Secret Squirrel On Politicians

The time has come for I ,Secret Squirrel, MRL member and politician, the rightwise M.P,(that's Member Of Parlament in case you were unaware), for Her Majesty's enclave in the colony of Canada, of Dunny On The Wold,elected by the voter
by a margin of 16,454 to zero,to comment on the quality of, meself being a politician, on the politicians of the day, on the politics of the day,and whom and what they exactly are, as being revealed by the events of the day.
Now let us consider the political issue of global warming.The politicians of the day generally stand against global warming, preferring the freezing effect of global cooling. Indeed, we, the people, are men indeed, and men in need, of global
warming, but the politicians of the day are anti global warming. Well if there was pasta,they'd be anti pasta, if there was pasto, they'd be anti-pasto, and they are,and the reverse when challenged on that,backwards,forward, inside,out,whenever as always, men for all season, men for all reasons, men for all the issues,pro and con, and at the reverse times, otherwise, to please yourself.

Are they doing anybody any favors? Are they for doing anybody any favours, except, of course for themselves and in the best interests of themselves?Indeed no. You see they wish to end global warming,as an examplary issue to be
considered. Now consider, the climate warms up, no more winter, no snow, no cold, year round warm,balmy(not barmy), temperatures, year round growing season for farmers, people would have food past their behinds, they would happily bask in the sun, enjoy swimming year round, no snow to shovel, no freezing cold to endure, a climate just like Australia. But do the politicians want that for you? Nay!Nay they say! Swinery it all is, they're not in politics for you, they're not doing you any favors. They claim that global warming will flood Holland.Well, it wouldn't flood
anything else, so what of the Dutch, let'em learn to swim, let'em live in houseboats, or let'em immigrate to Australia,that's the solution, and all would be well for we, the people.

Well what of the economy, where do the politicians stand on the economy?Right on top of it they say,getting to the bottom of it they say, top,bottom everything's uncovered and the people get the shaft.I Squirrel in the course of my economic research discovered a direct an dindisputable correlation between the height
of skirts, and the economy.Short skirts great economy, long skirts bust economy, but did you see any politicians wearing skirts, short skirts in an attempt to get the economy to imporve, to wax fat, to grow, to expand? Nay, not they,except of course, for Sean Connery and the rest of the Scottish politicians,but then again they're always running madly about in skirts.

Well now, what are then the actual components of being what they are,the politician? For one thing, politicians are never really for the people, they're for themselves,very much you see, and for.those known as lobbyists, those
contributing to their campaign election fund, which politicians have learned how tap for various other things, such as junkets with their goumars or whatever their bedroom girlfriend intern groupie secretaries are called,buying a house out in the country, and apartment in the city etc etc etc. Of course this means these contributions are in fact, bribes.So you,the politician, work for their interests which is in your interest as they provide you will all that readily available and spendable money.If you get high enough, that's also cash for honors,being a Honorable Member,the biggest member in the House so to speak,until the public decides to castrate you.

So what else are you, the politician? You,sir, are a liar, a pinnochio, or whatever it is called,your pants are on fire(also for any available interns or secretaries or whatever else happens along).If you want to get elected you have to say, or do, whatever it takes,and in and after the same fashion, to stay so. It helps to disregard the facts, disregard the truth, disregard right and wrong, disregard what's good for the people you represent … and lie, lie, lie. Lying is what works. Lying is what gets you elected. And re-elected. A successful politician is a successful liar.

As a politician, rules and laws and morality do not apply to you. As a politician, feel free to do whatever you want; hire hookers, have affairs, hire a car and driver at taxpayers' expense, go on expensive junkets at taxpayers' expense, take bribes, drive drunk, cheat on your taxes and behave as badly as you wish. Not to worry, no matter what sins and crimes you commit, you won't go to jail and you won't lose your incredibly generous government pension and benefits. Remember, as a politician you are above the law. You don't have to follow the laws… you MAKE the
laws!American politicians are most successful at it, openly so, in and about the media and the press, they are survivors, it is expected of them.British politicians, on the other hand, are much more discrete, they are rarely found out, but in difference to their American cousins, usually do suffer ejection from the government, or the House for it,sadly, but such is the success of a failure.Of course, throughout, you are happily spending,spending spending, the taxpayers money,amnd you are always voting yourself increase to cover your many many expenses,.Remember to always claim all your expense, who,after all, reads the expense sheet and whom are you responsible to? You're responsible to
nobody as it were, as the past has shown many many times,And remember, always vote to raise taxes, everybody does, as it supplies them,and you, with more of the taxpayers money.
Remember also, that you are, above all things two faced, as two faced as an indian basket.As a successful politician you have to be ready to change your mind at the drop of a hat, depending on which way the wind blows. As a politician
you need only pay attention to the polls and, whatever viewpoint is winning in the polls, start spouting that viewpoint ASAP. Then go and do whatever you want. Never listen to others, never listen to what the voters want,but tell them you do,and never ever listen to your conscience,a politician never ever has a conscience , and never listen to your heart (if you even have a heart). Never admit when you're wrong and never let doing the right thing get in the way of playing politics.

Narcissism is an occupation for political leaders. You have to have an outsized ambition and an outsized ego to be a politician,think of yourself as master of your own universe and your own set of ethical structures, your own sense of decision-making. If this is you, then you are a bona fide died in the wool tried and true, politician.And if you're pondering being a politician, and any of the above aren't you, then you will never ever be a politician.

Sceret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.