Secret Squirrel Solves Everybody's Prison Problems.

Secret Squirrel's attention has been drawn to an interesting headline in America........
"America Is Finally Closing Prisons. Now What Do We Do With Them?The trickiest reuse challenge yet."
as was expounded at
 http://www.citylab.com/design/2012/12/america-finally-closing-
prisons-now-what-do-them/4083/

There they state, and I quote,directly,

"Two years ago, the federal Bureau of Justice Statistics announced a
small data point marking an inglorious milestone: In 2009, America’s
prison population declined, and for the first time in decades. This
meant, to frame the news another way, that until that year, dating
all the way back to 1972, America had been in the business of
constantly imprisoning more and more people. During that time,
incarceration – and constructing sprawling complexes and boxy
cellblocks to accommodate it – had become something of a great
American growth industry.
Since then, the trend appears to be holding. In 2011, 13 states were
closing prisons or in the process of it. Michigan has now closed 22
facilities since 2002. New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo
announced plans last year to close seven. And legislators in Texas –
a state that had tripled its prison capacity since the late '80s –
recently opted to close the 102-year-old Sugar Land prison. Last
week, the BJS confirmed that prison populations are on the decline
for the third year in a row, and an arc is beginning to take shape.
Prisons will be particularly difficult to re-purpose."

And here ends the informative epistle.

But Squirrel has also noticed yet another headline, stating basically,
"The chief inspector of prisons has attacked the state of prisons in
England and Wales after dozens of full jails were told to take more
inmates."

Nick Hardwick said "political and policy failure" was behind dangerous overcrowding in the publicly-run jails." and this was noticed at
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-27847007

There is serious overcrowding mentioned, in all prisons, both public and private,the average is 65% over capacity over the total 20 public prisons,and similar averages over the private prisons in Britain. In short there is no room,they've just not capacity for more prisoners. It figures if they increase capacity by over crowding, and that's done, then there is yet again no room for new ones, the queue is full as it were.

Now what can Britain do with it's new prisoners who require
incarcerational correction in Her Majesty's Prisons For The Extremely Naughty?
Well in the old days, there was penal transportation as it is known.Transportation or penal transportation is the sending of convicted criminals or other persons regarded as undesirable to a penal colony. For example, France transported convicts to Devil's Island, and French Guiana.The French Navy, which had been tasked with managing the prison hulks, complained strongly about the cost of guarding the hulks and the disruption they caused to the shipyards. Following his coup in 1851, Emperor Napoleon III ordered that the hulks be permanently closed and that common law convicts be transferred overseas to colonies. Debate over where the convicts would be sent was prolonged. Algeria was ruled out by the Navy as it was controlled by the French Army; Haiti, Cuba, the Dominican Republic and Texas were considered, but the government eventually chose French Guiana.

France had repeatedly failed since 1604 to colonize French Guiana.
The last attempt at colonization was in 1763, and 75% of the 12,000
colonists died in their first year. By the 1850s, the declining number of survivors were on the brink of extinction. In 1852, Napoleon called for volunteer prisoners from the hulks to transfer to the new Bagne de Cayenne (Cayennes penal colony) at French Guiana; 3,000 convicts applied. Two categories of prisoners were eligible for transportation: transportés, those common-law prisoners sentenced under doublage, and déportés, prisoners convicted of political crimes, such as espionage or conspiracy. The hulks continued to be used, housing an average of 5,400 prisoners at a time, until they were finally closed around the turn of the century.

The agricultural penal colonies continued to be used for juveniles until the last was closed in 1939. New Caledonia  became a penal colony, and from the 1860s until the end of the transportations in 1897, about 22,000 criminals and political prisoners were sent to New Caledonia, among them many Communards arrested after the failed Paris Commune, including Henri de Rochefort and Louise Michel. Between 1873 and 1876, 4,200 political prisoners were "relegated" in New Caledonia. Only 40 of them settled in the colony; the rest returned to France after being granted amnesty in 1879 and 1880

England also transported convicts, political prisoners and prisoners
of war from Scotland and Ireland to its colonies in the Americas (from the 1610s until the American Revolution in the 1770s) and Australia (1788–1868), the practice becoming available in Scotland consequent to the Union of 1707 but used less than in England.
The number of convicts transported to North America is not verified
although it has been estimated to be  120,000 by Thomas Keneally.

These went originally to New England, the majority of prisoners taken in battle from Ireland and Scotland. Some were sold as slaves to the Southern states. In 1787, the "First Fleet" departed from England, to establish the first British settlement in Australia, as a penal colony. They arrived at Port Jackson (Sydney) on 26 January 1788, a date now celebrated as Australia Day. Norfolk Island served as a convict penal settlement from 1788 until 1794, and again from 1824 to 1847. They also brought boats providing food and animals from London. The ships and boats would help discover the coast of Australia better by sailing all around Australia looking for suitable farming land and resources. In 1803, Van Diemen's Land (Tasmania) was also settled as a penal colony, followed by the Moreton Bay Settlement (Queensland) in 1824. The other Australian colonies were "free settlements", as non-convict colonies were known. However, the Swan River Colony (Western Australia) accepted transportation from England and Ireland in 1851, to resolve a long-standing labour shortage. Until the massive influx of immigrants during the Australian gold rushes of the 1850s, the settler
population had been dominated by English and Irish convicts and
their descendants. However, compared to America, Australia received
a significantly higher number of English prisoners.

Transportation from Britain and Ireland officially ended in 1868 although it had become uncommon several years earlier.Over the 80 years more than 165,000 convicts were transported to Australia,a little more than America received, but not all that much more. So, well, nowadays that can't be done it seems.
There are plans afoot, expensive plans,however,such that nearly half of people in prison in England and Wales could be warehoused in 1,000-plus supersized jails under government plans to transform the
prison estate, the latest edition of the Prison Reform Trust's
Bromley Briefings Prison Factfile reveals.

