers.That will certainly sooth the savage beast,give'em a choice, either go to war or spend time in the sack with a comfortable woman,and a legal one at that!!! Now what else is to be done, look after their entertainment, after all idle hands make for work of the devil...

4) Recreation, the lads must have rest and recreation. This can easily be achieved by having camps of
sorts, resorts for them,on beach fronts,near to casinos and piers, in such lands as say Holland or
Denmark where,you know, girls have been legalized. And so, all work and no play, has been dealt with by a fine and long R&R (Rest and Recreation) vacation package for them. We could also offer say a cheaper version, if the budget couldn't afford this, of merely sending the lads to Sweden, where they could go door to door, knocking to visit the very bored and unsatisfied wives(as reported in so many surveys of them) of Swedes who are off working. And so the lads could have a jolly good knocked up vacation. Of course,with either vacation package, this would be interspersed with visits to pubs round and about, a sort of I&I (Intoxification and Intercourse).

5) After such a stay, the lads may be keyed up on their return And so they must be further trained,
trained to the rigors of life in bivouac conditions, roughing it, deprivational therapy,now off the
fine and fancy foods, on to rations, no baths etc etc etc that army life had PREVIOUSLY presented and
life which a war environment would present. Yes, from Hotel like accommodation, to the swine swill pit
of degradation, quite a contrast to sharpen their minds.After a suitable time, mandatory teaching of
meditation by master sargeants, to let the men concentrate on the fine life they had versus the harsh
reality of the war environment.

6) Further staff sergeants teaching sensitivity to the soldiers such as accepting the enemies customs,
or at least tolerating them. After all what results in wars is America's wish to bring American
behavior to the rest of the world,and so too their soldiers wish to do the same, thinking they are
doing the world a favor by substituting theirs, which is anathema to the religious beliefs,customs, and
habits of the people of the world generally,even to their their style of dress for example.Nay, we must
encourage toleration and acceptance of others. We just can't simply go shooting people in wars because they won't buy nor wear our brand of pants. Commanding officers must teach their men, encourage them, in the ways and paths of peace, and so vastly reduce their willingness to go to war.

7) We must encourage the army to accept people as they are,why just look at what the American General Honore did, in New Orleans, instructing his men NOT to shoot looters, and so he made a pacifist example of himself in refusing to give them the order to do so, and then ran about picking up and kissing their babies.......a much better task than killing people!!

8) And,finally, all guns and ammunition are to be kept securely locked up at all times, thus keeping
temptation out of the view of the army, resulting in a psychological advantage towards not going to
war, the weapons and instruments of war removed from temptation, and reminding them of their
vulnerability, again encouraging a pacifist attitude in the army.If they exhibited any urge towards the
use of weapons, we would simply direct this energy towards war games, affected with paintball guns, and so effectively work out of their system any form of misguided, misdirected aggression, in a
calm,peaceful,and utterly harmless fashion.

So, all these things being accomplished, should ever anyone attempt to send the army to a ridiculous
war, the army would have absolutely no encouragement to do so. In short, it takes two to fight a war,
one cannot simply war with oneself, and so, there would be no war, not today, not any other day.

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


*************************************************************
MRL Pays National Debt By Revolving Credit System

I,Secret Squirrel solve the National debt,by his revolving credit plan.Credit card companies have cheques that permit you to pay off another credit card company by using this cheque,paying credit card company A with a cheque from credit card company B,then paying credit card company B.

I propose we use the same system, but in a form of revolving credit for the National Debt. In short,we pay our debt off with national credit card company government accounts, with several such companies,without mentioning names, as we're dealing with the financial mechanics of the system,say A,B,C,D,E,we pay A with B's cheque,B with C's cheque etc and on to, and then when arriving at E's cheque,we pay A with E's cheque, and so enter the system round
about ever more, revolving credit revolves constantly, and so we maintain the national debt payments,fully, and so also garner an absolutely spotless credit rating, allowing us to borrow,print up, spend,whatever, yet more.

Everyone knows that such a burden of debt is far more easily borne when it's kept constantly moving instead of sitting heavily upon the nation. Mind you you do notice that none of the other existent political parties have mastered the financial economics of debt management that we in the MRL have.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

*****************************************************

I,Secret Squirrel have taken up to solving Britain's prison space shortage!
It's election time, and the political parties have taken up the issue of prison capacity in Britain,well so too has the MRL and solved it as well...........

So Labour has a prison capacity problem, the Conservatives are trying to solve the capacity problem.......but the MRL is much farther ahead and has solved it..............

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/7055836/Prison-ship-plan-under-consideration-by-Tories.html

Prison ship plan under consideration by Tories

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/8476507.stm

So,here's the MRL solution............

M.R.L. Solves Britain's Prison Overcrowding Problems .

