The World Of Secret Squirrel

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

MRl Solves Financial Crisis' Of Modern Times

Keywords:

mrl, money, currency,economy, financial, finances

MRL Solves Financial Crisis Of The Day,By Printing Money,Cheaply.


The core problem in today's financial crisis is that our beliefs about "money" have been shattered. We have lost faith in our "money". We woke up one morning and realized "money" wasn't real at all. It was just gone.Well I have discovered the system of the world that works in tiny third world countries, and in the illusionary high power economy nation of America.Now ponder this.

A Canadian company by the name British American Banknote Co., based in Ottawa - a subsidiary of Quebecor- has been printing large amounts of money for Somali Warlords, as reported in an article from the National Post of Canada on the 23rd June 99, and probably still does. They pay so much for the printing, and they get their money, lots more of their currency, printed up for them for their use.It worked.

Last Tuesday, the U.S. government announced that the budget deficit would reach $9 trillion over the next 10 years—$2 trillion more than previous projections. “That’s going to be negative for the dollar,” said Adam Boyton, a currency analyst at Deutsche Bank AG. Seeing the U.S. borrow so much will not increase investors’ faith in the dollar.The federal deficit/debt wants to try to reach Pluto. The answer is for the government to ask the Fed to just keep providing blank checks (ie, print money), ad infinitum.

According to the Telegraph, China has warned a top member of the US Federal Reserve that it is increasingly disturbed by the Fed's direct purchase of US Treasury bonds.
You see what happens there, is the US government prints up Treasury Bonds, they then go to the Federal Reserve,which prints up money. It prints up money and buys the Treasury Bonds from the government(American), thus giving the American government money, and the keep the Treasury Bonds(later they can shred and recycle them).It works............So, the US government which didn't have any money at any particular time, bailed out Enron,bailed out the car companies, ran massively expensive wars.........all with money it suddenly found it had by simply printing up the none existent money in to an existent world.

Well, what works for America should work for Britain. I propose we apply a combined Canadian and American system of printing up money. We use the printed Bond system that America uses, the British government printing up the bonds, and then have the Bank Of England buy the bonds, simply printing up the currency as we need, BUT we go with the cheaper system of having a foreign banknote printing company do the printing and so realize a greater saving by printing up in a cheaper location.
However, we go one better and perhaps heal our differences with the Zimbabwe government, and have the Zimbabwe Printing Company print up the required pounds at a really cheaped rate. Thus we have more money to spend, the government has an unlimited supply(look at the vast sums the American government procurred under its printing program).Since "money" is essentially a belief system, to solve our problem we need to recreate that belief system,produce and exhibit more money, increasing government spending in the private sectors, injecting money in to private businesses, injecting more money in to governmental social structure! As the French say,"Laissez Les Bons Temps Roullez", and it is money which makes the good times roll.Economic problems solved!!!!!!!!!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


.......................

Here's a bit of economic advice from me, Secret Squirrel,MRL,Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.......................

There's an easy way for the Republicans or Democrats to make money in this disgusting economic collapse situation, beside simply printing it up as necessary. What they should do, is simply tell the Canadians that their money is now worth only 50 cents U.S. Now since the Canadians have to buy from the U.S. in American dollars(since nobody else I'll take Canadian money anyway), what America offers to do, is to BUY up Canadian money giving them useful American money, $1 U.S. and $.1, Canadian taken in..........now that's 50% increase, as in 50 cents Canadian times two to the dollar(Canadian). Now since the British pound is pegged against the Canadian Dollar, we simply have to buy up British pounds using the Canadian money(since Britain has to take Canadian currency). What we then do with the British pound, is convert that to American money..............and PRESTO!! We've made a profit on the international money market, doubling our useful currency!! But are the Republicans or Democrats intelligent enough to do it? Britain should do this too but the New Labour government has far too much angst concerning the Canadians to make it work.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering

...................................................

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

MRL Alternate Theory Of Evolution

The time is ripe,the time is right,here,I,Secret Squirrel, do here expound the general theory of evolution of Mankind, my Theory Of The Evolution of Mankind,as God directed and intended,that Mankind is ascended from............Cats!!Most recently my theory of Cat Evolution has been supremely bolstered by the scientific
discovery of a 47-millon year old fossil(this would be the Cenozoic Tertiary Paleogenic Eocenic Lutetian period of earth),announced in 2009,which unquestionably has been stated to be the very Missing Link of Human Evolution,according to many sources such as the National Geographic, and the American Museum of Natural History where it was finally unveiled.This is indeed good news for scientists and researchers,especially those involved in proving evolution,evolution of human kind from cat kind.

Discovered in Germany's Messel Pit(Grube Messel, near Darmstadt, Germany),the newly found fossil looks like a cat. However, the 47 million-year-cat-looking fossil may represent, according to the scientists who found it, the long-lost missing link.Why is this cat-looking fossil is so important? Well, according to scientists who work in this field of science, it is because it has "opposable thumbs" (just like we, humans,unlike they, Primates(Anglican Church of England excepted or not,as the case may be, or otherwise) and fingernails instead of claws.

Basically, this fossil seems a cat,most definately not a Primate,or monkey as it were, but it has human-like characteristics. Its official scientific name is Darwinius masillae. The discovery was announced with much fanfare and was carefully publicized with a well-defined publicity campaign. Even yet, Google had made an interesting logo celebrating this discovery,recognizing the discovery for what it was, and is, proof that mankind has ascended from the cats.The discovery has been also reported by prestigious online scientific journal PLoS One.

Now we're getting in to things, personally I firmly believe that ,and always have believed that,firmly,we,the people, evolved,not from Primates, as in monkeys,as in apes,but definitely rather from Cats.We are most the preferred species,a species ascended most positively from Cats.Indeed it was during a visit to Washington,D.C,in the Autumn of 1992,that during a visit to the White House, in the Presidency of George H.W.Bush and Vice President Dan Quayle,that I expounded my theory of cat evolution, that we are ascended from cats,most definately NOT from monkeys,primates as it were and isn't.I recall I also met The Chrysanthemum Throne.We were on excellent speaking terms,I should say,and I was able to
resolve a confusing issue for Him as to the direction of things in Washington,and there I briefly mentioned my theory, as to it being most ridiculous that anyone should believe that we, humankind,were descended from such a ridiculous creature as a monkey.Of course I mentioned that we were most certainly ascended from the much more noble felines,cats,as it were.It evoked agreeing laughter from both Himself and His aides,most agreeable laughter.Quite obviously He too,and His aides, most firmly agreed that we,humankind, could not possibly have descended from such a
thing as laughably ridiculous as monkeys.