Here, found at

http://dailyreportage.com/bbc_news_belgium_rent_dutch_jail_cells_a_1
141752.html
The quoted epistle begins....

Belgium has found a cheaper alternative to deal with it's burgeoning
prison population of criminals......Belgium (is) to rent Dutch jail cells
Both nations have a 1 in 1000 incarceration rate,but being tight on
space in its jails, Belgium will start renting 500 cells at Tilburg
prison in neighbouring Netherlands.
The agreement will make up for the shortage of cells across Belgium
and send roughly 500 prisoners away for three years.
Belgium will pay 30m euros (£26.8m) a year for sending its detainees
across the border.No prisoners who are "an escape risk or a risk to society" will be sent to Tilburg, Dutch officials said."The Netherlands is putting the prison and its personnel at Belgium's disposal for placing at least 500 detainees over a period of three years," the Dutch justice ministry said.The prisoners will be guarded by Dutch wardens, but the prison director will be Belgian. There are still a number of issues that need to be resolved, including how often detainees may be seen by family and friends.In Belgium, prisoners may receive visitors three times a week, while those in the Netherlands may only receive guests once a week.
Belgium's prisons currently hold 10,400 people - nearly 2,000 more
than capacity.The Netherlands on the other hand has nearly 2,000 empty prison cells, thanks to a significant drop in crime since the beginning of this century.

The quoted epistle here endeth.


But Britain is in trouble,the country is on the verge of its worst
prison overcrowding crisis since 2008, leaving the Justice
Secretary, Chris Grayling, fighting for his political future.

Well Squirrel always has a solution. Harken to the commencement of
this commencement, the fact that America has empty idle prisons.
Harken also to Belgium renting space in Dutch prisons,and as such,
is also using penal transportation as in the days of old).

Now, Squirrel proposes that Britain approaches the American
government, with a two fold proposition.....firstly buying said
empty prisons out right with the intent on staffing them as they
may,recall this brings employment to Americans,and attractive
feature,and then transporting as in penal transport there to America
for the prisoners to serve their stated terms. The longer term
prisoners would be far less troublesome in terms of shifting
transportations outwards.
Secondly, Britain could rent out said empty prisons, staffing as
fit, supplying Americans with much needed jobs, and again transporting, penal transporting, British prisoners out there to serve their terms.In BOTH cases the prisoners could be used as cheap chain gang labour,courvee labour as it were.
.

Now America could hardly complain you know. Let's look at the prison
population presently in America as to quality.According to the US
Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) non-Hispanic blacks accounted for
39.4% of the total prison and jail population in 2009,Hispanics (of
all races) were 20.6% of the total jail and prison population in
2009,total 60%,leaving 40 all others.Figures, world figures, prove
that the United States, is the world's leading jailer., with a rate
of approx. 750 prisoners per 100,000 population.(Russia is a close
second, South Africa, is in third with a half of rate.

In sum toto of all census populations of the groups, at 100%, an
estimated 4.8% of black non-Hispanic men were in prison or jail,
compared to 1.9% of Hispanic men of any race and 0.7% of white non-
Hispanic men.

Well now, America would be getting, for incarceration rather than
colonization, a rather elite,group of prisoners,of non ethnic
minority stature, and in some toto 100% would be of such, really
worthy of the status of The Prison Old Boys eh! Whot!

Quality,quality of the highest! America could hardly complain, nor
refuse, consider, monetary renumeration,cheap chain gang labor, increased employment, and such fine British quality as America has not seen since the early days of Britain's penal transportations! A jolly good show all round! Everybody benefits, everybody's problem is solved! Once again Squirrel excels at problem solving in a fair and equitable, and profitable fashion all round.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Ponders The Public Ebola Problem.

Secret Squirrel,realizing that there is much consternation and a great public health danger,what with the present, on going EBOLA crisis, has a solution for the problems of America and the world what with the EBOLA crisis,clothing.Indeed at all times proper and suitable clothing must be worn, and, these times are one of those times.

Secret Squirrel has consulted the Great Designer, SASQUATCHI, and he has come up with a solution, the Sasquatchi designed, Condom Suit, a hooded faux plastique, suit worn with matching rubber glove and boots, and accompanying, matching, of course, gas/pesticide mask.Of course such designer clothes whilst being ebola proof and resistant can be very expensive,but for those fashion inclined,what does that matter! Spare no expense when it comes to fashion and protection from ebola!

Now realizing that not all may be able to afford the designs of such a great fashion designer as Sasquatchi,and of course realizing that the common man,and woman, also requires protection from ebola,Secret Squirrel finds,himself, that there is a cheaper alternative available to one,this involves the purchase of a simple bondage suit, also commonly called a GIMP SUIT. It is a garment designed to cover the body completely (including the hands and feet), fitting it closely, and often including anchor points for bondage.This means that you ebola suit can also be used for.....shall we say.......play, after all, all work and no play makes........whatever. The GIMP  often has an attached hood; if it does not, it often is worn with a bondage hood or "gimp mask". The suit may be made from any material; leather, PVC, rubber, spandex, and darlexx are the most usual. Leather, not being stretchy, cannot fit as tightly as the others.Now having two eyeholes, we cover these with suitable plastic goggles,the suit having nostril holes, we cover those with a suitable gas/pesticide mask.All told the total cost of the now ebola proof clothing should run in to about total $50 or 50 pounds. The gimp suit can be purchased at any reputable sex bondage store, the goggles and respirator mask at an equally reputable local
hardware.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.