Secret Squirrel Sets The Time For All Time.

Secret Squirrel has pondered the many time zones in the world which we suffer from, flying through each necessitates resetting a watch, and finally, also affects the actual date,which creates the International Date line.Well,the time zones have to go, and taking with them the International Date line as a consequence,making things much easier and less confusing.Confused? Read on,consider Simon and Garfunkle sing.........Time,time,time,to see what's become of me........the group Chicago sings...Does anybody really know what time it is, does anybody really care about time? Man sees to have an obsession about time, time for this time for that, time to do this, time to do that. He even makes things difficult for himself concerning time,but if he has or had a maid, I suppose he could make time, I do. Goldie Hawn enlightened us concerning time, in her time, and all in good time, on the American tele program Rowan and Martin's Laugh In on the Educational section of Laugh In (Rowan and Martin)..Goldie Hawn enlightened us in and after this fashion....

here encapsulated from.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b7BGBa6MTI

"There are four time zones in the United States for example when you're having lunch in Chicago it's breakfast time in California.Of course if you're in Chicago you wouldn't feel like breakfast if you're from California because you've just had lunch.However for those living in New York it's dinner time while we're still eating lunch here in California which means the time is totally different as in the menu.All this is caused by the sun which cannot be everywhere you know otherwise it would never be night and we would never know when to eat dinner.Well in my time zone that's all the time I have but maybe in your time zone they haven't finished
yet."

Well explained, and I would certainly have her as my maid.

Taking things further on in proper consideration let us ponder.Having time zones creates problems virtually all the time, for example my cousin Matilda called from Greece,where she was vacationing, and there's a 6 hour time difference between there and where I was at that particular time,while between here,and Greece there is a 2 hour time difference, at the same time that there's the 6

hour difference in what we call the East Coast North American Colonial zone.Besides this virtual and real clash,there are even yet time disputes, say between Greenwich Mean Time which the world is on, and the American Co-Ordinated Universal Time,that of a second give or take,according to them,they,the Americans.Besides these we have Apparent Solar Time,Siderial Time,Mean Solar Time,Ephimeris Time,International Atomic Time,Terrestrial Dynamic Time,Barycentric Dynamical Time,Terrestrial Dynamical Time(which they now insist
on calling Terrestrial Time),Geocentric Coordinate Time,Barycentric Coordinate Time, and all whatever else names they have for time at any particular time.Oh well,let them have their way,whatever,and they can have CUT and the rest of the world can have GMT. All I really want to know is when it is time to do the maid, which I get from her,and when I get to get her, which is known as Time For The Maid,the most important time of the day.

They have different ways and means of measuring time, and things like The Senate Ways And Means Committee which often meets at any particular time, and probably discusses the ways and means of getting to their maids as well,or whatever they choose to call them. But, does it all really matter.You know that as we cross each artificially determined and set time zone, we must adjust our watches, either forwards or backwards as they,whoever,determined,which really doesn't affect nor have to do with my Maid Time,which occurs whenever it does. Now, I once fell asleep on the airplane, and lo and behold, when I woke up, I was in a different time from everybody else, I had time traveled it seems, they were ahead of me in time zones at that time, and I was behind them, but even having a different time, I still got my maid on time. I got used to having time traveled,you know being out of time,for that matter so had everybody else with respect to me, as they could be out of time, at the wrong time and whatever.I didn't matter to them, and they didn't matter to me, what only mattered was when was it time for the maid,and we couldn't affect anything as the maid would decide that.So, time zones don't really matter then do they.

Consider J. G. Ballard's Chronopolis,a short story of his.Chronopolis' - city of time - is an ironic name for a city that has no time,we are told that Newman is in prison for understanding time,Newman is 'serving time' for being obsessed with time ,the reason time was banned in Chronopolis,is because people couldn't stand being organised, and having a specific time to do everything. This was obviously not a good thing for them, as they ended up being too organised - everything was pre- planned. The population was split up into social classes - each of which had their own time zones, clocks, currency and library tickets. Each of these classes had their own colour: 'blue for executives, gold for professional classes, yellow for military and government officials... green for manual workers and so on.". It is easy to see why the people resented this - it is like our society taken to the extreme, where nobody has any free will, and cannot even choose when to watch television - 'your time programmed told you when you could switch on your T.V. set and when to switch off,we could be doomed to years of watching Celine Dion singing, which is the only way she could generatea tele audience in either case, heaven for her hell for all of us... the viewer's economic status obviously determined the choice of
program in Chronopolis, we'd have to pray we had sufficient status not to have to watch Celine Dion.

Eventually the population revolted,(many it seems were subjected to watching Celine Dion,this leading to the banning of time,so that it could never again be time to watch Celine Dion sing.In Chronopolis,there was a character, named Marshall and there he is the keeper of law and order in this chaotic world,of the future past in time. He has spent his whole life winding up as many clocks in Chronopolis as he possibly can (and now has 278 running), all on his own. Yet when Newman arrives, he discovers that they are seven and a half years out. It is ironic that Marshall has spent his whole life trying to bring back time, yet his time is completely distorted.The world of Chronopolis is in fact similar to ours in every single way - except for one point, the absence of time, which makes it completely different.Chronopolis emphasizes the human ability to cope and adjust to different situations - the people of Chronopolis have got used to a world without time, and almost forgotten they ever had it.And good for them too.

Consider the time zones as they are. It is x amount of time here, in Greece the time is X plus 6,they being ahead of us, So it is 6 o'clock here, say, so it is 12 o'clock in Greece at exactly the same time.So to call here or there at anytime, you have to consider the time here and there,or simply not care about it. Why change the time anyway, we could NOT change the clocks as we cross time zones, or even when we think we actually do by calling there, in short, we simply select the time given as in say Greenwich at the specific moment, as in say now, and declare it to be 6,o'clock, and set our clock accordingly, everywhere, and it is 6 o'clock and
time advances as it does and it will from there,everywhere,in short it is the same time at all times everywhere in the world. It is no longer 6 o'clock here, and 12 o'clock there, it IS precisely, 6 O'clock everywhere,and the same goes for all time, 5 o'clock is 5 o'clock everywhere else etc etc etc.Indeed it works out grandly.We keep AM PM,or use the 24 hour representation, call it World Time in either case. So all we have to know is "over there"is it day or night,at what time do we and they eat what, when stores and business are open etc. just like we do here,but concerning their time for things, as we really did before, without the ridiculous
and encumbering calculations required due to the presence of the differing time zones.We would still have and keep firm the anchor of GMT, securely we set all our clocks just once, to the time in Greenwich, GMT Midnight,(New Years always comes at GMT midnight,pm/am), and off we go with a nice standardized, unencumbered sane system of time,everybody's time, all at the same time,
all in time, all keeping in time at the same time.Now, I've fixed your clock and everybody else's,and it's about time too isn't it,and if you'll excuse me, it's time for............. the maid.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP (Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.