You see "Mankind" is the very mirror image of Cats, in behaviour. Indeed yes, Man is a very Catty person, in the truest definition of the term(especially the female of the species as you have no doubt noticed). In mating the competition is very much as Cats in the mating rituals, or attempts to mate. Indeed the deep steeped firmly in our past history, of serenading the female,is generally evolved from, derived from, the Cat serenade of his intended. We also have, in Mankind, the evidenced faithfulness of the Cat, indeed just look at Tiger Woods,caught out at 14 females and still counting (we may never know the true numbers)so very representative of the mating rituals and selection process of Cats, in short any female that moves.

Indeed Mankind is a very varied species, as are Cats,notice the Many different Cats,zounds and zooks the very earth abounds in Many different Cats, just as Mankind
is in differences,what we can call in both cases, the mixed,varied, and so called pure breeds.Indeed we are Catlike in our natures, our bathing,showering etc, Cats wash groom themselves constantly, and attention to grooming in Mankind in both male and female has a grand daily morning ritual in the very least, why I had a cousin who had a single hair and would carefully groom that in the bathroom for a half hour! Indeed, we see how thoroughly Cats groom,neatly too, this unquestionably picked up through hereditary passage and evolution of genes from stone age Cat
on up to Mankind.

The motherly instincts of our females are quite similar to Cats,a very few abandon their young,most take great care of their young until the time comes to pass them off to life, and they depart for the adventure that is life, much as we do on exiting high school or sooner for some, the same way......indeed the the adventerous adult life begins as they and we,exit the Cat basket to explore the world., it's in us all,Cats and Man, the capacity to be misfortunately
extremely territorial, the capacity for violence, the capacity for war,yes just throw Cats in a bag an look out, much as we here are,bagged in our nations, defending our territory against interlopers and intruders, invading their
territory as well, please, just as Cats do,we're all free range.Man is an obligate carnivore, just as Cats are, though we both have some herbivorous tendencies as well,reflected in both our food, and cat food. Also with respect to food, Man and
Cat, both have the ability to hunt,do take note. Monkeys, on the other hand are somewhat omnivores,mainly herbivorous
with very small tendencies towards meat or fowl,and fish,the reverse of Cats and Man.One can readily see our food link,between Cats and Man.As to breeding,Cats are selectively bred,Man is selectively bred, monkeys just aren't selectable,and really don't care.Indeed we also have many references to felines in our lives, such as exceptional partying males being referred to as being "cool cats".And as to our females, haven't we frequently stated, "What's new,PussyCat?',and on occaission we have heard them referenced to as being Puss in boots, or pussy.Affectionately we have all at one time or another referred to them in affectionate terms such as "kitty",or "kitten",and even yet sometimes as being sex kittens. NEVER!NEVER have we heard or used,"What's new, monkey?"

But how then,did Man evolve from Cats?Well,in a nutshell, as random genetic mutations occur within an organism's genetic code, the beneficial mutations are passed on to the next generation. Over time, beneficial mutations accumulate and the result is an entirely different organism (not just a variation of the
original, but an entirely different creature),whom has Many of the behavioural characteristics of the origin of the species, in this case, our species..........Cats.

Some Politicians of the day will claim, we the people, Man, is descended from the apes,they certainly seem to claim they did,at the very least,and just look at the apes, a gorilla ape farts a full 30 seconds,something no Man has yet
to achieve,and obviously won't,try as they might, and remember, so too does the female gorilla, not a very attractive prospect.Also apes don't groom themselves nor keep themselves as clean and neat as Mankind does, and as Cats do, nay, no indeed.

The ape thrashes itself about,making a monkey of itself,acting out,acting insanely,behaving in idiotic,chaotic,ridiculous fashion,much as do a lot of politicians,but nay not all.It is yet indeed possible that some Politicians branched off and did in fact develop from the apes,but certainly not the rest Mankind,merely a select few.These may have been what Darwin hit on,in direct association with Monarchs of the day, and politicians of the day, who funded his global journeys.Nay,Those Politicians are of a far different breed.As for myself,well I have it on very good authority that other Politicians, are indeed descended from pigs,swine,sows,enacting pork barrel politics,porkers those all are,a far different breed,yet another offshoot of evolution.Darwin had a theory of
evolution based on Politicians and on the Galapagos Islands, the turtles etc,and concluded that Mankind evolved, the so-called theory of evolution,much challenged throughout history.Many regarding Darwin as being mentally
challenged,particularly he was singled out by one so high as the Pope,and not one but Many and all Popes as well for his views. But we all
know what the outcome would've been had Darwin discovered Australia, don't we.Yes, indeed, there we have discovered Politicians who are in some cases rude,or roo'ed as it were,and so there we have a political lineage of some politicians descended from Kanga-roos,but most definately not the rest of mankind.In either case, they can't make a monkey,swine, nor roo out of me......................or.....................you?As you like it,if you prefer it,but I prefer.........cats.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Secret Squirrel On The Falklands Negotiations,The Japanese Planned Monster,& Flooding

Keywords:

floods, flooding, monster, Godzilla,Falklands, Puerto Rico,Spain, Britain, America, USA, war, negotiations



Secret Squirrel Muddies The Waters Of The Falklands.

Secret Squirrel has studied the Falklands politics of the day, and has seen fit to here muddy the waters of the Falklands,a technique he learned from his father, following the pub rules of argumentation and the spreading of and disseminating and countering all forms of false informations,politics, and various propagandas of any and all sorts of out sorts.Firstly let's consider The Americas,specificly the area encompassing the revolting colony of America. Now, firstly, the
Republic of Indian Stream resulted from an ambiguity in the Treaty of Paris (1783), which established the border between the newly independent US and the remainder of British North America(specificly the colony of the Canadas as it presently is today). It defined the border between the US and (what was to become) Canada in the north of New Hampshire as the northwesternmost head of the Connecticut
River. There are however several possibilities, as shown on the map: the heads of Hall’s, Indian and Perry Streams, and Third Lake, the origin of the Connecticut River itself.The US and Britain each interpreted the ambiguity to
their maximum advantage, the US considering Hall’s Stream the border between the two states, and Britain opting for the waterway beginning at Third Lake. As a result of this, the area in between was neither here nor there. Except for tax purposes. Both states sent tax and debt collectors into the area – which chagrined the inhabitants so much that they declared their independence… but only until the Americans and the British could sort out their differences.

July 9, 1832, the inhabitants revolted,against all,not only the Americans and America, but wrongly against Britain,and declared the disputed area to be a sovereign nation. Settlers drafted a constitution, which spelled out
the rights and obligations of the citizens. They instituted their own court system, issued their own stamps, established a militia, and did all they needed to be a self sufficient entity.Neither government was happy with the situation and continued to attempt enforcing its laws on the citizenry of the Indian Stream Republic. Then,in 1835, New Hampshire Militia invaded militarily, by means of military force and coercion , then occupied the area and the border was established according to the ‘maximalist’ American interpretation of the Treaty of Paris.Being declared
American by right of military invasion,seizure,annexation,in short American possession.

