Secret Squirrel To Ban People from War, Will Send Sheeple.

Secret Squirrel was suddenly startled in to wakefullness on reading and finding,an article in the Daily Mail to be found here...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2884920/Could-SHEEP-solve-problem-poor-Wi-Fi-signal-countryside-Animals-digital-collars-act-hotspots.html

  Quite literally it states that Britain's internet wifi (is) to be run by sheep....well,why not, the nation
 is! Indeed it basicly states that a Computer scientist Professor Gordon Blair,from Lancaster University. was recently awarded funding for a project to investigate how the Internet of Things could work in the countryside. Proposed ideas include sheep with digital collars.He was recently awarded £171,495 ($267,090) from the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council to set up a ‘smart’ project in Conwy, Wales.At Glastonbury, EE installed Wi-Fi cows to act as similar hotspots.Although these ‘cows’ were, in fact, just masts in the shape of the farmyard animals, the principle could work for livestock in the countryside.Earlier this year, sheep in Yorkshire were fitted with cameras to give a unique view of the Tour De France as it travelled through the county.

 However Squirrel then realized that Squirrel's research project, that involving sheep, the use of sheep, the application of sheep, to and in useful endeavours, may have been discovered and compromised. The arictle states, quite plainly and puts forwards and idea to, expand the nation's internet services, in the north in particular, through and by the utilization of sheep, sheep fitted with wifi internet boosters..... But Secret Squirrel, MRL, has been researching other uses for sheep in this great age of austerity. Note the government isn't researching this,nor is the government funding Squirrel, Squirrel being an direct opposition politician,MRL,(Monster Raving Loony Party) but Squirrel is pushing forwards with his own private researches, using his own private funds.....Squirrel has surmised that the government has gotten wind of Secret Squirrel's project and is trying to cover it's lack of abilities by introducing the wifi useage for sheep.......but Squirrel is not cowed, bowed, nor sheepish in his response and endeavours...nay not Squirrel.

Squirrel is continuing his Secret projects for the good of The Empire.Squirrel took his researches in to other areas of sheepdom as it were. Squirrel noted sheep have previously been used indiscriminately by the government in such uses as victims in poison gas tests, in testing mines, and mine fields,atom bomb testing, so sheep are.........to put it mildly, expendable,fully. Now Squirrel has never been happy with people going to war, but it did occur to Squirrel, nobody would mind if sheeple went to war. That's right, sheeple, in short sheep, sheep with guns, armed sheep.Indeed, this concept is extremely inexpensive...recall sheep just graze about on grass quite happily, and fields, such are battle fields, so in short, the sheeple army is in fact then self feeding...self sufficient, it forages happily as required...they don't have to be washed nor bathed.......indeed the sheeple army, controlled and directed by non combatant people officers, could even yet provide them with a grand lamb chop meal when required and so would,in fact ,feed and support their support. As to being directed to a war, war zone, etc, that could be accomplished easily by the army incorporating within it's canine corps, sheep dogs, no problem there. As to a supply of sheep, well, recently they proved that sheep could be cloned.......a never ending supply. In short, in place of soldiers send the trained sheeple....................here you see part of Secret Squirrel's project, using and training sheep, an army of sheep, an army of sheeple...........click on the links......

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http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090122064111/uncyclopedia/images/3/34/New_Zealand_Army_Soldier.jpg

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http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090122064111/uncyclopedia/images/3/34/New_Zealand_Army_Soldier.jpg


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Presents New Uniforms For The British Army.