There are severe problems in England what with prison overcrowding, and a general lack of prisons, arising from the extreme high cost of construction of such facilities, and maintenance of same in terms of prison staff etc. In the 60's arose a system of construction, prefab, which was used to construct several buildings, including the then considered ultra modern Habitat 67 at the Man and His World exhibition in the colony of Canada during the World's Fair of that year. Interesting, boxes piled one atop the other, sticking out here and there etc.and interesting piece of engineering.

This engineering principle was carried forwards to ships in the form of cargo containers, and can be stacked say 14,000 to a vessel, each container cell being say 20x8x8 in terms of feet, interestingly, the size of a prison cell, particularly those of the Americans in Guantanamo Bay. The idea presents itself. Now a prison at sea is a grand idea, utilizing containers,stacked, , expandable to the max limit, say 7 such ships could accommodate the entire prison population of Britain! However, these ships consume say 1660 gallons (imperial), of fuel an hour...........not worth the cost to send'em on a sea cruise is it?

But the idea has presented itself,also, a prison island, indeed yes, imagine an island in the Indian Ocean, not requiring heating costs,and not worth it, the air conditioning costs, merely a form of bed and breakfast,lunch,dinner...........a gigantic container ship type island, stacked with prison cells, as converted cargo containers, ever expandable..........look at Diego Garcia, an island almost abandoned, it could easily become the prison for Britain, indeed the name, Diego Garcia,Her Majesty's Prison For The Extremely Naughty, comes to mind.

Look at what is there now a large airbase with several long range runways constructed, as well as a harbor suitable for large naval vessels so delivery of prisoners and containers,yes converted and stacked shipping containers to house prisoners, to house new arrivals is a thing of utter ease.They can easily even be stacked in confused fashion such as Montreal Habitat 67 built for their World's Fair, 1967, a change from the drab and the ordinary.
As a territory of the United Kingdom, the head of state is Queen Elizabeth II. There is no Governor appointed to represent the Queen on the territory, as there are no native inhabitants. Thus the island itself is ideal, as an island, indeed, the lesser prisoners could act as guards and prison staff, making them useful to the full, reducing the costs of maintenance grandly, just requiring prison ship patrols about the island to prevent shall we say, prisoners attempting to break in to the island to enjoy it's lush location and tropical accommodation.Indeed the prison population could be left entirely to their own devices, being amongst their own kind so to speak, being on an island the island could be patrolled to see they couldn't escape in makeshift rafts etc.........and so the prison population would be entirely self-contained,only with suitable food deliveries brought.

But wait, there is yet another solution......exile,banishment........simply banish them to the colony of Canada.If Canada won't take these fine upstanding immigrants, then they could be smuggled in under a MI5/MI6 combined operation, and hidden amongst the Canadian Government members, there the Canadian public could never tell the difference.
Problem solved.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

********************************************************************
MRL To Tap Road Rage For Transportation Uses

I,Secret Squirrel,in studying car road rage,have found a use for it.
In continuing research and experimentation in virtually every field of science and political sciences, I have discovered research on the use of road rage in America to power cars. Evidently this shows great promise and was previously jealously hidden by the now bankrupt car companies and the rich oil companies who paid vast sums to hide this from the general public, it being a fuel cost free.Obviously this system would work in America, and certainly in France,and also in Italy, but sadly nowhere else in the world really...nevertheless, for our American cousins and for the French, and the Italians, I shall outline the system, and do consider that British development of such a system would be of value, and money could be made in those markets.

It seems that the system was first developed and researched by one Nicola Tesla(the father of Alternating Current), who discovered the psycho kinetic abilities could be harnessed during his research in to broadcast power, transmittable energy. One recalls Britain banning certain tele shows, depicting such broadcast power and also psycho kinetic energy,clearly they were attempting to ban and censor, hide from the public, a good thing, unquestionably influenced by the high power money CEO's of the American car companies, and of the greedy super
rich oil companies.In the summer of 1931, Nikola Tesla, the inventor of alternating current and the holder of some 1200 other U.S. patents, along with his nephew Peter Savo, installed a box on the front seat of a brand new Pierce-Arrow touring car at the company factory in Buffalo, New York. The box is said to have been 24 inches long, 12 inches wide and 6 inches high. Out of it protruded a 1.8 meter long antenna and two and one quarter inch metal rods. Inside the box was reputed to be some dozen vacuum tubes -- 70-L-7 type -- and other electrical parts. Two wire leads ran from the box to a newly-installed 40 inch long, 30 inch diameter AC motor that replaced the gasoline engine.

As the story goes, Tesla inserted the two metal rods and announced confidently, "We now have power" and then proceeded to drive the car for a week, "often at speeds of up to 90 mph." One account says the motor developed 1,800 rpm and got fairly hot when operating, requiring a cooling fan. The "converter" box is said to have generated enough electrical energy to also power the lights in a home.