However,the situation/seizure/incorporation very much closely resembles the Falklands, and the present Falklands situation.One specific,Hillary Clinton,present American Secretary of State),wishes to be the intermediary in some such as she states, to be wished by her and the Americans, negotiations between Britain and the Argentinians(Argies),with respect to(disrespect to according to THEIR wishes,the people of the Falklands that is),the Falklands. In short, should the Americans "negotiate" the British withdrawal and renunciation of claim to the Falklands,or halving any such claim(as it seems both they,the American government,President, and one Hillary Clinton, the American Secretary of State,seems to wish),I feel that it is our moral obligation(ours, the MRL, since New Labour is politically immoral)to once again open and claim The former Republic of Indian Stream, and NOT merge it with the presently situationed colony of Canada, but keep it for ourselves.

Since America is intent on giving our Falklands to the Argentine's well then should we not see to it that THEY give Puerto Rico to the Spanish,once more,returning it as it were? I should think so, and indeed should events center on oil rights, then we must also support the giving of oil rights for offshore Puerto Rico to the Spanish,just to prove we're not selfish you know.

We should there for position ourselves such that we hold negotiations between America,and Spain,with respect to, the return of Puerto Rico to Spain, which first discovered and occupied it since 1493.......all the way to 1898, when the Americans by military force and invasion, removed both it and Cuba from Spanish possession.And we recall just recently that the Puerto Ricans voted against joining America, remaining,in preference,as sort of Puerto Rico's status as a semiautonomous Commonwealth,sort of but not quite,free associated state, colony, state and nation of the United States, not American,not part of America, but rather still stuck with the status of American territorial possession in reality,not free and independent being kept basically as a farm club for the development of the token
content Puerto Ricans allowed to play in the American baseball leagues. And that situation is ridiculously nowhere nears the Falklands,who are hardly by any means enslaved cricket players(won't find a Falklander in the British cricket leagues,no you won't,thank-you very much) but obviously a grave injustice all round,especially with respect to Spain,for whom we show our sympathies.


Secret Squirrel,

MRL,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),

Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.



..................................................................

Japan Inches Ever Closer to Building a Real Gundam
Posted at 6:00 AM Jan 11, 2008

Gundamreal!!

That darned Japan! As soon as you beat them in a World War, in just over 60 years, they're already planning on building giant war robots...or at least pricing them out. Official Pal o' TR Gia sent me this troubling link,.........
a translation of a post on Japan's Science and Technology Agency's Japanese SciencePortal website, which figures the official cost of making a real, moving, 60-foot-tall Gundam mobile suit at a mere $725,000,000.

You can check out how the costs break down at the article on Pink Tentacle, but it does not include labor in the final tally, or beam sabers, or locating an emotionally damaged 15-year-old boy to be the pilot (although in all honesty, those last things seem to be a dime a dozen in Japan)............here presented............................




$725,000,000 Gundam
11 Jan 2008

Gundam -- Ever wondered how much it would cost to build a working, life-sized Gundam robot? At least $725 million for the parts and materials, according to an estimate published on the SciencePortal website run by the Japan Science and Technology Agency. The price tag for this giant humanoid, which would stand 18 meters (60 feet) tall and weigh 43.4 metric tons (nearly 100,000 lbs), does not include the cost of labor (this is where an extensive pool of robot slave labor comes in handy), nor does it include the cost of the infrastructure needed to support the machine once you are ready to climb aboard and take it for a walk.

Estimated cost of Gundam parts:
ITEM UNIT COST QTY COST
Aluminum alloy (honeycomb) $1,800 43,875 $79,000,000
(+ Metal manufacturing/processing) $240,000,000
Main computer (IBM) $1,550,000 1 $1,550,000
Gas turbine engines (GE) $52,000,000 7 $364,000,000
Superconductive motors (IHI) $260,000 30 $7,800,000
Motor drivers $260,000 30 $7,800,000
Reducers $760,000 30 $22,800,000
Sensors $910,000
Cockpit $450,000
TOTAL: $724,310,000

Note that unlike in the anime, the Gundam described here would merely be able to walk — it would not have the ability to fly or have any fancy weaponry. Also, instead of Gundanium, the robot would be covered in aluminum alloy plating.

Gundam -- An IBM Blue Gene supercomputer would serve as the Gundam’s computer system ($1.5 million sounds like a steal), and its movements would be driven by 30 giant 400KW motors — 12 in the legs, 2 in the torso, 14 in the arms, and 2 in the neck. A 400KW motor is quite powerful — by comparison, the Shinkansen bullet train uses a 300KW motor. The motors alone would cost $7.8 million, but to power them would require the equivalent of 7 Apache helicopter engines (the helicopters cost an estimated $52 million each).

While $700 million is a lot of money (more than the GDP of Liberia, Grenada and a dozen or so other nations), it does not seem like so much when you compare it to the cost of other large-scale machinery. Military tanks costs around $4 to $7 million each, commercial passenger planes cost around $200 to $300 million, rockets can cost around $100 million to launch, expensive fighter jets can cost billions, and aircraft carriers cost about $5 billion.

A robot of this size and stature would face a number of physical challenges, such as the inability to walk without completely destroying the ground surface beneath its feet. When humans walk, we exert about 1.5 times our body weight of pressure on the ground (and on our feet) with each step. This poses a huge problem for a 43-ton humanoid, which would probably need to have very wide feet (to distribute the pressure over a larger area) and walk very very slowly. Dinosaurs found a way to get around, though, so giant robots probably can, too.

But perhaps the greatest challenge of all would be to find the funding for an enormous walking machine with no apparent practical or military application. With no money, this Gundam will forever remain just a dream.


Long before Pearl Harbour, the Australians warned the Americans about the Japanese, as I recall at the time,before Pearl Harbour,the Australians were being attacked by the Japanese...............and indeed, Chamberlain was warned,solidly, about the Germans,but then at the time it was said he was eating Polish\French sausages and had adapted to a liking of them..................shunned and being shunned by everyone else. And so it is for us to regard these intelligence reports in a very grave light and,of course, warn our existing government of the impending Japanese invasion using these giant robots. Imagine, all those years of those Japanese monster and robot movies, the merest tactical planning inscrutably hidden from sight....................be warned..................whatever will we send against them as first wave.........Labourmen in Bunny suits?
--------------------------------------------------


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


.......................................................................