Secret Squirrel, has a much better idea for the modernization of the British army, in the age of austerity.........new uniforms. Indeed there has always been much discussion over new uniforms, and much displeasure, over such things as materials necessary, the high cost of materials, the quantity of materials necessary. Indeed an answer to this is quite simply should materials cost more, then it is best to reduce the amount of materials necessary for use as uniforms. Indeed this is THE most obvious solution, which for some reason Squirrel cannot fathom eludes our modern day military leaders and our politicians. Squirrel has also taken in to account many many events in the past when changes were made to the uniforms there has always been much and most vicious debate in Parliament, amongst the politicians, and thence amongst the rank and file, as to the style of said uniform changes. Indeed, so as to avoid any conflicts or displeasures as to style, Squirrel consulted with the Great Designer (of fashionable clothes, a connaisseur in fashion design, The Great, SASQUATCHI. For uniforms note Squirrel was very frugal in keeping with planned government austerity programs however, in order to meet the requirement, and, I assure you, Squirrel's uniforms are by far the most inexpensive to date, and whilst offering the very greatest in style,functionality and, indeed a most wide range and selection of available styles and colors to choose from,Squirrel is sure, that whilst being the utterly lowest bidder, the government of the day will not select Squirrel's uniforms. Squirrel knows, the selection of those bidding highest,and higher are often yet selected over the wiser,more functional choices due to.............shall we say.......favoritism. Indeed, however yet, Squirrel, has here included links such that you can see Squirrel's favored uniform design, a clearly stylish and functional design,light in weight, well designed for the hot tropics Britain's soldiery are so oft subjected to,note the uniform does in no way shape nor form, hinder movement. Squirrel rejects,outrightly, any suggestion, that due to Squirrel being an MRL politician, of that of a conflict of interest......nay with these uniforms Squirrel and everyone else, shall most certainly be  and shall most certainly remain, interested. Indeed Squirrel has noted that in the past many politicians in Parliament have been conflictingly interested and disinterestingly unconflicted with respect to any interest what so ever in absolutely anything and everything, so ,Without further ado, here are the links to Squirrel's new military uniforms..........here is Britain's army of the future.....note full front, full back and full side views are presented............don't remain in the dark,do indeed click on the revealing links.......

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 Secret Squirrel,
 MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
 Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Sees Prisoners Sent To Colonize Venus

Secret Squirrel has seen, in the Daily Mail, a vision of things to come as seen by the Americans. Well it can be said that the Americans have their heads in the clouds, but so too then does Squirrel. Squirrel, however, has a far different vision of the shape of things to come, a more practical,firmly grounded in reality view of said future yet to come, as seen in the Daily Mail, found here......

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2882720/Is-Venus-humanity-s-home-NASA-envisions-city-solar-powered-helium-airships-Earth-s-searing-hot-twin.html

The article asks the question of us, Is Venus humanity's next home? Americans see Americans living there. NASA envisions a city of solar-powered helium airships above Earth's searing hot twin. Why weather the bone-chilling rocky surface of Mars when you could call the clouds of Venus' earth-like upper atmosphere home? This is their outlook on things. One does recall one Adolf's promise of a great,all inclusive, all expenses paid, travel included working..........vacation, to a certain privileged group of people  willing to accept. However, to continue, yes, indeed, they envisage cities in the clouds, people living in helium filled blimps floating above the clouds,on Venus. Of course Americans see things differently than do so many of everybody else in the world you know. Well, picture this, think of Venus as a safe house, millions of miles away, all that airless void that is space, in between. Between what...Earth and Venus...........Earth and whatever is sent to live there. Recall in the past Britain sent prisoners to America(the greatest number and hardest core), and Australia, the lessers of the criminals, the petty thieves,pick pockets etc (less in numbers to there,but in both cases, in efforts to colonize). One can't guess how and what they sent to Canada with it's notorious Siberian mirrored winters. But picture this.......send Britain's prisoners to live above the clouds of Venus! Indeed they would live there in perfect safety,serving out their terms,the hardest core sent there to enjoy the magnificently beautiful views above the clouds of Venus, living in a city in the clouds, a condo in the clouds, of Venus, and all that distance between here and Venus, in between! I should think that's a jolly much better idea isn't it all. And in keeping with the American NASA's views, the prisoners could colonize and whatever else they do! Should the Americans object to living with and amongst Britain's finest sent, the creme de la creme, objecting perhaps to finer ettiquetty and manners, well, we could quite simply have separate American and British blimps and so avoid any conflicts of customary behavioral differences.

Indeed, the only other thing we could do to make things perfect all round, is perhaps, to send our politicians there.....just to make sure it all works out well for everyone!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold)
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering

Secret Squirrel Ends Global Warming Problem By Creating More Fat People.

Secret Squirrel has seen the headlines screaming,such as "Global Warming! You're Responsible! What You Can do". Well,Secret Squirrel has pondered many scientific findings, and in doing so has usually
come up with rather interesting scientific and scientifically provable, and scientifically backed, facts, and, as always, has come up with a solution to the problem, in this case, the problem of global warming. Government is right, and government is wrong, but Squirrel is always right, scientifically provably right, and so cannot be wrong. Squirrel has discovered that the whole cause of global warming, and also yet the very cure to the problem of global warming, is ........ actually ....... FAT PEOPLE.
NOW, let Squirrel make this perfectly clear, Squirrel does NOT,in any way shape nor form, BLAME fat people .... nay not at all, Squirrel, does, in fact state that fat people can get us out of this global warming bind, the more, the merrier. Squirrel shall here go on to explain.