The car is said to have ended up on a farm 20 miles outside of Buffalo, "not far from Niagara Falls."

The patents were first granted to Nikola Tesla, whose special hat pick up converts emotional energy into kinetic energy. Further secret research undoubtably continued in the American prison system,using the comdemned prisoners as guinea pigs in his experiment. These experiment undoubtably succeeded as it is stated that after a new style of hat was used in the electric chair, prisoners used to give off massive quantities of smoke and flames would shoot
out of their heads,during the excitation of the execution. Of course, nowadays this does not occur, as the experiment are over.

So the skull cap psychic energy converter exists that permits the harnessing of the limitless supply of bad temper generated daily by American drivers(and of course the French and Italian ones),all in the course of just normal driving.This special hat then transmits the energy to a motor system,through a converter which converts the psychic natural hatred of these
drivers in to useable electric energy........they simply generate,convert, and so burn the absolute pure white-hot hatred of their minds, with no harmful environmental emissions. So the average motorist traveling a clogged American highway will produce hundreds of thousands of kilowatts of pure hatred per infuriating drive,which, previously,before Tesla,was untapped.

Indeed there exists today, the.....................Tesla Motors, the Tesla motor cars,this company created to hide the true vehicle, the merest smoke screen of having the most efficient electric vehicle, 0-65 in 4 seconds(faster than an American Ferrarri)...250 miles to a charge....ha..simple battery that. But we're not fooled. We know what we're after, and we shall sell at such a price as to further infuriate the purchaser to contribute to the free fuel generation, and,I shudder to say this, but what the heck these will be for the American,French and Italian market, we shall use the typically ugly French car designs for the bodies, coupled with typical deficient Italian construction to see to it that the drivers are in a constant rage state just due to
those factors(hmmm that might well work in the rest of the world as well....further research and marketing research is indicated.).


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

********************************************************
MRL Proposes To Tax The Poor!!

The MRL's Secret Squirrel has determined that a tax on the poor will solve Britain's major money taxation input problems.You see,I was pondering ways that governments make money, and an MRL government could make money, and the biggest way is printing money,sort of. The US government,deeply in debt, millions in debt, then billions in debt, then trillions in debt, but still had the trillions to spend. Their method is to have the government print up treasury
Certificates, then go to the Treasury, present those and have money printed up according to the certificates which the Treasury happily keeps..then off goes the government and spend the money it printed up.

Well,if the rest of the world isn't doing this, it's certainly not cricket. Now, in Canada, where welfare reigns supreme, those on welfare get everything they need, they can purchase it, request the money from the Welfare and so have house,two cars, furniture, food,gas computer, satellite TV,cell phone etc etc etc, just like the rich have, but one wonders where Canada gets the money to support this, not having an economy. Well now, what if we combine the two systems.

Yes indeed, but how to apply it? Well, we just heavily tax.....................the poor.............yes! That's
right! Tax the poor! Those on welfare! Indeed they get taxed, go to the government and ask for the money to pay the tax,else they can't pay the tax you see. So, the government gives them the money, and then they pay the government the tax. Thusly the government earns and collects vast sums of tax money it can then spend.That's not cricket either, but that's taxation!! This also takes the tax burden off of those who can least afford it, those who work.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

************************************************************
MRL:Global Warming?What?Me Worry?

Secret Squirrel questions Global Warming? Global Warming? It's said that politicians are running about like Chicken Little!! The earth is warming!The earth is warming! Well, Nay, there are nay sayers, many nay sayers.........it's not Global Warming....It's Global Cooling. Why just look at things of the day..........Snow and ice in Bogota.......And record cold in Buenos Aires,England blanketed in the worst snow and cold it has ever experienced.Snow storms,ice,cold in Scotland, in Ireland,in China - but "it can't be blamed on Global Warming"?
Britain and Europe suffering from cold snaps, and they aren't getting less,
only worse.The threat of gas shortages has forced the National Grid to issue
an alert to power suppliers for the second time in its history as the Arctic
cold snap extended its grip across Britain, causing travel misery.Record snow
hits China and Korea.Winter is making the news -- "record cold" in Texas,
"killer blizzards" in Chicago, "arctic conditions" in Great Britain not to
mention record heating bills, and raw red hands in the lands of sunshine!
Banking on Global Warming? Best be banking in Iceland!!!

Just found (Dec 09) CIA cooling report: "The western world's leading
climatologists have confirmed reports of a detrimental global climatic change
cooling. The stability of most nations is based upon a dependable source of
food, but this stability will not be possible under the new climatic era. A
forecast by the University of Wisconsin projects that the Earth's climate is
returning to that of the neo-boreal era (1600-1850) - an era of drought,
famine, and political unrest in the western world.Leaked emails of
ClimateGate explain how scientists hid the present cooling .