Emergency MRL Flood Floatation Equipment

As floods occur, the local populace is always imperiled. No matter what, incumbent governments ignore the
problems, stating the waters will subside if one simply waits, and also that flooding won't occur again,such as occurred in the middle of England ......it does, point in fact ,but in the meanwhile the local populace,which is the people of England, suffer,worry, drown etc etc etc.

Indeed they suffered yet again,as well,in the city of New Orleans in the former colony of the Americas...........indeed 7inches of a rain storm, and the populace was once again waist deep in water. While the occurrence was suppressed in the Americas press, I made note of the fact and set my engineering skills to work. What needs be done? To assist the populace to float through such events,to enable them to empower them, to be able to weather a flood whenever it suddenly occurs,whether government acknowledges the flood occurring or not! Indeed how to deal with such a sudden event,how to be ever ready for such an event? Well, the best course of action is to wear devices such that the populace could ever be ready. Now wearing bulky life vests is on the ridiculous side, so we must turn our engineering expertness to the actual design of clothes themselves. Now, we usually have two forms of weather, mostly hot or extremely regularly warm, and a touch on the cooler side.

Well now I have discovered, existent a ready made solution for the female population, the bikini, the bikini with suitable inflatable water wing breasts! Indeed, this would benefit in terms of style as the female could have a larger set of bristols,zoomers or whatever they are referred to, and at the same time,in the event of a flood could maximally inflate such that they become life saving ,buoyant water wings...as is show in the accompanying picture.

For the cooler days, a dress could be worn, an inflatable dress,but not only inflatable, one that inflates into a full size kayak boat dress and so save the wearing much discomfort and worry during flood situations...again see the accompanying picture of the kayak dress as it could be used.Indeed we in the MRL would see to it, that every female in Britain would be provided,gratis, as in free, as in at no cost to them, one of each of these items. Of course, they might like to purchase more for their wardrobe but that extra cost would have to be born by them. As for males, a suitable pair of blowup kayak pants could be developed for their supply and use.

Indeed as ever, hands reaching out across the water to our misfortunate colonials in The Americas, particularly New Orleans,we could also sent up not lend lease as they provided during our war ,but rather borrow rental during this period of their meteorological war.

See accompanying images of these fascinating,useful and necessary flood clothing items.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Secret Squirel,Major Problem Solver

keywords:

war,flooding,fake,butts,implants,aircraft,terrorists,terrorism,pneumatics,trains,transportation,subway,New Orleans

Secret Squirrel Investigates Fake Cosmetic Butt Implants

My intelligence operatives have informed of developments which are quite frightening,
heightening the dangers to us all. The Plastique explosive firms are scrambling to get rid of their ageing explosives,dump them somehow and have improperly stated them as being stable for life, whilst all the while quietly and secretly have been moving them in to the plastique surgery field, commencing with fake breasts,hoping to get rid of their dangerous unpurchased stockpiles. In the field of breast implants we have learned that heat build up has provably caused them to explode, most notably those hidden beneath extremely heat containing,concentrating burkas. Also the explosive becomes unstable and expands with a sudden disastrous catastrophic explosion as can occur in aircraft as the pressure decreases at altitude,as has
been previously revealed,40,000 feet in altitude has proven to be highly disastrous in many cases.The efforts of the plastique producers know no bounds, they are totally out of control, and uncontrollable.Politicians say nothing for fear of public retribution.But all will explode out one day, with catastrophic results.

But now, there's much more to come, this disposal of plastique has just recently commenced to have been moved in to yet another field of plastique surgery implants, those of fake butts. There has been reported a sudden explosion in fake behinds,obviously the effect of the unstable plastique. Imagine though, yet, the terrorists getting wind of these unnatural natural events in the plastique field.

Imagine now, the terrorists getting a suitable suicide kamakazi candidate, under the knife, and there stuffing his, or her, butt with plastique. Just look at the size of some people with absolutely huge as*es accepted in society, why it's so common that no records have been kept of the world's largest as*,though speculation goes to a woman who weighed 1,400 pounds.Imagine the extent of an explosion such a large as*ed person could trigger in comparison with the simple burka breast bomber.Airlines commonly have large butted passengers, removing seat rests to accommodate,adding extra seat belt lengtheners to accommodate, moving them in to first class.There it sits, that great big large as*ed person, it could be that terrorist exploding butt of mass destruction.

The mind boggles how much plastique these people could stuff in to their butts. And how easily and undetectable such a large as*ed fake butt person could get past airport scanners and on to an aircraft,and there to.......to.........to..........

Believe you me, aboard aircraft,walking down the street, the worst is yet to come.



Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

..................................................................




M.R.L. Solves The Problem With War

Boilerplate was a mechanical man developed by Professor Archibald Campion during the 1880s and unveiled at the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition.
Built in a small Chicago laboratory, Boilerplate was originally designed as a prototype soldier for use in resolving the conflicts of nations. Although it was the only such prototype, Boilerplate was eventually able to exercise its proposed function by participating in several combat actions.

Now whilst it is highly desirable for robots to go and fight wars instead of people, there is a snag, and that being that at present my vacuum cleaner is a conscientious objector and refuses to go.

There is an alternative to this rather messy quest for oil.....err..........war business. It might be arranged and negotiated worldwide by an M.R.L. government, Sutch that our and other nations present magnificent warriors need not die. In fact it could be set up that each nation that wishes to war over some issue or other, send a selected fixed number team, and the other opposing nation do the same, to an
appointed suitable for warfare, dueling ground.

Now instead of weapons, these lads will be given a flag to defend,suitably, and sent to Duke it out, as it were(Oh my, I've found a use for the idle aristocracy).The rules of course, will be similar to capture the flag but as the requirement is to have a war there will be an equal numbered army, and thence be armed as paintball gun equipped warriors, and sent out, to duel,to an obviously painted victory. To the victor go the spoils, yes indeed the other nation surrenders.Of course paintball weapons are preferred over the supersoakers,which were considered, as it's much easier to tell hits and things rather than stand and declare war over who shot who first where,when and how badly.

This will do away with all that messy killing, the need for surface and submerged warships,war aircraft, surface military vehicles etc. resulting in an immense saving in fuels and oils.

Of course, we in the M.R.L. are no slouches when it comes to our projects, our preparations for when we are the right and proper government, it is our divine mission, our sacred mission to achieve government and properly rule the people. And so, bearing this in mind, look about you, paintball is there,paintball exists, paintball is in action,paintball is in the fields, paintball rules, in short we're at the field testing stage now.

Now as for the military as having been a major source of employment, well what was the military can now be given shovels and as a work army sent out to dig roads and whatever else needs be done for the good of the general public...picking up trash...........cutting lawns and tending gardens for the elderly
etc, employed just as they were, but not to mostly sit about as layabouts,as most all do nowadays unless there's an increase in demand for global oil, but to do useful things for the nation.


Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister for Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


.................................................

Secret Squirrel Ponders New Orleans,In Retrospect..


New Orleans is on the road to recovery......many years after,what we all knew immediately and yet even before, the judges have decided that the government was to blame for the flooding of New Orleans................compensation of a paltry sorts it seems will occur...................and host of pick pockets, tarot card readers, street musicians, drug salesmen and refugee Tonton Macoute Security Guards recently return .......descending on the city as it deals with it's own recovery.

Ah well I have pondered New Orleans, seen it happen, heartfelt sympathies all round,and so turning my attention and experteese to the problem, extending a helping hand across the waters as it were, and so to the people of New Orleans,I have a threefold program for the future ........

1) Preventing it happening again.
2) Dealing with it.
or
3) Living with it.

Well, Hurricane Katrina, and the United States Government, left New Orleans, ponchi, victims of improperly constructed government levees, refusals by the government to shore up,improve,modernize the levees, pumps which were supposedly capable of pumping out water from New Orleans as fast as it came in, but pumps where those manning the pumps, took a powder and ran for it,without turning them on.The governments answer, more pumps,more people manning the pumps.Then we recall the arrival of the army to help, with it's General, Honore, telling the people,"I have
arrived!Here, have a bottle of water."., and then prancing about kissing babies.And there they were,comabt troops, a lot of fingers but not really any good at plugging holes in dykes.Yes New Orleans was abandoned, by the Government.

And what happened to New Orleans, well, nowadays one can view maps of Underwater New Orleans, a submerged city as it were, but,misfortunately ,deemed of no archeological value. Indeed, levees failed and broke, levees within the city itself.Why? New Orleans is riddled with canals, and intrusive demi canal regions.Indeed one little used total canal runs through New Orleans entirely, the nowadays called Richie Rich Canal since it seems its only purpose was and is to provide a way for a very few rich boaters, the boat people of America, to access from Lake Ponchtrain,the gulf area.Projects of idiocy, projects of idiots, the same could have been done a few miles farther off,to the side of New Orleans, with the canal and threat far away from the city, and so not endanger,constantly, New Orleans. But failed government,failed engineering, failed governmental planning, resulted in the idiot canals of New Orleans today. I have suggested that the canals be entirely sealed off, leaving Lake Ponchetrain in the very LEAST, but isolated from being far less able to cause and flooding threats to New Orleans, and at the very best,Lake Ponchetrain itself, sealed off, and totally and utterly, drained.Also, making use of
the Project Molehole, you recall this, drilling a hole down as far as they could go, miles, in actual hopes of finding the mole people and having them attack the Soviets(what with the recent events in the Soviet Union, this secret project may actually have been successful, but it certainly did result in massive numbers of Chuds invading New York.).What we do is, in the exact center of New Orleans flooded
out area, the deepest part, we drill a hole three feet wide, and miles down.Simply put as it is now, New Orleans is very much like a bathtub, but a bathtub without a drain, we simple add a drain...........the US government with its many pumps, can suck and blow as much as it likes,but face it, you really can't do very much without a really good hole.

But,zounds and zooks,alas and alack, there really is no rhyme and reason in the American government of the day,lack of action,lack of insight,lack of intelligence, much as it was in the beginning, so it was, and is and ever shall be.....ignorant.Far too ignorant to actually solve any problems of any kind. So what's to be done in light of the government's constant forays in to the idiocy of misrule? Well, I encourage the American people of New Orleans, take heed,Be
Prepared. How? Well one has various technological developments available nowadays, that have evolved.

Firstly, housing......been about for generations actually, and....even
yet.............houseboats. Thing is to sit your house boat up on blocks, and sufficiently rope anchor it in place such that the house can be released to float in case of flooding......transport..personal? Well, there's the Amphicar you know.City transit? Investment in amphibious buses, these have been developed in Europe, without doubt in preparation for the global warming effect of flooding out the Dutch, since basically nobody cares about the dutch except for those nautically inclined companies. Air travel? there are amphibious helicopters,and amphibious
aircraft..........so things are pretty much covered there. What of sudden flooding, can it be dealt with? Indeed yes it can. Bikini clothing has been developed in which the breasts can be inflated to any desired size, by means of air. Merely here we adapt the bar itself as a bra, and so females will be prepared for sudden flooding, merely emergency increase the inflation of the bar and one has instant
water wings. Indeed, the Japanese have developed inflatable kayak dresses, yes, the dress inflates and acts as a personal kayak!Also while it'sgrand to have a chicken in every pot, in the case of New Orleans, it's best have a lifevest on every lamppost.

Ah but what is to be done should New Orleans once again flood? Well, having had all of the above mentioned, things will be peachy actually, water rises, so what, water subsides, back to normal to await the next occurrence! Alternatively though, one can simply wall in New Orleans, and so retain the flood waters, with all of the above, things will work grandly, and New Orleans will be the Venice of America!!As they say, one must adapt, and go with the flow.


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.


..............................................

MRL Things of Political Atmospherics


Well now, the MRL is hardly full of air, hot or otherwise, but engineeringwise, we know how to generate a cyclone of interest in our engineering projects. Indeed, as we proceed in modern times with our backsides to the future, it was to posterity that we looked and found a new method of transportation technology that has fallen by the wayside.Obviously we cannot allow this to go unnoticed but must move
forwards by taking steps backwards and applying this technology to subway(tube), and above ground transportation as it was intended to do, by men of great vision and foresight, the engineering plans dashed by men of futuristic hindsight who saw to it's failure.

The great engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel was converted to atmospheric or pneumatic railways, first mooted in 1810, after witnessing a demonstration in Ireland in September 1844. The system, which had been patented in 1838, entailed the use of a cast-iron tube laid between rails, to which carriages were
attached by a valve. Pumping stations powered by steam engines at the side of the track forced air out of the tubes, thereby creating a vacuum to one side of the carriages and an "atmosphere" to the other, thus propelling them along.

The Alfred Ely Beach Pneumatic Railway was New York City’s earliest subway. It had a single station located in the basement of the house located at the corner of Warren Street and Broadway.Passengers were carried in a car pushed forward by the pneumatic pressure generated by a huge fan. At the end of the tunnel, near Murray Street, the car stopped. The rotation of the fan was reversed and the car was "sucked" back to Warren Street station.