 Of course, the entire global warming issue, and problems associated directly and indirectly with the issue of global warming, is also most directly encompassed by and most directly affected by three (3) most important things in life, for a person, fat or slim, affected  by 1) Dieting, 2) Exercising, 3) Eating.

The body stores the excess protein or carbs in a person's diet in form of FAT, specifically, as triglyceride molecules, which consist of just three kinds of atoms: carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. For people to lose weight, their triglycerides must break up into building blocks, which happens in a process known as oxidation.

When a triglyceride is oxidized (or "burned up"), the process consumes many molecules of oxygen while producing carbon dioxide (CO2) and water (H2O) as waste products. Of course here entering in to the
equation also, involves the digestive generation of flatulence, fartings as it were and is,which, of course involves the direct food converted release of gas, warm gas in to the atmos thus directly increasing global warming and its effects. Of course, it is noted that those most guilty in the field
of fartings are, of course, Mexicans, due to their high bean diet. Here I cannot comment as to what would be better for the world, but fartings is certainly not one of them.

So, going on there, through the clouds of digestive scientific fartings, plainly put, to burn 10 kilograms (22 lbs.) of fat, a person needs to inhale 29 kg (64 lbs.) of oxygen. And the chemical process of burning that fat will produce 28 kg (62 lbs.) of carbon dioxide and 11 kg (24 lbs.) of water, the researchers calculated.The researchers showed that during weight loss, 84 percent of the fat that is lost turns into carbon dioxide and leaves the body through the lungs, whereas the remaining 16 percent becomes water. The calculations also show the frightening power of, for example, a small muffin over an hour of exercise: At rest, a person who weighs 154 pounds (70 kg) exhales just 8.9 mg of carbon with each breath. Even after an entire day, if this person only sits, sleeps, and does light activities,your typical couch potato, he or she exhales about 200 grams of carbon, the researchers calculated.
So,sadly, we all contribute to global warming, by merely eating and
digesting,however we must mention and make note of fat people, store far more efficiently and exhale, or whatever, far less of what they eat, so they are,in fact much more efficient.

However,consider, eating a 100 g muffin can cover 20 percent of what was lost, of course eating a full 10 recovers, easily ALL of what was lost. On the other hand, replacing one hour of rest with exercise such as jogging, removes an additional 40 g of carbon from the body, the researchers said. Even if one traces the fates of all the atoms in the body, the secret to weight loss remains the same: In order to lose weight, one needs to either eat less carbon or exercise more to remove extra
carbon from the body. What this all means, mostly, surely and directly, dieting,exercising INCREASE global warming most significantly AND FAT PEOPLE should never ever be allowed to diet nor exercise in any way shape nor form, and that forcing them to actually eat MORE will significantly DECREASE the amount of available carbon and thence carbon dioxide from the environment,PROVIDED that, they DO NOT DIET NOR EXERCISE, else they will significantly increase most greatly, available atmos carbon dioxide and hence result in an increase in global warming. So to maintain the present status quo in the world with respect to global warming, fat people must not exercise, must continue to eat, and must not exercise.Their further eating and lack of exercise will increase their bulk and so store much carbon dioxide which is now scrubbed from the environment and so safely stored.
They must avoid directly highly destructive dieting which can and will and shall cause the massive release of further grand quantities of carbon dioxide in to the atmos and so raise global warming to frightening levels.
To further decrease global warming, and its effects, we must therefor INCREASE the available amount of fat people. Doing so we shall most surely, and provably, all things not withstanding, rein in global warming, and ultimately, most easily control and finally end, global warming.

Yet what do we find, of course? Governments, most notably the American and The British government, actually are doing and encouraging the exact direct opposite. Yes, I shudder to think, but yet it is so, they encourage people to exercise, most severely. They encourage people to diet,they encourage people to reduce their body's fat content, and they encourage people to eat far less such that we do not and cannot generate more of the very much needed and scientifically cherished, worldly important, worldly influencing, fat storage people,in plain layman's terms really, simply put, fat people. A sad sorry state of affairs it is. But such is government, hardly the factual world, hardly the actual world, hardly the scientific world, hardly the world of sense and sensibility, hardly the world of Secret Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.