Recently discovered is the Milankovitch hypothesis, explaining ice ages in terms of
cyclical variations in Earth's orbit with the sun.
The Milankovitch theory clearly implies that we are moving toward a return of
full ice age conditions. This process, of course, spreads over many
centuries. But, indications are, that, though glaciations last for millennium,
they come on with great suddenness.In 1974, Dr. George Kukla of the
Lamont-Doherty Geological Observatory noted a doubling of arctic snow cover
during the years 1968-1972. He also noted that average snow cover increased
by four million square kilometers during the bad winter of 1971. He estimated
that just seven consecutive winters of similar severity could establish ice
cover equal in area, if not in depth, to that of the last ice age.In the
1960s and 1970s, Global Cooling was all the fashion. Newsweek warned of it.No
political careers were built on fears of a milder Earth.Fashions change. As
Michael Crichton points out in State of Fear, one year it suddenly became
unfashionable to look at cooling factors in the Earth’s climate.There is also
no reason to think that there won’t be inconvenient short-term warming
effects. But we can’t predict them; we can’t predict the weather ten days in
advance.

Global Cooling, unlike warming, can happen as suddenly as the collapse of the
California real estate market.In the last few years the Pacific Ocean has
been losing its warmth and has recently started to cool down.This massive sea
cooling has major effects, vortex effects, increases in amount of hurricanes,
and cyclone.........increase in the numbers and range of vortex
tornadoes............all evident in the light of present day.

According to research conducted by Professor Don Easterbrook from Western
Washington University last November, the oceans and global temperatures are
correlated.

CO2 is used as an example of what they believe causes Global Warming,
however...Much evidence points to a marked scarcity of CO2 in today's
atmosphere relative to that of past ages,and those ages were periods of
warmth, and major growth and development of jungles. Many plant varieties
grow more rapidly and luxuriantly in an artificial atmosphere enriched with
five to ten times the present ambient CO2 concentration.There are other, less
obvious, consequences of global cooling. Expanding arctic ice cover means
that the anti-cyclonic arctic "air mass", the" circumpolar vortex", whose
flowing outer/southern edge has been named "the jet stream", bulges outward,
further southward, closer to the equator. The buffer zone separating it from
tropical air masses shrinks. When these meteorological opposites -- arctic
air masses and tropical air masses -- meet, violent, often tornadic
thunderstorms ensue. Tornadoes occur more frequently, with greater intensity,
and in places where they formerly occurred never or rarely. This is but one
example of the many ways in which cooling leads to increasing climatic
variability.

Climatic cooling involves feedbacks by which that cooling accelerates itself.
As ocean surface waters cool, they absorb more airborne CO2. Colder surface
waters also mean less water evaporation, hence less later water
re-precipitation over land, causing drought and desertification, changing
land surface reflectivity "albedo" in ways which further cooling.Global
cooling means shrinking growing seasons, as well as drought.

Reversing Global Cooling?Production of a capability to reverse this global
cooling trend may require a future very different than many today envision.
An all-out "Marshall Plan" mobilization to industrialize the Third World
might be designed to, among other benefits, bring fossil fuel CO2 production
up to levels sufficient to preclude renewed Milankovitch-cycles-sired global
glaciation.And here we see why Climate Conferences are failing, they are
actually meant to,meant to because they don't want to alarm the general
public concerning the true threat, that of Global Cooling, the resultant ice
age coming. Indeed they cloak the true issue in a fabric of lies, Global
Warming.the big lie. The conferences fail, and CO2 production etc continues
and actually increases,thus the general public is,in a political viewpoint,
protected from worrying about the true issue, rather seeing the false issue
as a threat to them ,which simply isn't an existent threat at all in the mind
of the politician such that there is no problem there for the public, the
public is safe, protected from worrying about the real massive frightening
condition of Global Cooling.

The solution itself, however,may become a new problem.Climatologists are
pessimistic that political leaders will take any positive action to
compensate for the climatic change, or even to allay its effects,beyond these
fake arranged do nothing smoke and shadow conventional climate conferences.

They concede that some of the more spectacular solutions proposed, such as
melting the Arctic ice cap by covering it with black soot or diverting arctic
rivers, might create problems far greater than those they
solve.............but we are seeing stated solutions to this problem are
presently working, since there have been noticeable reports of meltings taking
place in the Arctic nether regions.......................Do I worry about
Global Warming knowing all this? Nay!Nay say I! I do not, warm is
comfortable, cold is not..............it's cold I worry about.A wise investment? Parkas, fur lined galoshes,heaters,snow shovels.snowmobiles and snowblowers!!!! That's the ticket!!!!!

MRL,
Secret Squirrel,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.



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