I too, have been converted to atmospheric plans so intend to revive the genius of these two great engineers and combine it with my own grand engineering techniques. A major problem with the systems was the generation and loss of air it seems. Of course modern technology can be applied to solve these lossy gas problems.
Also the method of generation of air was not up to standards even in those days. Nowadays we have all learned, politicians axed the plans of these great men and they were were full of hot air,full of the air of nothing. Knowing this, I shall apply these political failures to become great successes, in short, we need air, politicians generate air, and also, let me tell you, politicians really suck. By
stationing each operating day, politicians suitably in stations at each end of the system, there they can read their long winded speeches with the air of nothing, at one end they will blow out their hot air, and at the other, we will have the lot who really suck. By having mixed sets at each end, one set of each, and suitably having one set blowing air at one end, and at the destination end we will the set who really suck working..............so we will move our passenger cars through the system.
We will never be at a loss for air. So to will modern politicians be made to work for the people!


Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Britain Pays For Scots To Have Far Better Benefits

Keywords:

scotland,england,labour,social,benefits,inequality,health,care,schools,tuition,hospitals,northern ireland


England,Wales,Northern Ireland Pay For Scots To Enjoy Far Better Social Benefits Than They Have,All Under Labour Government.


Scotland receives

• Free prescriptions,which will cost English taxpayers £50 million a year.

• £22 billion "subsidy" paid to Scotland.

• £1,500 a year per head more than England to spend on schools and hospitals.

• Free tuition fees for all students from 2009, while students in England and Wales must pay up to £3,000 a year for their studies.

• Access to expensive state- oftheart drugs for illnesses such as Alzheimer's and eye disease, which are not available on the NHS in England.

• Free personal care for the elderly

• Free central heating installation for all pensioners

• Free eye tests and, by the end of the year, free dental checks

• Better rates of public sector pay for nurses and other workers.

• Discounted bus travel for teenagers and free travel for pensioners


So, since Labour has provided all this for Scotland,I propose that Labour should also have provided this all for England,Wales, and Northern Ireland as well, and is completely and utterly remiss in not having done so.In all equity,equality and fairness, it should be so endeavoured to provide the British people ,the rest of the United Kingdom, those left out,England,Wales and Northern Ireland,equality with the people of Scotland, in short total equality, egality,fraternity, for all within the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland,all for one, all for all, but misfortunately, Britain is forced to Labour on.

Friday, March 19, 2010

MRL Secret Squirrel Prime Minister Of Britain?

Keywords:

prime minister,election,House Of Lords,House of Commons,government,New Labour,Conservatives,Tory,Tories, abolish,reform,politics,dictators,vote


MRL,Secret Squirrel To Be Prime Minister?

Interestingly,in my very deep and extensive researches,in the cloistered hallowed halls, in the hidden,secretive and closely guarded ares,in the mysterious areas of ,The London Library,amongst the stacks of cretinous idiocy which are the books of
politics and government,I have made a fascinating and utterly legal and regal discovery!!

Legally, the Queen has the power to appoint whomever She wishes to be the Prime Minister. Equally, if She so decided, She could appoint nobody to the office and could keep it vacant. There is no legal requirement even that the person appointed as Prime Minister be a Member of Parliament.Conventionally, however, the Prime Minister is the leader of the party with an overall majority of seats in the House of Commons. However, what with Tony Blair,who came and went, and has basically by himself destroyed Britain,and the advent of Gordon Brown not quite as bad,but in far
less time.I've seen more intelligent creatures than them lying on their backs at the bottom of ponds.I've seen better organized creatures running around farmyards with their heads cut off.There have been more useful things than they thrown out in the refuse heap.If any of them stood beside a rubbish tip bin, the sanitation crew would haul'em off...Just look at them as selected Prime Ministers, at their handling of Britain,the economy,the wars(shouldn't have any of those,shouldn't have to, not statesmen they),why ......one can only conclude that Her present selections of said Majority Party head have not been all that good, as a matter of fact,unforgettably disastrous.She could, if She wished, run in to a Kindergarten and select Little Fauntleroy,The Even Younger, and he or she could hardly do worse than Blair, or Brown.

Now in Her powers that be, being able to select somebody who hasn't been elected, and not having even yet to select from a political party........thence I have concluded that since I really am the most stupendous best man for the job................well...................will somebody be so kind as to bend Her ear such that She select me, I, Secret Squirrel,the NEXT Prime Minister of The United Kingdom and Northern Ireland!!!!!!! She may actually have forgotten that at that time, the time of appointment of HER Prime Minister,that SHE has the absolute authority and ability to select the Prime Minister, whomsoever She wishes! Then I shall become the 78th Prime Minister,counting from Sir Robert Walpole,and I shall pass the duration of time of Lord Salisbury, and Lord Liverpool, and so I,Secret Squirrel,shall be all that is required in that role for the duration. Secret Squirrel,THE man for the job.The right man! For a change!

Secret Squirrel,Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland!!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Secret Squirrel On The Spain Morocco Bridge Project

Keywords:

bridge,engineering,spain,morocco,africa,europe,mrl


Secret Squirrel applies his brilliant engineering genius to a futuristic Africa Europe bridge project.

Secret Squirrel Critiques A Formerly Secret Project,
The Spain Morocco Bridge...........

Note the comments of Secret Squirrel, there noted as being between brackets,braces or whatever you prefer to call those () things.......as in this fashion......(etc xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx etc)......

Strait of Gibraltar Bridge Project

United States architect, Eugene Tsui,.... (seem he's really a Chinese)... has designed the longest bridge in the world spanning the Strait of Gibraltar and connecting the continents of Europe and Africa.At present,though, this is just imaginary, cloud talk as it were,however we shall look at it severely and critique the project from engineering and financial aspects. Now this revolutionary design does not resemble any existing bridge and features an original floating and submerging tunnel type concept...

(Ha! Not a bridge at all then,I can detect a fake project, a money laundering scheme of immense proportions,money laundered in the waters of the Mediterranean,a dream,so much water under the bridge)...

while creating a three mile wide floating island in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea....

(floating island indeed, does England float,does the Isle Of Mann float, does the Isle of Wight float?Nay! Islands don't float,proven fact,floating islands,he'll be trying to float loans to build this).....

From this newly created island a person could view both the European and African continents for the first time in human history....

(who really wants to gaze at Afrique from Spain, and whom in Spain wants to gaze at Afrique?)......

When construction begins it would be the biggest architectural project in the world—and the most ecological—dwarfing Three Gorges Dam in China and Ground Zero in New York City-- and would instantly become the greatest tourist destination on Earth....

(Now what form of village idiot would want to see a bridge,not even Frenchman take holidays to see a bridge)....

Spanning about 9 miles the 14.5 kilometer floating bridge contains 150 windmills and 80 underwater tidal turbines generating 12 billion kilowatt hours of electricity. Windmills and turbines can be easily added to the design as needed...

(Well, to do what may I ask,was supposed to be a bridge,now they're trying to claim it's some form of electrical generation power project,getting in to the realms of grandiose fantasy here)...

The bridge can generate enough electricity to power the southern Spanish province of Cadiz and the entire nation of Morocco making it the largest wind and water power farm in the world...

(one immediately notices that they don't want to do this, power the Spanish province of Cadiz, and the entire nation of Morocco,seems this plan may just be a guise to tell'em to go suck oranges)......

This feature allows the bridge to pay for itself many times over in electrical generation not to mention tourist dollars....

(This doesn't do England not a spot of good,Britain will get none of it, Britain will have none of it)....

This is the first truly viable design in a long history of attempting to connect both continents.....

(Nay, a child can do it, simply draw a line or two across, and color it in, job's done, seen it done hundreds of times, they do it everyday, nothing new there, and doesn't cost a pence,viable design, designs work for children too, but just wait till they try build it).....

The design utilizes the natural current flow of the Strait and its constant winds and does not disturb the existing ecology and marine life of the site...

(Current flow?Current flow? The Mediterranean's been filled in for centuries, it's like a bowl,it can't hold any more, and none flows out as it's all at sea level, level mind! And, staying in reality and strictly on the level, current flow? The bridge,any bridge, is unlikely to be able to reverse current flow in any river,lake,stream,gorge or as we have it,the Mediterranean Sea,utilizes natural current flow, can hardly effect it one way or the other,imbecility at best,he's reduced to smoke screen effects to impress people, not impressed, utterly irrelevant......)......

Cost to build the bridge is ten billion U.S. dollars and would be a joint governmental partnership between Morocco, France and Spain....

(Ha! U.S. dollars! Spain has Pesos or some such, France has Francs-hot dogs-and Morocco has Moroccans.......dollars indeed, U.S. dollars no less,whenever THEY steal, it's in U.S. dollars, one can see a financial plot in the making,fraud,embezzlement...no doubt for the floating island, I bet there's a plan to install bilk pumps).

The bridge is designed to float gracefully on and under the water........

(Under the water..... yes, it'll sink,they're planning ahead, for when it sinks.built in to the design they say,built to do that,that's most definitely a slip there)......

like a giant, elegant serpent....

(serpent---child like idiotic dream state fantasy emerging,serpents swim off you know,there are none in my bathtub anymore, they swam off when I hit 6 years old)...

anchored to the cities of Tarifa on the southern coast of Spain to Point Cires on the northern tip of Morocco....

(anchored,anchored,indeed,to keep it floating off?T'is a bridge...it won't float, the idea won't float, and all that will float, is they off with the investment money,that'll float off, reminds me I must by a life preserver vest before the board meeting)......

The first mile of the bridge extends out from the coast line and then gradually slopes under the Mediterranean for two miles at a maximum depth of 200 meters or 658 feet...

(Yes, they're introducing that sinking feeling, won't hold water, just like the U.S. Big Dig Boston tunnel which leaks,the chunnel which also leaks, in fact they've yet to build a tunnel under water which doesn't leak)....

The bridge then slopes upward to a center floating island of three miles in length and continues down underwater again to slope up and come out onto the neighboring continent. The design allows very large ships to pass unimpeded within a four mile width where the bridge is submerged and leaves marine currents undisturbed...

(It'll never work, we've got Frenchman and Germans all at sea, look at the sunken wreck in the English Channel, in broad daylight, with 15 miles of Channel to the side of it and they hit the wreck, they'll hit this thing for sure)....

Eugene Tsui’s Strait of Gibraltar Floating Bridge, as a tourist attraction, would potentially double Spain’s 50 million annual tourists...

(seasonal cockroaches and summer locusts don't count as tourists in Britain)....

and significantly increase Morocco’s current 2.3 million annual tourists to a whopping 60 million....

(that'd be vermin and lice brought in by French diplomats,and Whoppings indeed,how will they afford the trip in the first place?)...,

a potential increase of 2600% or 26 times the current annual influx.......

(probably means nobody's coming presently and anything would help Spanish tourism.....).....

This amounts to over 8 billion U.S. dollars to each country annually...

(the Americans decided not to give the money to the drowned New Orleans natives,nor spend it on proper levees.......errr.........dykes.......may prefer spending on Washington dykes,local talent and some such,be money much better spent there)....

not to mention the significant increase in tourism to both continents......

(Interesting, people moving about constitutes tourism, we simply must get'em off the benches in Hyde Park,American tourism figures must shoot up with each New Orleans hurricane,yes I can see the travel posters now, Visit Spain!Visit Morocco!See a Bridge!).........oh grand that will be ,yes.........).....

In other words, Tsui’s bridge design has the potential to jump start the entire economy of north Africa and possibly the entire African continent in one project. No doubt it would be the Eighth Wonder Of The World....

(Spain and Morocco having an economy would do that?It's true, we've never seen'em work at it,or anything else for that matter)........

What about traffic congestion for the 60 or more million travelers who will cross the bridge?...

(Can't possibly fit that many,can't fit 60 Million in the colony of Canada,and who'd want to live there, notice there just aren't that many, how'd they fit on a bridge,just no room for'em to thrash about.).....

There are 24 lanes total for motor vehicle traffic.....

(yes! And my rocket design had room for 6 million pounds of food);

8 lanes for automobile traffic in each direction and 4 lanes for trucks and buses

(Busing, this I understand, but trucking, surely we aren't yet allowed to do that in public)....

4 standard train tracks and 2 high speed trains complete the motor vehicle accommodations

(Idiocy here, motor vehicle , wouldn't need any having roadways,more evidence of fake design plans)...

In addition, 5 elevated 30 meter wide pedestrian lanes accommodate people who wish to walk, bicycle, ride camels and horses

(14.5kilometers,to walk,nobody would walk that,clearly a fake plan).......

Lush gardens, trees, flowers, waterfalls, rest areas and drinking fountains surround all pedestrian areas....

(The Hanging Gardens of Babylon,yes, and an army of Greeks and Trojans putting on fighting displays, whilst in the waters Roman Galleys will fight mock battles with Carthagenians to amuse those traversing the bridge,utter TRIPE).......

which are raised one meter above motor vehicle lanes for safety. The bridge is designed to be an experience and destination in itself with an estimated 150,000 to 300,000 traveling daily and 500,000 persons at peak seasons and special days of the year......................

(well those might be real figures,the Africans'd all go on the march to move to Spain and France)

At the three mile wide center of the bridge is a floating island which contains 150 windmills

(All that sucking and blowing they must intend to install the U.S. government there,complete with the American Senate pages and White House interns),

the world’s largest enclosed convention and exhibition area 2 kilometers long, 140 meters high, 250 meters wide with 23 floors at 20 meter ceiling height with 500,000 meters squared on each floor and 1 million square meters of total parking space...

(always add a convention center, that's what attracts U.S. financing,provided you have local strip clubs,yes, sure build it and they will come, just look at Dubai,can't get tourists there,why ever should they come to see a bridge..?)....

The island is a veritable city flanked by 120 meter high light houses, outdoor performance plazas, theaters, giant outdoor bazaars

(bazaars..........the whole plan is bizarre)

and food markets, rolling hills of grass, flowers, trees, parks, water lagoons, bays, 50 meter high waterfalls and fountains, drinking and feeding troughs for animals, bathrooms, giant tented markets and kiosks, two large marinas for boats and tourist ships, photovoltiac solar electricity farms, constructed wetlands for raw sewage and grey water and ecological desalination plants

(Well, now they've gone to building a city,t'was supposed to be a bridge).

Similar accommodations are located at the bridge ends as it joins Tarifa and Point Cires...

(Yes, and don't forget the signs-Accommodation,Food,Fuel,Next Exit).....

The structure of the bridge is a series of fish-shaped sections.......

(oh but they're showing no mercy here are they,fish entire project is fishy)......,

like the vertebrae of a spinal column, which are attached and locked, in overlapping fashion,...

(Overlapping.....Clinker built, just like the entire plan,chuck bung full of clinker)...

to one another by giant water-proof criscrossing cables in four directions. The sections are prefabricated on land and floated out in sections to their position. Certain sections have a water ballast area that fills with water and sinks to a calculated depth....

(Won't have to ,the whole project won't float)....

When the bridge is set in place the cables are tightened and the entire bridge is locked in place to form an arch in plan....

(arch, yes, notice not an architect in the plan anywhere to be seen)......

and an undulating tube in section...

(Nay! Not undulating like some giant dildo?Well, we're getting screwed here.Well, he is Chinese, and all those things come from China)......

The Island portion of the bridge floats on a series of hexagonally braced floating pontoons 60 meters wide...

(War surplus I suppose)......

The specially design lattice system allows the island to absorb wave and wind action. It is flexible to diffuse stresses pushing upon it. A triple cable system is employed in case a single cable breaks which would be highly improbable...

(Yes, improbable, but not the probable seems mentioned)....

So far, no cable bridges have ever broken...

(That's because there haven't been any built of cable, rope,sisal, and vines yes, and they have broken, but none of cable since they haven't done it yet, no, they've used other designs)......

There will be a period of tightening and adjusting and then the bridge will be in place forever....

(only in the minds of idiots in mental wards and houses).......

The bridge is made of waterproof concrete, electrolytic concrete, stainless steel and anodized aluminum.......

(Is made of?Is made of?Ha! Not been made yet, nor will it be,just look at that,IS made of).......

Air passes rapidly through the underwater sections through a phenomenon called the Venturi effect where higher air is attracted to closed spaces and accelerates through these spaces to create a natural airflow and constant exchange of air with no mechanical power needed.....

(Yes, just like farts through the minds of the plan's designers)....

All along the bridge are many areas for rest, music and dance performances....

(oh God! Not Morris Dancers too!).......,

kiosks and open market bazaars.....

(They're sucking up to the Arabs here, employ a few in a fake Casbah, but notice no chippies or curry take-outs........bad planning there.................and like the French built Versailles of the Thousand rooms.....no toilets mentioned in the entire plan,anywhere).......

Flowers, trees, pools and waterfalls separate pedestrians from motor vehicles......

(Never work, pedestrians would get mowed down like people at an Arab bombing,no barrier at all really)....

It is a true extension of both African and European cultures come together on a road 14.5 kilometers long (9 miles) in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea...

(They're right there, no Spaniard or Arab driver will ever yield way).....

A spectacular setting with the smells, sights and sounds of European and African cultures stir the imagination....

(Beans,Mushrooms and Fallafel will do it every time)...


However there was and is yet another plan,much less idiocy,much less grandiose,much less costly.....................let's have a look at that one, it is much more sane however,so we're now moving from the ridiculous to the sublime

The last attempt at a bridge designed to span the Strait of Gibraltar was a design by U.S. engineer T.Y.Lin......

(Another Chinese)...

in 1986 which would require three support pylons one mile high and footings that plunge to the sea bottom one half mile down underwater and then sink an additional quarter of a mile destroying the existing ecology of the sea bottom surrounding it significantly disturbing the marine environment of the area.....

(On the other hand they didn't think that creating a kilometers long and wide island would crush and destroy anywhere near the amount of marine life that a few dozens of feet thick and broad pylons would do)....

Lin’s design was based on previous traditional bridge concepts and was similar to the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco enlarged to five times its original size. Currently, the longest existing bridge is the Seto Ohashi Kojima bridge 13.22 kilometers long and built in 1988 for $8.3 billion dollars. It does not float..

(I have that sinking feeling ,but pity this is the only design that could float, and so,they've ignored it without a doubt)...

Tsui’s design is revolutionary in that it floats....

(Only in his mind)..,

completely eliminating the need for and cost of, giant support pylons and the tremendous and dangerous labor cost of constructing giant footings in place....

(He seem to prefer thousands of Chinese coolies).....

His bridge design is also held together....

(mentally,no doubt).......

in tension....

(definitely under Mental tension)......

instead of compression making it much more able to absorb and dissipate stresses pushing and pulling on it...

(Note the use of psychiatric terminology)....

When asked about how he developed the concept he states, “I asked myself how nature would create a bridge to span the Strait of Gibraltar and this is the result. I have formed a partnership with nature and discovered nature’s power to design and problem solve far surpasses all the computers on earth.”.....

(Now this really explains why his plan could and would never possibly work).

But now let's get serious here...............

Myself, Secret Squirrel,being constructive,and of sound mind,firmly grounded in reality, I would modify Lin's plan, and combine a touch of Tsui's plan, in that it would be best to create three small islands,but not floating islands, actually islands, easily by constantly dumping rock etc landfill in the required areas until the island required emerges for us to use. It works, it worked for the construction of the Expo 67 islands in the midst of the st. Lawrence River, using landfill rock from the city of Montreal's then being constructed subway system, so the system of constructing artificial islands most definitely does proveably work.Obviously thence islands whose construction would not impact marine life in the slightest as in their construction all marine life would go round and those misfortunately trapped beneath the island constructions would be crushed and so not exist as such, much as Tsui's massive floating island would do, and they,the constructed islands, would be impervious to the sea's poundings and the sea rage crash happiness of French and German captains, and on those islands we could install the electric generator windmill pylons needed to generate electricity just as did Lin's plan. Of course, such pylons could be made much more sound then as well, thus adding to the bridge's stability and strength.In short,my plan is yet much more sound,cheaper, and actually workably viable....but then again, why don't they just simply go with a tunnel??

Secret Squirrel
M.R.L.
Minister Of Re-Deranged Re-Engineering